Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Be Warned !

techno1

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OK BOYS>>... this is how it goes.... any married guy over 40 will agree.... especially if he has kids...

SO : When you are with a girl, it's just you and her... that is one thing... totally different to marriage... and a world away from marriage or LTR with kids....

It's you and her... She's in love with you, you care (and maybe provide) for her... great..... you think you've met your match....

She's your friend, confidant, lover, partner... she helps you around the house, shares the chores, maybe earns a little money, helps pay the bills, you can trust her.....

Fantastic....

Except this is a temporary situation....

First you get married, or at least get more committed... slowly your lives intertwine... maybe you sign a lease or buy a house together, your possessions, furniture, belongings, start to merge... you're getting exited about the future.... she's getting more comfortable... she doesn't need to work quite so hard to be sure that she's got you snagged.....

she can slack off on sex a little... perhaps she doesn't feel like it she won't make the effort.... perhaps she won't help out around the house quite as much, perhaps she won't dress as nice, perhaps she'll spend more of her money on herself..... more time with her friends or family... she'll put more demands on to you....

effectively she will start to lean on you.... start to use the relationship rather than contribute to it.

ops.....

and this is before children come along....

she may swear blind she doesn't want kids.... but as she passes 30 that will creep up on her... accidents can happen subconsciously if not on purpose....

if the urge for children is open and conscious, she'll subtlety push it on you, women are very clever manipulators.

women sometimes laugh between themselves, about how stupid men are.... and men are stupid in regards to women and their games....

i'm not saying this spitefully i'm just explaining to guys out there how women function.

women are out for themselves for what they want, and they play a long slow game, it's not done on purpose, they don't even know they are playing it half the time, and much of it is simply the natural function of the procreation of the species, that ultimately uses men as providers and fools them with sex, and the promise of life long companionship....

even if you don't have kids, she will be comfortable once you're in a long term relationship...

YOU have to make her work for it.... You can make it more difficult for her, make sure she carries on serving you, and contributing.....

There are theories about making marriage work and ways of spicing things up, and it can work it's true ... but for an independent, ambitious or creative man, marriage is a compromise... and not in a good way... it's one that leaves a good man "compromised"....

You may remember that great handsome guy in school who had a girl friend long before everyone else... he was always having sleep overs and snogging sessions with her.... but somehow around her, she seemed to make him weak.... sappy..... she had him wrapped around her finger... he was her puppy dog....

this is what women naturally do to men.... they use them..... men are a vehicle..... a means to an end..... it's just the natural mechanics... it's not done on purpose.....

NOW we get deeper into it....

Once a girl has a child... she is now a mother and a woman. That is TOTALLY different to the girl you once knew. When that baby comes out of her... she might as well be dead.... That girl is no more....

First of all... a woman who has a child will always love that child more than her husband... you are now no#2... sorry boy.....add a second kid and you are now her no#3..... down you slip.... add a nanny or house keeper and you're beneath her too... since the nanny is vital to your baby momma's care of the children and YOU ARE NOT ... not so much boy.....

sorry.......


down you slip......

children need constant attention, care, birthday parties, Christmas presents, school concerts... she loves her kids more than she loves you.... children NOT a husband makes a woman complete.....

Did you enjoy your childhood and school years ?

nah... pretty mundane and crap right..... well guess what.... she did.... and she's happy to be back in all that childish world, because in truth.... she thinks much like a child does... but she's also a mother.... she's your mother now..... you are roped to school functions, other kids birthday parties, minding the kids and all manner of tedious and mundane chores.....

now the nagging starts... you'll feel like the unwanted teenage step son, except where is dad to appeal to... oh you're dad... so how come momma won't listen...... ah well she's an empower woman now, a mother and it's just so wasy for her to put the fear of god into you, and control you.... just as your mother programed you to be controlled when you were a child....

it's a mans world.... ha.... when you are in it... but in the home it's a woman's world.... and you were programmed to submit, night and day for years by your own mother... years you cannot even remember....


oh well... at least you still have your good old friend and horny girl in bed....

WRONG!!!

she's had kids now, she doesn't need any more sex.... anyway.... she'll be too tired for sex most days, and most likely packed on 10+kg.... cellulite, flabby belly.... she might pretend she doesn't care, and she might not, but one way or another her loss of her looks also massively increases her insecurities... you know all those women body issues... well add the square root for a 35+ mother of two and add it again for every year after that......

insecurity breeds fear.... fear breeds all kinds of problems..... unspoken,complex ones that a poor logical male can never get to the bottom of.... he will die of cancer or a heart attack digging to the bottom of her issues..... there is no bottom.....

you're like the frog, you got cooked..... the water got hotter and hotter, the years slipped by and suddenly you are stuck with an angrier, bossier, more entitled version of your mother......

i can assure you there is no more miserable and tedious place in the world than a sexless, marriage, lauded over by her jealousy and insecurities....

and you thought you were getting married for companionship, trust, great sex,

hahahahahaha....

NO!

Understand that you are getting married to be the work horse that supports the family.

You are getting married so SHE can have a nice comfortable life... your life is not so important, it's the children that are important now.

You can look forward to creaking about when you hit 60 and they leave home, you can reminisce about the good old days before you had kids. You can remember the hot one night stand you had when you were 23... you can remember your buddies they are all fat and married too now, John died of a heart attack last week.... you'd lost touch.... you can have some memories.... ok..... like a guy in jail can remember before he was locked up....

you can have some hobbies, you're retired now, but remember most of your working capital was spent on the kids, so you'll only have a meager pension... maybe you can afford a cheap set of golf clubs or some crappy little sailing boat. you can go and lick your wounds on your own.... and she can make snide jokes to her friends as you come into her house....

Oh yes, make no mistake... the married home is her house.... absolutely.... what were you thinking of.... oh you thought you could share....

hahahahhahahahaha

You thought you could share you're life with your lover and confident...

But your lover and confidant is not your mother, or your baby momma.

OPS

Where did you go wrong.

OH Sorry... 75+ just hit...

G A M E - O V E R
 

Bible_Belt

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If your father had agreed with you, then you never would have existed.

I'm actually trying to knock up my girlfriend right now. We're both in our late 30s and she is dying to have her first baby. I love her and want her to have everything she wants out of life. If I never at least tried to give her the child she wants, I don't think we would end up nearly as happy as a couple. I can see the problems presented by children, but denying them to a woman who wants them will also present problems of its own.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Every young, unmarried guy should pay close attention to what techno said.

Been there and done that. The man speaks truth.

Don't let it happen to you unless that's what you really want.
 

techno1

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kids are for two kinds of people....

ultra wealthy, that can afford a forest of nannies, minders, private tutors, house keepers, cooks, drivers etc. (in most cases the kids end up semi abandoned while the parents are busy with high profile careers... why have kids at all ? )

OR

penniless peasants that have nothing to lose, and have kids early so they can work and contribute to the impoverished existence.

for anyone that is not 3rd world, or fortune 500, having kids is just a total sap on your life.

a couple of older relatives of mine never had kids. instead they have 3 homes, a boat, a few dogs, and the lifestyle of the rich and famous from a very average middle class wage, and income saved over 30+ years....


I hope you enjoy praying Bible Belt... .because that's about your only freedom once she drops her womb load into your life......
 

mikey2012

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techno1 said:
kids are for two kinds of people....

ultra wealthy, that can afford a forest of nannies, minders, private tutors, house keepers, cooks, drivers etc. (in most cases the kids end up semi abandoned while the parents are busy with high profile careers... why have kids at all ? )

OR

penniless peasants that have nothing to lose, and have kids early so they can work and contribute to the impoverished existence.

for anyone that is not 3rd world, or fortune 500, having kids is just a total sap on your life.

a couple of older relatives of mine never had kids. instead they have 3 homes, a boat, a few dogs, and the lifestyle of the rich and famous from a very average middle class wage, and income saved over 30+ years....


I hope you enjoy praying Bible Belt... .because that's about your only freedom once she drops her womb load into your life......
So fvcking true. Do not have kids.
 

Aristippus

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Bible_Belt said:
If your father had agreed with you, then you never would have existed.

I'm actually trying to knock up my girlfriend right now. We're both in our late 30s and she is dying to have her first baby. I love her and want her to have everything she wants out of life. If I never at least tried to give her the child she wants, I don't think we would end up nearly as happy as a couple. I can see the problems presented by children, but denying them to a woman who wants them will also present problems of its own.
Belt,

There's nothing wrong with having kids if that's what you want to do. I noticed in your entire reply, not once did you talk about what you want. Now I wonder, does she talk about giving you everything you want as a husband and in a marriage, or is this just a one-sided effort to make sacrifices and compromises for the other? Does she talk about what you want or is her primary focus always on what she wants? If you find yourself talking more about what she wants and find that she does the same, you might want to reconsider your relationship.
 

speed dawg

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Aristippus said:
Belt,

There's nothing wrong with having kids if that's what you want to do. I noticed in your entire reply, not once did you talk about what you want. Now I wonder, does she talk about giving you everything you want as a husband and in a marriage, or is this just a one-sided effort to make sacrifices and compromises for the other? Does she talk about what you want or is her primary focus always on what she wants? If you find yourself talking more about what she wants and find that she does the same, you might want to reconsider your relationship.
He has gone off the deep end. It's almost like somebody has hacked his account.
 

zekko

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techno1 said:
First of all... a woman who has a child will always love that child more than her husband... you are now no#2... sorry boy.....add a second kid and you are now her no#3..... down you slip
I've never had children, so I have no argument with your overall scenario. But don't fathers also tend to love their children more than they love their spouse?

techno1 said:
kids are for two kinds of people....

ultra wealthy, that can afford a forest of nannies, minders, private tutors, house keepers, cooks, drivers etc. (in most cases the kids end up semi abandoned while the parents are busy with high profile careers... why have kids at all ? )

OR

penniless peasants that have nothing to lose, and have kids early so they can work and contribute to the impoverished existence.

for anyone that is not 3rd world, or fortune 500, having kids is just a total sap on your life.
Yeah, they say to get by in life you should either be very rich, or very poor. They say that about health care also.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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techno1 said:
a couple of older relatives of mine never had kids. instead they have 3 homes, a boat, a few dogs, and the lifestyle of the rich and famous from a very average middle class wage, and income saved over 30+ years....


I hope you enjoy praying Bible Belt... .because that's about your only freedom once she drops her womb load into your life......

Who are they going to pass all this wealth on to?

Some people aren't made for having kids, whoever you are, do society a favor and don't have any. If you do, put them up for adoption.

Some people are made for kids. I am. Have them, they're great, I'm happy.
 

bluenorther

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When the schooner yacht "America" beat the Royal Yacht Squadron in the race around the Isle of Wight, Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were at the finish. The yacht America was so far ahead that Victoria asked Albert "Who is second?" Albert supposedly replied "There is no second!"
It's the same way when a woman says "My child(ren) will always be first." You won't be second. There is no "second".
It's creepy how she'll say "MY child(ren), since they're HIS, also.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Bluenorther: My ex used to say the same thing "My daughters", right in front of me. Guess it falls under the heading of female solipsism.

Mauser: agreed wholeheartedly. Your kids are your blood, she's just the woman you married, and that can change (Thank god...) LOL

-Augustus-
 

Colossus

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Wow, hard talk. Truth hurts.

I've known many dads who absolutely adore their children and wouldn't send them back for anything. I think fatherhood is a blessing for some but not for all.

Posts like this always make me think heavily about getting a vasectomy before I marry. I'm beginning to realize that I cannot 100% trust a woman who says she doesn't want children. I've dated 4 of them. One had her tubes tied at age 27. She was legit, lol. The other, a Brazilian, claimed she was not interested in them, but I think she had a subtle fondness for children. My last LTR, a 33 year old divorced American, didnt want them either. I mostly believed her because of her age and her general lack of a motherly disposition. She was very solipsistic.

Now the girl I am with also claims she isn't interested, but she is 25 so I take that with a very small grain of salt. She does coo and smile at little kids and their cuteness. I'm not convinced, but I don't think less of her. She is a female, they are driven to motherhood.

I don't blame them for it anymore. Like Techno said, most of the time they don't even realize the game they are playing. They are just looking out for their own imperative. I think there are two important points here:

1. Children can be a big blessing to men too. After all, they are 50% your own genetics. I'd have to say I know more dads that relish their kids than do not. But they are mostly dads with grown kids.

2. Protecting your future is up to YOU, as a man. She will never do it for you. You cant trust an individual whose #1 biological imperative is to produce and raise children to be cognizant of your prospective financial and personal security.
 

backbreaker

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i cant speak for you guys i can only speak for yself. i've done a lot of ****. a LOT of ****. i've started and sold ac ompany, started another. i've dated spun pates, i've found a woman i love enough to put a ring on her finger.

and, fathering my son Joseph is by a country mile the best thing i've ever done in my life. it's not even up for debate. i did not understand what unconditional love meant utnil my son was born. there is nothing he can do that would ever make me not feel the way i feel about him.

my thing is, when i was 24 i didn't want a son. you can look at my post history. but i had one and it worked out. but if youdon't want to have kids, i have no problem with that, you know your life better than i do. but what i don't like is guys who **** on guys for wanting to start a family.

it's like, some guys have equated kids with the blue pill. and that's plain stupid. the vast majority, and when i say vast i mean, like, 98% of the world's population wants kids.

it pisses me off to see guys called chumps because they want to start af amily ir want kids. **** that ****.

bible belt has been here for 8 years and is probably one of 3 guys on this site i would actually use as a wingman if i were single in a club. he knows his ****. and if bible belt says he wants a kid, dammit he wants a kid. that's all there is to it. Rollo has a daughter, i have a 5 year old, warrior has a daughter. you will never hear any of us say that we wish we didn't have kids.

there are joys in being an adult. i like being in adult with responsibility and obligations.
 

SteR

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This does seem like a slightly cynical view of marriage/kids. Although I'd argue it's a cautionary tale for guys that don't screen correctly...
 

Kailex

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http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=175779

Just as a reminder. This discussion is cyclical.
Although the OP digs deeper into the life within marriage, I had inquired as to the point of having kids... these two threads could very well go hand in hand.
 

Krueg

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I think this was a pretty good post. Though not all women are the same.. Maybe the ones you're dating :rolleyes: Though I think most younger guys are just horny and view women as sexual objects.. Your "wife" should be a companion, someone who supports you and wants to see you do better and ect... Its up to you to screen these ho's!
 

theprof

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Geesh guy! If this is your outlook on marriage and kids, you've been dating the wrong girls or hanging out with couples with incredibly bad marriages. In any case, you may want to change your environment!
 

Tuvox

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Techno1, thanks for posting. One of the best post I have ever read here. So true.

It is funny how many guys are still deluded with “being in control” frame, where they actually not. This is why PUAs game s**t suck them in. Sad.

And this reminds me wisdom of Anti-Dump stuff.

tuvox
 

expos

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This is sadly, the story of A LOT of marriages these days. The divorce rate is close to 54%. ...that's right...it is more likely to FAIL than succeed.

Women are getting worse. The newest generation coming out of college are some of the most entitled, spoiled, emotionally vacant, bratty *****es you'll ever meet and most of them make terrible partners. I work with a lot of 18-25 year olds and I hear some crazy sh!t that would not have been tolerated a decade ago. Guys are becoming more beta to boot...enabling this type of behavior.

Techno mentioned being "a vehicle". This is truth. Women WANT to marry a guy who best supports the lifestyle they want to live and give them a child. This explains the crazy amount of marriages in the 25-32 bracket. The biological clock is ticking, every girl is looking for meal ticket and doesn't want to be left behind...so they latch on to the whoever is available.

They could care less if you are actually are a good person, are good looking and take care of yourself. You are supposed to be a provider and nothing more. Your hobbies, your identity, your dreams do not matter.

I know I'm being overly cynical, but how can you not be when most "marriages" are riddled with infidelity, abuse, and suffer the from the third year itch?
 
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