Just got an email from ex wife...advice needed

Hi all, I've been reading the forum for quite a few months and as a recovering AFC it's helped me a lot.

I've been divorced since July 2011 and since then I've had my ups and downs, getting back on the dating scene, one step forward, two steps back kind of thing. I'm happy though and I'm a changed man since my divorce.

She's Spanish and I met her in the UK 12 years ago. To cut a long story short I came to Spain with her, got married, then I got suffocated in the relationship. The spanish are very family orientated and I got sucked in, so much so that her father gave me a job in his business. I knew I shouldn't have accepted, but I was nice guy who didn't want to refuse. I know, I was a chump. I was in her parents' for lunch nearly everyday, if I suggested not going she would call them to tell them we weren't coming thereby defeating the purpose of getting away on our own without the shadow of parental authority.

To be honest the parents was just one factor. I know I should have bailed long before. I liked her, but was never crazy about her, but as I know now it was AFC bull****. "What if I don't find someone else?" "The ready made sex is good." etc

Anyway things went from bad to worse and I just couldn't do it anymore. So we split up three years ago. She wanted me out of the house and gave me 25,000 euros. Fair enough, thank you very much.

Today I got an email from her saying she's "up to her neck" economically. House prices have gone down and she can't get the place sold for love or money. She then totted up the mortgage payments/ assessors etc from the time I signed the house over to her. (Does she not consider I've being paying similar in rent since then, while she lives with her parents and doesn't pay a penny for food/board). Since she's taking a hit financially, she thinks it's only "fair" that I give back some of the money she gave me three years ago. 6000 euros to be exact. She even gave me or bank ac number. "1000 a month would be fine." There was also more emotional ****, then a cursory "hope you are well at the end".

What should I do? Ignore or justify my expenses in the three years, which I would find beneath me to be honest. I mean she's asking for 6 grand. Her father has two houses in prime locations and a successful business. They're not short of money at all. What's the motive?

Thanks for reading.

A.

The motive is irrelevant. She gave you $25,000. If you can afford $6,000, give it to her, and extinguish ALL contact permanently. Make a clean, final break, with good intent, and as the future unfolds--governed by the esoteric law of reciprocity--you will prosper, she will suffer.

Say nothing. Go Silent

Absolutely no way I would give back even $1

Are you on the hook for anything legally with the house? Does she have a card to play that could completely hose you?

Look, man. She paid you 25,000 to leave the house. You left, and so she got what she wanted. As of today, you have nothing to do with her, unless YOU were the one to ask her for 25,000!)

So now three years have past, without you hearing from her.

She made a mistake, and now she wants YOU to suffer for her. Be smart. Delete her email and move on with your life. Don't be the nice guy who pays for her house while she's blowing some other guy. At the very least, she could come up with a better solution. Her story's too shady.

The marriage is over, the divorce is final, and she is no longer any of your concern. She can go find her money somewhere else.

Also ask yourself if real estate prices exploded in the 3 years if she woulda given you more money out of "fairness".

TheBossman said:

Are you on the hook for anything legally with the house? Does she have a card to play that could completely hose you?

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Nothing, Bossman.

HoneyHitter said:

Look, man. She paid you 25,000 to leave the house. You left, and so she got what she wanted. As of today, you have nothing to do with her, unless YOU were the one to ask her for 25,000!)

So now three years have past, without you hearing from her.

She made a mistake, and now she wants YOU to suffer for her. Be smart. Delete her email and move on with your life. Don't be the nice guy who pays for her house while she's blowing some other guy. At the very least, she could come up with a better solution. Her story's too shady.

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yeah mate, and she couldn't wait to get me out. I said at the time I'd stay on 4 to 6 months, paying mortgage until I got a decent rented place. But, no. "You need to be out by x cos the painters are coming in" etc. Constant phone calls also reminding me to clear all my stuff out. She actually offered 30 but I said I'd take 25. the place is also well furnished and I took nothing with me. As for the "better solution", I agree. She could rent it out in the summer as it's near the beach and recoup a fair chunk of the year's repayments.

TheBossman said:

Also ask yourself if real estate prices exploded in the 3 years if she woulda given you more money out of "fairness".

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Yeah, was thinking that too.

Desdinova said:

The marriage is over, the divorce is final, and she is no longer any of your concern. She can go find her money somewhere else.

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Exactly, that's what I've been thinking since after that first ****ty year of divorce. Over the last 6 months she hardly ever enters my thoughts and the whole episode seems surreal. Then, out of the blue this crap.

If roles were reversed; would she give you 6,000?

guru1000 said:

If roles were reversed; would she give you 6,000?

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I wouldn't even ask her mate, but I would assume she wouldn't, and as bossman said, if the market soared, would she give me more out of "fairness"?

Unless it's a legal document, delete it.

Her investment (after her buyout), her risk/reward.

Conventional thinking will tell you not to give her a dime. Conventional thinking is also just ordinary. Ultimately, make the decision which empowers you most.

I lean toward give her nothing.

She wanted you out of her life so fast she paid you 25K to piss off. That's a first on these boards.

UNLESS she was really doing you a kindness when you were down and UNLESS you feel great respect for her behavior and intentions, you are better off not helping. To me it sounds like she couldn't wait to get rid of you but maybe I'm reading this wrong. Otherwise the only other way I'd consider it is if 6k were just chump change to me, like 6 dollars.

Did you buy her an expensive engagement ring? She can pawn that!

I do see guru's point of view above though, I guess only the OP knows for sure what bests suits him.

You already gave ground on the 30k. Unless you have kids, she's out of luck.

I would have taken the $30k and not negotiated down

THERE IS A WAR OUT THERE. USE OR BE USED .....ABUSE OR BE ABUSED.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Dear Allan,
No contact...if she has a case,she or her Soliciter will send you a threat of Court Action...Assuming that she had sold the joint and made a Mozza,would you have got a Cheque in the Mail,sure!