Number Closed a Japanese Woman

I can't remember the last time I was actually excited about a number close.

This woman works at a place I occasionally go to do jobs. She's usually the one who presents the job to me. Born and raised in Japan, speaks English pretty good, a solid 8, no kids. She's a few years older than me (she's hovering around 40) but looks like she's 28. Her Japanese husband divorced her. I can't quite remember why he divorced her, but I think he was interested in another woman.

I've built up rapport with her over the past 3 years or so. Every time I've gone there, I've been involved with another chick. Right now I'm currently single. Every time I go to her workplace, she's absolutely thrilled to see me; starts laughing, smiling, and we end up chatting for 30-45 minutes. She's an absolute joy to interact with.

The number close went smooth. I told her we should go out and do something fun, and she surrendered her number immediately, asking for mine in return. She doesn't have a cell phone which is GOOD, and has no desire to learn how to text. She told me to leave a message and she'll call me back. She also hinted at doing something next weekend (this weekend was booked, since it's her birthday).

So, here's my question... Is there anything I should handle slightly differently here? What I've been doing has been working well, but I have no clue if she's going to have different viewpoints on touching, kissing, or fvcking. Anyone else date a Japanese woman?

So I just did a google search and read this post:

http://www.returnofkings.com/38058/the-ugly-reality-of-dating-japanese-women

Unfortunately, it seems the guy who wrote that has absolutely no clue how to deal with a woman PERIOD. The things he mention are identical to the things that I've dealt with time and time again with all the women I've dated. It seems there's not much difference here.

But apparently, Japanese women are still higher quality than anything in North America. I went through the thread and plucked the following responses by guys who seem to know that you have to assert yourself with *any* woman:

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Johnny Salami
I dated J-girls almost exclusively and am now married to one. Allow me to separate fact from KJ bull****.
1. True. They're women first and Japanese second. A Japanese girl can be as big a pain in the ass as any other woman.
2. False. I have NEVER had a Japanese girl gold-dig on me or attempt to constrain my finances in any way. Author is simply repeating what he read online somewhere.
3. True. Until you figure out how Japanese communicate/argue, you will be VERY frustrated by their communication style.
4. True that they don't put that much emphasis on mental health care. Also true that they suffer way less mental illness than Westerners. This one evens out.
5. Have no kids, don't know. Does the author know this from experience? Probably not. More KJ'ing.
6. False. Total bull****. Japanese women are no more or less forthcoming sexually than any other type of woman.

See, even #3, which I said is true, is bull****tily portrayed.
A Japanese woman would never, ever say, "go to the store and get me something to eat." They're passive aggressive, remember? It would go more like this:
Jgirl: I'm hungry.
WesternMan: There's plenty of food in the fridge.
Jgirl: Oh....
10 mins later
Jgirl: [whining]: Iiii'mm huuuuungryyyy....
WesternMan: Food in the fridge, remember?
10 mins later, she's just acting like a real cold ***** and you have no idea why. You were supposed to just figure out that she wanted something from the store. A Japanese man would have known - the Japanese have a kind of intra-racial telepathy. But you'll never even know what the problem is, and you'll think it's #4 - she has mental problems.


Mark Frank • 6 months ago
This is not accurate. (I have been living in Japan for 7 years)
1. The changes that happen after you put a ring on it, happen to any man who let's his woman do that. If you don't establish the rules of the relationship early on you will run into trouble.
2. See above. Yes there are many weak men in Japan who give all control to their wives and this has been a traditional thing for generations however again, if you establish what is acceptable and not early on this is a non-issue. If you date a hoe that wants you to pay for everything you made a wrong choice.
3. Who cares? Ignore it and it will straighten itself out.
4. Don't date a psycho.
5. Don't marry a girl you don't trust and if you do, move to your home country where you have home field advantage.
6. Not married yet, but again, if you let it happen, then it will.


Chester • 6 months ago
Always take articles based on anecdotes and personal impressions with a grain of salt. I've been married to a Japanese woman for five years and my experience has been mostly the opposite of this. I'll break it down:

1. Docile and submissive? lol no

My wife is definitely more submissive than any western woman I've dated. I wouldn't use the term docile, but she is definitely very deferential toward me. She asks permission for EVERYTHING, even things like "Can I read a book?" or "Can I use the bathroom now?" It's endearing and a bit weird at times. She isn't afraid to disagree with me but certainly understands that I'm the head of the household and get the final say.

2. No control over finances

So this is true...for Japanese men. A lot of them DO let their wives manage the money. I do not. I manage all of the finances and give my wife an allowance (she is a full-time SAHM). This one is on you as the man to either just run **** yourself, or delegate finance management if you so choose.

3. Extreme passive aggressiveness

ALL women engage in run-of-the-mill **** testing. I've learned to handle occasional sarcasm and guilt-tripping with a bit of game. In my experience, you don't need nearly as much game to handle a Japanese woman as a western one.

4. Mental Health

This is kind of an interesting criticism. It is true that mental health problems are viewed differently in Japan. I don't know that the U.S. is better. In many ways we are a hypochondriac society, too quick to pathologize minor quirks. It goes without saying with any girl, get to know her well and be on the look out for any instability.

5. Your children will be taken away from you

There are a few sad stories of this. It has happened to a few western men. I can't speak to individual cases, but it seems to be pretty rare. Certainly less common than western women divorcing and taking the kids + house + half your paycheck.

6. Sex will be withheld from you

Lol no. If anything SHE doesn't get enough. Again, with Japanese guys, it may be different. Japanese married couples sometimes stop having sex completely once they have kids. It's on you as the man to set the expectations and keep her satisfied.

Conclusion:

Japanese women aren't doormats. If you're a no-game slob hoping for some Asian hottie to jump on your **** just because you're a westerner, forget it. That shipped has sailed in the developed Asian countries. You'd need to go to Thailand, Vietnam, or somewhere poorer for that kind of treatment. To get a quality Japanese woman who will keep you satisfied, you need to have your **** together and have a minimal amount of game. If you can manage that, she'll make you much happier than any spoiled western girl could.

If you go out, be intersted in her culture/country if you want, but DON'T give off any kind of vibe that you're seeing her as a Japanese woman as opposed to a "regular" woman............Don't dwell on her ethnicity too much.

Sukiyaki Hot Saki Sue! Japanese girls are cool as hell. But...how the hell do you come from such a technologically imbibed culture and not have a cell phone? Weird. Keep us posted.

Desdinova said:

So, here's my question... Is there anything I should handle slightly differently here? What I've been doing has been working well, but I have no clue if she's going to have different viewpoints on touching, kissing, or fvcking. Anyone else date a Japanese woman?

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There's enough difference within J-women to worry about any difference between J-girls and Westerners.

Don't worry about anything. I've dated plenty of Asians, and the same basic strategy works for all of them. Some faster, some slower, but people are people.

I had a Chinese girlfriend and never approached anything differently. Treat her as you would any other woman and it will be fine.

Kudos, Des! There are fvckloads of Asian women in my city and I often wonder how the hell I would approach one of them. They seem so prim and proper but fvck they look amazing.
Good luck to you, sir. Just shout "banzai" and go for gold.

I travel to Japan frequently. Japanese and Americans are about as similar as two cultures can be. The only real difference is that we have a gun culture and they don't. Their version of capitalism is near identical to ours. They readily adopt culture from other countries if they see benefit... just like we Americans. They are very sexual people but try to repress it (just like Americans). They have strong racist tendancies, and work to repress this (just like us).

As far as women are concerned.... they all respond to the same male strength charateristics. I don't care where they are from. The only exception are Arab Muslim women... I have no experience with them since their culture is pretty repressive. I expect they are the same as well, put the fear of stoning and decapitation keeps them in a box.

She's 40.

She should feel lucky you asked her out. Way too much mental preparation for a woman who's well past her shelf life. Don't try to anticipate what you think she may like, instead you need to qualify her and make sure YOU actually like her.

This is partially why I dislike mainstream PUA advice. It keeps guys insecure about themselves and relying on "contrived game" instead developing your own standards to live by.

She's more than happy you asked her out, relish being in the driver's seat.

***Also, as far as why her husband divorced her, don't pay too much attention to what she told you because you're only going to get one side of the story regardless. Don't make the mistake of thinking foreign born women are immune to western culture.

G_Govan said:

She's 40.

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Asian women age well though. Des has dated plenty of chicks in their early 20s, might be a nice change of pace for him.

G_Govan said:

She's 40.

She should feel lucky you asked her out. Way too much mental preparation for a woman who's well past her shelf life.

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I'm aware of the red flags here. I've had lots of trouble with women who are closer to my age. After reading all the stuff that I searched out about foreign women, the best thing I've read is that she is STILL a woman. Her ex-husband has likely claimed the top spot on her high score list. Keeping that in mind, I know I can't (or shouldn't) put all my eggs in one basket.

As for the mental preparation, I was simply looking for other people's experiences. I've never dated a foreign chick, so I have no clue what kind of differences I'm in store for, if any.

I have a date planned with her for Sunday.

Desdinova said:

I'm aware of the red flags here. I've had lots of trouble with women who are closer to my age.

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That's unfortunate, but I think you're mistaken when you talk about woman over 25 or whatever it is being messed up, while girls in their young 20s are so much better mentally. Obviously those cases exist, but I think older women can be more mature, and that can be a big plus.

Rubirosa said:

If you go out, be intersted in her culture/country if you want, but DON'T give off any kind of vibe that you're seeing her as a Japanese woman as opposed to a "regular" woman............Don't dwell on her ethnicity too much.

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^^^ This.

Otherwise...

*in Borat voice*

High Five!

she's PROBABLY tighter than American women.... make sure your **** is hard enough to cut diamonds

So I went out with her. I did my usual first date which was Mini Golf. I actually got a bit of a negative reaction when we walked onto the course. I've NEVER had that happen before. She also had never been mini golfing before.

I really don't think she enjoyed the mini golf. However, it was kind of funny watching her say things in Japanese when she was lining up to putt the ball.

After that, we just sat in my truck talking about stuff. She seemed to enjoy conversing much more over doing an activity. I found out she's 42, been here for 15 years, and was married to a guy she met here who was a single dad. I also noticed a little bit of gray hair coming in on her head.

She honestly didn't strike me as a very fun person, but more of a homebody. The problem with that is I REALLY like to go out and do stuff, and I also like the woman to contribute to ideas of things we could do.

When I dropped her off, she gave me her half of the cost of the mini golf and told me to call her. She's really nice, but my gut is telling me that I'm not going to enjoy her so I don't think I'll be pursuing this one. If I could find one who's 15-20 years younger, that might make a difference.

Desdinova said:

When I dropped her off, she gave me her half of the cost of the mini golf and told me to call her. She's really nice, but my gut is telling me that I'm not going to enjoy her so I don't think I'll be pursuing this one.

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Ever see that episode of The Middle where they take in a Japanese foreign exchange student? He pretty much never smiled and was very quiet. The mother would give him something out of the toaster every morning for breakfast - like an Eggo or a toasted waffle or whatever. He would carry it around with him all day and handed it back to her when he got back home from school. They couldn't get him to eat anything American.

I don't know, something about your experience reminded me of that.

Desdinova said:

She honestly didn't strike me as a very fun person, but more of a homebody. The problem with that is I REALLY like to go out and do stuff, and I also like the woman to contribute to ideas of things we could do.

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Nervous? First dates are like first lays, dude. The second is almost always better: much more relaxed, and you had time to adjust strategy.

With your Japanese chick, perhaps avoiding crowds is more her style. From what I've gathered, "introversion" is a bit of a feature with the asian ladies. I think it's generally referred to as "demure". You can expect a little "reserved" sort of demeanor out in public. Sure, it's stuffy, but that might be your cue of "a pet on the street/freak in the sheets". For all you know, she was terribly preoccupied and a bit ashamed of her wetness/tingles.

Shouldn't you be on the GFTOW medicine? Would she be a better lay than the stalker fatty option? I'd say mess around with her as a plate until you get other plates, but that's the pragmatist in me speaking. You've only got 9 more (if you're counting fatty fatty boom sticks), J-girl could be the second notch... Don't sketch yourself out of round two and the chance to get some slick on your pole. Fine, you won't be marrying her anytime soon, but dude, she must be some sort of fückable, otherwise you wouldn't have got her out on a date in the first place.

Of course, you know better than us what "little Des" thinks of the whole situation. But, don't just get discouraged and "decide no", "make the ho say no" instead, right?
Hang in there and see the freak she's hiding!
:cheer:

Vulpine said:

With your Japanese chick, perhaps avoiding crowds is more her style. From what I've gathered, "introversion" is a bit of a feature with the asian ladies. I think it's generally referred to as "demure". You can expect a little "reserved" sort of demeanor out in public.

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I was going over the whole thing in my head yesterday, and thinking that taking her out for sushi might have been a better option. But there's one thing that's causing me to think of writing her off...

I'd say mess around with her as a plate until you get other plates

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I still have to encounter her occasionally for work. I'd rather not make things incredibly uncomfortable during those interactions. If I was seeing a green, flashing "YES!" in my mind, I wouldn't hesitate taking her out again.

Would she be a better lay than the stalker fatty option?

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I think somebody else would be a better option than both of these women.

Now that the holidays are over, the women are going back out in public, and I've been encountering some new possibilities as of late. I met two somewhat interesting women this past weekend. It's only a matter of time before I come across someone who really grabs my attention.

Shouldn't you be on the GFTOW medicine?

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I think I am, but I'm just not wanting to fvck whoever shows me the time of day. I honestly have no desire for a LTR at this point, and even a STR is a bit iffy. I'm enjoying being alone, doing all the stuff I love. Some woman will eventually latch onto me, but until then I'm just gonna go out and have fun

Oh, that's right. I forgot the somewhat "work related" nature of J-girl.

Well, who knows, no contact might make her give you a peek at the freak.
:crazy:
She'll be blowing up your phone: "OOoh, Des, I'm SO sorry for being such a lame date! Please let me make it up to you!" Then what?

I see your angle, though. There's no sense in stirring the drama pot at work for a little (sub-par) stink finger. Good on you for going the "positive masculinity" route.

Do you have much to lose if you try again? Could you gain something if you try b again? Could be a waste of time or not. I say get her alone, drink with her , and watch a "movie". Maybe she's nervous.