How to prevent rewarding her interest in you with niceness?

Peaks&Valleys said:

Here's how I take it.

Girl breaks up with you. Where did it go wrong?

At the beginning of the relationship her attraction was sky high....right? No? Oh, that's where it went wrong. YOU should have never made her your girlfriend in the first place. LESSON LEARNED.

At the beginning of the relationship her attraction was sky high....right? Yes! Great, what happened? Oh, YOU started pandering to her every want and desire. YOU dropped all your friends. YOU started cooking whatever meal she wanted every night. YOU did everything you could to make her feel good. Well.....that is why she lost attraction for you. YOU lost all track of yourself and turned into a beta b1tch boy. That's not her fault, it's yours. LESSON LEARNED.

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This is really good stuff. And exactly what happened in my last relationship. What i am trying to figure out now is why i shifted... In the beginning she was all over me, when we were in the car i literately had to tell her to keep it down with the kissing and the touching because it got annoying and sometimes remotely dangerous. We watched a lot of movies but i still have no idea what they were about because she was constantly all over me. I had to always be the one to push her away from me. And i felt very in control, there was always that tension that she was putting in more than me and it seemed that's what made her feel good. And it made me feel good as well, it was the hottest girl i had.

When you are in this dynamic it is so easy to pull back from her, and go do your own things. And just spent time with her when you want it the most. Instead we were together too much, she drew me to her and i passively accepted. And i accepted things i shouldn't have, got too available. And she lost attraction gradually, possibly felt like she had no more challenge or anything to work for. And she changed on me, got annoyed by little things, started testing me more. I lost had my power, and she ended it with a lame excuse. And stopped talking to me.

I'm thinking now, maybe i was rewarding her for her interest in me. But with "niceness" ? It seems like a trap i fell into, got careless. Anyone recognizing something like this? And elaborate on why i, or maybe more men do this? And how to prevent this from happening?

Everyone beta backslides and I'm sure most men on here have done or will do in the future. The good thing is that you are aware of it, you're ahead of 90% of guys out there.

Women are self destructing in relationships. They will try to turn you into an appeasing, supplicating, do anything for them beta when this will actually make them lose attraction for you, and they are usually quite sucessfull at taking your balls from you. You NEED to keep the frame that you entered the relationship with. You can never let your guard down and think to yourself ''oh she is different, I don't need to game her.'' They are all the same and they are only reacting to your beta behaviour when they start to get annoyed at things that never used to annoy them, and when the sh!t tests start flying at you.

What girls say they want and what they actually need/respond to, to have a healthy, satisfying relationship are two very different things.

I think this is an excellent/interesting topic. I am currently dating someone and although I do try to set myself apart from the rest of the crowd by treating my girl very well, I don't want to lose status as a challenge or get to the point where my actions are taken for granted either. I would also be curious to see everyone's input on this.

LuckyStrike88 said:

I'm thinking now, maybe i was rewarding her for her interest in me. But with "niceness" ? It seems like a trap i fell into, got careless. Anyone recognizing something like this? And elaborate on why i, or maybe more men do this? And how to prevent this from happening?

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Peaks knows his stuff, and so does the DJ Bible.

Yes, basically it stems from either fear of losing her or not having anything else going on in your life. Generally, when you have something nice you want to treat it nice right? Well it sort of applies the same with women. She treats you like a king so our natural human urge is to return the favor. But ironically that same favor is what turns them off. I'm sure you have heard of stories of women whom like guys who aren't even interested in them right? Well the reason for that is because their lack of interest, or lack of "sucking up to," is what turn on women the most. They don't feed them all of their time, they tease them, they flake, and they basically treat them normally. They are being a challenge essentially. The reason for this stems back to biology/nature etc... Men are passion driven in life. We get these passions through our interest, jobs, and hobbies. Women are not in that equation. If you try and fit women into that equation then you will turn her off quite fast. I know you've heard stories of celebrity wives divorcing their husbands right? Well that's one of the reasons why. He stopped doing his drive and passions in life and focused more on her than he did on himself. Women are more like that ribbon on your Christmas/whatever holiday present, not needed but it looks cute and fun.

The reason why women like *ssholes is because they have a strong frame and typically carry themselves as very masculine. That same frame and masculinity can also be reached by achieving an acceptable amount of inner confidence and finding your drive/passions. However, it is much easier to be an *sshole then it is to find inner confidence. Egotistical-fake-confidence will always be the easy route. Giving "back" to them should never been done ALL of the time, it should ONLY be done rarely so it keeps her hooked for more. The second you giving in and start doing nice stuff, that's when you jeopardize your frame. But if you have a decent amount of confidence/knowledge on women, then you can absolutely play it in your favor. Some may call this manipulative, but that happens to be the base platform for attraction.

Even though she seems like she wants you 100%, she really doesn't. Your frame is everything, especially in relationships. If you have ever seen images or reports on social media from women that state that they "want their man to commit" or something along the lines of attention seeking behavior, that means their man is doing his own drive/passion in life. Or simply knows how to game women. Even though they b*tch and moan about how they don't give them enough "attention" or "abuse them" they are still going to sleep with him at the end of the night. A lot of guys buy into that crap that women say or posts on the internet say, especially with the abundant clueless guys roaming around looking for "advice." Those same guys being sex deprived doesn't help either.

This is why you hear rap songs that typically say "these hoes ain't loyal." Because in a relationship context, where attraction and frame matter the most, it's completely true. This is why the definition of "Love" nowadays is completely wrong in a relationship context. This is ALSO why you should never take advise from women on how to get women, because they simply don't know what they want. And BECAUSE of all of this is why men are so overprotective over women who are either exclusive or not exclusive with. They think she's a lil-princess while he, the knight with a penis repellent emblem on his shield, defends her from you, the dragon cuming down to spray her every direction possible.

Women are not a NEED, they are a WANT. If you maintain your frame by passing her subtle tests with indifference or humor, focus on your drive/passions/hobbies, and don't make her the center of your world, then you will be fine. When it comes to attraction some stuff doesn't make sense, but it's just how it works. I know it seems right to return the favor of someone being nice to you, but you simply have to make that a rarity or return the favor with HALF or less of what she did. She has to be more invested than you.