Ex girlfriend needs time...

Hey everyone i need some advice. So my now ex gf and i went to high school together and saw each other some in college but we always had SO's at the time.
We randomly rekindled this past may. We are both 25 now. We talked, had a fun time and we decided to hang out in the city she lives in (3 hour drive). So this turned into us talking a lot and hanging out a lot because i would go to her or she would come home and see her family. Fast forward to July and we became official. We continued to see each other on weekends and always had a blast. Went to weddings, out with friends, fun dates and recently i went to a beach vacation with her family who i get along great with. The long distance has been kinda tough but we talked everyday and saw each other a lot. And now recently i ran into a friend in her area who refered me to a great job. She was skeptical about me moving for her but i really was moving for the opportunity. (i got the job Friday btw which im pumped about)
So here's the tricky part- The weekend before this past one we were eating on Saturday and it got kinda awkward and i could tell something was up. She dated a guy i knew in high school for 6 years and on occasion she will say a story and hes involved. So i told her that i understand hes a big part of her past but its kinda awkward for me when she brings him up. She said she was sorry it was just we were so comfortable that she didn't realize. It honestly doesn't happen a lot and i wish i didn't say anything. He has had a girlfriend for 2 years now and she says she will always have love for him but does not have feelings for him anymore, which i understand because i had an ex of 4 years.
So that night it got awkward and we started to talk when we got home. I asked her how she was feeling and she said i need to be honest with you and said that when im there its perfect but sometimes she has a feeling that something is missing. i kinda sat there in silence and shock. She was crying and said she wants to be with me but i kinda couldnt take it. We ended up having sex which was weird but great, and decided to just talk in the morning. She was VERY emotional.
So the next morning we talk and she gets emotional again. She is apologizing and contradicting herself like crazy. I tell her its unfair to me to put in 100% and not get 100% back and maybe we need to take some time apart. Here's the weird part- We had sex twice and did oral a bunch during this whole process and it was amazing. It was some movie scene type ****. She was freaking out and was saying shes never felt that before and etc. Then the kicker- She's crying and tells me she loves me. Of course i said it back cause i honestly do love her. Shes kinda insecure (sorry it helps to type this out) and was saying that i was perfect and i care so much for her and she has never been cared before like that. So it was very emotional for both of us and i finally mustered up to leave. We were saying i love you and had sex one more time which was the best sex we've both ever had.
So last week was tough. She texted me asking if i got home and i texted her the next day yes. I caved and texted her last Wed and said i was thinking about her and she said ive been thinking about you a lot too. The next day i had my final interview and she texted me that night good luck. I texted her the next day that it went well and she called me to ask how it went. i texted her that night saying it was good talking to her and she replied it was great to hear my voice and we chatted a little bit.
So last Friday i got the call and job offer. I texted her along with every friend and family member i had and she called to congrats and all that jazz. Saturday i text her that i would love to see her Sunday if she wants to get some dinner or drinks. she texts back that she would love to and we got to lunch. It went awesome. We were laughing and she was complimenting me and it felt like we were dating again. She told me she missed me a bunch cause i was cracking jokes and we even talked a little bit about how great the sex was last weekend (she brought it up). So she tells me it was a weird week not talking to me like she was used to and i told her that this past week made me realize that i did want her in my life. She said she missed me so much but needs some time because she is moving this weekend and wants to make sure its right and not rushing off emotions. I told her it was okay as i have a lot going on as well with new job, moving, etc. She said she was so excited for me and that i was moving up there and also said she feels like the job is right for me and is relieved i wasnt moving for her.
So we go and get frozen yogurt and hugs me as we are walking and we kiss some. She tells me she thought about me a lot this week and we kiss more. Eat the froyo and go to my car and make out for awhile. Even get in the car and start getting kinda physical. Her parents were in town helping her move and if not we wouldve definitely went to her house and had sex.
So last night im driving home and she asks if im okay and i say yes and she sends a funny inside joke picture and we text a few times. I put in my 2 weeks at work yesterday and she texted last night saying hey hope it went well today. I texted back the next morning and said it did thanks and we had a few flirtatious texts back and forth.
So thats my story and it felt good to type that out. Really helps you see where you couldve done better in situations. Here's my question though- Whats the best route to take? I dont think there is someone else involved and im willing to give her time. I feel like my best bet is to give her time and space, and only contact her back when she contacts me but be short. Im going up to the city this weekend and was gonna see if she wanted to get dinner Sunday again. Is that dumb?
I am just confused as **** about the whole situation and am now on the fence of fight for her and show her i care but give distance or end it completely and avoid not getting strung along because thats happened to me before and sucks. When we were together sunday it went awesome and during our relationship we got along great and didnt have many fights. Thats whats hard about this along with her texting me a lot and me being available. And when i text her she responds in like 1 min every time. I have talked to some friends (females) about this and they all seem to think she is just scared cause it progressed quick and that i should give distance but keep in touch. Last i heard from her was Tuesday and I'm trying not to contact her and let her come to me but my mind has been in a whirlwind.
Lay it on me guys i know i have acted Beta as ****...

You need to become scarce. I know it's hard but it's what you need to do as a man right now. Let her get in touch with you and let her prove to you that she is going to be worth anymore of your time.

I agree with you both thanks.

She is moving this weekend too so I thought about sending a hope moving goes well text, but idk. I'm starting to get a little fed up with being on the fence.

BaltBirds said:

I agree with you both thanks.

She is moving this weekend too so I thought about sending a hope moving goes well text, but idk. I'm starting to get a little fed up with being on the fence.

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Don't send anything and remember to judge her by her actions, not her words.

When you get to the new city, you need to establish friends and social circle away from her asap. If she's the only one in town you know, that puts a lot of pressure on both of you. That's why she didn't want you to move just for her - it's way too much pressure. She's worried about the LTR going bad and feeling like she ruined your life.

Agreed. The good thing is I have a huge social circle there now so I'm not too worried about only knowing her. In fact I'm driving there now (don't worry I'm in traffic) for a Halloween party and a house party Sat. Lots more people to meet still.

I am gonna let her come to me though. Balls in her court and the more I try and show her I care etc the more I push her away. I don't move up there until December 3 so this month off might be great.

And I will admit my mistakes- we moved to fast and I can see why she wouldn't want me to move for Her.

But if it doesn't work out I'll be in a brand new city with so much potential and a new job to focus on.

We'll see how it goes I'll keep yall updated.

Thanks for the advice and have a safe Halloween tonight

Quick question cause I may see her best friend tonight. What's the best route to take if I do? Definitely don't want to bring it up but if she does just avoid and change subject? I don't want her going back and telling my ex I was talking about her.

She needs time... Time to suck some other ****as. Shrug off her friends questions. ACT LIKE YOUR PERFECTLY FINE AND COULD CARE LESS.

I can tell you went full retard beta by the first paragraph in your novel i skimmed. It's all the same sh!t bro. Your story make no difference of the problem - she lost attraction and thinks your a pvssy.

Your only chance to bang her in the future is to stop giving a fvck, get your balls back, and disappear completely. Find new girls, new hobbies, and become a better man. The only chance you have at any ounce of reconciliation comes when you could care less and have proved yourself a worthy man by moving on in a better direction.

Lesson learned - every guy goes through it. You'll never chase or be a beta puppet in a dying relationship again.

I didnt really read that whole cluster fvck of a post you made, but.. When a woman says she needs space, the relationship is basicly over! Cut off all contact and move on with your life. Sorry to put it this way, but its the truth!

Concentrate on the new job leave her alone, and let her come to you. Give her LOTS of time and space to sort this sh%t out in her head - while you focus on YOU and btw? I would start taking note of other women the whole time too.









Does My Ex Still Love Me

Don't waste time on women who confuse you. If everything between you is really that great, she should be falling over herself to make it happen.
Her hesitation (her actions) are what you really need to take notice of and steel yourself for the hammer blow that she may be still fvcking her ex or some other dude.
And don't underestimate the power of PMS. It turns even the coolest chick into a goddamn fvcking nightmare.

Dgwizdal said:

She needs time... Time to suck some other ****as. Shrug off her friends questions. ACT LIKE YOUR PERFECTLY FINE AND COULD CARE LESS.

I can tell you went full retard beta by the first paragraph in your novel i skimmed. It's all the same sh!t bro. Your story make no difference of the problem - she lost attraction and thinks your a pvssy.

Your only chance to bang her in the future is to stop giving a fvck, get your balls back, and disappear completely. Find new girls, new hobbies, and become a better man. The only chance you have at any ounce of reconciliation comes when you could care less and have proved yourself a worthy man by moving on in a better direction.

Lesson learned - every guy goes through it. You'll never chase or be a beta puppet in a dying relationship again.

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QFT

I'm basically gonna say what all the other senior members have already told you. But yea, you need to ease up a bit, make her miss you, and above all: take the power back in this relationship. It sounds like you two have a really solid connection and she doesnt seem crazy, just a typical girl that's caught up in emotion.

You're going to feel the need to constantly contact her and be super nice, etc. etc. DON'T. I'm not saying to be a **** to her, but constant texting and telling her you miss her and are thinking about her will kill this attraction she feels towards you and help her rationalize if she ends up not wanting to be with you. Don't act angry or like you're pushing her away, just casually pull back your attention.

Text her a bit less than you have been. When you do text her you cannot come off as "nice" or needy or overly affectionate. Try sending her dirty things or telling her the naughty things you are going to do to her. Cut out that "i miss you" bullsh!t. It's okay to do that once in a great while when you two are in love, but too much of that not only destroys the power of saying "i miss you", but also kills attraction.

Also, make damn sure that she knows you are moving because of a job and not her. Downplay how much of a factor she has been in your decision. Say something like "no offense, but my career comes first. So i'm basing my decision almost entirely off that"

"she says she will always have love for him but does not have feelings for him anymore"

If you do not see the contradiction in her statement then you're just as stupid as she is.

Update here- we texted some this past Monday. Mostly flirting and she made a comment about missing me but I was very short and didnt keep the convo going.

Friday comes around and I call her. She's all giddy when I'm talking to Her and laughing etc. she was talking my ear off and I ended the convo at the peak before it got dull. She told me she was really happy that I called.

So I hang out with a mutual friend yesterday and we begin to chat about it. I trust this friend to not tell her we talked. She told me knows the whole story and talked to her Thursday about it for awhile. Basically told me the only thing holding her back is she can't forgive herself for how bad her previous relationship ended. It was 3 years ago but she had a bf for 6 years. He dumped her, ****ed someone else, then got back with her and she cheated on him. She still feels guilty. He has a new girlfriend who he will most likely marry so the idea of them talking or getting back together is pretty minuscule. She told my friend that she was working on herself and still misses me so much.

She did tell me that guys have been pursuing her but she told my friend that it doesn't feel right and she denied them because she needs to figure things out with me.

I guess I'm just a little confused. She texted me Friday night late but I never responded. I move next weekend so I got a busy week and vacations planned this month before my job which will keep me really busy.

I'm finally better in the sense of I know I'll be fine no matter what. I haven't pressured her or said I miss you or any of that. I just play it cool and talk about how awesome things are going for me, because they are.

I guess my best route to take here is lay off and let her come to me. I feel like after reflecting I got some sense of control back. Mostly control of my own emotions which is key.

Any advice here is appreciated