Recently single, but meeting new ladies.

Hello all,

A few months ago, I got out of an eight year relationship (Engaged). I was the one who ended the relationship. I wasn't happy.

I've been toying with the idea of dipping my feet into the pool (so to speak) to find someone new.

I tried an online dating app. I met a girl, three years younger than I (I'm 27, she's 24). We talked all day long yesterday via the app, even after we had exchanged numbers. Similar interests, talking about doing a few things together when the weather clears up, etc. Near the end, I just simply asked if it were okay to text her after I got off of work, and she was elated.

Last night around 8:30, I sent her a simple text. We wound up talking for four hours via text. And set up a date for this Sunday at 3. She said she will surprise me with a new place to try for our first date. I'm assuming something low key and casual, which is great. If it works and we hit it off in person, I'll ask about a second date.

I was very excited. She said she was as well. She was the one that said that we'd talk tomorrow (which would be today). I have yet to hear from her. Playing hard to get? Since she said we'd talk today, I didn't want to leave her hanging or let her think I blew her off.

In this case, what is good etiquette? I thought to text her again later, saying I was busy at work (which i kind of am), blah blah blah.

Since I'm new to all of this essentially, how do I proceed? I've never had this kind of communication with someone, especially so fast, so she has me very intrigued.

I'm not expecting to meet "the one" so quickly. However, you never know. I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason.

Welcome back to the game

I think it's good that you've given yourself some months to sort some things out. You want to get YOU to your highest level before looking to add someone else to your life.

And let's be clear.. these first 10-20 dates, you should NOT be thinking about adding someone to your life. This is really just to get the gears moving again, and get the rust off if you will.

A healthy goal would be to get 2-3 plates spinning at once so you have some options when it comes to women. This of course, will take a month or two. This way, you're not totally gushing or thinking about one woman, and you can more easily compare women to see which one is obviously the better one(s) to keep around.

As far as this woman goes.. if she committed to a time, then the ball is in her court. I wouldn't go chasing after it. If she hasn't texted you, she's made other plans.

It's her job to get back to you (since she made the plans after all), apologize for not contacting you, and she better make it clear that she owes you.

Don't come down on her hard at all.. these things happen. Just tell her no problem, and tell her to let you know when SHE wants to see you.

And hey.. start making plans with more women so when one fails, it's not such a big deal

Good luck.

Thanks!

Yeah, it wasn't a firm "I will text you tomorrow." I think more of a casual indication that we should talk tomorrow

We'll see how it goes. She knows I'm working right now, and perhaps she's waiting until later to text. I'm not a pest, but it's been refreshing conversation so far.

And yeah I do have another on the back burner. Met her at my friend's bar Saturday night. She's more of a party girl, but I think she's very recently out of a relationship and more into partying with friends than anything else. She was a lot younger (21), so she still has college to finish and all that.

The one I'm more interested in is out of college and more mature.

We decided to move up our first date to Thursday night.

While we had a lot of fun, she will most likely become a very good friend, which is fine.

She's a little crazy! In a good way, just not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. She really doesn't have a her *@#$ together and, to me, seems like she's still in college. Definitely good to go out with her and know what she's really about.

Good practice, but also have a new friend, too. It's nice

midnightsun said:

We decided to move up our first date to Thursday night.

While we had a lot of fun, she will most likely become a very good friend, which is fine.

She's a little crazy! In a good way, just not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. She really doesn't have a her *@#$ together and, to me, seems like she's still in college. Definitely good to go out with her and know what she's really about.

Good practice, but also have a new friend, too. It's nice

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That's a good attitude. If the girl doesn't appeal to you then you can still be her friend and there is a chance you can meet some new girls through her social circle.

I would suggest you though to "run around" for a while. Don't try to jump into a new relationship right away. You have been in one for 8 years and you are still 27. It means you probably haven't had much experience in the first place (not trying to offend).

Take it easy, go out and approach girls and see where things take you.

Good luck!

Hes already trying to wife this girl up. Lol texting for 4 hours in an app. Yup I see where this is headed. Hes in infatuation land.

I understand you're kinda rusty OP since you got out of a very LTR. It takes time to get back into the game.

Just about everything you did in the OP describing how you met this chick and what you text about, plus you're unease when she doesn't respond a certain way or whatever, all before even meeting for a first date, you should already be prepared to write this one off completely. She has already built up an image of you in her mind and unless you're Brad Pitt when you show up for that date, the chances of it going south are pretty high at this point because a real life person will never match that mystique she has built up in her mind.

Meeting online is fine. Text only for a quick few sentences to flirt or get a little sexual innuendo going, but it's primary purpose is to set up a date/time to meet. Nothing else. Do not text for anything else EVER. She wants to text? Don't reply. She asks why you don't respond, you tell her you've been really busy.

On the date is when all that bottled up stuff you texted about comes out and she sees who YOU are, in person, and you get to see the same in her.

Start looking for the next chick now.

As odd as it sounds, we've really hit it off. As stated, she's not someone I see myself spending my life with, but she's a lot of fun to hang out with and we talk quite often. She's aware that I'm not looking to get into a relationship, but I can tell she's disappointed by that. Maybe she's hoping I change my mind. I'm not going to stop seeing others either.

I've already noticed some clingy tendencies in her. Coming to see me at work, always wanting to hang out, etc. Either that or one date just made her fall head over heels. Which feels nice, but not right now.

midnightsun said:

I met a girl, three years younger than I (I'm 27, she's 24). We talked all day long yesterday via the app, even after we had exchanged numbers.

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you move your pawn forward for no apparent reason, exposing your King

midnightsun said:

Last night around 8:30, I sent her a simple text. We wound up talking for four hours via text.

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she moves her bishop into position and puts your King in check

midnightsun said:

She was the one that said that we'd talk tomorrow (which would be today). I have yet to hear from her. Playing hard to get? Since she said we'd talk today, I didn't want to leave her hanging or let her think I blew her off.

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you think it might be checkmate, you're not sure.

You're pretty bad at chess, aren't you?

midnightsun said:

In this case, what is good etiquette?

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Etiquette?? ... *sigh* I read the rest of the thread and I see things seem to be going well for now. I'm happy for you, maybe you will ride off into the sunset with her and live happily ever after. In the meantime I highly recommend working on yourself and not becoming so dependent on a woman for happiness. It shows in your game, which no offense is really bad.

Yeah, cut the texting out dude it's not good and one slip and you're history.

Face to face is the way to play it, get busy before your date and let her do the reaching out, few texts 3 or 4 max then end the conversation with looking forward to Thurs!! and go do something, walk, run, gym or visit a friend, let your mind wander it's not healthy to become focussed too soon.

It's the cool girls you mess it up with, that'll sting the most.