Competing for the same woman with friends

Hey guys,

I was out the past weekend with a friend and there was some drama.. I wonder how you guys would have handled the situation?

Essentially I was out with a buddy at a birthday party and we met a couple of girls. One was fairly hot and the other was average. Right off the bat I knew the hotter one was interested in me. I flirted a little and thought nothing of it. My buddy then came up to me a little later and said he was interested in her so I wasn't sure how to handle it. The evening progressed and he kept trying to wear her down despite her giving me eyes all evening. She then kept trying to break away from him to come chat to me but my friend was relentless. In the end I figured she wasn't worth the drama so I backed off and let my friend try his luck. I left but apparently she didn't give him anything and he came back a little miserable.

Next day we're out again and we end up in a queue for this bar. I get talking to two girls.. one of which is definitely pretty hot, the other not so hot. Again both girls are showing huge IOIs (even stronger than the previous night) and then AGAIN my buddy says that he's keen on her. This time I told him I was keen on her too but I don't want any drama with girls affecting our relationship so tell him we can chat to her and if he feels she's keen on him then I'll concede. However the opposite happened.. I couldn't get close to her because he wouldn't leave her side and her other friend obviously had nobody to talk to (and seemed to be keen too) so she wouldn't stop approaching me. The hotter girl was literally eyeballing me the whole evening. Even if she walked away he'd chase her down. I could overhear their conversation and I knew she was tiring of him. I on the other hand went off with other chicks but the second I came over to chat to them she'd light up and be flirting hard. My friend even commented on it and asked if I could back down because he really wanted her.

To be honest I was pretty annoyed but he's a friend and I knew he was crushing on her. In the end I backed down and went off with some other girl (not as hot). I was tempted to confront him the next morning and tell him I'm not going to do it again. The problem is I KNOW there will be more situations where this happens. What are you supposed to do? Make an agreement? The thing with that is I hate putting pressure on like that. The moment you tell your friend "I'm going after that girl" there's a bit of pressure to succeed which messes with your game.

I honestly don't know what I could've done in the situation other than telling my friend to back off himself. What would you guys do or what have you done in the past in these situations?

honestly, i've been this situation enough to where I don't 100% believe you. I don't believe this happened exactly like you laid it out unless your friend is butt ass ugly lol. I seriously doubt that every time you go out, the hot one wants you and not him, especially if he's the one making real moves and you're sitting back being passive.


So i think the real issue here is that you're mad that your friend is getting all the attention and flaming out, or that he's just getting the attention in general. If that is the case, all i can tell you is to make a stronger move to begin with


The day you go out with friends, and they don't want to genuinely see you succeed and get laid, is the day you don't have friends anymore. When I had my 2 best friends, whoever the girl showed interest in at first, the other 2 of us backed off, regardless of who wanted to talk to her. I was happy for my friends to get laid and they were happy for me to get laid and at the end of the day it all evened out.

You need a new wingman Buckaroo.

backbreaker said:

honestly, i've been this situation enough to where I don't 100% believe you. I don't believe this happened exactly like you laid it out unless your friend is butt ass ugly lol. I seriously doubt that every time you go out, the hot one wants you and not him, especially if he's the one making real moves and you're sitting back being passive.


So i think the real issue here is that you're mad that your friend is getting all the attention and flaming out, or that he's just getting the attention in general. If that is the case, all i can tell you is to make a stronger move to begin with


The day you go out with friends, and they don't want to genuinely see you succeed and get laid, is the day you don't have friends anymore. When I had my 2 best friends, whoever the girl showed interest in at first, the other 2 of us backed off, regardless of who wanted to talk to her. I was happy for my friends to get laid and they were happy for me to get laid and at the end of the day it all evened out.

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thing is not every guy is really a good friend, it can happen he find a girl hot and his friend just to blue ball him, will do that, not hard to happen, but even IF you are right and the op is the jealous one is the same
thing he have to do

make plans without him next time, for whatever the reason you consider him being a dead weight on your game so you lose that weight. I also ahve some friend who love to make up storys and try to bust me, things is I amke so damn fun out of then when they do that they jsut lost it and try another thing later to try to make fun of me then I put then in they place, people like that will always exist be it for being jealous of you or want you on they level since you not only shows but act in a way they just can't

backbreaker said:

honestly, i've been this situation enough to where I don't 100% believe you. I don't believe this happened exactly like you laid it out unless your friend is butt ass ugly lol. I seriously doubt that every time you go out, the hot one wants you and not him, especially if he's the one making real moves and you're sitting back being passive.

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Unfortunately I'm not lying. The problem is he's ~5'6 and average looking and I'm ~6'3 and pretty decent looking (I'm just trying to be truthful). I'm not implying that every time I got out 10/10 models are falling all over me but I definitely win out over the average man.

backbreaker said:

So i think the real issue here is that you're mad that your friend is getting all the attention and flaming out, or that he's just getting the attention in general. If that is the case, all i can tell you is to make a stronger move to begin with

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It's actually quite the opposite. He was getting upset that he wasn't getting attention and I was. I could've been a **** and just steamrolled over him but I don't feel friends should be doing that to one another. I didn't know what else to do other than step back.

backbreaker said:

The day you go out with friends, and they don't want to genuinely see you succeed and get laid, is the day you don't have friends anymore. When I had my 2 best friends, whoever the girl showed interest in at first, the other 2 of us backed off, regardless of who wanted to talk to her. I was happy for my friends to get laid and they were happy for me to get laid and at the end of the day it all evened out.

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Well this didn't happen with me. I don't think it helps that my friend can't really read female signals. I agree with what you're saying though. I figured a friend would let the girl choose and be happy that she's gone off with your friend rather than some other dude..

i wasn't trying to be a ****. yeah i feel you man.


i mean, imagine going out to a club with your friend and everytime you go out to a club, your friend gets attention and you never do. i can understand where he is coming from, he's trying to take action, but still.

i'm 5'8 and my best friend was 6'2 and until i really really got my **** together, brad got first, and 2nd choices lol when we went out. that **** ****s with your self esteem man. My only saving grace is when i got a little older and started running ****, if you sat with us for any lenght of time i was apparent who ran the "crew" depsite my size, i had had hte house, i had the car, i paid for everything, and i was good looking. not as good looking as brad, but good enough for a woman to be intrigued by this 5'8 black midget lol. i'm a handsome dude but compared to brad in his prime im about 2-3 points lower than dude. it just wasn't fair


but with that said, you did nothing wrong and there is not really anything you can do women can't help who they want to ****. maybe take him to the gym, help him eat / dress better. that's all you really can do because as long as he's avg and you're not, he's going to have this happen and he's going to resent you more and more for it

Danger said:

Aside from that, for the rare times that we met girls without approaching them, it was pretty clear which girls were into which guys, and we would pair up accordingly. There were a couple of times with one guy specifically who "could not tell" that a girl like me or another guy, and we established the rule that if he got the hot one first time, then he couldn't take her the second time. In all honesty, it didn't work because he was just a douchebag.

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This is exactly how it's always worked with my other friends. It's usually very clear who likes who so we normally just take it like that. My friend however just doesn't seem to have the ability to read signals.. or rather he does and chooses not to pay any heed. Like I said.. he even admitted himself that the girl he was talking to lit up when I spoke to her. I just figured he'd take the hint and move on. I guess not..

I don't know seems to work in my favor when the other guy can't take a hint. I'll just give her the look like we both know what's going on and send her the signal to go somewhere else. If he follows it works more in my favor. It's like the hot girl bringing her ugly friend lol.

jc_80 said:

I don't know seems to work in my favor when the other guy can't take a hint. I'll just give her the look like we both know what's going on and send her the signal to go somewhere else. If he follows it works more in my favor. It's like the hot girl bringing her ugly friend lol.

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Yea I've had that. The problem comes when it's your friend though, haha. Always bros before hos..

It sounds like the little guy isn't very appealing to women, so he probably intentionally doesn't want to "read" them, or look for IOIs. Because he probably isn't going to get any. The only thing he can do is go full bore and try to monopolize the situation, so that's what he's doing. Take the center of attention, that's what the PUA gurus tell you.

SteR, you both look at the girls and you both want the hot one. The girls look at you two, and they both want the hot one - which, luckily, is apparently you. It's only natural.

I would say that if you know the girl is into you, go ahead and make the strong play. Take the chick from him, make him throw himself on the grenade or whatever. You've already told him you weren't doing this again. Take what is yours. Maybe he will get mad at you, or maybe he will learn his place. If he can't handle it, then maybe you shouldn't be friends, or maybe you shouldn't sarge together.

backbreaker said:

i'm 5'8 and my best friend was 6'2 and until i really really got my **** together, brad got first, and 2nd choices lol when we went out. that **** ****s with your self esteem man.

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Yeah, there was this one friend of mine that I used to go out and pick up chicks with, the damn girls were always interested in him first. Even though he had no balls, and I was the one who always had to sack up and do the approach. Like Brad, he was bigger and taller than I was, the damn girls always wanted him. To be honest, it still stings a bit to this day.

that's one of the reasons I work so hard honestly. I understood early on that if I wanted to walk in a club and get attention like that I had to work my ass off plus brad Never had women problems women never cheated on him they never stood him up he didn't even really have game. I had to become a catch. He was born one I had to become one

It would be pretty funny to carry a silver dollar with you and flip a coin every time this came up. Be discrete, don't say anything; just pull out the coin and flip it while the other calls. You'd both know what the coin meant, but the girls would have to only suspect it. That is some serious objectifying and not give a sh!t attitude. I think whatever girl you lost to the coin flip would end up being even more fascinated with you.

Might be time to just hang out with this guy on NFL Sundays at a local sports bar instead of taking him with you everywhere.

Also, don't let these situations get to you. If he is that good of a friend to you, what does it matter?

My best friend flamed out for YEARS when we'd go out, but I realized that at the end of the day, this is a guy who'd take a bullet for me, so did it truly matter in the grand scheme of things if I missed out on some sex for one night? Not really.

We're still best friends. But he has since learned...