Verbally re-assuring girlfriend that I like her

MtnMan · Oct 31, 2014

I've been dating my girlfriend for 3+ months. She is the one that wanted to be an official couple.

We were lying in bed the other day and she was being a bit weird like she wanted to tell me something.

Eventually she stated something to the effect that she sometimes wants affirmation that I am into her. It seems like she is a bit insecure that she is getting attached and I might not be?

I feel like the relationship is moving forward at a healthy pace, nothing crazy, still lots of fun, obviously no one has uttered the 'L' word yet.

I wasn't sure how to respond to her, so i kissed her and said "obviously I wouldnt be spending my precious weekend time with you if I wasn't into you"

That got me thinking, do I really need to vocalize that I like this girl to her more often? Honestly I feel like I need to hold myself back so I don't end up a pandering beta. I am certainly not running any dread game one her.

Do you guys ever assure your woman that you are into them, or just let them be nervous about it? I was honestly surprised she said this, if anything I would have been worried I was being too available and nice, not the other way around.

gov87 · Oct 31, 2014

MtnMan said:
I've been dating my girlfriend for 3+ months. She is the one that wanted to be an official couple.

We were lying in bed the other day and she was being a bit weird like she wanted to tell me something.

Eventually she stated something to the effect that she sometimes wants affirmation that I am into her. It seems like she is a bit insecure that she is getting attached and I might not be?

I feel like the relationship is moving forward at a healthy pace, nothing crazy, still lots of fun, obviously no one has uttered the 'L' word yet.

I wasn't sure how to respond to her, so i kissed her and said "obviously I wouldnt be spending my precious weekend time with you if I wasn't into you"

That got me thinking, do I really need to vocalize that I like this girl to her more often? Honestly I feel like I need to hold myself back so I don't end up a pandering beta. I am certainly not running any dread game one her.

Do you guys ever assure your woman that you are into them, or just let them be nervous about it? I was honestly surprised she said this, if anything I would have been worried I was being too available and nice, not the other way around.

Hey man,

I've read some of your progress in threads, and want to let you know I respect how far you've come.

As for your question, it could be looked at as a somewhat complicated one...

I would ask how serious are you about this girl? Does she qualify as high quality?

My initial reaction would be to tell her that your actions should reassure her. However, it appears you've done that and it wasn't enough. I worry that if she's like this three months in she could possibly really nag or try to control you to a point you're uncomfortable in the future.

It's very possible this won't happen but be alert. It sounds like you're doing everything right so just remember this is her problem that she needs to work out with herself.

LMFAO · Oct 31, 2014

I don't like to compliment women too much even in a relationship. You can re-assure her that she looks fine if she tells you that she thinks she's fat or something, and that you're investing time with her and that you clearly like her. That's all good. At some level it prevents her from feeling that you're using her just as a sex toy and don't care otherwise.

After a while if you don't do that they will chase after you for this validation anyway. "Do you like me?" - my previous girlfriend asked me that continuously, perhaps because she thought of me as some massive playboy from the image I portrayed to her. It does keep the hamster running and her loins tickling. Telling her you like her is not being a beta f*g at all. What is beta as f*ck are those guys professing their love to a girl they barely even met and haven't even slept with.

MtnMan · Oct 31, 2014

Mauser, yes the horse has been off the land since last winter! That seems like an eternity ago. You are right, we do get to paranoid, but it comes from painful lessons in our not-so-distant past. I have noticed that I am nervous about committing to much emotion to a girl, since I know how easy it is for them to burn us.

Gov, thanks for that man. I guess I have come a ways, trying my hand at a relationship will really test and see if I am improved to the core or not. Trying to keep everything in check, im still working out, still hanging with my friends, trying not to be too available.

Yes, I would say this girl is high quality. I am obviously still in heavy screening mode, but she does seem very sweet. The only downside is that she is 30, which is my age, but we all know what happens to women vs. men during this age period. I feel like i get along with her much better on a whole than I did the younger girls I have dated, and she does take excellent care of herself, so she is still very attractive.

Perhaps a few more compliments are in order. I tend to bust her chops sometimes, and she is fairly sensitive.

jurry · Oct 31, 2014

Agree with above.

Howd the compost bucket go??

MtnMan · Oct 31, 2014

jurry said:
Agree with above.

Howd the compost bucket go??

hah! I decided against it and just took her out to a place that we both wanted to try, then banged her properly after, and again in the morning. Then went on a nice hike on a super nice day with her. Turned out well.

JohnnyStorm · Oct 31, 2014

Don't overthink this.
If she needs a bit of reassurance then just do what you're doing and give it to her.

Agree with the above about this potentially being an issue down the line. But with the right kind of encouragement from yourself, hopefully she'll grow a bit in confidence and stop asking these kind of things.

Everyone gets insecure at times.

gov87 · Oct 31, 2014

Cool, sounds like you're good to hand out a few more compliments.

I would also try to look at it this way- "as long as your needs are being met while she could use a few more comments in the comfort of reassurance, then go ahead." Just keep her in check if she starts expecting them all the time.

Glad to hear you're screening the crap outta her. Sounds like your bearings are still with you. And I agree, my friend... those hard lessons of the past keep us on our toes. It can be hard to know we're a little more on guard, but it's also comforting bc we know we will not fall down in the deep pit we were once in.

Keep us updated on your relationship. Thanks for sharing.

Fireballs · Oct 31, 2014

I used to have the same trouble with what Mauser96 has said in never letting my guard down and trying to be too red pill. This often backfired and as long as your girl is treating you well, there is nothing wrong with complimenting her every now and again or reciprocating her feelings (sparingly). As long as it is not done to appease it is fine.

I like to switch it up a bit between being sincere and being a bit of an @sshole although you have to be careful to not take it too far. When my gf says ''I love you'' to me, 90% of the time I will just smile and kiss her, 5% of the time I will say it back and the other 5% I will playfully say something like ''take a ticket'' or ''I know''.

TheMonkeyKing · Oct 31, 2014

I wasn't sure how to respond to her, so i kissed her and said "obviously I wouldnt be spending my precious weekend time with you if I wasn't into you"

This is perfect.

In fact I used almost exactly the same line this week. Logic and actions win the day. If they can't comprehend intention from those, then there's trouble.

Compliments and loving affirmations are important but equally are the same as gifts; best saved for special occasions and when deserved.

I found myself getting too involved mentally with this chick recently, so I've just pulled back a little bit. Push and pull still applies to relationships - as I've seen and re-issued before....

Batchelor game = Push > Push > Pull (repeat)
Relationship game = Push > Pull > Pull (repeat)

Even in a relationship, no, especially in a relationship, your girl does not need any reason to become complacent. Reassure her; but also assure her that she need not rest on her laurels.

SgtSplacker · Oct 31, 2014

Girl i'm seeing now constantly needs reassurance. It's really starting to get to me. When she drinks it's super worse. I don't mind answering the "do you love me?" question maybe once or twice a day as long as the mood is light but anything else will start to get on my nerves.

Soolaimon · Oct 31, 2014

Be careful giving a woman reassurance.

Sometimes your words makes things worse when she doesn't believe them.

Reassurance comes from insecurity.

Insecure women need to be reassured all the time of their fears and insecurities.

You can reassure her one minute and two hours later she will be insecure again needing more reassurance.

That becomes a drag bringing you down always having to reassure her.

It goes in one ear and out the other.

Women like this are highly prone to cheat cause they think they aren't good enough. They also have a fear that you are cheating on them.

I dated a girl for a month who needed to be reassured all the time.

She was afraid I was going to cheat on her and she wanted boundaries to prevent me from cheating. She felt boundaries would ease her worried mind. She still worried anyway with useless boundaries. Boundaries are for the insecure person to calm their fears. It never does cause they are still insecure.

I left her after a month. There was no need to go through all that.

You should do the same cause it isn't going to ease up.

The deeper you get into the relationship the worse it will get.

You will be constantly reassuring a woman who can never be fully assured about you and herself.

That is when she will cheat or decide to leave you cause she has a fear that you will leave her.

These women have issues.

It's best to leave them for another man to deal with.

GS750 · Oct 31, 2014

Everybody, especially women, are insecure to a degree. But if she's got an insecurity problem, like she needs constant reassurance that you're into her, that she's attractive, that you're not going to cheat, etc, etc, etc. then that becomes an issue. You're constantly going to have to be building her up. That's going to become tiresome after a while. She's going to be an emotional vampire and you're going to be dragged down with it. I guess it depends on what you're willing to put up with and what your patience level is Lol.

El Payaso · Oct 31, 2014

Soolaimon said:
Be careful giving a woman reassurance.

Sometimes your words makes things worse when she doesn't believe them.

Reassurance comes from insecurity.

Insecure women need to be reassured all the time of their fears and insecurities.

You can reassure her one minute and two hours later she will be insecure again needing more reassurance.

That becomes a drag bringing you down always having to reassure her.

It goes in one ear and out the other.

Women like this are highly prone to cheat cause they think they aren't good enough. They also have a fear that you are cheating on them.

I dated a girl for a month who needed to be reassured all the time.

She was afraid I was going to cheat on her and she wanted boundaries to prevent me from cheating. She felt boundaries would ease her worried mind. She still worried anyway with useless boundaries. Boundaries are for the insecure person to calm their fears. It never does cause they are still insecure.

I left her after a month. There was no need to go through all that.

You should do the same cause it isn't going to ease up.

The deeper you get into the relationship the worse it will get.

You will be constantly reassuring a woman who can never be fully assured about you and herself.

That is when she will cheat or decide to leave you cause she has a fear that you will leave her.

These women have issues.

It's best to leave them for another man to deal with.

I was about to type a response but this dude said almost everything I wanted to say. In fact, I would say you shouldn't have given her ANY reassurance at all. Yes. Don't give her any reassurance.

Why?

Because you are doing it on her own terms. You would have been better off using a ****y and funny response like. "Let me show you how much into you you I am" then proceeding to f*ck the **** out of her or any other c&f response or just plain ignoring her statement.

Only say those loving reassuring things on your own terms and in your own time. These women that need constant reassuring can be VERY insecure and will project it onto you.

You did okay but just be wary of when she tries to dig it out of you again because it WILL come up. Perhaps in a different form.

Rainman4707 · Nov 1, 2014

MtnMan said:
I've been dating my girlfriend for 3+ months. She is the one that wanted to be an official couple.

We were lying in bed the other day and she was being a bit weird like she wanted to tell me something.

Eventually she stated something to the effect that she sometimes wants affirmation that I am into her. It seems like she is a bit insecure that she is getting attached and I might not be?

I feel like the relationship is moving forward at a healthy pace, nothing crazy, still lots of fun, obviously no one has uttered the 'L' word yet.

I wasn't sure how to respond to her, so i kissed her and said "obviously I wouldnt be spending my precious weekend time with you if I wasn't into you"

That got me thinking, do I really need to vocalize that I like this girl to her more often? Honestly I feel like I need to hold myself back so I don't end up a pandering beta. I am certainly not running any dread game one her.

Do you guys ever assure your woman that you are into them, or just let them be nervous about it? I was honestly surprised she said this, if anything I would have been worried I was being too available and nice, not the other way around.

I was in similar situation. I've been seeing a woman 3 month. She has good strong fellings for me & a couple times shes tried me to see how I feel about her.. I used similar response to you :-

"I like you":yawn:
"I enjoy spending time with you, we'll see how things go"

She wasn't very happy with my responses, but that's all she got.

uadialej · Nov 1, 2014

Sometimes, I think we all get TOO paranoid on here, and never let our own guard down. Dangerous position I know, but if you have a woman who is genuine, honest, etc...who you care for....How does it hurt to give them a little affirmation?

How to Make My Ex Chase Me

Soolaimon · Nov 1, 2014

El Payaso said:
I was about to type a response but this dude said almost everything I wanted to say. In fact, I would say you shouldn't have given her ANY reassurance at all. Yes. Don't give her any reassurance.

Why?

Because you are doing it on her own terms. You would have been better off using a ****y and funny response like. "Let me show you how much into you you I am" then proceeding to f*ck the **** out of her or any other c&f response or just plain ignoring her statement.

Only say those loving reassuring things on your own terms and in your own time. These women that need constant reassuring can be VERY insecure and will project it onto you.

You did okay but just be wary of when she tries to dig it out of you again because it WILL come up. Perhaps in a different form.

Exactly.

I wouldn't use any ****y and funny responses cause that could make things worse.

If she is really insecure she will say your ****y and funny response is making fun of her.

If she is too stupid to understand she will think you are being serious getting angry at you.

The best way to handle women is with action and not words.

Words go in one ear and out the other ear.

Action shows her what your intentions are like banging her for a couple of hours then telling her that is how much you like her.

If her insecurities get to be too much then I would leave her.

She can project her insecurities on to you.

She might think you cheated on her and cheat on you accusing you of cheating.

Insecure are women full of drama who will drive you crazy if you let them.

Use less words and more action.

uadialej said:
Sometimes, I think we all get TOO paranoid on here, and never let our own guard down. Dangerous position I know, but if you have a woman who is genuine, honest, etc...who you care for....How does it hurt to give them a little affirmation?

A little affirmation will turn into constant confirmation all the time with insecure women.

They will need to be reasurred in every little way possible all the time for every little thing.

That becomes a drag and she will never be satisfied no matter what you do or say.

That is not being paranoid when you have dated a woman like that.

When you get experienced in dating you will find that out for yourself.

GS750 · Nov 1, 2014

Insecure are women full of drama who will drive you crazy if you let them

That right there is a guaranteed fact. The more you reassure them the more they need. Dealing with a woman who is an emotional basketcase wears you down.

Verbally re-assuring girlfriend that I like her

MtnMan

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gov87

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LMFAO

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MtnMan

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jurry

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MtnMan

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gov87

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TheMonkeyKing

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SgtSplacker

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Soolaimon

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GS750

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El Payaso

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Rainman4707

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uadialej

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Soolaimon

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GS750

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