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Handling divorce settlement discussion

rubpy3

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Hello everyone here, I bow down before the collective male wisdom of the modern internet age :woo:

I'm wondering if you guys could give me some advise on handling the divorce settlement talk that I'm about to have with the stbxw.

Background:

27yrs old, married for 5 years. No kids. Wife does not work, I'm the official bread winner of the family. The marriage is sexless the past 2 years. I work from home most of time, so I also help out with a bit of housework. W is an amazing hottie, advanced yogi, amateur competitor in ballroom dance, very musically talented. Me, custom interior consultant, pulls in very, very decent money.

2 month ago the W meets a couch surfing jobless traveling musician and gets into a full blown affair. They literally ****ed the day the met. Now she lives in a fog with this man, and refused to stop the affair, citing lack of chemistry between her and me.

She brought the man home and I moved out. When I moved out, I brought the family dog out with me. She treats the dog as baby, and at first throated to call cops on me for stealing the dog, but since I went no contact with her, she claims that she will stop the affair and "try to work out the family" if I bring the dog back.

I talked with my lawyer already and fairly determined to get a D. She wants to talk to me ASAP, but I told her I won't be in town until Sunday so I can get some homework done before meeting her. I need time to prepare the settlement proposal and learning about the female psychology that the stbxw is going through right now.

Guys, I'll admit, I'm not very logically coherent now. Since I found out about the affair I've being in a daze. ****ing up work, running red lights unconsciously, losing about 15lbs in2 weeks. So I'm not even quite sure what's the question I should be asking you guys.

All I know is.. above is my situation. Comments?
 

rubpy3

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I was an ameture olympic weightlifter, so the weight loss actually was a pretty bad thing. Although I was getting a bit more defined, my lifts were suffering pretty badly. I was having problem lifting my normal warm up weights.

I think D is a pretty good idea. I think she might be trying to talk me into a reconciliation.. after all, she can't survive without her bread no matter how passionate their love was.

Do you guys think R is a good idea at all?

That's where I'm conflicted. On one hand, I can't even go into my bed thinking this is where that guy ****ed my wife, or go into shower thinking this is where that guy washed. On the other hand, I do have somewhat of an onetitis, and is dearly in love with the wife.
 

Renegade357

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Haha, if I was the bread winner and my wife brought some homo musician to my house that I paid for I woulda kicked his a$$ right out the door physically. Dump this girl. She's trash. A piece of excrement. Thank God you have no kids with her. Don't even think about looking back either.
 

Trump

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rubpy3 said:
That's where I'm conflicted. On one hand, I can't even go into my bed thinking this is where that guy ****ed my wife, or go into shower thinking this is where that guy washed. On the other hand, I do have somewhat of an onetitis, and is dearly in love with the wife.
While you are so conflicted, she is conflicted how to have sex with him in your bed, and so is also conflicted on the best why to squeeze every last penny out of you so she and him can buy a house and go to Hawaii. Dude, if she's not caring about anything other than screwing him and your money, the only thing you should care about is how fast you can divorce her.

I never understood why guys think so much, and care so much about their relationship. Never think about the relationship. Think about your future, moving forward.
 

Jack89

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Divorce and no contact sounds to me she cares more about the dog than you. Probably only reason why she's even talking to you is because of the dog otherwise your money. Guard your heart and finances and break it off.
 

Desdinova

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Divorce isn't fun. The biggest problem I had with it is nobody was giving me good advice on what to do. I had to figure it all out on my own.

The best thing you can do for yourself is sit down with the ex and work out a separation agreement. Split up your 5hit WITH her - including the dog. If I were you, I'd let go of the dog. Think of it this way... you're paying a lawyer hundreds of dollars an hour to keep A DOG. This is not a child. You can go adopt another dog.

You really have to figure out what is going to be petty and what isn't. Let her physical items, but make sure you keep your assets and your credit in check. Don't go broke fighting a legal battle with a cheating bytch. She's not worth screwing yourself financially. You're lucky you don't have any children together, so you can break clean without child support payments.

I know you're emotionally fvcked right now, and that'll take some time to recover from.

Do you guys think R is a good idea at all?
No. How in hell are you ever going to trust her again? She screwed it up, let her deal with the consequences. She's living well because you're the bread winner? Take that away from her. That was her reward for being a faithful wife. If she was willing to risk losing that for a future with the broke-ass musician, then she belongs with him.

You on the other hand will be able to find yourself a younger hottie to share your time with. Dating only gets better when you enter your 30s.

Good luck with the divorce, and remember to avoid being petty. If you have a good income, you can replace the petty 5hit.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Make no mistake: Your marriage is dead. It's been dead for a long time. No sex for 2 years??? Then she F*cks another guy??? (Bear in mind that this is the one you found out about, there are probably more).

And all the while, she's more than willing to let you support her?

Make no mistake, women are capable of incredibly selfish, cold hearted, evil behavior.

Please listen to this: divorce her as fast as you can and get the best deal you can. Your goal is to be as logical as you can and to protect your assets.

Believe me, you are going to find out more about her behavior and character as this goes on.

Again: Divorce. NOW. Your marriage is already dead. Bury it and move on.

And start reading Rational Male, Chateau Heartiste, and Roosh to learn about the real nature of women.

Good luck.

-Augustus-
 

Tictac

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If she's your age and you've been married for 5 years and she's already screwing around, you can be certain that, even if you could reconcile, that either she will be at this again somewhere down the road and/or you will be paranoid (with good reason) that she will.

Keep the dog, lose the woman.

This is from a guy that was married 24+ years - 3 kids, house, yada, yada, yada... - the "full catastrophe".

She sounds like she was a good woman. Too bad about her fall.

Get clear, move on. At 27, there is too much good life in front of you to trip yourself up.
 

Albatross953

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Agree with all the advice above from first hand experience. Including the silver lining being no kids and still in your twenties. Trust me when I say reconciling will bring only resentment. Dynamite the marriage and move on.
 

rubpy3

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Thanks all for the replies above. I'll post more info later this afternoon after work.

I found this forum through the book The Rational Male. I honestly thought I did something wrong (was I emotionally cold? Was I distant? Is it because I am unable to provide her better financial security?) A good buddy of mine was so distressed I was thinking this way, he literally bought me a plane ticket and told me to get the f* out of the house ASAP. I read half way through Rational Male, and I was unable to finish the book. I was too pissed and upset at my situation.
 

Epimanes

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No kids? Fvcks a guy on first day she meets him? There is nothing here to save. If you do want to save your marriage go to marriagebuilders.com and read up on survivng affairs over there and post your story in the infidelity section of their forum. But personally don't think there is anything to salvage.

Edit to add. Your wife is 100% resposible for her affair and poor boundries around other men. However your both responsible for the state of your marriage. Not enough quality time... Not meeting top emotional needs.. Taking each other for granted, disrespectful comments from both of you. Lack of admiration between you two, not being honest. Many things on the list you can both work on. But as I said. Not much to save.
 

Bible_Belt

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In the US, divorce law varies a lot by state. Where are you located in Canada? Is she going to contest the divorce, or will she sign the papers?
 

rubpy3

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In the US, divorce law varies a lot by state. Where are you located in Canada? Is she going to contest the divorce, or will she sign the papers?
At this point, I highly suspect it will be based on the settlements. She really wants to settle it between us. I don't trust her motives anymore - I suspect that she thinks I will be easier to negotiate with than the lawyer. She has not made much monetary contributions to the marriage. Downpayment was a gift from my parents, so it would be hard for her to claim split. Mortgage was in my name only and only I made payment. Lawyer thinks 80/20 split. Vehicle, mine has loan, her fairly new is completely paid for. It would be hard for her to get major $$$ from the divorce if it goes through the court.

Don't listen to her blame game, it's all a mirage designed to get you to support her ass all over again while she gets banged by other guys. She is the only person who can be blamed for the decisions that SHE has made.
Your wife is 100% resposible for her affair and poor boundries around other men.
I'm not very eloquent when comes to conversations, her on the other hand is a masterful in the arts of rhetorics. I think if we start a conversation she's gonna somehow win it. So I'll give 1 try to reach a settlement between ourselves, if it doesn't work I'll get lawyer to do the negotiation, how-much-ever it costs.

Trust me when I say reconciling will bring only resentment. Dynamite the marriage and move on.
If she's your age and you've been married for 5 years and she's already screwing around, you can be certain that, even if you could reconcile, that either she will be at this again somewhere down the road and/or you will be paranoid (with good reason) that she will.
I think that's the best route. Just thinking of kissing her is making me sick right now. God knows what else she licked with that tongue. Not to mention.. eewww.. eating her out.

You guys aren't the first ones to bring up that she has no moral. I think that's the problem with atheists (she is one): They only do what they feel like, there's no moral code for them to fall back upon. They are too selfish bastards and *****es. I'll take this into consideration next time I date. Past girlfriend, the most selfish and *****y one was also an atheist. They play everyone around them without the slightest regard.

You shouldn't have done this. You gave up your home. Now you are showing you can afford to make mortgagae paymentsd on the home as well as paying for rent wherever you live. This will likely mean a judge will ask you to keep making the mortgag payments on the house
I moved into the dorm of a local monastery, so I'm not paying any rent at the moment. I help out with clean up a bit, as well preparing the masses.

What does that say about YOU and her supposed feelings for YOU! "If you bring the dog back, I will give you a shot. If you don't, I will continue fvcking this slug.
The more I think about it the more pissed off I get.

The best thing you can do for yourself is sit down with the ex and work out a separation agreement.

I'm doing this tomorrow with her.. I'm so psyched.
 

rubpy3

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In the US, divorce law varies a lot by state. Where are you located in Canada? Is she going to contest the divorce, or will she sign the papers?
At this point, I highly suspect it will be based on the settlements. She really wants to settle it between us. I don't trust her motives anymore - I suspect that she thinks I will be easier to negotiate with than the lawyer. She has not made much monetary contributions to the marriage. Downpayment was a gift from my parents, so it would be hard for her to claim split. Mortgage was in my name only and only I made payment. Lawyer thinks 80/20 split. Vehicle, mine has loan, her fairly new is completely paid for. It would be hard for her to get major $$$ from the divorce if it goes through the court.

Don't listen to her blame game, it's all a mirage designed to get you to support her ass all over again while she gets banged by other guys. She is the only person who can be blamed for the decisions that SHE has made.
Your wife is 100% resposible for her affair and poor boundries around other men.
I'm not very eloquent when comes to conversations, her on the other hand is a masterful in the arts of rhetorics. I think if we start a conversation she's gonna somehow win it. So I'll give 1 try to reach a settlement between ourselves, if it doesn't work I'll get lawyer to do the negotiation, how-much-ever it costs.

Trust me when I say reconciling will bring only resentment. Dynamite the marriage and move on.
If she's your age and you've been married for 5 years and she's already screwing around, you can be certain that, even if you could reconcile, that either she will be at this again somewhere down the road and/or you will be paranoid (with good reason) that she will.
I think that's the best route. Just thinking of kissing her is making me sick right now. God knows what else she licked with that tongue. Not to mention.. eewww.. eating her out.

You guys aren't the first ones to bring up that she has no moral. I think that's the problem with atheists (she is one): They only do what they feel like, there's no moral code for them to fall back upon. They are too selfish bastards and *****es. I'll take this into consideration next time I date. Past girlfriend, the most selfish and *****y one was also an atheist. They play everyone around them without the slightest regard.

You shouldn't have done this. You gave up your home. Now you are showing you can afford to make mortgagae paymentsd on the home as well as paying for rent wherever you live. This will likely mean a judge will ask you to keep making the mortgag payments on the house
I moved into the dorm of a local monastery, so I'm not paying any rent at the moment. I help out with clean up a bit, as well preparing the masses.

What does that say about YOU and her supposed feelings for YOU! "If you bring the dog back, I will give you a shot. If you don't, I will continue fvcking this slug.
The more I think about it the more pissed off I get.

The best thing you can do for yourself is sit down with the ex and work out a separation agreement.
I'm doing this tomorrow with her.. I'm so psyched. I know if I see her in person I will get eaten alive. On the other hand costs for lawyers add up quickly.
 

rubpy3

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Guys, we've separated for little over a month now. No phone calls, but frequent email exchanges just to keep each other updated.

She claims that she is not seeing the other man anymore, but I can't really check if this is true or not. I'm getting over the onetitis over her. She is expressing strong desire to get back with me.

I've not decided to take her back or not.

A key for me to decide is, what is the best way to express the plate theory in a recovering LTR? If I can pull this off I guess reconciliation is worth a try.
 

samspade

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rubpy3 said:
A key for me to decide is, what is the best way to express the plate theory in a recovering LTR? If I can pull this off I guess reconciliation is worth a try.
I'm not sure what you mean by this, but I advise you to maintain NC and do you best to move on. You're probably emotionally all over the place. Take it from us sober DJs. Don't get roped back into her drama.
 

LiveFreeX

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2 month ago the W meets a couch surfing jobless traveling musician and gets into a full blown affair. They literally ****ed the day the met. Now she lives in a fog with this man, and refused to stop the affair, citing lack of chemistry between her and me.

She brought the man home and I moved out. When I moved out, I brought the family dog out with me. She treats the dog as baby, and at first throated to call cops on me for stealing the dog, but since I went no contact with her, she claims that she will stop the affair and "try to work out the family" if I bring the dog back.

I talked with my lawyer already and fairly determined to get a D. She wants to talk to me ASAP, but I told her I won't be in town until Sunday so I can get some homework done before meeting her. I need time to prepare the settlement proposal and learning about the female psychology that the stbxw is going through right now.
She probably saw the bill. Guy she is doing nothing but trying to get you back because she thinks you might have the upperhand. You take her back and it will be a nightmare all over again except she'll be in a better position to take you to the cleaners. If I were you, I would string her along, while moving all your money into other overseas bank accounts. I'm not sure about the other countries but HSBC is good and you can open accounts in various China banks to dump your money. Then when you are thorougly safe, pull the rug out from under her.

Bank of Communications
Bank of China
ICBC - not really a good idea at this point
Mingsheng Banking corp.
Agricultural Bank
Construction Bank

Reconciliation? WHY... dude go to the phillipines, you'll have so many women banging down your door for d1ck you won't know which way is up. OR you could go back to this one girl that will without a doubt, do her absolute best to hide all her new relationships from you, take your money and not have sex with you. This is the third or fourth thread now where some guy gets heavily disrespected and then proceeds to take the girl back... what is going on??? Ok, just read that he is from Canada. Something you yanks might not understand is that the situation up north is pretty terrible compared to the states. Your worst girls are pretty friendly in comparison to ours. We suffer from a serious lack of respect from women in our culture, they seem to think they are owed the world and you just being in their presence is 'offensive'. Despite me saying not to marry an American woman, I actually mean North American as in Canadian, your girls are about 10 times easier to get along with. Don't waste your life with this broad, you can do so much better!

I wish I was back at home, I'd have so many people to hang out with now.
 
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