'If you think I'm going to clean up all the time..."

"Your turn to do the dishes next time. If you think I'm going to clean up all the time, you're with the wrong girl." (Said playfully with a smile)

The words from my gf of 6 months mouth last night after she had washed the dishes from the nice meal she made for us. (This was at her place)

Although she said it with a smile/playfully, I know that she will bring this up again or ask me to do the dishes and I'm not sure the right way to handle it. I simply laughed and ignored what she said.

This girl is a giver, makes me dinner all the time, never have to tell her to svck me off, buys me stuff regularly etc..

I felt like saying "sure ill clean up, straight after you change my engine oil"

How do you guys deal with this without making her think you're an uncaring cvnt?

Mauser96 said:

Sounds like she treats you really well. Why wouldn't you just go help her with the dishes when she does them? I don't think that is too much to ask.

Click to expand...

That's the thing though. I would help out willingly but sometimes I think I take a lot of the whole dominance mindset too far. I find myself automatically thinking everything is a sh!t test and I have to be this alpha guy all the time when in reality I should be giving back to her sometimes. It's finding the balance that is my problem. I'm a bit of an @sshole to her.

Despite my join date I have really only been implementing 'game' this past year.

If she treats you really well, its ok to do a few things to make her happy.

There is a difference between being a doormat, and rewarding a woman for good behavior.

You get all freaked out over stuff like this?

Do the damned dishes.

This isn't a power contest with your sister from your teenage years.

This is real life.

Dear Balls on Fire,
Chrikey...she cooks a meal,gives you head jobs and you can't do the dishes...get real mate!

Tictac said:

You get all freaked out over stuff like this?

Do the damned dishes.

This isn't a power contest with your sister from your teenage years.

This is real life.

Click to expand...

Really? Please, let's keep this in perspective. It's not like she has to do the dishes of a whole family unit! It's her house, her dishes. Just don't expect her to do your dishes when she's visiting your place.

Maybe I'm different and I was brought up with a different set of morals/values. Maybe I was brought up with a gentleman's courtesy.

But I don't think I've ever had a situation where she has had to even say that. Every once in a while, I'd either offer:

(A) To bring stuff for the meal or wine/beer
(B) Do the dishes and help her out a little

If we micro-analyze EVERY single thing that she says or we do or she doesn't say or we don't do... we're losing sight of the bigger picture.

I don't think it is unreasonable at all to help out if it is her place. She made a really nice meal for you? Help out. Why not? She made you a cold ham and cheese sandwich? Different situation.

All good. I'm taking something I read on rationalmale a bit too literally.

Might be time for a week off.

I think she has earned a break from the dishes if she regularly does other good stuff for you.

It's the ones who say "nobody ever taught me how to do the dishes" that are the real ones to be careful of.

OP I like your engine oil comment. lmao

I once had a GF that moved in and said "My mother never taught me how to cook". I immediately responded "Well my mother only taught me how to cook for one person, so we got a real problem here"

A lot of this comes from that study they post on here from time to time which showed that married men who helped out with traditionally feminine chores got less sex than guys who didn't.

I have a tendency to look at life sort of like a soldier in the military. I take responsibility for my own gear. I can cook, do dishes, do laundry, whatever. I live with my girlfriend. I've always done my own laundry, and she can do hers. As for cooking and doing the dishes, sometimes I'll cook and she'll do the dishes, sometimes vice versa. Sometimes I'll do both, sometimes she'll do both.

There are some things I end up doing like mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, fixing the cars. But there are other things she tends to do like cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, etc. Whatever. Who really gives a sh!t? The point is she is not my mommy who has to pick up after me, and she has to do her part as well. Of course we both work, so that has a part to play.

To the OP, you are a guest at her house so I would assume that she is responsible to do the cooking and the cleaning. However, a good guest will also offer to help, either with the cooking or the dishes. But my guess is that she is thinking about possibly cohabitating with you in the future, and that's what she's really talking about...

logicallefty said:

I once had a GF that moved in and said "My mother never taught me how to cook". I immediately responded "Well my mother only taught me how to cook for one person, so we got a real problem here"

Click to expand...

Perfect opportunity to teach her how to cook. I've taught my girlfriend numerous dishes.

Fireballs said:

All good. I'm taking something I read on rationalmale a bit too literally.

Might be time for a week off.

Click to expand...

RM is a great resource but a man can drive himself crazy reading manosphere stuff too much. It's good to have a code and boundaries and such, but don't take yourself so seriously, either. I believe as long as you're taking the initiative ("I'm cleaning tonight honey, now go sit down and have some more wine") rather than giving in to nagging/bytching, your frame is in good shape.

Just don't let it degenerate into something like this.

Idk. I did stuff like this all the time, only when I wasn't working and she was. But one thing, never touched laundry. When I come home from a dirty job, I take that sh!t off, throw it on the floor, and sh!t disappears and comes back clean.

Its ok to do this kind of stuff rarely. Its build rapport, which is important in maintaining a serious relationship.

Dont over analyze to much.

If you feel its a power grab attempt, or somthing, just literally playfuly dismiss her demand.

I did this sh!t all the time. "noob, I want to retire when I'm 30" me : "(laughs) we will see about that *playful smirk". or "noob, I want a volvo one day"me: "yeah, not sure about that one *laugh, smirk*"

When they make little unwarranted demands, laugh at them. Think to yourself, aww how cute, she loves me so much, that she has to make a power play to gain leverage so she wont lose me.

It doesnt even matter if that is true or not, just believe it.

Just dismiss it. If you act like that sh!t doesn't matter (because you believe it doesn't) it wont to you, and wont to her.

You can literally be a scum bag, and a woman will just keep going with it as long as you own the frame.

You can also believe its ok to do the dishes with her, once in a while.

Infact next time if she asks this (if you want) say "ok, but you have to dry and put away" Turn it into a compromise.

but this is my opinion. I don't know either of you, or your dynamics. It leaves a lot of room for assumption.

I once took my girlfriend by the arm, forced her into the garage, MADE her put on my coveralls, handed her a torch, and told her I need this catalytic converter changed out and the pipe needs to be cut with the torch.

I told her I'll be happy to do the vacuuming inside. She stared at me in stunned silence as I told her I estimated that since it was her first time it would take her 48 hours to complete.

Coincidentally I also took out an oil filter, filter wrench, and some oil and told her I also expected an oil change for my other car.

Never again did she try the "equal housework" thing on me. She looked very cute in my overalls and welding mask so once she came to her senses I had my way with her.

"Your turn to do the dishes next time. If you think I'm going to clean up all the time, you're with the wrong girl.

Click to expand...

It's really difficult to make a judgement on this one since we really don't know what your situation is with her. If she's been doing EVERYTHING around the house and you've been sitting on your ass drinking beer and watching TV, then she has every right to be telling you you're lazy.

If you're doing your share of work around the house (mowing the lawn, cleaning the eaves, fixing her car) then she's out of line here (see Atom Smasher's response)

Is this the same girlfriend who wanted to stay for a week at another guy's place that you objected to?

You know the old saying, "If something isn't broke, don't fix it."

Obviously, she made you nice meals in the past and never made a point for you to do the dishes. Why start now? She is the one who is deciding to make you the nice meals on her own, she can clean the few dishes there are with no problem at her own place.

Once you start giving into her whims, she will expect you to do the dishes all the time. Not only that, she will use this kind of tactic against you for other things as well. Once you start giving in, you will become soft and become a beta where you will become manipulated. This is where guys will run right off the tracks. If you're a real alpha, you wouldn't even consider cleaning a spoon.

When you stop acting like a "bit of an assh0le" to her, you will turn into a pvssy where she will take advantage of you and end your relationship. She will see that you were just a phony alpha pretending to be one. She's doing lots of nice sh1t for you with what you are doing now, don't screw it up by changing gears in mid flight.

If you want to help out, it should be on your own terms, not because she tells or hints at you to do them. Once you do that the jig is up because she will use it against you.

Let's say you do the dishes the next time. The next time after that she will get up from the table and go into the other room to watch TV while you get stuck doing the dishes because she expects you to.

Don't get into habits of changing things up in relationships. If it ain't broke don't fix it. I'm surprised the other poster dropped the ball on this. Always use common sense in dating and relationships.

goldengoose said:

Is this the same girlfriend who wanted to stay for a week at another guy's place that you objected to?

Click to expand...

Yes this is her, and that thread I made was a bit premature. (I misunderstood what she said. It's a married couple that she both works with that she's staying with, not just a guy and a girl which is what I thought at first.) I have met them both now and I'm happy enough with the arrangements.

Anyway I understand what posters here are saying in regards to my situation and it being hard to make judgements. From the advice here and my situation, I should probably have helped her out a little and I will in the future when she makes me nice meals. However it will be in my frame and not her asking me to. If we live together in the future, I will definitely be remembering Atom's post.

Thanks for the replies.

Atom Smasher said:

I once took my girlfriend by the arm, forced her into the garage, MADE her put on my coveralls, handed her a torch, and told her I need this catalytic converter changed out and the pipe needs to be cut with the torch.

I told her I'll be happy to do the vacuuming inside. She stared at me in stunned silence as I told her I estimated that since it was her first time it would take her 48 hours to complete.

Coincidentally I also took out an oil filter, filter wrench, and some oil and told her I also expected an oil change for my other car.

Never again did she try the "equal housework" thing on me. She looked very cute in my overalls and welding mask so once she came to her senses I had my way with her.

Click to expand...

lol

Mauser96 said:

What everyone is forgetting is she made him a nice meal at her place . That is it.


We don't know if he does her oil changes, fixes fences, fixes decks, etc.

All we know is she made him a meal. Why would it hurt to help with the dishes?

Click to expand...

It all depends on the individual relationship and what the normal dynamics are.

I've always had a very old fashioned attitude toward kitchen stuff (the woman does that) but my current girlfriend acknowledges my masculinity and her femininity in so many other ways that I'm actually finding myself making BBQ meals at my place once in a while. I do most of the work in those cases.

But she also often cooks me meals at her place, doing everything. She likes me to lie on the couch and read to her while she's cooking. One of her favorites is "The Book of Pook". j/k

Atom Smasher said:

I've always had a very old fashioned attitude toward kitchen stuff (the woman does that)

Click to expand...

No problem with that, but if you've ever lived on your own for long periods of time (as I have), surely you must have picked up some cooking skills. The greatest chefs have traditionally been male, after all. And that means dishes to do. There are definitely more male-specific gender role chores, but it seems like an independent guy is going to be well rounded and able to take care of himself in every way.

Depends on the relational dynamics.

In my relations, I'm the breadwinner. I buy the food; the women cooks and cleans my castle--always. No need to impose this boundary; it should be a prerequisite derived from tradition.