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What percentage of talking/listening should you do?

S

SoSerene

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I talk a lot. I've even brought it up straightforwardly on dates in a half-joking manner, and basically every time they kinda nervously laugh and agree. This isn't necessarily a date killer, cause if there is enough attraction or maybe we have enough in common, their interest will remain high. Sometimes the girl will say something like "I noticed, I like it :)" but that's a rare occasion that happens.

There are those times where as long as you aren't as boring as watching paint dry, if a girl is highly attracted to you she will still be totally into you. Kind of like how men will put up with women sometimes even if they have sh!t personalities.

I have a lot of energy, and one thing I am trying to work on going forward is to talk less and listen more. I've heard some rules like you should let the girl do 20% of the talking, but sometimes I feel like I'm doing 80% of the talking! I feel like I can be very overbearing and the girl might feel like I'm not paying attention to what she's saying. When I actually asks questions and let someone speak, I feel I can be a very good listener.

Anyone else have this issue? Or have any advice in terms of listening and not talking as much?
 
Y

Yewki

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The main issue with talking all the time is it can seem as though you're qualifying yourself. The exception is if everything you're saying is genuinely interesting (or is at least said in a very natural way), but this is uncommon and more often than not the person just comes across as a try hard. This is of course a turn off because you're basically saying, "please like me, I need you more than you need me."
 
R

Roni_88

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I see that always the key to good conversations is asking and paying attention to details within the topic which will open even more and more topics.. having her talking more than you is always good and at the same time you keep mystery.
 
Rainman4707

Rainman4707

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SoSerene said:
I talk a lot. I've even brought it up straightforwardly on dates in a half-joking manner, and basically every time they kinda nervously laugh and agree. This isn't necessarily a date killer, cause if there is enough attraction or maybe we have enough in common, their interest will remain high. Sometimes the girl will say something like "I noticed, I like it :)" but that's a rare occasion that happens.

There are those times where as long as you aren't as boring as watching paint dry, if a girl is highly attracted to you she will still be totally into you. Kind of like how men will put up with women sometimes even if they have sh!t personalities.

I have a lot of energy, and one thing I am trying to work on going forward is to talk less and listen more. I've heard some rules like you should let the girl do 20% of the talking, but sometimes I feel like I'm doing 80% of the talking! I feel like I can be very overbearing and the girl might feel like I'm not paying attention to what she's saying. When I actually asks questions and let someone speak, I feel I can be a very good listener.

Anyone else have this issue? Or have any advice in terms of listening and not talking as much?
Click to expand...
Listening It's not as easy as one would think.

I think it's best to let the woman talk 80% of the time.
 
R

Reckoning

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If you really can't help yourself with the excessive talking, but also feel insecure about it, since you posted a thread about it here, maybe the thing to do is talk in a way that would provoke questions from the girl, like don't include every single detail in your sentence, be vague. Assuming she is interested in what you have to say, she will ask about the missing parts. That way you'll know if you're talking too much at any given point.
 
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Reckoning

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But it's generally a good thing, girls love a guy who can carry a conversation, but no one likes a blabbermouth, and sometimes it's a really fine line between those two.
 
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SoSerene

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Reckoning said:
But it's generally a good thing, girls love a guy who can carry a conversation, but no one likes a blabbermouth, and sometimes it's a really fine line between those two.
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Yeah for sure. I know a couple chicks, one talks a lot but she is also super funny and she does let you speak and provide input. Another just talks and talks and doesn't really give you a chance to say much, and what she's saying is pretty dumb/boring anyway.

Multiple chicks have said I was very funny etc. but at the same time I think I can be that blabbermouth sometimes so I should tone it down a bit.
 
B

BlueAlpha1

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70/30.

Even while talking, remember brevity is the soul of wit most of the time.

When you feel your woman pulling away because of neglect, i.e. you're too alpha, have a good ramble or start a fight and scorch the earth.

This will keep them on their toes constantly.
 
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MOTU

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OP, I am not sure of how old you are, but at some point this will seem immature. When I was young I tended to talk a lot too but have learned more self control as I have gotten older.

Being fun, interesting and outgoing is good. Rambling on like an excited teenager isn't - perhaps unless you are one.

Remember, it's the "strong and silent" type, not the "strong and babbling" type. Verbal communication is women's realm, mens realm is action.

Learn to be comfortable with silence.
 
S

SoSerene

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MOTU said:
OP, I am not sure of how old you are, but at some point this will seem immature. When I was young I tended to talk a lot too but have learned more self control as I have gotten older.

Being fun, interesting and outgoing is good. Rambling on like an excited teenager isn't - perhaps unless you are one.

Remember, it's the "strong and silent" type, not the "strong and babbling" type. Verbal communication is women's realm, mens realm is action.

Learn to be comfortable with silence.
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Yeah that can definitely be me! I've been told I'm funny etc. but I still tend to get too excited and go on about stuff that people might not perceive as interesting. I just need to relax and be a bit more comfortable, like you suggested.
 
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