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It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

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Setting Boundaries is an Agreement.

Atom Smasher

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There are a bunch of threads floating around about boundaries, a fairly polarizing subject. I thought I'd make a new thread so my point doesn't get lost in the cavalcade of boundary threads.

Remember, guys, setting boundaries is conveyed as an agreement, not a dictation. You are eliminating future problems by discussing the parameters of the relationship, which are outlined by you. This is your job as a man.

What you are doing is getting her to verbally agree to your point of view, because "It's right for us", etc. She sees you as protecting the relationship (her) and she sees you as a man who is not afraid to take the reins and define the rules.

Think of it as salesmanship, where an important goal is to get the prospect to say "yes" to things and to agree to certain principles. That paves the way for the close as it's harder for the prospect to go back on the principles they just agreed to.

A woman needs to know you have standards and expectations, and she needs to see ruthless enforcement of the rules. If you don't enforce the small stuff she'll test you on the big stuff.

In summary, it's not a matter of sitting her down and giving her a formal talk. Rather, it's working it into the conversation when the time is right, after she has expressed interest in a steady relationship. It starts with covert communications to soften the target, culminating in a brief absolute statement of what you expect and what you both agree to.

Done in that way, setting boundaries is easy and she'll feel great appreciation for your taking charge and leading her.

She sees it as an agreement, not something that has been dictated to her, even though in fact you have done just that.
 

No.Danny

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MidnightCity said:
i think too much is made of boundaries

for me its really not that hard. i dont have a punch list of things that i deem "fair" or that im ok with or not. i stick to the fundamentals. if im commiting to the girl i dont think its neccessary that i have to remind them that im not cool with infidelity, or anything that a normal healthy girl in a relationship would not do to betray the integrity of that relationship.

you shouldnt have to tell a girl that its not really cool to go dancing without you, her man. if you need to genuinely lay this out to a girl, you already fvcked up by getting with that girl in the first place.

one time i was in the early phases of commitment with a girl. we were about 2 months in. everything was going just fine. we hung out and had sex at least once or twice a week. she showed me that she wanted commitment through her actions

then there was a seasonal festival she always went to before we met and she was asked to go to this thing by a co worker (i was on a pre-planned vacation). she ran it by me but the fact that she genuinely didnt think it was a problem is what made me re-evaluate her completely and i backed out of the relationship. she apologized multiple times but then i find out she had to ASK her friends if i was right and she was wrong about the whole thing which was an even bigger turn off.

i walked away clean from that one
Enough has been said. I love you midnight, full homo
 

Poon King

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Men should rock the boat early and often. This is how you establish your dominance and weed out attention wh0res, users, teases and emotional vampires.

Betas get bossed around, used, and exploited because they fear rocking the boat or setting boundaries. They fear doing so might turn the woman off or scare her away. :eek:

This "fear" of losing the woman is exactly what makes the man a pathetic loser. But he never seems to figure it out. A woman who won't follow your lead is a woman who doesn't respect you. Such a woman is completely useless. Your time would be better spent plucking out your pubic hair one by one rather than trying to appease such a woman.
 

Soolaimon

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Boundaries is a verbal agreement that the woman will agree to when her interest is at the highest level.

When her interest starts to dwindle she will break that agreement seeking out new men.

What she agrees to in January might not be how she feels in August when her interest is low.

She will break the boundaries that were set making it a waste of time.

Relationships are about interest and attraction.

When it is gone so is your relationship even with your boundary.



Atom Smasher said:
You are eliminating future problems by discussing the parameters of the relationship, which are outlined by you.

This is the problem I have with you boundary guys' thinking.

You guys think that just because you set a boundary that all your problems will be eliminated.

That is not true.

Women are emotional creatures and act on their emotions.

Setting a boundary will not eliminate her from being turned on by another guy in the future.

I hooked up with taken girls before and they had no problem breaking boundaries their boyfriends set to have sex with me.

They found ways to do it and didn't care cause they knew their man was low value.

That's how it is with all relationships. Interest and attraction. Boundaries or no boundaries.

Boundaries will not prevent your woman from losing interest and cheating on you.

That's the point I'm trying to get across to everyone.


Between_The_Lines said:
I don't think anyone is arguing that it will stop the behavior. It's not about physically stopping her from doing XYZ that you find unacceptable, it's about letting her know beforehand that there will be repercussions for doing XYZ. It's a lot like the law - the law doesn't stop people from driving drunk, from defacing public property, or from going on a killing spree. The law exists to let potential transgressors know that you are looking at such and such a consequence for doing this thing or the other. By your reasoning, is the law absolutely pointless? People are going to do whatever they want to do, ergo...anarchy?

Your premise that she cannot be stopped from doing whatever she wants is included in the concept of creating boundaries - that is very clearly understood and factored into the equation. Boundaries are not physical impositions, just as laws are not tangible, material restraints existing to prevent crimes.

And what I've found from the bounday guys who post here and men I know in real life is they are afraid to enforce the boundaries they set.

When the woman breaks the boundary they argue with her instead of dumping her. They give her ultimatums. They say "if you ever do that again we are through."

Here she just broke the boundary and got away with it. She doesn't take the guy seriously anymore.

You can let her know all the ramifications you want. When she doesn't care
anymore it doesn't matter to her what they are.

Women verbally agree to wedding vows and have no problem breaking them. Do you think they won't in a relationship?

If a woman wants to be exclusive she should show you through her actions she is serious about being exclusive.

Not having her verbally agree to what you want.

Judge women by their actions and not their words.
 

Between_The_Lines

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Soolaimon said:
Boundaries is a verbal agreement that the woman will agree to when her interest is at the highest level.

When her interest starts to dwindle she will break that agreement seeking out new men.

What she agrees to in January might not be how she feels in August when her interest is low.

She will break the boundaries that were set making it a waste of time.

Relationships are about interest and attraction.

When it is gone so is your relationship even with your boundary.






This is the problem I have with you boundary guys' thinking.

You guys think that just because you set a boundary that all your problems will be eliminated.

That is not true.

Women are emotional creatures and act on their emotions.

Setting a boundary will not eliminate her from being turned on by another guy in the future.

I hooked up with taken girls before and they had no problem breaking boundaries their boyfriends set to have sex with me.

They found ways to do it and didn't care cause they knew their man was low value.

That's how it with all relationships. Interest and attraction.

Boundaries will not prevent your woman from losing interest and cheating on you.

That's the point I'm trying to get across to everyone.
I don't think anyone is arguing that it will stop the behavior. It's not about physically stopping her from doing XYZ that you find unacceptable, it's about letting her know beforehand that there will be repercussions for doing XYZ. It's a lot like the law - the law doesn't stop people from driving drunk, from defacing public property, or from going on a killing spree. The law exists to let potential transgressors know that you are looking at such and such a consequence for doing this thing or the other. By your reasoning, is the law absolutely pointless? People are going to do whatever they want to do, ergo...anarchy?

Your premise that she cannot be stopped from doing whatever she wants is included in the concept of creating boundaries - that is very clearly understood and factored into the equation. Boundaries are not physical impositions, just as laws are not tangible, material restraints existing to prevent crimes.
 

Dhoulmagus

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Soolaimon said:
Boundaries is a verbal agreement that the woman will agree to when her interest is at the highest level.

When her interest starts to dwindle she will break that agreement seeking out new men.

What she agrees to in January might not be how she feels in August when her interest is low.

She will break the boundaries that were set making it a waste of time.

Relationships are about interest and attraction.

When it is gone so is your relationship even with your boundary.






This is the problem I have with you boundary guys' thinking.

You guys think that just because you set a boundary that all your problems will be eliminated.

That is not true.

Women are emotional creatures and act on their emotions.

Setting a boundary will not eliminate her from being turned on by another guy in the future.

I hooked up with taken girls before and they had no problem breaking boundaries their boyfriends set to have sex with me.

They found ways to do it and didn't care cause they knew their man was low value.

That's how it is with all relationships. Interest and attraction. Boundaries or no boundaries.

Boundaries will not prevent your woman from losing interest and cheating on you.

That's the point I'm trying to get across to everyone.
Oh well
 

Atom Smasher

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Soolaimon said:
This is the problem I have with you boundary guys' thinking.

You guys think that just because you set a boundary that all your problems will be eliminated.
False.

Women have been running roughshod over men for 5 decades now because men have abdicated setting boundaries.

Boundaries in a relationship enable a man to dispassionately train, reward and punish his woman when necessary in the most effective way possible, and to stone cold leave her WITHOUT REMORSE and second-guessing.

This is not "solving all our problems" but rather preparing for the best outcome given any eventuality. It also makes her aware of expectations. Women MUST be made aware of expectations. The man is the leader and the authority. You feminized guys can't see that because of your feminized educations. That education has been drilled into you since kindergarten to the extent that you are largely if not completely removed from the reality of human nature.

All one needs to do is read the thousands of stories on this and other similar forums about men who lost everything because they did not set boundaries. Setting boundaries is your job as a man and is crucial to a successful relationship. Sadly, SHE innately knows it even better than you do because your rightful place of authority has been shamed out of you.

Therefore, the concept of boundary setting is entirely foreign and incomprehensible to many here.
 

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Poon King said:
Men should rock the boat early and often. Your time would be better spent plucking out your pubic hair one by one rather than trying to appease such a woman.
:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

hahahahahahaha

Could this be why women with pubic hairs are gradually becoming a thing of the past?? They suck so bad at pleasing themselves that they pluck the hairs out one by one!!

Poon King, I think you are on to something big here!!
 

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Atom Smasher said:
Setting boundaries is your job as a man and is crucial to a successful relationship. Sadly, SHE innately knows it even better than you do because your rightful place of authority has been shamed out of you.
Amen brother, preach on.
 

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Boundaries can only be set with a woman who is known very well to the man and who he thinks will abide. Otherwise, no point.
 

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You can verbally do it once. I have in the past I say "look we are together now, understand? That means just me and you. It goes for me to."

then no need to ever bring it up again. once she breaks the contract, uncommitted yourself. No need to have to reinforce it.

Walk away from women that don't respect you. Treat them with disdain.
 

Starwolf

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lets take a look at 2 friends, Jenny and Jessica both have boyfriends

Jenny: So i finally went out last night I had so much fun. I went dancing with Stacy at club XXX. so many cute guys bla bla

Jessica: aaww you guys are so luckyy, Joe would never let me go clubbing at Club XXX

Next day
Jessica & joe hanging out at his crib. Jessica is browsing on FB. she sees Jenny's new profile picture.

Jessica: Oh My Goddd, look at that skirt. you'd Flip if you saw a picture of me wearing that. Lol what a slut.

Joe takes a look: Yes I would.
Jessica closes FB: I know babe.... wanna Bj? :crazy:


set boundaries... don't set boundaries.. do whatever you want. just make sure the end result is a GF that is more like Jessica:up:





Meanwhile at SoSuave Forums Jenny's BF logs in to start a new Thread "HELP! GF acting weird..."
 

Soolaimon

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Atom Smasher said:
Not false


Atom Smasher said:
This is not "solving all our problems" but rather preparing for the best outcome given any eventuality.
Atom Smasher said:
Women have been running roughshod over men for 5 decades now because men have abdicated setting boundaries.

All one needs to do is read the thousands of stories on this and other similar forums about men who lost everything because they did not set boundaries. Setting boundaries is your job as a man and is crucial to a successful relationship.
This definitely sounds like boundaries are your answer to everything which they are not.


Atom Smasher said:
your rightful place of authority has been shamed out of you.
Atom Smasher said:
You feminized guys can't see that because of your feminized educations. That education has been drilled into you since kindergarten to the extent that you are largely if not completely removed from the reality of human nature.
You're trying to shame me and others who disagree with you on boundaries.







Atom Smasher said:
Women have been running roughshod over men for 5 decades now because men have abdicated setting boundaries.

Women run roughshod over beta men that they don't respect even if they set a boundary.

Just because you set a boundary doesn't mean a woman can't run roughshod over you.

I've seen it in here with men who set boundaries in the forum.

I've seen it first hand with the women I've had sex with laughing at their beta boyfriends behind their backs. Those guys set boundaries with their women and the women didn't care to follow it.

One girl I was with was laughing that she could pull one over on her boyfriend who set boundaries.

Boundaries aren't the answer to everything.

Atom Smasher said:
Boundaries in a relationship enable a man to dispassionately train, reward and punish his woman when necessary in the most effective way possible, and to stone cold leave her WITHOUT REMORSE and second-guessing.
You don't need to set a boundary to leave a woman for unacceptable behavior.

You just leave like I tell men to do when her behavior is unacceptable. It's really easy to do.

Men who set boundaries are still scared to dump her for breaking their boundaries. What good is that?


Atom Smasher said:
It also makes her aware of expectations. Women MUST be made aware of expectations. The man is the leader and the authority.

Once they are made aware of the expectations it is up to them to follow through.

When they decide not to follow through they will challenge authority cause they don't care.

The women I hooked up with didn't care about their boyfriend's authority.

They did what they wanted to do which was to have sex with me.


Atom Smasher said:
All one needs to do is read the thousands of stories on this and other similar forums about men who lost everything because they did not set boundaries. Setting boundaries is your job as a man and is crucial to a successful relationship.
So are you saying that men who set boundaries never lost anything?

That is completely false cause I've read threads on here and know men who lost everything even after they set boundaries with their woman.

If boundaries were the answer to everything no man in this forum or in the world who set boundaries would have a failed relationship.

Telling a woman your expectations won't matter when she lost attraction for you months later.

It's her interest and attraction and your value is what matters.

My relationship has been successful for over 2 years now and I didn't set any boundaries cause my woman proved her worth to me through her own actions.


Atom Smasher said:
Therefore, the concept of boundary setting is entirely foreign and incomprehensible to many here
Most men would agree that it's a waste of time cause if you hold no value your boundary won't mean anything.

When you have value and have a respectful woman who is attracted to you no boundary is necessary.

Men still hold authority without setting boundaries when you have value.

Women should already know what an exclusive relationship means.
 

Atom Smasher

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Quote from Danger:

"This is why men like Atom, zekko, Social Leper, myself and others do not experience the problem of those other men who fear boundaries.

My girl doesn't date other men, no do theirs."

Absolutely nothing more needs be said nor will be said.
 

Soolaimon

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Danger said:
This is why men like Atom, zekko, Social Leper, myself and others do not experience the problem of those other men who fear boundaries.
Social_Leper said:
Should I allow my girlfriend to live with guys?
Social_Leper said:
End of the relationship - Definite Breakup

Why do you fear marriage if boundaries are everything?

Social Leper wrote a thread asking if his woman can live with other men.

A clear violation of his boundaries that he was afraid to enforce allowing his woman to run roughshod over him.

Many other boundary guys do the same cause they fear losing the woman. That's why they set the boundary to begin with and are afraid to enforce it when the boundary is broken.

Social Leper wrote a thread about his break up.

So his boundaries did not work.

Just cause you set a boundary doesn't mean your relationship won't fail.

It's about attraction. Not boundaries.


Danger said:
This is why men like Atom, zekko, Social Leper, myself and others do not experience the problem of those other men who fear boundaries.

My girl doesn't date other men, no do theirs. They aren't denying us sex like they do for poor exception.

Men, as I have said many times, never fear the value you bring a woman with commitment. There is a reason they tend to request exclusivity after 3 months of fvking. Recognize the value you bring to women in this fashion and set the expectations you have for limiting your sexual options.

She WANTS to limit your options if you are a high value man (hypergamy).....so ask yourself why YOU should be limiting your options, and what you should be getting for it.

All of this coming from you Danger who is absolutely terrified of marriage when your woman requests it. You keep telling her no. Why do you fear marriage?

Why don't you define the terms and expectations of marriage to her when she requests it of you?

What are you afraid of since you talk about your boundaries and "value" so much?

What are you afraid of since you say your woman doesn't date other men? What terrifies you about marriage with boundaries?

Don't you believe that your boundaries will still work?




Getting regular sex from your woman is not based on setting a boundary. It is based on sexual attraction.

When your women lose interest in you they will deny you sex even with a boundary.

That will happen in any relationships even ones with a boundary.

That is called interest and sexual attraction. When it is gone you won't get sex anymore.

That is how sexual attraction works with women.

Just cause you set a boundary that isn't the reason you're getting sex. LOL

Your women can easily can hang out with other men without you knowing. That is what taken women did with me. Don't be so naive. Women always find a way to get around your boundaries when they want.

Your options are never limited in a relationship when you are of value nor should they ever be. Only a fool would limit his options.

When you have real value along with good looks other women will want to fvck you and that will be known to your woman.

Only become exclusive with women who show they are worthy of exclusivity through their actions of knowing what it means.

Defining terms to her when she requests it makes you a man of limited options where you need to control her through a boundary when she hasn't shown she is worthy of one.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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EDIT: Posted in wrong thread, moved.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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Danger said:
Peaks,

You are still beating the same drum that nobody I can see is arguing against.

Who is saying that boundaries will fully stop a girl from cheating? Nothing can stop that if she is determined to. You guys keep erecting this strawman argument and nobody is saying that they are an irrefutable way to stop cheating.

What they do is filter out for girls with different values and communicates your expectations. Of course she could still cheat, but I would argue that you have filtered for women who are less likely to cheat.

The vast majority of taken girls I fvked had many male friends they would "date". It's just who they are.
This makes no sense.

Okay, so you want to filter out girls that won't cheat? Is that right? Then, in that scenario I was referring to, the girl still cheated.

She refused to let me go and didn't even think about crossing me.
Was 100% okay with the no guy friend rule. But she still ended up cheating.

If the boundary rule is to be used as a "filter", then it sure didn't work in this case did it.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
You completely missed the part where In2TheGame said he backed off that boundary and got complacent...
Hmmm he did say this, right before that statement:
After that incident guy friends were all gone
Maybe he "let her" hang out with guy friends afterwards, don't know.

Either way:

I had loosen up on letting her do whatever she wanted
Lettting her do what she wanted? I "let" my girls do "whatever they want" 100% of the time. Guess what they do? Me. If they don't, or were to fvck around, then I'd leave.

See how that works? See how I "filter"?

Maybe he should have let her do whatever she wanted from the get go, then he could have dumped her at the beginning, instead of wasting years of his life with her.

On that note, interesting you're jumping in here. Care to share your experiences with setting boundaries? How have your relationships turned out?
 

Peaks&Valleys

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Danger said:
The concept is three fold

  • Filter out girls with different values
  • Communicate the expectations you have if she wants you to be exclusive with her
  • Reduce the probabability of committing to a girl who cheats

It's that simple. So aagain, it isn't a guarantee against cheating, nobody said it was. These are just continuous strawman arguments being made.

I again point to Exception who has weak frame and no boundaries as a great point on the anti-boundary camp. And of course Pairs makes a good point, you conveniently left out the part where In2TheGame became complacent and let the boundary go. Who could have possibly guessed what would have happened next.....
You're contradicting yourself here. Wow dude.


You just said boundaries weren't a means to keeping girls from cheating. They were a means to finding a woman with the same value system. Well she agreed to the boundaries. So wouldn't that mean she would have the same value system. But then he apparently lifted the boundary rule....and she cheated. But I thought if she agreed to boundaries, then she had a "non-cheating" value system.

Either way, In2thegames experience shows how the boundaries are a crock of $hit.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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Danger said:
you have filtered for women who are less likely to cheat.
But she still cheated.

So.....in this case, how did setting boundaries filter for a woman who is less likely to cheat?

He set boundaries at the beginning (filtered). She still cheated (eventually).

End of story, bro.

How are you trying to make this a case for setting boundaries?
 
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