My age caught up to me. Seeking advice on how to handle the age question.

teebear · Oct 10, 2014

I have to preface this post by explaining that I look 10 years younger than I actually am. I'm in great physical shape, I dress well and I have a full head of hair.

I went out with a cute 29 year old a few days ago and it was a blast until the subject of age came up. She was shocked to learn that I am 20 years older than her. I knew I was toast when I got cheek instead of lips when I leaned in for a goodnight kiss. I'm not too disappointed because 20 years is a pretty big gap. There will be others!

I'm predominantly interested in women 24 - 40 years of age so the question is going to come up repeatedly. I would like to put a positive spin on my age and maturity. What kinds of things do you guys say when asked about your age by much younger women?

Married Buried · Oct 10, 2014

teebear said:
I have to preface this post by explaining that I look 10 years younger than I actually am. I'm in great physical shape, I dress well and I have a full head of hair.

I went out with a cute 29 year old a few days ago and it was a blast until the subject of age came up. She was shocked to learn that I am 20 years older than her. I knew I was toast when I got cheek instead of lips when I leaned in for a goodnight kiss. I'm not too disappointed because 20 years is a pretty big gap. There will be others!

I'm predominantly interested in

women 24 - 40 years of age so the question is going to come up repeatedly. I would like to put a positive spin on my age and maturity. What kinds of things do you guys say when asked about your age by much younger women?

If you look younger then lie, who cares?

teebear · Oct 10, 2014

Married Buried said:
If you look younger then lie, who cares?

I've thought about it but I would rather be straight up and screen for women who have a big problem with age. It's the ones on the fence that concern me. I'd like to be able to say something that makes them think "I've never thought of it that way before" to themselves.

If I was primarily interested in one night stands then yeah, lying wouldn't hurt. Truthfully, I'm looking to keep a couple of them around for a little while.

guru1000 · Oct 10, 2014

teebear said:
I would like to put a positive spin on my age and maturity. What kinds of things do you guys say when asked about your age by much younger women?

Never--under any circumstance--qualify yourself. Once you do, frame is compromised--game over. Who is the prize, and who should be convincing whom?

Diametrically, ABQ, Always Be Qualifying!

"What do you bring to the table? I don't have a lot of time here."

In your situation, reverse qualify:

"Ya, I'm 49, I prefer not to date women in the 25-30 range; they are way immature. I prefer 34-37."

teebear · Oct 10, 2014

guru1000 said:
In your situation, reverse qualify:

In other words; the best defence is a good offence. I see how that could work.

guru1000 · Oct 10, 2014

Remain cognizant of the context of the frame--the underlying dynamics at play. If she is qualifying, you are entering her frame. Contrariwise, when you qualify, she enters yours. The convo, the details, are trivial.

teebear · Oct 10, 2014

guru1000 said:
Remain cognizant of the context of the frame--the underlying dynamics at play. If she is qualifying, you are entering her frame. Contrariwise, when you qualify, she enters yours. The convo, the details, are trivial.

Thanks for the reminder. The age thing came up literally as I was pulling up to her place to drop her off. It was a total buzz killer.

I'll be sure to turn it around the next time it happens. I'll respond with "I hope you're not one of those people who says that age is just a number but doesn't really believe it" or something like that. Make the woman qualify herself to me.

Malcontent · Oct 10, 2014

Possible answers:

"old enough to be your daddy"

"old enough to teach you a thing or two"

sodbuster · Oct 10, 2014

I had a young one ask me that. I put my arm around her and asked "how old are you?" She said" 26" I said "you know how you are as old as you feel? Right now I'm feeling 26" With a grin on my face.... she didn't ask again that night

The411 · Oct 11, 2014

teebear said:
I have to preface this post by explaining that I look 10 years younger than I actually am. I'm in great physical shape, I dress well and I have a full head of hair.

I went out with a cute 29 year old a few days ago and it was a blast until the subject of age came up. She was shocked to learn that I am 20 years older than her. I knew I was toast when I got cheek instead of lips when I leaned in for a goodnight kiss. I'm not too disappointed because 20 years is a pretty big gap. There will be others!

I'm predominantly interested in women 24 - 40 years of age so the question is going to come up repeatedly. I would like to put a positive spin on my age and maturity. What kinds of things do you guys say when asked about your age by much younger women?

I don't give a damn and tell people my real age. Most don't believe it anyway as I don't look nor "act" like they think older people should act. Not always a clown but not some boring azz mofo either.

Most of my friends married or not of the same age as me act like 26 year olds at times other times their age.

If you don't want to say your real age as you feel it's going to fvck you up.

When they ask" "How old are you?"

You can reply: "How old would you like me to be?"

If she says a younger age..

Smile and say: "You're GOOD." Even if she guesses your correct age you did ask her what age she'd like you to be..(If she says a younger age then it should be all good.)

If the chick still pushes for your real age you don't tell them yet but respond..

"Now it's my turn to tell you what age I'd like you to be."

(Add ten years to her age. She's 24. You say 34.)

If she balks at it "OMG! I'm not OLD!"

Respond to her: "Not in your looks. In your maturity."

(Make her feel as if you see she's "mature" even if she acts like a kid.)

You have to flip/ reframe their own pressing question back on them to make them seem "older" as in more "mature" "proving so far" that they are worthy of a mature man.

Try that out.

Scaramouche · Oct 11, 2014

Dear Teebear,
I don't know that lie is the right word,just be a little creative with the truth......Smile and say,when I am with you I am feel like I am twenty six....Or smile and say as old as my tongue,and a little older than my teeth LOL.

Atom Smasher · Oct 11, 2014

A lot of good advice here. This is one area where how you convey your own acceptance of your age (or the difference in ages) will define her own feelings about it. In other words, she will by-and-large accept your own frame.

If you show the slightest self-consciousness about it, game over. If you reverse-qualify as the guys mentioned above, she will tend to accept your own outlook on the subject.

What you are doing is transferring her herd rules and perceptions (what her peers and her magazines tell her is acceptable) for your own. Most of them want that and are willing to go against the herd if they perceive that you poses higher value than they do.

Never forget that a woman craves a man who she understands to be higher value than she.

zekko · Oct 11, 2014

Atom Smasher said:
A lot of good advice here. This is one area where how you convey your own acceptance of your age (or the difference in ages) will define her own feelings about it. In other words, she will by-and-large accept your own frame.

Yeah, most guys here will tell you to lie about your age. I kind of like the reverse-qualifying advice given by guru. Thing is, though, I've never tried to hide my age because it simply doesn't bother me. And I find that since it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother them. Like Smasher says, she will usually accept your frame.

Funny thing is, I actually came to SoSuave because I was worried about my age, at least partly. Because I tend to freak out about my age a bit every time I get close to my ninth year (like 29, 39, 49, for example). It's like "Omigosh I'm going to be 50". But once that passes I rever to my normal self, and I don't care less about age.

When I was a young man I saw some of the prettiest young girls have huge crushes on much older men. I was like wtf? But they liked their maturity, the way they handled themselves, and the increased power that came with age. So I've always remembered that, and I've never cared enough about my own age to try to lie about it or cover it up (by dodging the question). Instead I own it. As a result I've had girls as young as 22 express interest in me, even though I'm in my 50s.

VladPatton · Oct 11, 2014

You: I'm 49
Her: Uuuugh Oh (puzzled, confused, shocked look)
You: Is that an issue?
Her: (anything besides the word "no")
You: Ok, well have a good one (throws 20 bucks on the table for drinks/food)

And you split.

If she's turned off by a number, then she's a superficial twӓt that is worried about having a non-conventional Facebook post about who she's dating. So she was ok with you and would of banged you if you were 31, right? Based on looks, maturity, your status, job, car? But now she's ice cold and turned off like a city pool in the winter because of your biological age?

LOL Don't even sweat it, man, they're a dime a dozen these bıtches...NEXT!

teebear · Oct 12, 2014

Great advice guys - just what I was hoping for. Thanks.

My date thanked me again via text and explained that her mother is 55 and dating a 48 year old man. She just couldn't get past the idea of dating somebody older than her mom's boyfriend.

Despite her words, I have a vague feeling that it's not a completely done deal with this girl so she might be communicating something subconsciously to me which I am picking up on. I'm not going to contact her or hold out hope for anything but I won't be shocked if she texts me in a couple of weeks to see how I'm doing. Regardless, I will live my life as if I am never going to hear from her again.

guru1000 · Oct 13, 2014

teebear said:
My date thanked me again via text and explained that her mother is 55 and dating a 48 year old man. She just couldn't get past the idea of dating somebody older than her mom's boyfriend.

Not salvageable: Even with frame control, you cannot enfranchise the conditioned prison of thought that she adopted. It's a numbers game, and you cannot win them all, irrespective of your game and value.

englishman · Oct 13, 2014

I came to SoSuave today because I had the same question.
I think it's hard slog trying to get the 20 somethings into bed once you get past 50.
I see the occasional 50+ guy with an early to mid 20's women and I must admit it starts to look odd.
Nowadays I think I'm going for maybe 34 and up. I get tired of the rejection and I've been doing it that long now I see it coming as they realise that I'm an old dude.
Only thing is, where I live there are thousands of beautiful women that are here on a working holiday visa.
The visa is good until they're 32 years old. So there's this sudden cut off after that.
Finding available chicks in their later 30's and early 40's that ain't fat and jaded becomes difficult.
Yep, lying about yer age is the best way! :cheer:

taiyuu_otoko · Oct 13, 2014

If you're dating younger girls this WILL come up. It's EXACTLY like a sales objection. The BEST way to counter those is to not only expect them, but to counter them BEFORE they come up.

The more ways you can do this, the better. The more ways you can DISQUALIFY her for being to immature or inexperienced, the better.

The idea is so that when the age question DOES bubble up in her mind, (which it will even if she doesn't ask the question), you'll have already pre-framed it to YOUR definition.

So when the thought of your age bubbles up, she'll answer it with YOUR definition, whatever that might be.

The trick is to spot an opportunity to slip these pre-frames into the conversation EARLY ON, without bringing them any attention.

Potential Pre-Frames (or meanings of age) you can try:

Old Man = more experience and potential

Old Man = better at sex

Old Man = better at pleasing women

Old Man = More appreciate of finer things in life

Old Man = Sees through younger women's BS

Old Man = Powerful Social Proof to her friends

Old Man = More accepted by society

Young Women with Old Man = makes all other friends jealous

Young Women with Old man = Getting her puzzy pounded in the RIGHT WAY

Young Women with Old man - The ULTIMATE in social status

etc.

Poop1337 · Oct 20, 2014

Here's the thing twenty something guys get rejected by twenty something girls all the time. You just have to be out there and meeting lots of girls. Online will be your enemy it reduces you to stats. Consider a sugar daddy dating site many girls want to be hookers these days and of you have 2k a month to blow this is just a guess cause I've never done this but my guess is you could get a ridiculously hot young gf. Also yeah if you're 49 but look 39 I say lie. I actually find that women these days are turned on by the much older man so you could make it work if you're aggressive just being honest.

My age caught up to me. Seeking advice on how to handle the age question.

teebear

Don Juan

Married Buried

Master Don Juan

teebear

Don Juan

guru1000

Master Don Juan

teebear

Don Juan

guru1000

Master Don Juan

teebear

Don Juan

Malcontent

Senior Don Juan

sodbuster

Master Don Juan

The411

Banned

Scaramouche

Master Don Juan

Atom Smasher

Master Don Juan

zekko

Master Don Juan

VladPatton

Master Don Juan

teebear

Don Juan

guru1000

Master Don Juan

englishman

Master Don Juan

taiyuu_otoko

Master Don Juan

Poop1337

Senior Don Juan