It's tough not to pedestalize when you approach women

skinnyguy · Oct 28, 2014

The SS community is staunchly against pedestalization, but also staunchly for approaching women. I feel that they are sometimes in conflict with each other. Don't get me wrong, I think you should approach. But when you do, you give women all the power. SHE can either accept you or reject you. SHE can use sh!t tests to see whether you're up to her standard. Rarely do men ever the ability to do things.

In the grand scheme of things, I would say women have sex much more than men do. It's much more easily accessible to them. That's why I believe that every single DJ in this board pedestalizes women at some point. They feel the need to approach a women (in search of sex) and try to "game" her in order to get what they want. Game is a form of pedestalization, because you're acting like something you're not in order to get into her pants.

I feel like pedestalization shouldn't be looked so down upon. Yes, you pedestalize women when you hit on them. But that is not inherently a bad thing, right?

Anargyros · Oct 29, 2014

Mmm this looks like you pedestalize women yet you're upset because this forum disapproves. So you look for a rationalization: "hey, you all pedestalize women as well".

It seems to me that you're kind of seeking approval here. I think the right approach would be "Hey guys, I pedestalize women. I can't help. So I decided not to give a s*** if you guys think it's wrong". I mean, maybe pedestalizing is not alpha, but feeling bad with yourself about it... that's just terrible.

ps: i pedestalize them as well. i'm guilty. i don't care. i'm a beta chump

Between_The_Lines · Oct 29, 2014

skinnyguy said:
The SS community is staunchly against pedestalization, but also staunchly for approaching women. I feel that they are sometimes in conflict with each other. Don't get me wrong, I think you should approach. But when you do, you give women all the power. SHE can either accept you or reject you. SHE can use sh!t tests to see whether you're up to her standard. Rarely do men ever the ability to do things.

In the grand scheme of things, I would say women have sex much more than men do. It's much more easily accessible to them. That's why I believe that every single DJ in this board pedestalizes women at some point. They feel the need to approach a women (in search of sex) and try to "game" her in order to get what they want. Game is a form of pedestalization, because you're acting like something you're not in order to get into her pants.

I feel like pedestalization shouldn't be looked so down upon. Yes, you pedestalize women when you hit on them. But that is not inherently a bad thing, right?

Demonstrating interest is not tantamount to demonstrating obsessive behavior (which is ultimately what pedestalization amounts to) There's a stark difference between "can I please get into your pants? I'll do whatever's necessary" and "I'm interested in you...let's see if you are worthy of rolling with me..." The former gets assaulted by sh1t tests and eventually folds like the weakling that he is, while the latter either blasts right through them (thus passing them with flying colors) or dismisses her childish behavior as unacceptable and incorrigible, kicking HER to the curb for failing HIS tests.

Because sex is much more easily accessible to women does not necessarily translate to them actually following through and having it. Many girls live in constant fear of being judged and labeled a wh0re/slvt. Plus, the ones who dish out sex much more readily suffer their own troubles - namely, guys don't take them seriously and disregard them as unsuitable, not LTR material...this is the dreaded 'scarlett letter' for women.

Do you have an issue with going after what you want? A man ought to go after what he wants without apology. A man can (and should) take the hits that come with putting himself out there. A chump lives in fear of getting his precious little ego crushed, being straight forward about what he wants, and thus the "nice guy" emerges ("me? sex!? with you!? Oh no! Ha ha! Of course not! How did you get that impression!? I don't even have a d1ck between my legs! You're perfectly safe with me!")

Metaphorically speaking, game is hitting the weights for the sake of your overall persona. Now on a more literal level, is hitting the gym a form of dishonesty because that's not really you? You didn't have that defined chest, those quads and traps before working out, so that's not really you?

You've taken the red pill, you want to spit it back up, but it's too late. I'd start by excising what you've built up as your foundation, which seems to add up to "it's just not fair! Girls have it so easy and I don't!" and replace it with a far more empowering one. Don't condemn yourself to a life of snatching the occasional 2 or 3 (or becoming a foreveraloner) because you're disappointed that, like making a living, you're actually going to have to work for this.

TheCWord · Oct 29, 2014

skinnyguy said:
I feel like pedestalization shouldn't be looked so down upon. Yes, you pedestalize women when you hit on them. But that is not inherently a bad thing, right?

I can't believe all those dots under your name are green and not red.

Meisterman · Oct 29, 2014

The better question is why do you feel the need to act like something you're not in order to game women? Why can't you just be your naturally confident self, isn't that good enough? Unless what you're saying is that you aren't naturally confident and you just fake it and hope she doesn't see through it?

skinnyguy · Oct 29, 2014

I don't approach that much honestly because I don't like it. It gives women the opportunity to act like bishes with me. I have never been disrespected so much as when I have gone to bars and talked to women. Many of them flat out ignored me which they would never do if I met them at work or something. So approaching, while effective sometimes, gives women the power to be rude without consequence and quite frankly I find it disgusting.

I didn't approach women for 6 whole months this year. I realized that they could see that I was acting unnatural.

I don't pedestalize. But I feel like a beta chump when I randomly talk to women because it's obvious to her that I want sex. A real alpha male would never need to do this.

sylvester the cat · Oct 29, 2014

By this logic I am pedestalising a supermarket cashier because it's obvious I want to pay for my goods.

http://youtu.be/cJe6-afGz0Q

You feel like a beta chump OP because you are a beta chump. You treat people only for what you can get out of them - sex in this case- and women can probably sense it a mile off. You come across as desperate from behind a computer so It's not hard to see how you might come across in person. Have you tried taking an interest in people for who they are rather than for what you can get out of them?

Octogonal · Oct 29, 2014

skinnyguy said:
I don't pedestalize. But I feel like a beta chump when I randomly talk to women because it's obvious to her that I want sex. A real alpha male would never need to do this.

Since when is socializing beta wanting sex? Alpha males talk to women all the time not wanting sex from women not up their standards.

skinnyguy · Oct 29, 2014

sylvester the cat said:
By this logic I am pedestalising a supermarket cashier because it's obvious I want to pay for my goods.

http://youtu.be/cJe6-afGz0Q

You feel like a beta chump OP because you are a beta chump. You treat people only for what you can get out of them - sex in this case- and women can probably sense it a mile off. You come across as desperate from behind a computer so It's not hard to see how you might come across in person. Have you tried taking an interest in people for who they are rather than for what you can get out of them?

So then how do I apprpach women without looking desperate?

sylvester the cat · Oct 29, 2014

skinnyguy said:
So then how do I apprpach women without looking desperate?

The same way you'd approach a friend or family member. You are too dependant on sex as the outcome. Fvck sex. Fvck sex to hell. Forget about it.

Tictac · Oct 29, 2014

Mark Manson, in his book "Models: Attract Women Through Honesty" call this an 'investment paradox'.

You should read the book.

Brosy · Oct 29, 2014

skinnyguy said:
So then how do I apprpach women without looking desperate?

There's something somewhere on the main site relating to this. The answer was to just act like you know she already likes you, basically going down the self fullfilling prophecy route with your attitude.

I see pedastalling as your brain convincing you that she has qualities other girls dont "she's so down to earth", "she doesnt love herself as much as other girls" etc that's the kind of thing to avoid, I don't think seasoned gamers think like this.

I also don't think this is actually true: "I would say women have sex much more than men do". Women aren't as novelty driven as men, they pair with guys they are emotionally comfortable with and are less sexually confident than us, I actually think they have much less sex... just an alternative opinion.

IBreatheSpears · Oct 29, 2014

You approach a woman because you saw a pretty girl looking lost all by herself and you figured you'd brighten up her day a little. That's the value you bring. If you think about it in terms of what you can give her, instead of what she can give you, you'll never seem desperate, because you won't be.

christoff522 · Oct 29, 2014

skinnyguy said:
The SS community is staunchly against pedestalization, but also staunchly for approaching women. I feel that they are sometimes in conflict with each other. Don't get me wrong, I think you should approach. But when you do, you give women all the power. SHE can either accept you or reject you. SHE can use sh!t tests to see whether you're up to her standard. Rarely do men ever the ability to do things.

Of course some people on this forum pedestalize. But pedestalization is far more than approaching. You approach for one thing, a phone number. You go to her, and get her to GIVE YOU her number. You're saying, let me have the control. if she doesn't give you the number you next her. Approach is about testing the waters to see if she's worthy of YOU.

In the grand scheme of things, I would say women have sex much more than men do. It's much more easily accessible to them. That's why I believe that every single DJ in this board pedestalizes women at some point. They feel the need to approach a women (in search of sex) and try to "game" her in order to get what they want. Game is a form of pedestalization, because you're acting like something you're not in order to get into her pants.

Sex is one small thing, its a bit of pleasure enjoyed between two people. it's not the be all and end all. You can pay £40 and get sex with a girl of your choice. Game also is not about being something you're not. its about presenting the best you that you can be. Techniques and strategies are supposed to point the way to how to act, they're for the nerds and the nice guys. But the real methodology is in becoming a MAN.

I feel like pedestalization shouldn't be looked so down upon. Yes, you pedestalize women when you hit on them. But that is not inherently a bad thing, right?

It's not pedestalization. Pedestalization is worshipping a woman, putting her so high up that you CANNOT even approach. You make her this glorious thing that doesn't poo, that's made of pure gold and urinates nectar. A DJ doesn't "hit" on a woman, he allows her access to his world, but only if she's worthy of such an honour. Approach begins the process of assessment and interviewing. You need to read the DJ Bible.

No.Danny · Oct 29, 2014

How he has more green dots than me. I don't know .....I will never know

LuckyStrike88 · Oct 29, 2014

There's a stark difference between "can I please get into your pants? I'll do whatever's necessary" and "I'm interested in you...let's see if you are worthy of rolling with me..." The former gets assaulted by sh1t tests and eventually folds like the weakling that he is, while the latter either blasts right through them (thus passing them with flying colors) or dismisses her childish behavior as unacceptable and incorrigible, kicking HER to the curb for failing HIS tests.

Someone give this guy a medal.

skinnyguy · Oct 29, 2014

IBreatheSpears said:
You approach a woman because you saw a pretty girl looking lost all by herself and you figured you'd brighten up her day a little. That's the value you bring. If you think about it in terms of what you can give her, instead of what she can give you, you'll never seem desperate, because you won't be.

I don't approach women asking for sex or telling them how pretty they are. I just have a normal conversation. Some of the responses were worded as if this method comes off as desperate.

sylvester the cat · Oct 29, 2014

skinnyguy said:
Some of the responses were worded as if this method comes off as desperate.

http://youtu.be/jQ_5E-IDAms

skinnyguy · Oct 30, 2014

christoff522 said:
Of course some people on this forum pedestalize. But pedestalization is far more than approaching. You approach for one thing, a phone number. You go to her, and get her to GIVE YOU her number. You're saying, let me have the control. if she doesn't give you the number you next her. Approach is about testing the waters to see if she's worthy of YOU.

Sex is one small thing, its a bit of pleasure enjoyed between two people. it's not the be all and end all. You can pay £40 and get sex with a girl of your choice. Game also is not about being something you're not. its about presenting the best you that you can be. Techniques and strategies are supposed to point the way to how to act, they're for the nerds and the nice guys. But the real methodology is in becoming a MAN.

It's not pedestalization. Pedestalization is worshipping a woman, putting her so high up that you CANNOT even approach. You make her this glorious thing that doesn't poo, that's made of pure gold and urinates nectar. A DJ doesn't "hit" on a woman, he allows her access to his world, but only if she's worthy of such an honour. Approach begins the process of assessment and interviewing. You need to read the DJ Bible.

I have trouble buying this argument. A majority of guys who randomly approach women don't get laid often (if they did , they wouldn't need to approach). Whereas the girls they talk to probably get hit up 10-20 times per day.

Until women start approaching men, they will have more power than us in dating because they get to do the sh!t testing.

Evan · Oct 31, 2014

There's nothing wrong with approaching women. It's what they want you to do. They just don't want you to be a ****ing creep about it. Otherwise you got problems on your hand. If your calm and relaxed most women will at least entertain your approach. Men are afraid to ask for something they want. What's funny is that women want something too. They either want you to succeed and take them to bed at some point or they hope you will entertain them or give them attention.

How you find out is by being good at letting your intentions be known. Because then she will know what the deal is and won't be afraid to let you know what she wants. You go first. Men always go first. A while ago a women made a move on me by asking me if I was a good kisser. She wouldn't have done this had I not said something to her, looked her deeply in her eyes and communicated with my body language that I wanted to **** the **** out of her.

The key is knowing how to do this, because women will let you know with their actions what they want too. They will either avoid the tension or will soak themselves in it because it's making them wet. It's no different than when you have a boner talking to a chick you like. So in a way this is not about trying to convince a women or game her into your bed. It's about giving her exactly what she wants. Your job is to find out what it is and then give it to her.

You do this with your actions first. Her actions follow. Job 2 is to follow through with what you want and to not get butthurt if she doesn't want your ****. You simply move onto a women who does.

It's tough not to pedestalize when you approach women

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