Buddy says I can't take my GF to his wedding!?

Friend of over 20 years.

Been on and off with the female in question for over a year.

Made things official about a month ago. Things are getting serious.

Now I have had ups and downs with this girl for sure. I talk to my buddy about her (not any more) and he basically thinks she is crazy and honestly I can't blame him. For the year that we were on and off I really showed her what I am willing to deal with, and what i'm not dealing with. She understands this now and the [s h i t] tests are not happening any more. Things have sincerely changed, she is not the same person she was then. I may ask her in a couple months to move in with me. I have set limits and she has accepted them.

He thinks that she is capable of doing something crazy at his wedding. I don't think she will, and I know her best. He has not even met her so is going off of the things I have confided in him. (lesson learned, in the process of seeking advice and a second opinion I end up talking a bunch of [s h i t] about someone basically.)

What bothers me is that I feel I have this under control (and I do). But he is showing no faith (or respect) in me at all and this really bothers me. Not only this but this dude is something of an [a s s h o l e]. I'm always checking him in some way or another and fairly often. I mean we have been friends for a long time and I don't think this gives him a ticket to be disrespectful. We have had our own falling outs and it's always been him on the offensive. We game together and have many common interests and this has kept us friends. Hes the kinda person that will do something rude to you then get mad at you for responding to it. Or if you do something by mistake to him he will do the same to you on purpose. I spilled a little bit of beer on him once by mistake, he poured some of his beer onto my lap in front of people I worked with. I can't stand that crap.

The way I feel about this is that I am a very passive person, I try to be as cool as I can with my friends. But lately i'm not as forgiving as I once was. You piss me off and i'm not going to maintain communications with you until you do something nice and fix stuff with me. If you act jerky and don't maintain communications with me, i'm not going to contact you to be cool with you for being an [a s s] to me. Those days are over, no more cool SgtSplacker that forgives and forgets and assumes everyone has good intentions. Time to separate the wheat from the chaff and I like this better, i'm a happier person overall. My time is spent with people that really appreciate me, and I enjoy their company more overall.

So my bud expects me to be a groom at his wedding and invest my time and money on things like a suit and gifts and such, while my girl is not invited forcing me to go alone while everyone else is with their women. Which is a little embarrassing. I'm leaning towards not going myself, but i'm kinda torn between being a better man and going or forcing my friends to respect me. Mind you this is a major inconvenience for me because I have to either tell her and brave the [s h i t] storm, or hide the whole thing from her. Forcing me to lie which I really don't appreciate at all.

TL DR - My A-hole friend doesn't want my girl to go to his wedding and i'm considering not going at all. I'm a groom...

I mean after all if we were such good friends he would have a seat ready for my girl right? I know I would do the same for him. I will not tolerate being treated differently than everyone else for any reason.

Hmmm, tricky one, 2 years and he has never met her?
if he was a goof friend he would invite her and want you to be happy, maybe something you arent telling us?
if not, then id tell him to f ccuk off and go on holiday instead

Cant post anymore as Ive reached my limit.

as you have introduced her to the circle of friends, what is their opinion? are they aware she isnt invited? id spound them out before making a decision

At first I kinda kept her away from our gatherings because I didn't trust her too much. I did think she was capable of embarrassing me somehow. I don't feel that way anymore and have been bringing her into my circle of friends...

Well besides the major issue of him not trusting your judgement...

How long until the wedding? Can you introduce the two of them asap and show him how she behaves?

SgtSplacker said:

At first I kinda kept her away from our gatherings because I didn't trust her too much. I did think she was capable of embarrassing me somehow. I don't feel that way anymore and have been bringing her into my circle of friends...

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I don't know about this, Sarge... Based on what you just said, I can certainly see his point. A lot of time, money and effort is put in to make a good wedding, and he made his decision based on what you said in the past.

You may have her under control now, but was she really that batsh#t crazy? I have never heard of someone that far off the deep end truly changing.

It's his wedding, not yours. Whatever he says is how it's gonna be.

Besides, if it were the other way around, I could see you saying to your girl "oh hell no I'm not having that psycho b1tch at my wedding" and how she'd say "don't you dare change your mind."

You should start getting used to the fact that a difficult woman will strain your relationships with your family and friends. Even just the incorrect perception that she's ghetto or hillbilly is enough to put people off. Much worse if they have it on your good advice that she's emotionally difficult.

#1. Attend your friend's wedding without your girlfriend. Don't make mistake of not going there, or showing up with your girlfriend.

#2. If your girlfriend starts acting up even a little bit because of this, dump her ass once and forever.

#3. Consider finding a new girlfriend. If things have not been smooth from the start, that means she is a bad decision and you are wasting your time.

Yeah, i'm gonna try to get them together if at all possible, almost did it this weekend but it fell through. Not too excited about paying money for a suit when i'm being treated so shabbily. But i'm gonna do the right thing and support my buddy in his marriage.

Nah she's not from my circle of friends so no chance of previous bangage. She's just really immature and as such rather inconsiderate. This weekend I brought her around some of my friends and she acted up a bit. It seems my buddy has good reason...

Thank you for your advice, it's awesome to have a source of unbiased opinion like this. Appreciate it...

Your friend is getting married, of all those wrongs he did to you like the spilled beer or this deny, he will sooner or later pay through his wife, non-stop ball busting at home and ass rape for a divorce, so dont be mad and enjoy the ceremony which will send karma upon him.

I went through a similar pickle in 2010.

- Buddy asked me to be best man in his wedding, I accepted

- He used to get in fights with this woman about once every two weeks, then come to my house and stay for a night or two until things cooled off. He must have done that 20x

- One night it got really bad and his fiance got him arrested for domestic

- A few months later he texted me and said he and her were fighting again and he was worried about getting arrested again

- I responded "GET YOUR A$$ OUT OF THAT HOUSE AWAY FROM THAT CR@ZY CVNT NOW AND GET OVER HERE!!". He did just that. Came and spent several days with me

- She later got into his phone and saw my cvnt comment, and told him that I could no longer be his best man, and was not invited to the wedding at all

- He fought her hard on it and two days before the wedding told me to go ahead and come to the wedding as a guest but just avoid her.

- I went, but it just didn't feel right. I stayed for about 45 minutes and left

- I forgave him for dumping my role as best man, ONLY because it really wasn't that big of a deal to me.

Moving on, things were never the same between he and I. Our friendship drifted apart, as did his friendship with many of out other mutual friends. Few of them approve of her. She is one of the most evil cvnts I have ever met, and I have met A LOT.

In addition, he used to be super alpha before he got with her, and now he is a discraceful AFC beta chump. Its one thing to go from AFC to alpha, but he went backwards when he got with her. I feel bad for him but there is nothing I can do. People come. People go.


In your case OP, I'd probably adhere to your friend's wishes and go without the GF. Maybe this is just his way of having your back and showing you he cares about you?? If he really seriously thinks that this girl is bad for you, in his mind, letting her come may make you think that it's all OK, and to him it's NOT OK. Friends and family that truly have your back have ways of picking up things about your women that you, with your love and boner glasses on, may never clearly see. This woman may be Miss Perfect for you thats fine, but your friend may just see some things he doesn't like and no matter what the facts are, his intentions are probably in the right place with you as a friend.

If you have a problem with your GF not being invited.. And she's all bent outa shape about it.. The solution is.. DON'T GO. Period. Go bang ur gf instead.

This would of been a great excuse for you not to go. Would save you a ton in wedding gift cash.

It is generally not a good idea to bring a girlfriend to a wedding. I am sure you love your girl, but I am also certain there will be other women there that you can have a good conversation with or a dance with. Tell your girl reservation for the wedding was done long time ago and her name was not included and things cannot be changed at this time.

SgtSplacker said:

Now I have had ups and downs with this girl for sure. I talk to my buddy about her (not any more) and he basically thinks she is crazy and honestly I can't blame him. For the year that we were on and off I really showed her what I am willing to deal with, and what i'm not dealing with. She understands this now and the [s h i t] tests are not happening any more. Things have sincerely changed, she is not the same person she was then.

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If you can't blame him for thinking she's crazy, then you can't blame him for not wanting a crazy person at his wedding either.