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Ex GF acting extremely distant

cfdagola

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So this is a strange one maybe I can get some perspective here that my gut isn't already telling me.

long story short i went NC. I didn't talk to her for 5 weeks after a pretty big fight in where i left her with mutual friends to find her own ride home.

I took some time and honestly got over her.

So i texted her something funny. She seemed surprised i texted almost to a shocked point. she stated how much she's missed me yadda yadda.

1 day later she's texting me while taking a bath telling me how she's thinking about me.

2 days later she ends up at my house drunk and states she can sleep in the driveway. I said no just come in and sleep and you can go in the morning.

This was the first time i saw her drunk while me in a totally sober state I could tell her life just seemed a mess. I thought in my head good god how was I supposed to date this woman? She seems miserable and frustrated at SOMETHING.

I could tell she wanted sex. She was doing the butt wiggle on the bed. But I didn't bite because I'm just trying to be friends with her now at this point.

She texted me once she got home, i ignored that. she texted me again the next day and i responded an hour later. She stated to me "I forgot how handsome you were."

I laughed it off. Ever since that night though she's been crazy amounts of distant. It was a gradual thing but now its grown into quite a large gap between us its been two weeks since the night she slept over.

Thing is last weekend she got extremely drunk and ended up texting me while I was out with another chick. but not just one text 5 texts all in a row. the last one saying

that she can go to the bathroom at the party and give me a show.

I'm shocked because she hasn't acted directly sexual since when we first started dating which was a year ago. I respond in a flirty manner and she doesn't respond. Instead she calls me the next day and is laughing about all the text and she says i can't believe i sent that to you.

I laugh to because honestly i thought nothing of it.

To me I think she's still attracted to me and is struggling with her relationship decisions. She pulled back on me like this once before and that's when she broke it off with me. I've told her i'm cool with friends and have sorta asked her advice on some new women i'm talking to.

She gets a little dismissive and sarcastically pokes fun at them, she has even gone as far as "you didn't sleep with her did you?"

MIND YOU it hasn't been a full month since i've reinitiated contact with her. I have no idea what to think about this. I'd like her to take a second look at our relationship but i'm not sitting around for it. but this distance is something outta left field!
 

Harry Wilmington

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I took some time and honestly got over her. So i texted her something funny.
Oxy-moronic statement. If you were over her, you wouldn't have text her. So, subconsciously you still wanted her.

I could tell she wanted sex. She was doing the butt wiggle on the bed. But I didn't bite because I'm just trying to be friends with her now at this point.
This is a time-wasting statement. Dude, if you're over 18, you're not in the business of being a girl's friend, especially an ex. I've had exes I've re-hooked up with before, and it was never on some "oh, let's just be buddies now" dumb crap. And this girl isn't trying to be just YOUR buddy either - thus, the butt wiggle. You not doing anything to help with that is a waste of your time AND her time.

She texted me once she got home, i ignored that. she texted me again the next day and i responded an hour later. She stated to me "I forgot how handsome you were." I laughed it off. Ever since that night though she's been crazy amounts of distant. It was a gradual thing but now its grown into quite a large gap between us its been two weeks since the night she slept over.
Because she wants you to ask her out and you're not, so why should she keep trying. And your other statement is a lie - she may be contacting you LESS, but she's not being distant. YOU are the one that broke it off (based on your NC statement), not her, so she still wants to get with you but doesn't want to come off as the clingy ex-girlfriend who's possibly wasting her time trying to get back with an uninterested ex.

Thing is last weekend she got extremely drunk and ended up texting me while I was out with another chick. but not just one text 5 texts all in a row... I'm shocked because she hasn't acted directly sexual since when we first started dating which was a year ago. I respond in a flirty manner and she doesn't respond. Instead she calls me the next day and is laughing about all the text and she says i can't believe i sent that to you.
Ah, so you fell for her story about being drunk and "accidentally" texting you all that stuff? Classic moves, man - you weren't there, so you can't really know for sure if she was drunk or just using that as an excuse to flirt with you...

She pulled back on me like this once before and that's when she broke it off with me.
Wait - soooo, did SHE break it off or you? Gotta learn to word your stories better, man...

I've told her i'm cool with friends and have sorta asked her advice on some new women i'm talking to.
This is dumb. Stop doing this - even if you THINK she'd be cool with hearing about your new girls, she's not. Her ego doesn't care to hear about it, and it's really none of her business if you're dating new people or not. Her sarcastic jabs of "you didn't sleep with her, did you" are passively masking her true feelings - that she really hopes you haven't been with other girls because she still wants you.

In short: she's not being distant - heck, she hit you up multiple times AND gave you a butt wiggle "sleep with me" invitation - she's waiting for YOU to reciprocate her moves. So... DO IT ALREADY if you're trying to get back with her; if not, stop trying to be her friend - it's not gonna work out.
 

cfdagola

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Harry Wilmington said:
Oxy-moronic statement. If you were over her, you wouldn't have text her. So, subconsciously you still wanted her.



This is a time-wasting statement. Dude, if you're over 18, you're not in the business of being a girl's friend, especially an ex. I've had exes I've re-hooked up with before, and it was never on some "oh, let's just be buddies now" dumb crap. And this girl isn't trying to be just YOUR buddy either - thus, the butt wiggle. You not doing anything to help with that is a waste of your time AND her time.



Because she wants you to ask her out and you're not, so why should she keep trying. And your other statement is a lie - she may be contacting you LESS, but she's not being distant. YOU are the one that broke it off (based on your NC statement), not her, so she still wants to get with you but doesn't want to come off as the clingy ex-girlfriend who's possibly wasting her time trying to get back with an uninterested ex.



Ah, so you fell for her story about being drunk and "accidentally" texting you all that stuff? Classic moves, man - you weren't there, so you can't really know for sure if she was drunk or just using that as an excuse to flirt with you...



Wait - soooo, did SHE break it off or you? Gotta learn to word your stories better, man...



This is dumb. Stop doing this - even if you THINK she'd be cool with hearing about your new girls, she's not. Her ego doesn't care to hear about it, and it's really none of her business if you're dating new people or not. Her sarcastic jabs of "you didn't sleep with her, did you" are passively masking her true feelings - that she really hopes you haven't been with other girls because she still wants you.

In short: she's not being distant - heck, she hit you up multiple times AND gave you a butt wiggle "sleep with me" invitation - she's waiting for YOU to reciprocate her moves. So... DO IT ALREADY if you're trying to get back with her; if not, stop trying to be her friend - it's not gonna work out.
She broke it off with me and went back to her ex.

her reason was that I wasn't in it 100% which was true. I was maybe 70% in it. Also she doesn't like that I do have friends that are women and most of them are pretty hot.

She also didn't like that I had young women hitting me up. I'm 32 she turned 24. She kept saying you're gonna get bored of me and talk to some girl younger than me.

as an older guy I value connections with people more as the people who you surround yourself with make the person.

But you're right though and I don't have many close girl friends. In fact since this chick is being so distant i'd say I have NO close girl friends. All of them are casual. But i enjoy hanging out with them because its a flirty vibe and I dig it.

only problem with that is the women taper off probably because they want me to get a piece of the pie but I don't. (This could be a personal issue) lol. So i'm always losing girl friends haha.

You may be right. I was gone for 5 weeks no contact and I came back expecting her to just be all buddy and hit me up and call me everyday

(like it was when she broke up with me).

Now its this mysterious woman who makes outward sexual advances that i haven't seen in months and is being distant as all hell.

I suspect she's cheating on her current dude she left me for, For a dude she's known since she was 13 they've been off and on for awhile.

and she's positioned me as an "unknown" That and I think she caught a smidge of feelings for me again and she went into nuclear strike mode to erase it.
 

cfdagola

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Yorkex said:
If she moves distant ...YOU move to Mars.
I keep almost the same amount of distance. Although I did question her distance a couple days ago.

She said

I think about you every day i'm just going through some things right now. And lately i want to talk to you but I don't even know what to say anymore.

But right now its a 1:1 I don't send her anything until she sends me something.

in the past if she sent something rhetorical i'd keep the conversation going. She did the same.

Now we pop in say 5 things to each other and usually she sends the last text. then go 2 or 3 days with no contact or when she gets drunk. It just happens last weekend was a doozy.

It's friggin weird because she was all like lets be super duper friends!! and i'm like nah, I like you to much. I leave come back in 5 weeks and pretty much say lets be super friends.

Only now it's like i'm fighting against a wave of emotions that totally blind sighted me. I was basically her gay guy friend and now she's acting like a chick who wants the D and is pretending like she doesn't.
 

El Payaso

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She's an ex. Why the f*ck are you worried if she is on Neptune or Mars. More important things in your life to worry about.
 

VladPatton

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This is like worrying about the paint on the first car you ever had, sold, and is in the junk yard now. Forget and move on, man.
 

Soolaimon

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Sounds like you enjoy her drama.

If you're this worried over a distant ex how do you act when you're girlfriend becomes distant?

No use going back for an useless ex.

Forget about that she even exists and ignore her.
 

cfdagola

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I get what you're all saying.

I just figured that i'd come back and be friends with her. I don't really care about the outcome here. (we've only been speaking again for 3 1/2 weeks) It sucks if we can't have a friendship cuz that's what we were before.

She wanted to toss me so deep in the friendzone after she broke up with me. At the time I wasn't cool with that and left for 5 weeks.

come back and i assumed the spot in the friendzone was still there cuz as i said i missed our banter/friendship.

But now it's like this wave of emotion from her indicating that the friendzone spot was never there. I'm telling her its cool we're friends and started talking to new girls etc... And she's acting distant AF!

The only time you act distant to someone is if you have feelings! When she broke up with me and went back to her ex i figured those feelings were gone and I HAD to deal with them.

now she's saying i've changed and seem happy and she can feel it. And ever since she's been extremely distant. I don't get it. She broke up with me for her ex. Her feelings about me at that time were NO F***S. And I was like no, no no. And being sappy AF.

I'm totally confused at why we can't be friends. LMAO

What's funny is when she text's me its all proper grammar. She obviously rereads what she sends me a few times. Which raises even more WTF's.
 

Between_The_Lines

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Wait, you jumped on this site back in late 2012, and you're bringing an ex's grammar usage under the microscope for further scrutiny? It's like you bought THE book on how to become a red piller, and you stopped reading midway through the preface...
 
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