please explain...wife/divorce

kingvavy · Oct 15, 2014

Ok, so I'm married 7 years, 2 kids (3 and 6). My wife checked out emotionally a year ago, we've been in separate beds, etc. I came on this site a while back and poured my heart out...all the cynical vets said "prepare for divorce", I said "you're wrong"........you were all RIGHT. She asked for a divorce.

When she asked for the divorce I said "no way" and did the typical "read every self help book and change my flaws" route. I did manage to make some great personal changes that have resulted in me being far less angry, and far more in control of my emotions. She noticed the changes, but she still said she wanted a divorce. Then we had some very typical married disagreement, and she blurted out "I was going to give this a chance, but now I can see you'll never change...we need to divorce!" At that point, I had a fundamental shift inside of me. I said "nothing is worth this...if I don't get out, my kids will suffer, I am in a fundamentally abusive relationship and I deserve to be happy." Since then, I've been hanging out with friends, working out, talking to girls, generally living my life as if I'm single. I've also been spending a TON of quality time with my kids. Life is actually better. It's just BS that now that I've made a commitment to going through with the divorce, she now seems to be dragging her feet....

Tenacity · Oct 15, 2014

Yeah, I remember reading your other thread. Do you have a pre-nup?

No matter how you slice it, you are going to get screwed over dude. There's going to be money lost, expect her to try and get full custody of the kids, so you need to be trying to find a damn ATTORNEY right now to fight:

- Lifetime alimony
- A shyt load of your assets going to her
- Full custody of the kids going to her and you paying child support out of the a.ss
- Keeping your a.ss out of jail if she tries to say you beat her, abuse the children, etc.

Forget all of this childish "what is she doing, thinking, etc. shyt" dude come on....you are about to be screwed over here. For the sake of YOUR LIFE, stop looking at her to come back or be nice or do any fvcking thing. Go round up the best attorney you can RIGHT NOW and start forming a defense or your life is going to be screwed.

As I have said over and over and over....you guys need to STOP getting married. STOP playing the Simp role. STOP doing the nice guy shyt. It's not going to get you any closer to her, it's not going to get you any pvssy points, it's not going to make her not end up screwing you over. In actuality, playing these roles means when she does decide to screw you it will be far worse.

I tell all my friends this, but they just laugh. Then when they start getting screwed they say, "Uhhhhh, man, I should have listened to you."

kingvavy · Oct 15, 2014

way ahead of you...I already retained the best lawyer in town months ago. We are in mediation working towards an amicable parenting plan. We've only been married 7 years, so there is no doomsday alimony scenario. But I appreciate the jail warning...I am well aware that she could say whatever she wants to the cops and I would end up in jail. It's a shame how many women abuse the system to put innocent men in jail. She's only 37 and she has more education and work experience than I do. I am well aware of the worst and best possible outcomes having consulted extensively with my lawyer, and my friends and family who work in law.

sodbuster · Oct 15, 2014

Your lawyer CAN'T tell you this. but have extra money leave your account when "out with the boys", The longer she drags it out, the more cash you can hide in your office desk.... They can't take what you "don't have"

I had seen mine coming for a long time.... I had 20k stashed in my office desk drawer.....

still got screwed over though

latinnova · Oct 15, 2014

Yup, I have been burned by marriage, it's just a hodge mosh bunch of bull sh!t that does nothing for you except financially breaks you once the woman decides to leave, which she most likely will in this day and age. Even with no alimony, child support will bite you in the nutz. The ex is now moving herself and my kids into a half million dollar home with the new boyfriend, while I am stuck in a basement apartment because I can't afford anything apartment in this part of town after the child support payments are paid. But I get along just fine, I keep on keeping on, and so will you. Good luck to you.

RULE #1 ----- NEVER, EVER GET MARRIED!

mangotot · Oct 15, 2014

latinnova said:
RULE #1 ----- NEVER, EVER GET MARRIED!

Spot on brother.

kingvavy · Oct 15, 2014

Yup. She lives in bat-**** crazy land. We live in a million dollar house that we are able to afford due to a low interest loan from a relative. (registered, thankfully!) She believes she can keep the house and I will simply be gone. I keep trying to tell her that the mortgage will have to be paid back, and that we will need to sell the house and both move into smaller, cheaper residences...she refuses to believe it. I don't make a **** load of dough, and my assets are tied up in real-estate that I jointly own with other shareholders. Once the lawyers are done, we will both be back at the soup kitchen.

teebear · Oct 15, 2014

Your wife is probably smugly confident that she's going to step out of the marriage and into the arms of a "better" man. She will likely have a very tough time replacing you. Get ready for her to be pumped and dumped a bunch of times before she wakes up to what she has done. I don't say this to be cruel. It's hard to watch it happen and it might push you close to the snapping point but don't let your imagination get the best of you.

Also, don't fool yourself into thinking that she's going to stay on the sidelines for a while to "find herself". She'll be out there as soon as it's practical for her to do so. She might already have somebody lined up.

Better days lie ahead, my friend.

Tictac · Oct 15, 2014

Some women and arithmetic have never been introduced.

Balls to the wall kingvavy - save yourself by any means necessary.

If she can buy you out of your share of the house, let her have it.

Just crawl from the wreckage with your kids.

kingvavy · Oct 15, 2014

There are already dudes on the periphery...I am well prepared for her to start dating asap. This **** has already been dragged out for over 2 years, and any hope of her acting decently or honorably has been beaten out of me....all I care about is setting up the best home possible for my kids. In time, I have faith that all will end up where it should be.

Tictac · Oct 15, 2014

You should have no faith whatever in the legal system.

Exploit any and every weakness you find.

If you're lucky enough to see her going down, stick a hose in her mouth.

Do for you and your children.

This is war - kick ass, take names but no prisoners.

kingvavy · Oct 15, 2014

All great points but I didin't do anger management for her...I did it for me. Uncontrolled anger causes bad **** to happen. Reacting uncontrollably is an addiction, and if you can't control your anger you are doomed to be ruled by it. Losing your **** is beta behaviour, as you are submitting. Giving into anger means you are submitting to your own fear of being hurt. Sometimes you have to, but it should never be uncontrolled. Even a soldier in combat knows that to submit completely to fear means death. As for her bad mouthing me to everyone and trying to poison my kids, again already done. As for her cheating, she is already involved with some loser who is also married with kids who's wife tried to throw him out for hanging out on a website for married people who want to hook up. I am WELL past the stage of OMG. I just want to protect my kids, and start living a normal life free of this abuse. Take it, deserve it, it doesn't matter. I am not living this hell any longer.

expos · Oct 16, 2014

teebear said:
Your wife is probably smugly confident that she's going to step out of the marriage and into the arms of a "better" man. She will likely have a very tough time replacing you. Get ready for her to be pumped and dumped a bunch of times before she wakes up to what she has done. I don't say this to be cruel. It's hard to watch it happen and it might push you close to the snapping point but don't let your imagination get the best of you.

Also, don't fool yourself into thinking that she's going to stay on the sidelines for a while to "find herself". She'll be out there as soon as it's practical for her to do so. She might already have somebody lined up.

Better days lie ahead, my friend.

Red Pill Truth!!!! Get out there and start banging some chicks, and get emotionally attached to one. Look, girls don't give a crap if you'd bang another woman while married to them, but if you get emotionally attached to someone else then that screws them up badly. I know from experience.

sodbuster · Oct 16, 2014

Yeah, I've had sex with a couple women who called or texted me upset because their ex husband remarried or knocked someone else up.... Drives them crazy, even IF they were the one's who cheated to start it off.

As far as the kids? THAT'S a weakness she will USE to try to get MORE child support. WHEN you've paid for her boob job with child support money, you'll get the point. DON'T give her an INCH on that.... a JUDGE will eventually decide what is fair, DON'T VOLUNTEER to give her extra. IF you think it was too low, you can buy them some clothes or a car later...... BUT when you get screwed in family court, you CAN'T get the payments LOWERED easly

You may have to eat beans and wienies for the rest of your life, IF you give her a dime more than the court would. How well do you think you'll do with the ladies if you are?

sodbuster · Oct 16, 2014

AND don't THINK she won't USE the kids to try and make your life miserable. My son's were older, so they got to choose where and how they wanted to live. I told my oldest, "you need to give me full LEGAL custody, or your mom will try to screw with your hunting to make ME suffer" well, he didn't, so when it was Deer season, she expected me to drive back 2 hours to get him instead of letting him drive our. I told her," I told him this would happen and I wasn't going to play that game. When he get's sick of it, he can give me full legal custody" It was like I sucker punched her on the phone.... she "decided"she could drive 90 miles of the 120 if I would meet her in the nearby town.....

She tried screwing with my youngest, and He told her,"
I can live with Dad,I'm not putting up with this sh1t. IF I need to, I can perjer {sp} myself and tell them you are emotionally abusive"

Scaramouche · Oct 16, 2014

Dear King Vavy,
Once a Woman gets these crazy ideas in her head,its like a chemical reaction,it is irreversible...don't argue or reason with her it is too late,if she gets heated walk away...she wants out and that's it,just try to maintain contact with the Kids...She probabably has no idea what she wants,but is sure there is some halcyon change waiting for her...Just be sure after a year or so things will get better...concentrate if you can on your job and think about your future....your marriage is over Red Rover...Never Marry again,however wonderful they seem,as you will find Hell hath no fury like a Woman scorned,friends will come from everywhere to help her,you will have friends in the Street that you have known for years,turn their back on you,the resources of the State will be mobilised against you but in five years time you will have left her in your dust!

Epimanes · Oct 16, 2014

Scaramouche said:
Dear King Vavy,
Once a Woman gets these crazy ideas in her head,its like a chemical reaction,it is irreversible...don't argue or reason with her it is too late,if she gets heated walk away...she wants out and that's it,just try to maintain contact with the Kids...She probabably has no idea what she wants,but is sure there is some halcyon change waiting for her...Just be sure after a year or so things will get better...concentrate if you can on your job and think about your future....your marriage is over Red Rover...Never Marry again,however wonderful they seem,as you will find Hell hath no fury like a Woman scorned,friends will come from everywhere to help her,you will have friends in the Street that you have known for years,turn their back on you,the resources of the State will be mobilised against you but in five years time you will have left her in your dust!

I disagree...that is all.

kingvavy · Oct 16, 2014

yeah, she's out there, for sure. She has no idea what she wants, and it's gone too far. I know what I want...to get my life back.

Scaramouche · Oct 16, 2014

Dear King,
" I know what I want...to get my life back"No that wont happen,you will get a new completely different life...you will wake from this nightmare a sadder but a wiser Man..new horizons will be exposed,new doors opened...just stay in contact with the kids,it may look desperate at times,a forlorn hope but if you hang in there you will find that her new life with new Daddies will not seem so cool to the kids after the honeymoon wears off

Scaramouche · Oct 17, 2014

Dear Epinames,
"I disagree...that is all." I pray you will never have reason to agree with me!

please explain...wife/divorce

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