Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Anybody else never have the opportunity to meet women?

Cheeks

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Being 30 and without close friends or a social circle, I'm pretty much utterly alone at all times. My days are spent working or stuck in traffic, and the weekends are just me on my own trying to pass the time. I've tried to go out and meet people but at my age everybody is established in their lives and have families/kids to attend to. Sitting in a bar alone feels especially pathetic these days.

Advice is usually along the lines of "date a lot of women until you meet the right one" but that ignores the chief problem of never even being around women. Just wondering if anyone else had this problem. Seems pretty hopeless from my end. There's also a psychological health effect from living in isolation that has been taking it's toll lately.
 

MOTU

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I had that problem. I tried OLD and that was just good for pump n dumps. So I made a concerted effort to broaden my social circle and attend activities by myself: salsa lessons, open mic night, my friends kids "school of Rock" concert. I mentioned those three because I got dates at each one of them. In fact, I met my GF at an open mic night I played - by myself.
 

channingtatum

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where do you live?? I'm guessing a small city or the country. I'm 30 in a few months and have more single friends than I know what to do with. Move to a large city (I'm in Miami) like NYC, LA, Austin, etc and you'll never have a shortage of friends to go out with and meet people at events.
 

Cheeks

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channingtatum said:
where do you live?? I'm guessing a small city or the country. I'm 30 in a few months and have more single friends than I know what to do with. Move to a large city (I'm in Miami) like NYC, LA, Austin, etc and you'll never have a shortage of friends to go out with and meet people at events.
I live in a large suburban hellscape in the worthless pisshole that is Connecticut. I would love to move to a large city but there are so many hurdles; expenses, finding work, a place to live, etc. Not only that but I wouldn't know anybody and would have to start from scratch, so it would be essentially no different from where I am.
 

hockeyfreak79

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Get off your a** & gets some hobbies man. Find a local rink play some hockey!? You don't like hockey fine, do something else then that you might enjoy.

Are you introverted? I am and still have close friends and a social circle. You
need to find a balance man, all work and no play makes Cheeks a dull boy!!

Patriots!
 

zekko

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Cheeks said:
I've tried to go out and meet people but at my age everybody is established in their lives and have families/kids to attend to. Sitting in a bar alone feels especially pathetic these days.
I know what you mean. Sometimes it can feel like a very intrusive thing insinuating yourself into someone's life. And sitting in a bar can be a huge waste of time (and money).

When I was younger and working on my social skills, I took EVERY opportunity I could to socialize, whether it be going out to dinner, going to a concert, going to a party, going to the bar, whatever it was, even if I didn't feel like it. After awhile I got to know a lot of people.

Another thing is, do you have any interests that can involve other people? A lot of male friendships are based around activities, either playing music together, playing cards, playing sports, video games, sh!t even nerd stuff like battle reenactments. The main thing is that you may have to make a concentrated effort to take advantage of some of these things and get out of the house.
 

G_Govan

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You're going to have to start approaching women outside of bars if that's not a comfortable venue. Most men are simply not dependable for friendships these days unless they need something from you or they're having problems at home.

I don't hang out with any of my childhood friends anymore because they became attached to the hip of their SO's. Even if they could escape for a little while, they choose not to.

I'm left to my hobbies and my current girlfriend for company. It's really odd how it all happened. You grow up with and become close to a group of guys and all of a sudden they get the smell of p-ssy on their hands and nothing else matters.

I think it's the culture more than anything. A lot of guys become desperate because of a lack of success with women earlier in their lives and once they get some reciprocation they're gone. That is, unless things start unraveling in the relationship (usually if they get dumped), then they suddenly remember you and want to hang out...
 

evan12

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Cheeks said:
Being 30 and without close friends or a social circle, I'm pretty much utterly alone at all times. My days are spent working or stuck in traffic, and the weekends are just me on my own trying to pass the time. I've tried to go out and meet people but at my age everybody is established in their lives and have families/kids to attend to. Sitting in a bar alone feels especially pathetic these days.

Advice is usually along the lines of "date a lot of women until you meet the right one" but that ignores the chief problem of never even being around women. Just wondering if anyone else had this problem. Seems pretty hopeless from my end. There's also a psychological health effect from living in isolation that has been taking it's toll lately.
I can feel exactly what you are talking about , here is some practical steps (even though it is not gurannty of any thing ) :

1- talk with every humane you meet , easest example every time buy groceries start a conversation with the cacheir (ex : you guys look busy today , or I never see you here are you new to this job ? ) . every small conversation can reduce your loneness and make you feel happy , no wounder social people are more happy in general .
2- if you are fat loose weight , if you are fit , build some lean
3- although pick up from bar require a social sexy man , but it is good place to practice talking with poeple or women without caring about anything because no body really know you. stay way from *****es if you dont have thick skin.
4- Look for activities , when we are alone we want to meet people just for the sake of meeting people , but guess what ? people hate that, they want to meet for a "better reason" especially if you are not the guy who people want to listen to his interesting stories .
5- create a road map for your plans and maybe start writing your journal to not forget your self .
 

Desdinova

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Cheeks said:
I've tried to go out and meet people but at my age everybody is established in their lives and have families/kids to attend to. Sitting in a bar alone feels especially pathetic these days.
Well, don't sit alone at a bar! If you want to meet people, you'll have to put some effort into it. I almost never end up alone at a bar. I approach people and chat with them. It also helps that the bars I go to cater to things I'm interested in.

You need to find things that interest you and go have fun. That way, you'll meet people who have things in common with you. I've started attending a group jam night. I take my guitar with me (even though I'm not a great player), play & sing some songs, greet the new people who show up & make them feel welcome, and my social circle expands. I catch a LOT of attention when I'm belting out a song.

I have a much different problem than you. Not only do I have a job, I have my kid on the popular bar nights, so I have to make do with what I have available to me, but I do quite well. I find activities that take place on the not-so-popular nights, and I still end up meeting people.

Perhaps you should do the DJ Bootcamp and focus mainly on the section of chatting up strangers.
 

Cejay

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I'm in a similar situation. I moved across the country to AZ where I know nobody.

I tried online dating, the free sites just led to short term plates. It was fun, for a while.
I used a more prevalent pay site and the quality of dates went up, and I spun better plates. Now I'm settled on one.

I realize that in person meeting is probably better but I work from home (or wherever I am) and travel frequently for work so I really didn't have any other options.


For in person, some thoughts:

Try something like meetup.com and sign up for some activities. There are some groups that play different sports, sometimes folks just show up and they set up teams like when you're kids.
I've never done the "singles" ones they looked lame but there are plenty of interest in my area. I also started my own group, have over 30 members and growing. I usually meet someone new every event I schedule.

Find sports leagues and join them. My gym hosts leagues I'm joining one there to get started.

Get into activities that are a bit more $ and not that family oriented like say kayaking, scuba diving, motorcycling, rock climbing and you're going to meet more single people with a bit of cash.

30s, single and living in the 'burbs with a long commute? Why? Sounds like you are not close to the action and should consider moving closer - one of the best things for your own happiness and health is to move close to work so you don't have a commute.

Good luck.

CJ.
 

speed dawg

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Cheeks said:
Being 30 and without close friends or a social circle, I'm pretty much utterly alone at all times. My days are spent working or stuck in traffic, and the weekends are just me on my own trying to pass the time. I've tried to go out and meet people but at my age everybody is established in their lives and have families/kids to attend to. Sitting in a bar alone feels especially pathetic these days.

Advice is usually along the lines of "date a lot of women until you meet the right one" but that ignores the chief problem of never even being around women. Just wondering if anyone else had this problem. Seems pretty hopeless from my end. There's also a psychological health effect from living in isolation that has been taking it's toll lately.
In 2004, after college I accepted a job in a new city and knew NO ONE. 6 hours away from my hometown. I am introverted too, so making friends wasn't going to be easy. First, I got to know people at my work naturally. I also would have some buddies from out of town come stay with me from time to time. After 6 months I was pretty lonely, can't lie, but I saw that there were plenty of other people just like me, so I didn't sweat it.

Eventually I bought a house and got to know a few neighbors. Ended up meeting a girl and going completely one-itis over her, which eventually led me to this site. That was the bottom for me....desperation. I swore to never have that happen again. It was at that point that I began to learn about REAL confidence. Anyway, I had gotten to know a lot of her friends, and while I never really hung out with them again, it made me realize that I have to get out there and make myself a little uncomfortable. I met a few guys at the gym, starting hanging out with them, and that was really all I needed.

I prefer a small social circle of close friends. I 'know' a ton of people, but I don't have a ton of friends that I depend on. Bottom line, you have to be a positive person that people want to be around.
 

Solomon

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G_Govan said:
You're going to have to start approaching women outside of bars if that's not a comfortable venue. Most men are simply not dependable for friendships these days unless they need something from you or they're having problems at home.

I don't hang out with any of my childhood friends anymore because they became attached to the hip of their SO's. Even if they could escape for a little while, they choose not to.

I'm left to my hobbies and my current girlfriend for company. It's really odd how it all happened. You grow up with and become close to a group of guys and all of a sudden they get the smell of p-ssy on their hands and nothing else matters.

I think it's the culture more than anything. A lot of guys become desperate because of a lack of success with women earlier in their lives and once they get some reciprocation they're gone. That is, unless things start unraveling in the relationship (usually if they get dumped), then they suddenly remember you and want to hang out...
This...

As I entered my 30's this was tough pill to swallow. Guys whom I knew since 7th grade all of a sudden where to good to call back or changed thinking their better than you etc.

Being 31 I'm in the same boat as OP. My main focused has been fitness, working out, making more money, and traveling. Trying to read more and mediate as well but right now this time has allowed me for introspection and growth(I can honestly say women aren't a priority in my life but more of an option compared to previous years)
 

Cheeks

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Solomon said:
This...

As I entered my 30's this was tough pill to swallow. Guys whom I knew since 7th grade all of a sudden where to good to call back or changed thinking their better than you etc.

Being 31 I'm in the same boat as OP. My main focused has been fitness, working out, making more money, and traveling. Trying to read more and mediate as well but right now this time has allowed me for introspection and growth(I can honestly say women aren't a priority in my life but more of an option compared to previous years)
Solomon I'd like to adopt your mindset and lifestyle. It's just that sometimes I get really agitated and feel like I'm missing out on quality action. It doesn't feel right to be so isolated from any kind of social opportunity. Oh well, guess that's just part of life.
 

sharkbeat

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I am on the same boat here. It's hard to make a solid social circle in adulthood. I bond better with people I met in high school and college. Even though they are miles away, but when we meet, we are like back again.

You can probably make a few social circle here and there. Hang out with a group of people for a few events, but it's not the same bond. You move on to your separate ways rather quickly. A few weeks gone by without any news, there goes the relationship.
 

backbreaker

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for all the talk about game, looks, etc, ,this IMHO is the number one issue MOST men face. If I were born in Chicago and not little rock i never ever would have found this site i would have had no need to.


1. As someone who lived in little rock, a metropolitan area of about 500k people for 23 years and has lived in Los Angeles a metro politician area of 10 million residents, MOVE

as a single guy, living in a ****ing suburb of a city that is not LA, Atlanta, Chicago, NY, Miami, etc you're playing the game harder than it has to be played.


Not only are there MORE women, they are more liberal in bigger cities. The thought of a 30-35 year old woman who chooses to be single to me growing up was a foreign concept, now it's the norm.


2. I understand your frustration when it comes to stuff like meetup people would tell me stuff like that when i lived in little rock and they don't understand, that **** only really applies to vibrant cities lol. Go look at the bull**** that's on little rock's meetup page right now lol. There are no dance lessons. there is no meetup **** going on, there's none of that big city ****.



really, you just got to move. i don't care how. you're beating a dead horse. now if you move and you still suck then we have a problem lol.
 

Tenacity

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I don't get it? OP you obviously have access to the Internet, the vast majority of CHICKS that you would meet locally are on the Internet in some fashion (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Match, OKC, POF, etc.) why not meet women online and meet up with them? If you think my theory is wrong, just ask around at your office. I bet 90% of the people in your office (within your age range) are on the internet SOMEWHERE.

I too have a very busy schedule and don't have time to go "sarging" in nightclubs or bars....which are places that women ARE NOT looking to hook up with anybody. Basically a waste of time, of money, of energy, and the numbers you get from there usually FLAKE out at a very high rate.

It's best to meet women in places where they aren't looking to be "picked up" which is more "regular" places like a grocery store, hanging out at a social function (other than the club), online, etc.

Don't listen to any guy who tells you that using online is somehow targeting only low quality women, that guy is stuck in some PRIOR era or something. I compare him to the HR Manager that still thinks the only way to obtain a higher education is to sit in a classroom.
 

zekko

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backbreaker said:
they are more liberal in bigger cities.
Not sure that's a selling point. Isn't that part of the problem?

I agree there are more opportunities in big cities though. I live in a fairly small town, and even in the larger cities close to me the meetup.com stuff is pretty much nonexistent.
 

Cheeks

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Tenacity said:
I don't get it? OP you obviously have access to the Internet, the vast majority of CHICKS that you would meet locally are on the Internet in some fashion (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Match, OKC, POF, etc.) why not meet women online and meet up with them? If you think my theory is wrong, just ask around at your office. I bet 90% of the people in your office (within your age range) are on the internet SOMEWHERE.

I too have a very busy schedule and don't have time to go "sarging" in nightclubs or bars....which are places that women ARE NOT looking to hook up with anybody. Basically a waste of time, of money, of energy, and the numbers you get from there usually FLAKE out at a very high rate.

It's best to meet women in places where they aren't looking to be "picked up" which is more "regular" places like a grocery store, hanging out at a social function (other than the club), online, etc.

Don't listen to any guy who tells you that using online is somehow targeting only low quality women, that guy is stuck in some PRIOR era or something. I compare him to the HR Manager that still thinks the only way to obtain a higher education is to sit in a classroom.
I must live in a different reality than you. Online dating is still the realm of fatties and warpigs. And social media is useless unless you have, you know, friends. I do have friends, but they are dispersed around the country. Reminder I'm an isolated 30 year old single working guy. My online dating profile won't have any displays of high value other than whatever flame I type in the summary box.
 

Tenacity

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Cheeks said:
I must live in a different reality than you. Online dating is still the realm of fatties and warpigs. And social media is useless unless you have, you know, friends. I do have friends, but they are dispersed around the country. Reminder I'm an isolated 30 year old single working guy. My online dating profile won't have any displays of high value other than whatever flame I type in the summary box.
What Online site are you referring to man? Match, OKC, POF, Facebook, Instagram, etc. only have FAT women on it?

Damn near everybody from our Generation (Gen Y) is on the Internet, not just fat women. I just don't think some of you guys know how to use online/social media sites to meet new people, new women, conduct BUSINESS, etc. If you don't know how to use it just say that, but to say only fat women are on it is insane lol.

I can't think of anything I DON'T do online today? I bank on it, do business on it, network on it, get pvssy on it, meet buddies who share my MGTOW mentality on it, do market research on it, I completed a good chunk of my higher education on it, I watch TV on it, I stream TV from it....etc, etc.
 

backbreaker

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zekko said:
Not sure that's a selling point. Isn't that part of the problem?

I agree there are more opportunities in big cities though. I live in a fairly small town, and even in the larger cities close to me the meetup.com stuff is pretty much nonexistent.

conservative valued women are more likely to be married than to be single. and are also more likely to be ready to get down and are more open to the idea of casual sex
 
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