Helping cure a girl of her self destructive nature

Pandora · Oct 17, 2014

This girl ( hb 7/10) i have know for a while comes out to visit me. After many years of just messing around i have sex with her. She was cheating on her bf with me ( i know i feel bad about it). While visiting me she gets angry and sleeps out. Im pretty sure she atleast made out or had sex with another guy. This was the most whorish thing i have ever seen a girl do. I got pissed and asked her to leave. I told her that she needed help and to never talk to me again.

Now she has been trying to get in contact with me. She knows she has issues and wants me to help her. She says that she doesnt deserve to be loved or something like that. I feel like helping her figure out her promiscuity. Part of me really wants to help her cure her self destructive tendencies. I have known her for a while and we actually had a friendship. I know this may sound AFC but i kind of want to save her from herself. At least to help her figure out why she does stuff like this. If she keeps going down this path she will ruin her life ( romantic life at least). I honestly feel bad for her.

My question is would you guys ever try to help cure a girl with self destructive/ slut tendencies? When i say help i mean be her therapist? Is it possible? I dont want anything to do with her sexually anymore. But i can see her falling deeper into alcoholism and risky sexual behavior. Im thinking with my limited knowledge of female psychology i can at least help her help herself. Good idea? or just some AFC shi&

Tictac · Oct 17, 2014

Are you a psychologist or psychiatrist? If not, how is it you think you can help.

Choke down your white knight impulse.

If you want to help, make sure she finds qualified help.

gov87 · Oct 17, 2014

Tictac said:
Are you a psychologist or psychiatrist? If not, how is it you think you can help.

Choke down your white knight impulse.

If you want to help, make sure she finds qualified help.

THIS. ^^^

Don't go any further. Cut the line on this one right now and save yourself a lot of problems. Take the time you're considering being her therapist and enroll in an online class or something.

DJ SO STEVE · Oct 17, 2014

Hey Pandora,

Sometimes you will have to ask yourself this question: Am I trying to be the hero? In this case it looks like you are because you care and want to help.

Call it selfish but you need to make decisions that will benefit you, and in this case being friends with someone like this doesn't improve your life.

Slowly lose contact with this person.

Example: It's statistically proven that you are who you hang out with. If you hang out with smart people you will get smarter, etc.

Colossus · Oct 17, 2014

There is nothing wrong with an altruistic desire to help a friend, but this is DEFNITELY captain save-a-ho territory.

What will happen is you will get wrapped up into an awful dysfunctional relationship with her, she will see you as the rescuer one day then the assh0le the next, you'll sleep together, she'll go out and cheat some more, and you'll come back here weeks later a hot mess and she will be no better off than she is now.

Do the adult thing and cut your ties (gently) with her, tell her she needs professional help.

Atom Smasher · Oct 17, 2014

She is lost. You, of all people, are not going to be able to help her.

She's running her program and will continue to do that all her life unless and until a catastrophic event occurs that wrenches her out of it.

Pandora, don't open this box. Run very, very fast.

dasein · Oct 17, 2014

Spend the time you would have spent on her examining your own impulse to fix a broken woman. That "broken wing helper" tendency is a troublesome inclination on your part that will get you in hot water one day if you don't remedy it. Google "codependency." First ask yourself, "if this was a guy, would I be as eager to get involved to this degree? or would I simply tell him to stop f-ing up and act like an adult?" We live in this bizarre dichotomy today where on the one hand, women expect to be treated as equals, OTOH, they take full advantage of cultural factors that seek to unduly protect women from themselves and externals, treat them like widdy biddy babies. Time for that double standard to go away for good.

Man goes to the doctor "Doctor, it hurts when I do this."
Doctor: "Don't do that."

How much more "help" than that is needed? As others say, what you will almost certainly end up with is the typically privileged, self-absorbed, impulsive modern woman who loves to sit and talktalktalk about herself and her issues, and then goes right out and acts impulsively repeating the bad behavior, then comes back to you for support and supply. I have made this exact mistake over and over in younger days. Am sure many others here have also. Don't repeat our mistakes, learn from them. Good luck.

Epimanes · Oct 17, 2014

Women who seek validation through sex via multiple partners in short periods of time, then come back to share, are not relationship material and should be avoided as potential LTR's. Never know if that kid is really yours..... Just sayin.

Augustus_McCrae · Oct 17, 2014

Run Forrest run!!!

-Augustus-

logicallefty · Oct 17, 2014

I got your therapy b|tch:

Lefty: We need to have sex to get my thoughts right
(sex is had)
Lefty: Allright, now what was your problem again
Her: I don't deserve to be loved
Lefty: OK, let's have sex today and tomorrow we will get right on that
(sex is had)
next day, Her: What do you suggest I do
Lefty: Have sex with me
(sex is had)
Her: I still don't feel loved
Lefty: I think more sex will cure that

... 6 weeks later.....

Her: We have been having all this sex and you haven't listened to my feelings yet. Are you really a therapist?
Lefty: FVVVCK no, do I fvcking look like one? Go find yourself an AFC to spill your emotional tampon babble to... Wanna have sex again?
Her: Sure!
Lefty: ok great!
(sex is had)

You get the idea!

Pandora · Oct 18, 2014

logicallefty said:
I got your therapy b|tch:

Lefty: We need to have sex to get my thoughts right
(sex is had)
Lefty: Allright, now what was your problem again
Her: I don't deserve to be loved
Lefty: OK, let's have sex today and tomorrow we will get right on that
(sex is had)
next day, Her: What do you suggest I do
Lefty: Have sex with me
(sex is had)
Her: I still don't feel loved
Lefty: I think more sex will cure that

... 6 weeks later.....

Her: We have been having all this sex and you haven't listened to my feelings yet. Are you really a therapist?
Lefty: FVVVCK no, do I fvcking look like one? Go find yourself an AFC to spill your emotional tampon babble to... Wanna have sex again?
Her: Sure!
Lefty: ok great!
(sex is had)

You get the idea!

hahaha thats actually pretty funny. The thing is with these girls sex is like an impulse with them. For what ever reason, they cant refuse it. So me having sex with her would feel like i was taking advantage of a girl with severe emotional issues. But i get the idea.

Pandora · Oct 18, 2014

dasein said:
Spend the time you would have spent on her examining your own impulse to fix a broken woman. That "broken wing helper" tendency is a troublesome inclination on your part that will get you in hot water one day if you don't remedy it. Google "codependency." First ask yourself, "if this was a guy, would I be as eager to get involved to this degree? or would I simply tell him to stop f-ing up and act like an adult?" We live in this bizarre dichotomy today where on the one hand, women expect to be treated as equals, OTOH, they take full advantage of cultural factors that seek to unduly protect women from themselves and externals, treat them like widdy biddy babies. Time for that double standard to go away for good.

Man goes to the doctor "Doctor, it hurts when I do this."
Doctor: "Don't do that."

How much more "help" than that is needed? As others say, what you will almost certainly end up with is the typically privileged, self-absorbed, impulsive modern woman who loves to sit and talktalktalk about herself and her issues, and then goes right out and acts impulsively repeating the bad behavior, then comes back to you for support and supply. I have made this exact mistake over and over in younger days. Am sure many others here have also. Don't repeat our mistakes, learn from them. Good luck.

I may be a little co dependent with her. Emotionally wrecked sluts draw you in. They make you feel "needed". Plus they are very sexual. A hot chick that has a train wreck of a life and is sexually and emotionally available to you is a turn on for most men i think ( in a sick way).

I am just fascinated by why women like this do ridiculously self destructive behaviors. She would be an awesome girl if she didnt just sabotage every relationship. She gets drunk, cheats with strangers, cries, rinse and repeat. Im sure is stems from a bad parental divorce when she was younger.

Pandora · Oct 18, 2014

Colossus said:
There is nothing wrong with an altruistic desire to help a friend, but this is DEFNITELY captain save-a-ho territory.

What will happen is you will get wrapped up into an awful dysfunctional relationship with her, she will see you as the rescuer one day then the assh0le the next, you'll sleep together, she'll go out and cheat some more, and you'll come back here weeks later a hot mess and she will be no better off than she is now.

This is exactly what will happen. I guess these girls are just damaged for life. This is depressing. Its a shame really. Do you ever wonder why they compulsively cheat and do high risk behaviors? It cant be horniness? No one is that horny. One poster mentioned validation...but damn cant they see that they are beautiful already. Idk man

Pandora · Oct 18, 2014

Atom Smasher said:
She's running her program and will continue to do that all her life unless and until a catastrophic event occurs that wrenches her out of it.

I cant stop wondering why they run this program. I just dont understand it. Not that it matters but soo many women these days run the same program. When you ask them why they do this they dont even really know. I have seen girls get pregnant, have the baby, and still run this program even after becoming a mother. Its like they are robots man. Get them drunk, around some new di*k and they cant help themselves. Even if they are in a relationship that is perfect. They will find a way to fu*k it up.

Pandora · Oct 18, 2014

Epimanes said:
Women who seek validation through sex via multiple partners in short periods of time, then come back to share, are not relationship material and should be avoided as potential LTR's. Never know if that kid is really yours..... Just sayin.

Validation is the key word here. Is it that they dont think they are worth anything and need constant reassurance from males? I have never had a very low self esteem so i can not relate too much. Do they not think they are beautiful? Bi*ches be crazy

Atom Smasher · Oct 18, 2014

Pandora said:
I cant stop wondering why they run this program. I just dont understand it. Not that it matters but soo many women these days run the same program. When you ask them why they do this they dont even really know. I have seen girls get pregnant, have the baby, and still run this program even after becoming a mother. Its like they are robots man. Get them drunk, around some new di*k and they cant help themselves. Even if they are in a relationship that is perfect. They will find a way to fu*k it up.

Men can work and fight their way out of early internal programming because they by and large posses an internal locus of control. It's immensely difficult and time-consuming, but some can do it. Many of the men here have or are now in the process of doing it.

Women have no internal locus of control. All their cues about reality come from outside of themselves, until accepted as a "fact" by processing through their emotions. Emotions are their jailer, but less so for us because when we're young we find out really quick we'd better develop the ability to use rational thought to overcome emotion. We call that "sanity".

A woman accepts as her reality that which is accompanied by strong emotion. The same applies to men but much less so as we are able to interject objective analysis to one degree or another.

Women by nature are massively insecure as their emotional storms are uncontainable. In decades past there were societal factors and forces which helped contain their emotions (ie defined them as women), not the least of which was male rational guidance. These forces gave them form and substance, something that they cannot generate from within, just as water needs a container to have form.

The genie is now out of the bottle because men have abdicated their leadership and authority (you will even find men here at SS who are ashamed of and have turned their backs on that natural authority) and women no longer have that external definition, but are like the stormy ocean that has crashed through its containing borders and has dissipated across the landscape, paper thin and without definition.

Womankind without accepted definition is like the ocean with no shoreline... complete dissipation and thinning out. What was once a beautiful, substantive ocean that men admired and swam in has become muddy slush that he must daily wade through.

VladPatton · Oct 18, 2014

When you've got a chick around you that needs therapy:

http://media.carbonated.tv/56497_story__original5.gif

Pandora · Oct 19, 2014

Atom Smasher said:
Men can work and fight their way out of early internal programming because they by and large posses an internal locus of control. It's immensely difficult and time-consuming, but some can do it. Many of the men here have or are now in the process of doing it.

Women have no internal locus of control. All their cues about reality come from outside of themselves, until accepted as a "fact" by processing through their emotions. Emotions are their jailer, but less so for us because when we're young we find out really quick we'd better develop the ability to use rational thought to overcome emotion. We call that "sanity".

A woman accepts as her reality that which is accompanied by strong emotion. The same applies to men but much less so as we are able to interject objective analysis to one degree or another.

Women by nature are massively insecure as their emotional storms are uncontainable. In decades past there were societal factors and forces which helped contain their emotions (ie defined them as women), not the least of which was male rational guidance. These forces gave them form and substance, something that they cannot generate from within, just as water needs a container to have form.

The genie is now out of the bottle because men have abdicated their leadership and authority (you will even find men here at SS who are ashamed of and have turned their backs on that natural authority) and women no longer have that external definition, but are like the stormy ocean that has crashed through its containing borders and has dissipated across the landscape, paper thin and without definition.

Womankind without accepted definition is like the ocean with no shoreline... complete dissipation and thinning out. What was once a beautiful, substantive ocean that men admired and swam in has become muddy slush that he must daily wade through.

Dude what you wrote here is awesome. This post will definitely serve as a foundation for me to understand their self destructive tendencies. When you try to bring structure to their emotional storms you are either controlling or get bitten.

taiyuu_otoko · Oct 19, 2014

Pandora said:
Dude what you wrote here is awesome. This post will definitely serve as a foundation for me to understand their self destructive tendencies. When you try to bring structure to their emotional storms you are either controlling or get bitten.

I would recommend you NOT try and understand their self destructive tendencies.

A better plan might be to figure out how to IDENTIFY them as easily and cost effectively (emotionally) as possible, and then simply STAY AWAY with those that have self-destructive tendencies beyond your self-generated levels of acceptance.

All humans are self destructive. You've just got to figure out which kind match YOUR own type of self-destructiveness.

Life is about SORTING for what you want, not CHANGING things INTO what you want.

Poop1337 · Oct 20, 2014

You can't help her you can only enjoy her sexually. If you try to help her or you treat a relationship with her seriously you'll both suffer.

Helping cure a girl of her self destructive nature

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