Never ever hate a women for leaving you or treating you badly

If a women leaves you she has her reasons, she wants what she wants. Just as you want what you want. You cannot blame her for not staying with you if she doesn't want to.

Maybe even if she cheats on you or leaves you for another man. It is still not useful or in your best interest to hate her, hate is like poison. And when you feel hate for someone you are the one being poisoned. Not her, she is having the best time with her new man.

A more mature and useful thing to do is take full responsibility. You did not make her feel the way she wanted to feel. And her treating you badly, you got what you allowed. Not all woman are going to be like this, but remember you chose her. Maybe somewhere in the back of your head you already knew the kind of type she was from the beginning? And you should not have gotten involved in the first place, no matter how hot she was.

Take full responsibility, reflect and look at yourself to what you could have done better. Maybe even thank her for the lesson and move on. Whenever you screw up and feel bad think about the price you paid (pain,disappointment,depression) and then think about the lesson you learned. In alot of cases you will find that the price you paid is well worth the lesson you learned.

Being able to think in this way will make you feel so much better and you will grow. And it will make you and other people respect you so much more.

A thing i would like to add is that i have seen allot of men including myself building up resentment towards woman in general over time because of it, and in the process ruining their future success.

Nice post.

you chose her

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Exactly.

It's always good to see some positive mindsets.

Yeah, this is a top post mate. Relationships are always 50/50. If you got treated like sh1t, well your 50% was putting up with it and choosing her in the first place. If she lost interest and cheated, well your game was weak and you again chose a low quality girl.

It's far easier to hate but it's so much external energy that should be focussed on yourself. Because without doubt your actions created this outcome one way or another. This doesn't mean you let the girl off the hook, just cut ties move on and focus all your energy towards yourself.

You know, it's crazy.. I haven't been in this community for long, but the deeper I get the more I realise how deep this is, it's really zen level depth going on if your approach it correctly. I came here like most guys, after a nasty break up, felt like sh1t, wanted her back etc.. thought I'd learn some magic tricks, but instead I've gone through and am still going through this deep introspection, re-building myself from the core and confronting all kinds of demons.. never expected this.

Sorry, going off on a tangent!

LondonTowers said:

Yeah, this is a top post mate. Relationships are always 50/50. If you got treated like sh1t, well your 50% was putting up with it and choosing her in the first place. If she lost interest and cheated, well your game was weak and you again chose a low quality girl.

It's far easier to hate but it's so much external energy that should be focussed on yourself. Because without doubt your actions created this outcome one way or another. This doesn't mean you let the girl off the hook, just cut ties move on and focus all your energy towards yourself.

You know, it's crazy.. I haven't been in this community for long, but the deeper I get the more I realise how deep this is, it's really zen level depth going on if your approach it correctly. I came here like most guys, after a nasty break up, felt like sh1t, wanted her back etc.. thought I'd learn some magic tricks, but instead I've gone through and am still going through this deep introspection, re-building myself from the core and confronting all kinds of demons.. never expected this.

Sorry, going off on a tangent!

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Noticed the same thing myself.. Not so easy to face yourself as you are sometimes, got to be done though.

Great post and thread!

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:

I agree with you in the long term, however there is that period of time during the post breakup depression phase where it helps to accept your masculine anger and truly depedestalize the woman. That's really the message that the Beta needs to hear anyway, Betas are already quite good at blaming themselves for everything. At that point, taking "responsibility" is just a catalyst for more self-pity and depressive thoughts. Also, I hate to say it but becoming embittered towards women in the post breakup period, while unhealthy as a general worldview, did -not- sabotage my attractiveness to women in any way.

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You're right on, great addition. The flipside of this mindset is that you have to know when to use it. Emotions do need to be dealt with and let out, it is a healthy thing to do. Everyone has his own way of letting it out, once let out and getting back to having a clear head again you can think much more clearly about how moving forward. Letting go of the hate and more on. It's a process that i believe has to be done in steps. And it prevents you from accumulating embitterment towards woman.

The fact you say your embitterment did not sabotage your attractiveness towards woman is interesting. You got me interested, what is your secret?
Now that i think of this i can remember being in a situation that embitterment towards women actually got a girl interested in me. Thought i did not feel emotionally happy and mentally unhealthy at that point, that was the downside. For her it worked, but other woman saw right through me.

Conceptually, I understand what you are saying and agree. But I would have a few caveats:
- You say "take full responsibility" and I would amend that to add "for your own actions". Don't take responsibility for hers.
- You say "You didn't make her feel the way she wanted to feel". I reject that we should ever strive to make them "feel how they want to feel". That's a fools errand - what they want changes from day to day. You could say, perhaps, "how she felt changed" or "she no longer felt satisfied" but you can't take responsibility for that
- Cheating: d@mn right you can hold her accountable for that. She broke a commitment and that's not OK.

That said, I agree that anger and hate are poison for your soul, and you have to let go. You can't control how b!tches act or feel, so you have to focus on what you can control - yourself.

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:

what it really is regarding the end betterment is that you just become a totally indifferent to women as a whole and not desirous of a relationship. Those are usually the times when I get sucked into them because the women want what they cannot have you are now a prize to be won.

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Thanks i get you, i have experienced the same thing multiple times actually. And it works.

After writing this post felt i like i was missing something, feeling like i am giving woman a bit too much approval actually. Sure you should self reflect/improve because of your own failures if she leaves you for not being attracted anymore. But women with alot of power and choice with men tend to get ****y and get an attitude. As long as they are happy they can sometimes give 2 ****s about your feelings and go off to the next guy. That's some real *****y behavior right there. There, saying this makes me feel a bit better about my initial post.

We should be aware of such *****y behavior and have a part of resentment towards them for that to balance things out. And keep it in our heads that they at some point might do this to us. And use that to be always a little indifferent an to not get attached too quickly. Making sure you always keep the upper hand.

For me what i have decided to do is to be harder on them than i naturally feel, because i feel that's the only way to fix this. And it involves taking _risks_, teasing her more than i would normally do. Saying i don't accept things that would naturally be questionable and that i would normally let her get away with. My new approach is that i will communicate that i am very picky, say and do what i want. And that i communicate very clearly that i am not afraid of upsetting or losing her. It's basically a form of indifference built up after having too many woman knowing they have alot of options and will run over you if they can without caring. I am curious if anyone can connect with this but this mindset is what makes me feel powerful. And when i am in this state women recognize it and respond.

Women need to be held accountable for their actions not blaming a man for everything like you approve of.

Not everything is clear cut as you are making it out to be.

Hating is useless but taking any blame away from women putting it all on the man is what white knights and betas do.

Soolaimon said:

Women need to be held accountable for their actions not blaming a man for everything like you approve of.

Not everything is clear cut as you are making it out to be.

Hating is useless but taking any blame away from women putting it all on the man is what white knights and betas do.

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Yes i have realized this, my mistake. It's a 2 way street. But it's alright we are here to learn right

After reviewing the responses of this thread and having some seconds thoughts about my point.

The title of this thread should actually have been along the lines of:

"Don't ever blame a woman for your shortcomings as a man. But you are in all right to blame her for unacceptable **** she pulls as a result of that."

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:

what it really is regarding the end betterment is that you just become a totally indifferent to women as a whole and not desirous of a relationship. Those are usually the times when I get sucked into them because the women want what they cannot have you are now a prize to be won.

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Exactly.

I came across a frame on a blogpost I now regard as a personal favorite shortly after my ex decided to split. Author wrote: "When a girl dumps me, I view the rejection as a sign that I am not living up to my potential." Whether or not that happens to be true (according to whoever chooses to interpret getting dumped in this fashion) is not as important as the creation of the person such a philosophy encourages. Beats the hell out of endless bouts of self-loathing and/or progressively mounting misogyny, that's for sure.

The less willing you are to walk away from a girl, the more likely you are to vilify and grow resentful toward her if she decides to leave you. If you think the girl owes you for all the effort you've put in, or that it will take "forever" to find a suitable replacement if she leaves, then you are setting yourself up for a world of pain once that day finally arrives. If however you have something greater than her going on in your life, if you are confident that she can and she will (eventually) be replaced by not just another girl, but a better one, then I don't see why hatred or resentment would follow from her decision to put an end to the relationship. One of the major differences between a beta and an alpha is each's respective ability to let go, and that applies to the ability to let go of a deceitful agenda of propping up a false self just as much as the ability to let go of the girl.

Solid post OP.

It takes a while to get to the point of indifference, especially after you have invested so much in an LTR. I do agree though that this is the ultimate end-goal. However, I think it is impossible to get to that point without first going through a serious period of anger/hatred toward the woman. Also, it is never OK to take responsibility for her bad behavior in the relationship. Understanding that she played a part in the breakup too with improper behavior will undoubtedly lead to anger on your part.

I can remember every single time I initiated a breakup with an ex vividly. I literally felt nothing for them anymore. No love, no pain, no hatred, no desire, no nothing. I wasn't even sexually attracted to them anymore. Now I can also remember the exes that have broken up with me. EVENTUALLY, I felt the same things: "no love, no pain, no hatred, no desire, no nothing." Granted, it took longer to get there, but I still ended up in the same spot. This alone helps me realize that there isn't any special "one." It also helps to realize that this is what they feel when they break up with you. They have nothing left to give you and want nothing to do with you anymore. That's why it is incredibly important to go NC. At the very least it feigns indifference while you get your emotions under control.

Main gripe I have with the OP: you are not responsible for the way she feels. You can do everything by the book and STILL end up failing because of her feelz. A lot of people come to this site and take a cookie-cutter approach to game. If you do this you will succeed and if you do that you will fail. This can make things extremely confusing for men because the word "game" implies that there is a winner and a loser. If you get dumped you subconsciously believe you are the "loser." If you are dumped, left, or disrespected because you didn't make her feel good, you will ultimately feel terrible confusion and failure. Pretty cliche...but getting dumped isn't failure, giving up is. When a woman leaves you take it as an opportunity to improve and fix YOUR SHORTCOMINGS ONLY. Also take time to recognize her shortcomings. The best part about being the dumpee is realizing where both you and her made mistakes. As the dumper you simply think nothing was your fault and project the failure of a relationship onto the dumpee. There's simply no room for improvement.

A lot of that has already been said by other posters. Just my .02

MOTU said:

Conceptually, I understand what you are saying and agree. But I would have a few caveats:
- You say "take full responsibility" and I would amend that to add "for your own actions". Don't take responsibility for hers.
- You say "You didn't make her feel the way she wanted to feel". I reject that we should ever strive to make them "feel how they want to feel". That's a fools errand - what they want changes from day to day. You could say, perhaps, "how she felt changed" or "she no longer felt satisfied" but you can't take responsibility for that
- Cheating: d@mn right you can hold her accountable for that. She broke a commitment and that's not OK.

That said, I agree that anger and hate are poison for your soul, and you have to let go. You can't control how b!tches act or feel, so you have to focus on what you can control - yourself.

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This!

But I really don't see why you don't "like" hate at all? In my opinion is hate the strongest force on earth. Hate can take any man, group or nation beyond any borders (especially in your mind).
Take for example self-hate...thats what really drive people to change themselves...I am pretty sure most of us are here because of that?

LuckyStrike88 said:

Yes i have realized this, my mistake.

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LuckyStrike88 said:

After reviewing the responses of this thread and having some seconds thoughts about my point.

The title of this thread should actually have been along the lines of:

"Don't ever blame a woman for your shortcomings as a man. But you are in all right to blame her for unacceptable **** she pulls as a result of that."

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It was a mistake to even write this thread at all.

All you're doing is taking your same argument rewording it differently.

The turd you left isn't going to smell any better the second time.

LondonTowers said:

Relationships are always 50/50. If you got treated like sh1t, well your 50% was putting up with it and choosing her in the first place.

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Sounds like you don't know too much about relationships and women.

Relationships should never be 50/50.

Women should always put more into the relationship than you.

If it's 50/50 she is losing interest in you and you are losing your frame.

Soon the relationship will 40/60 and you will be the beta on the way out.

Women will always be into you in the beginning that is why you chose her.

It's the decline afterwards that becomes the problem for whatever reason.

No man deserves to be treated like $hit.

It is not always the man's fault.

You are another guy blaming the man.

Pathetic!

Here's how I take it.

Girl breaks up with you. Where did it go wrong?

At the beginning of the relationship her attraction was sky high....right? No? Oh, that's where it went wrong. YOU should have never made her your girlfriend in the first place. LESSON LEARNED.

At the beginning of the relationship her attraction was sky high....right? Yes! Great, what happened? Oh, YOU started pandering to her every want and desire. YOU dropped all your friends. YOU started cooking whatever meal she wanted every night. YOU did everything you could to make her feel good. Well.....that is why she lost attraction for you. YOU lost all track of yourself and turned into a beta b1tch boy. That's not her fault, it's yours. LESSON LEARNED.

And so on....

Like Peyton Manning evaluating every interception, where did HE go wrong. True, some of them were not his fault, however, he's the one that threw the ball. Yeah, it bounced off the receivers hands....well, maybe he shouldn't throw the ball to that receiver anymore in those types of situations. Oh, left guard's fvcking up, well remember that, get the ball out sooner next time.

Take responsibility and improve yourself. Learn. That is how you become great.

Peaks&Valleys said:

Here's how I take it.

Girl breaks up with you. Where did it go wrong?

At the beginning of the relationship her attraction was sky high....right? No? Oh, that's where it went wrong. YOU should have never made her your girlfriend in the first place. LESSON LEARNED.

At the beginning of the relationship her attraction was sky high....right? Yes! Great, what happened? Oh, YOU started pandering to her every want and desire. YOU dropped all your friends. YOU started cooking whatever meal she wanted every night. YOU did everything you could to make her feel good. Well.....that is why she lost attraction for you. YOU lost all track of yourself and turned into a beta b1tch boy. That's not her fault, it's yours. LESSON LEARNED.

And so on....

Like Peyton Manning evaluating every interception, where did HE go wrong. True, some of them were not his fault, however, he's the one that threw the ball. Yeah, it bounced off the receivers hands....well, maybe he shouldn't throw the ball to that receiver anymore in those types of situations. Oh, left guard's fvcking up, well remember that, get the ball out sooner next time.

Take responsibility and improve yourself. Learn. That is how you become great.

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agree 100% with this. Once you pander to her and loose track of yourself....she looses attraction. Its happened to me, and I've seen it happen to many others. Its textbook.

Peaks&Valleys said:

Here's how I take it.

Girl breaks up with you. Where did it go wrong?

At the beginning of the relationship her attraction was sky high....right? No? Oh, that's where it went wrong. YOU should have never made her your girlfriend in the first place. LESSON LEARNED.

At the beginning of the relationship her attraction was sky high....right? Yes! Great, what happened? Oh, YOU started pandering to her every want and desire. YOU dropped all your friends. YOU started cooking whatever meal she wanted every night. YOU did everything you could to make her feel good. Well.....that is why she lost attraction for you. YOU lost all track of yourself and turned into a beta b1tch boy. That's not her fault, it's yours. LESSON LEARNED.

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This is really good stuff. Thankyou.
I have been guilty of it but don't know why i did it.