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Old 05-12-2001, 01:17 AM   #1
Sting
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Exclamation She Can't Have Her Cake And Eat It Too

Recently, several postings have addressed the fickleness of female decision-making. That is, the unwillingness (conscious or otherwise) of a woman to make up her mind about anything, and about men in particular. I'm sure you've asked yourself the question "why won't she decide to [fill in the blank]?" Stop agonizing over the question – women do not think like you.

Women are taught to believe that: (1) they have the right to keep their options open for as long as they want (i.e., no one can force them to decide); (2) they have the sole right to choose (you have nothing to say about it); and (3) they have the right to change their minds at any time (the so-called "women's perogative," without any repercussions). I'm sure many women would disagree with one or more of these generalized beliefs, but to paraphrase numerous postings on this board, pay attention to how a woman behaves, not what she says (or types).

I'm not advocating any attempt to change in these beliefs – to try doing so would be futile. On the contrary, you need to change how you react to a woman's behavior based on any (or all) of these beliefs.

1. The right to keep her options open.

Single women, particularly those in their early to mid-twenties, want to "play." They are out from under the thumb of mommy and daddy (particularly daddy), they are out of the coocoon of college, and have some means of independent financial support (with the attendant disposable income that comes along with it). These women have no desire to "settle down" with a single guy, and operate under the belief that they have several years before they have to make a decision. You are simply one guy out of many from which she has to choose. She may focus on you for a time, but after she has "experienced" you, will either dispose of you or attempt to back-burner you while she experiences other guys. The fact that she may have had sex with you is of no importance. Once again, I'm sure many women will disagree with me, saying that a woman giving herself physically to a man is the greatest gift she can give – if this is true, then why do so many women sleep around? Suffice it to say, she believes that what she has given to you, she can take away at her whim and give to another guy, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Your reaction to this behavior should be to limit her choices in a subtle manner. For example, if you are seeing her more than 3 times a week (and possibly having sex with her that many times a week as well), she is likely to believe that you will always be available, even if she doesn't have sex with you the next time she sees you (she thinks you will stay based on the hope of getting sex). Begin by cutting back the number of times you see her – choose to make yourself unavailable. If she wants to get together, but won't make up her mind when or where, give her a firm deadline. Be prepared, she will try to make you stay available on her schedule (i.e. she will make excuses, whine, complain, cry, try kino, etc...) No matter what she tries, however, you must be the one to limit yourself as an available choice. She will not be motivated to make a decision unless the there is a threat that you will be unavailable as a choice.

2. The sole right to choose

Once again, women, even married ones, think that they have sole control over their lives. When choices are taken away by someone else, however, they quickly learn that they do not have control. This sense of being out of control puts them off-balance, causes emotional mood swings, and creates frustration. The fact that she had sex with you (once or numerous times) is never any guaranty that she will again. However, if you gave her something during sex (i.e. an orgasm – whichever way), that is not something she is guaranteed to receive from sex with another guy.

Your reaction to this behavior is to choose for her, without telling her that she never had any choice. For example, you ask a girl out, and she thinks she has the choice whether, where and when to go out with you. As to the whether choice, she's right, but that's all. You, however, have already thought about where and when. While being flexible in scheduling a date is admirable, her schedule should not dictate yours. That is, if you want to go to dinner at a particular restaurant on a night that you are available, then that is the choice you give her – she can either take it or leave it. If she leaves it, you are in no different of a position than you were before. If she accepts, you must not change the time unless her schedule coincides with yours. If it doesn't, tell her it doesn't, and she's left with a choice. She can change her schedule to go out with you when and where you want, or she is left with nothing. Faced with this "choice," women with a high interest level will "choose" to go out with you on your terms.

3. The right to change her mind.

This belief is a doozy. It is often seen being used in tandem with the first belief, namely, a woman "changes her mind" to "keep her options open." Alternatively, it can also serve to shift the blame for a bad decision. Women don't like to admit they made a mistake. For example, you and a woman start dating, and she sleeps with you within the first week or so. Upon further reflection, and after talking to one or more of her girlfriends, she decides that she slept with you too soon, and wants to "take things slow." She believes that she has this right – what she gave you, she can take away -- without any repercussions. Thereafter, she starts to focus very closely on how you treat her (i.e. romantically) to determine whether she made the right decision whether to sleep with you. Obviously, if you don't measure up (and it is likely that you won't), she can blame you, claiming that you misled her and didn't turn out to be her Mr. Right.

Your reaction to this behavior is to force her to stick to her decision, without making it apparent that you are doing so. Do not, under any circumstances, indicate that you will tolerate her going back on her choice. The minute she made a choice that involved you (i.e. got into a relationship, slept with you, etc...) it stopped being her choice to rescind. Put another way, if she chose to get into a relationship with you, the attempt to change her mind will affect you (i.e. she will break your heart). While you can't force her to continue loving you, she needs to understand that changing her mind carries with it certain penalties.

For example, you decide to buy a car, and pay whatever the dealer charges. A few months later, you aren't "in love" with the car anymore, and want to return it and get your money back. Will the dealer refund your money in full? Absolutely not. You made a choice to buy the car, and your decision to unload it will cost you a great deal of money. The same goes for women. If she breaks up with you, the "friend" part of the relationship goes as well – you will no longer be there for her (physically, emotionally, or for convenience).

Ultimately, allowing a woman to "have her cake and eat it too" should not be tolerated. She wouldn't tolerate it from you -- why should you tolerate it from her?

------------------
It could happen to you, just like it happened to me, there is simply no immunity, there's no guarantee...

[This message has been edited by Sting (edited 05-12-2001).]
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Old 05-12-2001, 07:22 AM   #2
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Good post - excellent points!

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Old 05-12-2001, 09:16 AM   #3
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I would like to add a couple of comments to this post.

As far as a woman's right to keep her options open. Of course she has that right. If a woman chooses to go with another guy, there is nothing you can do about it. Just the same as if the guy chooses to go with another woman. It's not a matter of a woman has the right to keep her options open, we all have that choice. The important thing is that she knows that you also reserve that right and are willing to implement it. Just as the guy must give the woman a reason to stay interested, the woman must also give the man a reason. And she must understand this. I personally will see a woman as much or as little as I wish. And she will know that her behavior dictates my desire to see her. The important thing, as stated so many times in posts here, is that she doesn't control my life, she is not the sole reason for my being. If she wants to leave, fine. I have no interest in one that doesn't want to be there and she will not be pursued. Just refuse to play that game.

Second, as far as the woman having sole control of her life, of course she has. Just as you have sole control of yours. I agree with what Sting said, though, make sure that she understands that decisions always have rewards and consequences, and that whatever she decides will not dictate your behavior.

Finally, I submit that a woman may "sleep" with a man too soon. It happens. But, it happens both ways. I know I have slept with a woman too soon in a relationship, and the aftermath wasn't worth it.

The point being, women can keep their options open, have the sole right to chose and have the right to change their minds. The important thing is that the woman understand that you also have those rights and not only are willing, but have the self respect to exercise them. All actions have rewards and consequences. If you insure that she understands that, then she can not use those techniques to manipulate you.

If the woman is making those choices out of honest concerns, she has that right. But, if you are with a woman who uses those optons to play games, then her choices will cost her. Maintain your self respect, and you won't make a wrong decision.

------------------
The man that claims a thing is impossible is often interupted by the man doing it.
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Old 05-12-2001, 11:48 AM   #4
Sting
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I agree with most of your comments Persuader. You're absolutely right in characterizing the situation as "two can play at that game." Most men do not realize that they have as much power to "manipulate" women as women have to manipulate men. I use the term "manipulate" because the women who follow the three beliefs in my original post are doing one of two things: (1) playing for the sake of their egos, or (2) testing you to see if you are Mr. Right.

In either case, it is VERY unwise to ever play by her rules, unless of course you recognize what she is doing and plan on turning the tables eventually.

------------------
It could happen to you, just like it happened to me, there is simply no immunity, there's no guarantee...
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Old 01-10-2002, 02:36 PM   #5
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Old 01-28-2005, 07:09 AM   #6
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Old 01-28-2005, 11:37 PM   #7
becker
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Re: She Can't Have Her Cake And Eat It Too

Quote:
Originally posted by Sting
Recently, several postings have addressed the fickleness of female decision-making. That is, the unwillingness (conscious or otherwise) of a woman to make up her mind about anything, and about men in particular. I'm sure you've asked yourself the question "why won't she decide to [fill in the blank]?" Stop agonizing over the question – women do not think like you.

Women are taught to believe that: (1) they have the right to keep their options open for as long as they want (i.e., no one can force them to decide); (2) they have the sole right to choose (you have nothing to say about it); and (3) they have the right to change their minds at any time (the so-called "women's perogative," without any repercussions). I'm sure many women would disagree with one or more of these generalized beliefs, but to paraphrase numerous postings on this board, pay attention to how a woman behaves, not what she says (or types).

I'm not advocating any attempt to change in these beliefs – to try doing so would be futile. On the contrary, you need to change how you react to a woman's behavior based on any (or all) of these beliefs.

1. The right to keep her options open.

Single women, particularly those in their early to mid-twenties, want to "play." They are out from under the thumb of mommy and daddy (particularly daddy), they are out of the coocoon of college, and have some means of independent financial support (with the attendant disposable income that comes along with it). These women have no desire to "settle down" with a single guy, and operate under the belief that they have several years before they have to make a decision. You are simply one guy out of many from which she has to choose. She may focus on you for a time, but after she has "experienced" you, will either dispose of you or attempt to back-burner you while she experiences other guys. The fact that she may have had sex with you is of no importance. Once again, I'm sure many women will disagree with me, saying that a woman giving herself physically to a man is the greatest gift she can give – if this is true, then why do so many women sleep around? Suffice it to say, she believes that what she has given to you, she can take away at her whim and give to another guy, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Your reaction to this behavior should be to limit her choices in a subtle manner. For example, if you are seeing her more than 3 times a week (and possibly having sex with her that many times a week as well), she is likely to believe that you will always be available, even if she doesn't have sex with you the next time she sees you (she thinks you will stay based on the hope of getting sex). Begin by cutting back the number of times you see her – choose to make yourself unavailable. If she wants to get together, but won't make up her mind when or where, give her a firm deadline. Be prepared, she will try to make you stay available on her schedule (i.e. she will make excuses, whine, complain, cry, try kino, etc...) No matter what she tries, however, you must be the one to limit yourself as an available choice. She will not be motivated to make a decision unless the there is a threat that you will be unavailable as a choice.

2. The sole right to choose

Once again, women, even married ones, think that they have sole control over their lives. When choices are taken away by someone else, however, they quickly learn that they do not have control. This sense of being out of control puts them off-balance, causes emotional mood swings, and creates frustration. The fact that she had sex with you (once or numerous times) is never any guaranty that she will again. However, if you gave her something during sex (i.e. an orgasm – whichever way), that is not something she is guaranteed to receive from sex with another guy.

Your reaction to this behavior is to choose for her, without telling her that she never had any choice. For example, you ask a girl out, and she thinks she has the choice whether, where and when to go out with you. As to the whether choice, she's right, but that's all. You, however, have already thought about where and when. While being flexible in scheduling a date is admirable, her schedule should not dictate yours. That is, if you want to go to dinner at a particular restaurant on a night that you are available, then that is the choice you give her – she can either take it or leave it. If she leaves it, you are in no different of a position than you were before. If she accepts, you must not change the time unless her schedule coincides with yours. If it doesn't, tell her it doesn't, and she's left with a choice. She can change her schedule to go out with you when and where you want, or she is left with nothing. Faced with this "choice," women with a high interest level will "choose" to go out with you on your terms.

3. The right to change her mind.

This belief is a doozy. It is often seen being used in tandem with the first belief, namely, a woman "changes her mind" to "keep her options open." Alternatively, it can also serve to shift the blame for a bad decision. Women don't like to admit they made a mistake. For example, you and a woman start dating, and she sleeps with you within the first week or so. Upon further reflection, and after talking to one or more of her girlfriends, she decides that she slept with you too soon, and wants to "take things slow." She believes that she has this right – what she gave you, she can take away -- without any repercussions. Thereafter, she starts to focus very closely on how you treat her (i.e. romantically) to determine whether she made the right decision whether to sleep with you. Obviously, if you don't measure up (and it is likely that you won't), she can blame you, claiming that you misled her and didn't turn out to be her Mr. Right.

Your reaction to this behavior is to force her to stick to her decision, without making it apparent that you are doing so. Do not, under any circumstances, indicate that you will tolerate her going back on her choice. The minute she made a choice that involved you (i.e. got into a relationship, slept with you, etc...) it stopped being her choice to rescind. Put another way, if she chose to get into a relationship with you, the attempt to change her mind will affect you (i.e. she will break your heart). While you can't force her to continue loving you, she needs to understand that changing her mind carries with it certain penalties.

For example, you decide to buy a car, and pay whatever the dealer charges. A few months later, you aren't "in love" with the car anymore, and want to return it and get your money back. Will the dealer refund your money in full? Absolutely not. You made a choice to buy the car, and your decision to unload it will cost you a great deal of money. The same goes for women. If she breaks up with you, the "friend" part of the relationship goes as well – you will no longer be there for her (physically, emotionally, or for convenience).

Ultimately, allowing a woman to "have her cake and eat it too" should not be tolerated. She wouldn't tolerate it from you -- why should you tolerate it from her?

------------------
It could happen to you, just like it happened to me, there is simply no immunity, there's no guarantee...

[This message has been edited by Sting (edited 05-12-2001).]


Sting, we share almost the exact same perspective on this, and I can relate to exactly what you said based on personal experience. It's crazy. Now, I'm trying to work this FWB with this gal who essentially said she didn't want to date anymore because she doesn't want a relationship now, period. Now I'm working the FWB angle, and she is considering it too. The sexual stuff was really all I liked about the relationship, since she and I were very compatible in that department, but I'm wondering whether I should do it. Neither of us really want the relationship part, so I figure it should work out.
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Old 03-06-2008, 07:18 AM   #8
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Church on that one Sting.
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Old 03-06-2008, 01:22 PM   #9
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and its unbelievable how many girls try this like 99.9999% its disgusting
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Old 03-06-2008, 07:33 PM   #10
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"For example, you decide to buy a car, and pay whatever the dealer charges. A few months later, you aren't "in love" with the car anymore, and want to return it and get your money back. Will the dealer refund your money in full? Absolutely not. You made a choice to buy the car, and your decision to unload it will cost you a great deal of money. The same goes for women. If she breaks up with you, the "friend" part of the relationship goes as well – you will no longer be there for her (physically, emotionally, or for convenience)".

Beautiful man, amazing. I agree, why keep "being her friend" and giving your best if she doesn΄t correspond to it? If she finishes with you, nothing else should be kept. She΄s all by herself then.
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Old 03-07-2008, 01:03 AM   #11
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I think it's amazing how this was written a little more than half a decade ago, and here it is again...

This, however, is a very true concept that is important to grasp early on. Many women do want to have their cake, eat it, and then they want you to buy them more...you'd think that entire gender would be humongous by now.
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Old 06-06-2011, 08:33 PM   #12
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This thread needs a SERIOUS BUMP. I'm recently going out with a really headstrong and "independent" woman who think she can do whatever she wants...I'll be putting this advice to the test.

Thank you google for finding "should a girl have her cake and eat it too?" because I'm tired of the sh*t.
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:31 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by defiancy
This thread needs a SERIOUS BUMP. I'm recently going out with a really headstrong and "independent" woman who think she can do whatever she wants...I'll be putting this advice to the test.

It's amazing that the OP wrote this more than a decade ago and yet all the points he made are very relevant still. Well worth a read for every man.

I'm in a similar situation with a woman who does this same game. The key as the OP said is to offer a where and when on your own terms and stick with it. The complexity varies depending the type of relationship you are with her however.
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:43 AM   #14
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With the way girls look nowadays, it looks like they've had a lot of cake

I agree 100% with the OP. Don't fall into the woman trap, you're just as independent and available as she is.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:28 AM   #15
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so i was randomly googling phrases this girl has been saying to lately and it brought me to this site. so says to me " i want to have my cake and eat it to"

Background: i met this girl in night club last year, it was closing time i walked in and saw her with her fugly friend and guy i know who buying them a drink @ the bar. i was with my wing man and i made eye contact i immediately like a reflex walked up and opened with disarming the guy i knew with a handshake and a verbal greeting and them turned to the fugly friend to disarm her to get to her friend ( the one i wanted) so i sarj her and get her bbm pin and then turn to the girl i want , shes cocky and so was i and so i played to that angle and she up and walks away as her friend had left the club @ this point.
An hour goes by her friend bbms me and adds her to the convo , long story short i sarjed the hell outa both of them and she actively engaged me until she got a dinner meet with me , we hit it off and had a great summer. fall came around we are now best friends and lovers and i start to push her away and broke up with her in october of last year . we talked on the phone every day and hung out 5-6 days a week we became really close and still used to fool around . she met someone in jan and she was still calling me and hanging out all the time and making out but lil to no sex . now may comes around and i want her back , only to find out her and this guy are really serious now and have talked about getting married . so i tell her how i feel about her and she then starts dating me while going out with this other guy . she would start fights with him and come hang out with me . she would utlimently meet up with in due time and then change her mind that she wants to be with him. she says hes a really nice guy , nicer than me or her and everybody likes him hes so nice and that i would even like him lol.

anyways so it takes me a month to sarj her like i did b4 and we slept together and she said she didnt regret it but felt guilty. so she comes over the night to watch a movie and try the same thing and try to get her into bed with giving her a massage and shes responding and then all the sudden tells me to stop so i did she goes and checks her phone ( her bf texted) she says she has to leave and so she does , she texts me 30 mins later " sorry for leaving like that i hope u didnt take it the wrong way " its been 24 hours i havent responded . shes a really nice girl i mean this genuinely and i want her to keep period. i sense she cares about me but cant or wont destroy or throw away what she has with this other guy even though she has tried to make him leave her by being a ***** to him and them feels bad and caves into his "niceness" ...
i know the sarj basics i never put down the bf and i never bring him up and her bf dosent know about me @ all even though i was the last guy she dated.


so how do i handle this .... i feel i brought some good game i got her to cheat on her bf and got her to say she loves me . but she says shes made a decision and started something with this zoof and that shes happy .

i dont know the guy personally but i do know hes not talented in the art of sarjing and hes black and white and dosent make her feel like shes in a fantasy land like i do. i dont know if that scares her . i do know she cant stay away from me cuz thats been evident she considers me her best friend.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:49 AM   #16
CobraCommands
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so i was randomly googling phrases this girl has been saying to lately and it brought me to this site. so says to me " i want to have my cake and eat it to"

Background: i met this girl in night club last year, it was closing time i walked in and saw her with her fugly friend and guy i know who buying them a drink @ the bar. i was with my wing man and i made eye contact i immediately like a reflex walked up and opened with disarming the guy i knew with a handshake and a verbal greeting and them turned to the fugly friend to disarm her to get to her friend ( the one i wanted) so i sarj her and get her bbm pin and then turn to the girl i want , shes cocky and so was i and so i played to that angle and she up and walks away as her friend had left the club @ this point.
An hour goes by her friend bbms me and adds her to the convo , long story short i sarjed the hell outa both of them and she actively engaged me until she got a dinner meet with me , we hit it off and had a great summer. fall came around we are now best friends and lovers and i start to push her away and broke up with her in october of last year . we talked on the phone every day and hung out 5-6 days a week we became really close and still used to fool around . she met someone in jan and she was still calling me and hanging out all the time and making out but lil to no sex . now may comes around and i want her back , only to find out her and this guy are really serious now and have talked about getting married . so i tell her how i feel about her and she then starts dating me while going out with this other guy . she would start fights with him and come hang out with me . she would utlimently meet up with in due time and then change her mind that she wants to be with him. she says hes a really nice guy , nicer than me or her and everybody likes him hes so nice and that i would even like him lol.

anyways so it takes me a month to sarj her like i did b4 and we slept together and she said she didnt regret it but felt guilty. so she comes over the night to watch a movie and try the same thing and try to get her into bed with giving her a massage and shes responding and then all the sudden tells me to stop so i did she goes and checks her phone ( her bf texted) she says she has to leave and so she does , she texts me 30 mins later " sorry for leaving like that i hope u didnt take it the wrong way " its been 24 hours i havent responded . shes a really nice girl i mean this genuinely and i want her to keep period. i sense she cares about me but cant or wont destroy or throw away what she has with this other guy even though she has tried to make him leave her by being a ***** to him and them feels bad and caves into his "niceness" ...
i know the sarj basics i never put down the bf and i never bring him up and her bf dosent know about me @ all even though i was the last guy she dated.


so how do i handle this .... i feel i brought some good game i got her to cheat on her bf and got her to say she loves me . but she says shes made a decision and started something with this zoof and that shes happy .

i dont know the guy personally but i do know hes not talented in the art of sarjing and hes black and white and dosent make her feel like shes in a fantasy land like i do. i dont know if that scares her . i do know she cant stay away from me cuz thats been evident she considers me her best friend.
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Old 09-06-2011, 11:40 AM   #17
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Old 09-06-2011, 12:45 PM   #18
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sting our jedi come outa retirement and school me on how to get what i want.
ive met other girls and their minds are easy to meld but i think i like this one above average intelligence and its harder to apply the same tactics or game.
she has a strong will power it seems , stronger than mine and i go to great lengths never to show weakness in my will power. i think im applying all the correct behaviors. i just need to be patient , wich is my weakest quality.
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Old 09-06-2011, 08:46 PM   #19
CuriousGirl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sting

Women are taught to believe that: (1) they have the right to keep their options open for as long as they want (i.e., no one can force them to decide); (2) they have the sole right to choose (you have nothing to say about it); and (3) they have the right to change their minds at any time (the so-called "women's perogative," without any repercussions). I'm sure many women would disagree with one or more of these generalized beliefs, but to paraphrase numerous postings on this board, pay attention to how a woman behaves, not what she says (or types).

1. The right to keep her options open.

Single women, particularly those in their early to mid-twenties, want to "play." They are out from under the thumb of mommy and daddy (particularly daddy), they are out of the coocoon of college, and have some means of independent financial support (with the attendant disposable income that comes along with it). These women have no desire to "settle down" with a single guy, and operate under the belief that they have several years before they have to make a decision. You are simply one guy out of many from which she has to choose. She may focus on you for a time, but after she has "experienced" you, will either dispose of you or attempt to back-burner you while she experiences other guys. The fact that she may have had sex with you is of no importance. Once again, I'm sure many women will disagree with me, saying that a woman giving herself physically to a man is the greatest gift she can give – if this is true, then why do so many women sleep around? Suffice it to say, she believes that what she has given to you, she can take away at her whim and give to another guy, and there is nothing you can do about it.


2. The sole right to choose

Once again, women, even married ones, think that they have sole control over their lives. When choices are taken away by someone else, however, they quickly learn that they do not have control. This sense of being out of control puts them off-balance, causes emotional mood swings, and creates frustration. The fact that she had sex with you (once or numerous times) is never any guaranty that she will again. However, if you gave her something during sex (i.e. an orgasm – whichever way), that is not something she is guaranteed to receive from sex with another guy.

3. The right to change her mind.

This belief is a doozy. It is often seen being used in tandem with the first belief, namely, a woman "changes her mind" to "keep her options open." Alternatively, it can also serve to shift the blame for a bad decision. Women don't like to admit they made a mistake. For example, you and a woman start dating, and she sleeps with you within the first week or so. Upon further reflection, and after talking to one or more of her girlfriends, she decides that she slept with you too soon, and wants to "take things slow." She believes that she has this right – what she gave you, she can take away -- without any repercussions. Thereafter, she starts to focus very closely on how you treat her (i.e. romantically) to determine whether she made the right decision whether to sleep with you. Obviously, if you don't measure up (and it is likely that you won't), she can blame you, claiming that you misled her and didn't turn out to be her Mr. Right.


Men are taught to believe that: (1) they have the right to sleep around for as long as they want (i.e., no one can force them to settle down); (2) they have the sole right to choose (you have nothing to say about it); and (3) they have the right to change their minds at any time (they're hard-wired to want to, that pesky testosterone). I'm sure many men would disagree with one or more of these generalized beliefs, but to paraphrase numerous postings on this board, pay attention to how a man behaves, not what he says (or types).

1. The right to sleep around.

Single men, particularly those in their early to late-twenties, want to "play." They are out from under the thumb of their school peers (particularly the group leaders), they are out of the coocoon of college, and have some means of independent financial support (with the attendant disposable income that comes along with it). These men have no desire to "settle down" with a single woman, and operate under the belief that they have many years before they have to make a decision. You are simply one woman out of many from which he sleeps with. He may focus on you for a time, but after he has slept with you, will either dispose of you or attempt to back-burner you while he sleeps with other girls. The fact that he may spend a lot of time with you is of no importance. Once again, I'm sure many men will disagree with me, saying that a man giving his time, changing things around and putting in the effort for a woman is the greatest gift he can give – if this is true, then why do so many men chase many other women? Suffice it to say, he believes that what he has given to you, he can take away at his whim and give to another woman, and there is nothing you can do about it.

2. The sole right to choose

Once again, men, even married ones, think that they have sole control over their lives. When choices are taken away by someone else, however, they quickly learn that they do not have control. This sense of being out of control puts them off-balance, causes emotional mood swings, and creates frustration. The fact that he spent a lot of time outside the bedroom with you is never any guarantee that he will again. However, if you gave him something special during sex (i.e. anal), that is not something he is guaranteed to receive from sex with another woman and he'll stick around longer.

3. The right to change his mind.

This belief is a doozy. It is often seen being used in tandem with the first belief, namely, a man "changes his mind" to "sleep around" Alternatively, it can also serve to shift the blame for a bad decision. Men don't like to admit they made a mistake. For example, you and a man start dating, and he sleeps with you within the first week or so. Upon further reflection, and after talking to one or more of her mates, he decides that you're going to want to make things serious, and he wants to "take things slow." He believes that he has this right – what he gave you, he can take away -- without any repercussions. Thereafter, he starts to focus very closely on how you treat him (i.e. romantically) to determine whether he made the right decision whether to spend time with you/date you outside the bedroom. Obviously, if you get too serious (and it is likely that you will), he can blame you, claiming that you misunderstood him and didn't turn out to want the same things.


Semi-tongue-in-cheek and semi-serious, just thought I'd point this out. Men and women don't really act that differently and I'm not necessarily condoning or condemning the above. People do have a right to choose their life and change their mind, as do others. In a relationship both partners must be sensitive to this and be good for each other. With keeping your options open, I think both men and women feel a pressure for this because our society puts a big pressure on sticking to a commitment, ie marriage, for life, so there is a huge pressure to make the right decision. Same with career etc. I would say that's why people, particularly women, keep their options open for as long as possible, moreso for that reason rather than the indulgent reasons...you can't deny that generally men are expected to want to sleep around and women are expected to want to settle down, and that is perhaps where more pressure is felt to keep options open for a relationship and men feel the pressure to sleep around and experience as much as they can before getting into one.
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Old 09-06-2011, 08:59 PM   #20
Aaron B
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^ yeah but we don't date men so who cares

article in the OP is awesome
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