Why do others have to foot the bill for YOUR wedding?

This summer has been particularly busy with tons of people getting married. I've been to 4 weddings thus far, and have another 3 to attend before the first week of September.

A thing that has been bothering me since the second or third wedding has been the "gift" that I'm expected to bring the happy couple. The theme this year seems to be "No appliances please, just money", and it got me thinking..

If you're going to go through the whole sh-bang of getting married, why do you expect others should have to help cover your expenses? Getting a suit, booking time off work, and my mere presence should be all thats required, but here I feel like I've been invited to an event where I secretly have to pay an admission fee, or appear cheap. Maybe it's childish, but not being a huge supporter of marriage doesn't really help me change my views here.

It really racks up, and I'm on course to spend over a grand of money I don't really have, all for these "gifts".

I think I may start refusing invitations lol.

Weddings are the ultimate display of narcissism.

You can add baby showers to this list as well. It's the PC way of asking for money.

my family embarrassed me at my wedding. my wife had relatives I didn't' even know handing us 1000 dollar envelops. My family didn't give us jack ****. Her brother, who I think is a bum lol, paid for our honeymoon.

You can add baby showers to this list as well. It's the PC way of asking for money.

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got nothing on weddings. depending on where you are from showing up with anything less than half a G you will be looked at like the scum of the earth

From my understanding usually the parents of both sides help pay. At least in my family, my parents will pay for a lot of it. I mean its your child getting married.

Why not? I do. I recently refused an invite to a destination wedding for 2 people I went to High school with and haven't seen (or talked to) in ~+17 years. Whats worse is they have lived together for years, have a kid, decent jobs, and the wedding/vacation was approx 2x what I figured it'd cost to do an all inclusive in that same destination. (And not have obligations)

They were "shocked" that I declined.

My ex wife was in a lot of weddings. When I ballpark the cost of all of the bridesmaid dresses, matching shoes, hair appointments, wedding gifts, etc. that she spent over the years I cringe.

Wish I'd saved the $ and bought a nice reliable, used car.

What a colossal waste of cash. Sigh.

CJ.

From my understanding usually the parents of both sides help pay. At least in my family, my parents will pay for a lot of it. I mean its your child getting married.

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you're talking about the actual wedding. that has nothing to do with the gifts. especially these weddings that are 75-100-150k you are expected to come through the door with some heat in your wallet.


my wife's best friend's BF is about to propose, though she doesn't know it, but i'm sure she has an idea. i'll go to that beucsae i like her and becuase it my wife's best friend. but like, these 3rd tier friends and **** lol no. i have no problem with buying gifts for first tier friend weddings. and even them, i'll go to one. you can finance your 2nd chance on love yourself lol

I haven't given a wedding gift in my life. No one has ever mentioned it. It has nothing to do with the money. I'm usually of the mindset that if it's custom to give a gift then it's not a time I want to give a gift. It's a huge burden, I hate society dictating so much of my life by yelling at me and setting a gift deadline, and it's just stressful to me. And I hate gift registries, gift cards, and cash gifts. Registries always feel tacky to me and cash and cards and lazy and pointless. I give you cash on your birthday and you give it to me on mine? Pointless.

No one really listens when I tell them not to get me gifts though. Jerks.

backbreaker said:

my family embarrassed me at my wedding. my wife had relatives I didn't' even know handing us 1000 dollar envelops. My family didn't give us jack ****. Her brother, who I think is a bum lol, paid for our honeymoon.




got nothing on weddings. depending on where you are from showing up with anything less than half a G you will be looked at like the scum of the earth

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Were both your mom and dad there?

mrRuckus said:

I'm usually of the mindset that if it's custom to give a gift then it's not a time I want to give a gift. It's a huge burden, I hate society dictating so much of my life by yelling at me and setting a gift deadline, and it's just stressful to me. And I hate gift registries, gift cards, and cash gifts. Registries always feel tacky to me and cash and cards and lazy and pointless. I give you cash on your birthday and you give it to me on mine? Pointless.

No one really listens when I tell them not to get me gifts though. Jerks.

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:rockon:

I'm the same way, dude. I'm tired of people soothing their guilt for not being in my life by giving me something I don't want or need. You can't just buy me off with some impulse buy from the checkout line. I give people in my life gifts when I want to, not because the calendar tells me it's the day to do so. And, I end up giving more gifts as a result, I think. Hell, I lavish my friends and family with fineries.

As for weddings... all the gifts are in the stead of a DOWRY. As much as my frau and I would be happy with four goats, ten sheep, twenty chickens, and four cows, we'd much rather have money. It wouldn't be a big problem if people shared their financial goals with the guests. So, "What are they spending that money on?" seems to be the sticking point.

Whether or not idiots blow their "dowry" on the ceremony and after-party is their problem.

My frau and I have a goal of building a suitable home for a family. We'd share our goals with guests to assure them that their money will be well spent. Besides, the way we see it, if the family wants to be pressuring us with "When you getting married?" and "When you having kids?", then, let them be "crowd source funding" if it's such a big deal to them. Those things aren't OUR priority.

And, consider the "I give you money, just to have you give it back" idea mrRuckus shared, but in regards to potential divorce: her family had better make it snow in the club!

Just think... men used to turn down bride offers if the dowry wasn't large enough. *sigh* How far we've fell...

I don't go to people's second (or 3rd, 4th, etc.) weddings... but suddenly I have an idea. Move, change name, get married, annul marriage, move, change name, get married... hmmm... It works for women, right?

The wife and I got married at a justice of the peace. We then had a small ceremony later that we paid for on our own. I think total cost was around $3000. I don't give a $hit what "tradition" says, my daughters aren't getting any kind of dowry or other ridiculous bull$hit extravagant wedding. Weddings these days are too focused on materialistic crap that has caused so many to forget that the bride and groom are supposedly there because they love each other, not because they have to throw money everywhere to try and impress people.

BetterCallSaul said:

Weddings these days are too focused on materialistic crap that has caused so many to forget that the bride and groom are supposedly there because they love each other, not because they have to throw money everywhere to try and impress people.

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Which is exactly the same reason why Christmas helped me to lose my faith in organized religion.

divorce lawyers are happy

a woman's first wedding, i'll give her that. women dream of that ****. that's her day. i gave my wife everything she wanted for her wedding though her dad and i split the bill. Between flying my family and paying for the wedding i was out a little bit over 100 large. it was about as bad ass a wedding as you can get.

we got about, a solid 45-50k in money, gives and presents. her dad is the one really out of it i got half of my money back lol.

Vulpine said:

Which is exactly the same reason why Christmas helped me to lose my faith in organized religion.

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Ohhh boy. I had to comment on this one. I myself am christian.. But I HATE .. HATE .. HATE christmas and dislike organized religion also. Besides.. Jesus was Not born on christmas. The ONLY day christians are asked in the bible to "recognize" is the feast of tabernacles apparently. Christmas is soo fvcking tied to greed and lies... What..? Tell your kids some fat dude comes down a fvcking chimney and brings presents? Santa with the letters moved around is Satan. "Santa" brews greed in children.. Planting "what am I gunna GET" in their minds instead of what can I give. I told both my kids from day one I would never lie to them and that santa is for fun and not real(they accepted that and to this day we have truth as the center of all our relationships with our family unit). When I found out santa was not real as a kid.. I was devistated. I began to think everything in my life was a lie and that's not far from the truth.

Fvck christmas. <3 jesus

Epi