She thinks you're an a-hole, and then BOOM!

Giovanni Casanova · 02-21-2002, 04:53 PM

I've heard it every possible way.

Girls constantly claim they like nice guys over jerks. I'll believe that when I see it.

Lots of guys claim that girls love the jerks. I've seen that enough to know it's at least partially true, but those relationships are usually really f*cked up.

I've also heard that girls are attracted to a guy who is a jerk to everyone but her. Okay, yeah.

But here's something interesting: the girl who is attracted to a guy who is nice to everyone but her.

I try not to be an ass to anyone who doesn't deserve it, but sometimes girls think that a dry, sarcastic attitude is "being mean." Oh well, deal with it. I don't treat any girl I'm attracted to like sh*t but I often act completely aloof about them, like they don't really matter that much. Often what will happen is that right when she thinks I'm this big assh*le someone will come up to us and thank me for some nice thing I've done. This floors the girls, and I love it.

- First of all, she finds out something good about me without ME telling her.

- Second, it totally goes against what she was thinking and shows her a totally different side of me she didn't expect, making me a mystery.

- Third, it pisses her off, which is always fun. I may have read something on this site to this effect, but basically it makes her mad that you helped someone who was in a car accident and you mentor inner city kids, and yet you make fun of her, or forget her birthday or whatever.

She's like, "So you're a nice guy but you aren't nice TO ME? Why the hell not?" She starts to think you don't like her. It drives her nuts. She becomes insecure (WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE ME?) and she overcompensates by being all over you.

So here's what you do: start being nice to people. Don't let people walk on you, but go out of your way now and again to be nice to someone. Volunteer. I tutor elementary school kids and work with a family center (adoptions, family crisis, etc.). There's nothing that will get a girl's heartstrings than a little kid that you tutor coming up to you when they recognize you in public. ("That d*ck, he's so nice to that little kid but he tells me I've got guy feet.")

When you get approached by one of your fans (it'll happen eventually), play it off as though it's nothing. If she mentions it, just kind of shrug and brush it aside. Watch how Bill Murray handles this situation toward the end of Groundhog Day ("I have no idea what they're talking about, those old ladies have been hitting on me all night, etc.")

Doing the nice things for other people really will make you feel good about yourself. I know a lot of guys here aspire to be the biggest asses they can possibly be, and that's their perogative I suppose. But if you do it like it isn't a big deal, people will talk about it. And eventually, the girl you're after will hear about it.

She'll be impressed by your compassion, sensitivity, and mystery... and she'll be baffled, intrigued, and attracted by the fact that the guy she thought was a bit of a bast*rd is actually a great guy.

Faun · 02-21-2002, 05:05 PM

Nice tip. It shows the essence of what a DJ is. Nice to people w/out getting stepped on, and not an a-hole, but cool and aloof to the women.

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Half man, half animal.

Don the Legend · 02-21-2002, 07:12 PM

Kick ass post Gio!

GuitarOnFire · 02-21-2002, 08:37 PM

What if you act like a nice guy and then turn into a jerk? Will the girl try to 'fix' you back into being a nice guy?

bartender · 02-22-2002, 01:22 AM

I like this post... specially that part about Groundhog Day.

AlfredB18 · 02-22-2002, 01:47 AM

*nice* guy in ********:

"Guy who takes care of business no matter how dirty he gets....and most of all makes me horny!"

There is "nice guy" that gets shot down, then there is "nice" guy who "shoots" her where it counts!

So, in a perverse way, women are telling you what is *nice*, errrr, turns them on.

Being a soft guy just turns women on when they are past their prime, that's all. If good things come to those who wait...yuck!

And yes, nice post Gio.

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Guitar quoted:

"What if you act like a nice guy and then turn into a jerk? Will the girl try to 'fix' you back into being a nice guy?"

Who cares, really. If you are a MAN and know how to take care of your bizniss, you will know when to lay the wood to her and to get her to stop trying to turn you into her own puppet.

Eject her from your life, if you have to. She has to know that her way of doing things won't cut it with YOU!

crowes22 · 02-22-2002, 09:02 AM

Great post Casanova, and so very true, you don't have to be an ass, just a guy that stands up for himself and haves fun, but has a 'mad side' he will show.

BGMan · 02-22-2002, 01:07 PM

http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/eek.gif AWESOME!

BGMan

DJDamage · 03-12-2005, 10:49 PM

Bump

Good tip! It makes alot of sense.

Mr.Hitchcock · 03-12-2005, 11:27 PM

true true. this works. but i always wondered at what point do you become nicer...? when your ****ting around with her yea, act like a jerk...

comic_relief · 04-10-2007, 12:34 PM

guys read and reread it.

I treat my current girl just like this. I'm in college and much of my good stuff is not around, but I'm an @$$hole to her, and a lot of other people that she is friends with. I make a lot of sexual innuendo's toward all of her friends and people love it. I'm a very big @$$hole to her and her friends, but at times, I let her see another side to me.

Once you get to be known as the @$$hole with confidence, you can get away with murder in how you speak to them. I call my girlfriend "B!tch, slvt, or wh0re" all the time, but in a funny enough way that they know that I am joking.

Example: After being an @$$hole to her and her really good friend all night, I picked two flowers and handed it to them. It drove them crazy. After I started dating her, she said this to me
Her: "Even though your an @$$hole, I knew that there was a nice sensitive side to you."
Me: "Damn straight, I'm the nicest @$$hole that your ever going to meet.

Later

Her: "For some unknown reason, I told my dad that you are considered 'the nicest @$$hole you will ever want to meet' and he wants to meet you."
Me: "Alright."

or another example is:

Her: "Your my favorite person here."
Me: "Thats funny, I'm also my favorite person. You come in a close third behind my roommate.

"

comic_relief

Vypros · 04-10-2007, 01:22 PM

It's nice to see someone finally "get it" on here once in a while.

Excellent post. You've just discovered the "secret" to being a man, whether you knew it or not.

penkitten · 06-03-2007, 02:05 AM

Espi · 10-29-2009, 03:45 PM

This is a very meaty post that is worth going back and reading every so often.

Voice · 10-30-2009, 07:56 PM

It's also bullsh*t that girls don't like to be hit. If she likes you, this will boost her sexual attraction to you tenfold. I don't mean punch the girl, but hit a girl on the arm as if she was your buddy. Getting physical with her in anyway will get her extremely aroused. Don't be gentle either. When a girl tries to make fun of me I legitimately push her. She gets turned on every time. It don't matter how innocent you think the girl is, this always works.