Am I screwed?

Here's the thing. Her and me: we get along well, we've been dating for a few months and all is well. We had some minor bumps but we're into each other and I actually see a future with this girl. Recently, I overheard her telling her bestie about an issue, which she shared with me some time ago but I dismissed it at that time.

Here's the issue in 3 points.

1. Both her and me have different surnames. However, according to her mother her surname was an offshoot branching out from my surname. I can trace my ancestry up to 30+ generations, but she can't so we can't find out.

2. Both of us look alike: same eyes, almost same height and facial features. When I introduce her to my friends they almost always assume she was my sister. There was one friend who reacted after I showed her a photo of us together that said that she looked incredibly familiar. When she looked closely she realized it was because she looked like me!

3. The third point is something SHE DOESN'T know about, but I suspect might cause problems if she finds out: Both her mother and my mother have the same SURNAME. However, this surname is fairly common so there is a high chance they are not related. You could be of totally different races and still have this surname.

How about a DNA test to see if you are very closely related?

I just googled up DNA tests and agree that it is an option, though pretty pricey and I have no idea how she will take it. Any other ideas?

She is concerned as well so no reason for her to object. Since you are into game, use your box of tricks to get her to pay for both of you.

If you two were closely enough related for it to matter I'm sure you'd have found out by now. But start investigating if you must. My ex and I could pass for brother sister and weren't closely related at all. In fact she looks and acts just like my aunt.

Guys, how closely-related to the person do I have to be to be for it to be a legitimate concern.....

IF YOUR MOTHER doesn't know her family, you DON'T have to worry. The Native Americans of some tribes didn't count past first cousin. I KNOW 2 families of FIRST cousins marrying. They aren't any stranger than would be expected.... their parents didn't have much to work with.....

My brother is a Registered Angus cattle breeder, IF there is a good blood line, He may go closer than first cousins.

Look up Line Breeding.... it's how they make new breeds of dogs....

I can hear that Banjo playing [Deliverance]

It sounds like he's worried about 5th cousins.... there's been enough out crossing that he shouldn't have to worry. The only time there's any problem is if you both have a recessive gene that can cause issues 1 in 4 offspring. A bigger issue is diseases you KNOW you have. If you have allergies, it's a 30% chance your kids will. BUT if you marry a woman who also has allergies, that goes up to 70%. I'd assume other diseases are similar.

sodbuster said:

It sounds like he's worried about 5th cousins.... there's been enough out crossing that he shouldn't have to worry. The only time there's any problem is if you both have a recessive gene that can cause issues 1 in 4 offspring. A bigger issue is diseases you KNOW you have. If you have allergies, it's a 30% chance your kids will. BUT if you marry a woman who also has allergies, that goes up to 70%. I'd assume other diseases are similar.

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chances for that are pretty low for any genetic disease, even to 1st line cousins, for 5th? a come on, and for anything even if they have no family connection at all things like that can still happen as long you both have that bad luck, so worrying about it is useless, its like worrying about being hit by a car and because of it not leaving your home.

if you want to make a gene test go ahead, since youa re at it already check for other kind of disease

Sounds vaguely springeresque...

Recording an episode, soon?

sodbuster said:

It sounds like he's worried about 5th cousins.... there's been enough out crossing that he shouldn't have to worry. The only time there's any problem is if you both have a recessive gene that can cause issues 1 in 4 offspring. A bigger issue is diseases you KNOW you have. If you have allergies, it's a 30% chance your kids will. BUT if you marry a woman who also has allergies, that goes up to 70%. I'd assume other diseases are similar.

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Okay, this makes me feel better somewhat. I do have allergies, and she does but we're allergic to different stuff. Anyway, I had a talk with her about the issue and we decided the chances are small enough it doesn't matter. Though I didn't mention point#3 .

I think you'll be fine based on what you've said. Unless there's an unknown common ancestor fairly close to you both then the odds are in your favour.

Best of luck!

melancholy said:

Guys, how closely-related to the person do I have to be to be for it to be a legitimate concern.....

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She could be your own sister, who cares? Does she give you a boner? Why learn this information only to have some weird socialization kick in and ruin a good time? Live in blissful ignorance.

Damn Rasputin for ruining it for everyone

mrRuckus said:

She could be your own sister, who cares? Does she give you a boner? Why learn this information only to have some weird socialization kick in and ruin a good time? Live in blissful ignorance.

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I agree. Frankly, I don't care and my recent talk with her revealed she doesn't care too much either. But I'm worried her parents might care, since her mother is the one that pointed up the possibility.

But anyway, I'm just going to ignore it.. Thanks all for your responses

Dear Melancholy,
There was a period of 1100 to 1600 years depending on the authority you read,when the Phaeroes of Ancient Egypt bred incestuously,there is no record of any problems...anyway it is good that you have something tangible to centre your marriage anxieties around!

Update:

While casually talking about our parents, she revealed to me that her mother was adopted when she was young. She had a different birth surname, which is not related to my mother's at all.

I think this is a first in my life where I am both relief and happy to hear that someone was adopted.