How do I start to sarge?

I just can't get myself to go up to random women to start a chat.

I try to go out on the field, because how can you get good at the game if you are never on the field?

However, my buddies don't want to step onto the field. They want to be isolated like a little momma's boy.

How can I take charge and start approaching?

1) Read the DJ Bible. Read it again.
2) Get off your computer.
3) Lazy, scared friends? Go solo.
4) Go out and sarge.

All it takes to approach is confidence. You might fail horribly at first, but there's a learning curve to everything. Stop doubting yourself and just go and start trying. I'm in a DJ bootcamp right now because I am a bit of a shy person; I'm improving though by throwing myself into social situations.

You should do the same.

you know what i think?

everyone has a mindset to psych themselves up and approach. Just like with, say, a basketball game, there is a mindset you must have before going sarging. You just have to find your right mindet.

BTW, I HIGHLY doubt my mindset would work so forgive me for going off on a tangent.

Originally posted by RedRose
I just can't get myself to go up to random women to start a chat.

I try to go out on the field, because how can you get good at the game if you are never on the field?

However, my buddies don't want to step onto the field. They want to be isolated like a little momma's boy.

How can I take charge and start approaching?

Click to expand...

Start off by asking random women for the time, directions, whatever and work your way up.

Originally posted by RedRose
I just can't get myself to go up to random women to start a chat.

I try to go out on the field, because how can you get good at the game if you are never on the field?

However, my buddies don't want to step onto the field. They want to be isolated like a little momma's boy.

How can I take charge and start approaching?

Click to expand...

Two questions?

Do you know how to type?
What kind of games do your friends play? Even word games, video games, competitions, anything manly...

All the responses I see here are all the canned responses that we usually toss toward those with approach anxiety. I'd like to take another approach.

You're scared to go and start a conversation with a woman? Well so am I. We all are. Even the best of us still get that little twinge in our stomach that says, "Ooooh boy. I'm ACTUALLY going to go and TALK to her?!"
Do you know what the trick is?

I hear alot of people constantly chiming the same thing: "Just be confident! Grab your balls and go DO IT! That's all it takes! Don't be scared, there is nothing to be scared of! Just learn how to be confident and THEN approaching will be easy!"
I know...I used to be one those birds chirping the same tune. That is, until I learned the truth. Let me highlight the key fallacy in what I just posted as the common answer to approach anxiety:

Just learn how to be confident and THEN approaching will be easy.

Unfortunately, the guys who say this have it all wrong. They mean well, but this advice is counterproductive. Let me try and get you to understand why by posing a few questions:

What does it mean to be confident?
How does one become confident?
What things can one to do become confident?

If you think about this for a while you realize what's wrong with the phrase I quoted above. That is:

You will NEVER have confidence BEFORE you go out and sarge. It just won't happen that way! Very literally, the phrase I quoted above has it completely backwards! Confidence DOES NOT come before learning how to approach! Quite the opposite.
Learning to approach comes before CONFIDENCE.

You are going to be scared, and you are going to be a wussy the first 100 times you approach. It is GOING to be akward, and you WILL NOT be confident. But, if this is something that you really, really want, you'll do it anyway.

And when you make that choice, you'll notice something.

You'll be approaching women, and you'll be scared. You'll do it a hundred times, and you sill won't feel confident. You'll ask yourself,
"Why am I not confident, even though I've done this a hundred times?
Why does THAT GUY, Mr. Don Juan over there at the other end of the bar look so much more confident than me, even though we've both approached a hundred women, and were both approaching right now?

And then you'll realize something.

"Wait a minute...I'm approaching just as many women as Mr. Don Juan, and I'm doing the same things that he's doing. In fact, I've gotten the same amount of numbers, the same amount of first dates, and some lays along the way."

And finally it'll hit you.

Because you are DOING the things that separates a so called "confident" guy from a "wussy", YOU HAVE BECOME CONFIDENT!
You'll realize that even though Mr. Don Juan can seemingly approach 100 women with ease, that he, just like you, STILL feels a twinge of fear before he does it. However, just like you, he will still do it!

Here is the major point I'm trying to get across.


_____

Confidence is not built before being able to approach.

Confidence is a RESULT of DOING approaches hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times.

Confidence DOES NOT equal fearlessness, and carefreeness!

Confidence is the ability to MOVE THROUGH the fact that you are feeling fear. To acknowledge that fear, accept it, and then blast right through it with a sledgehammer.

That is confidence.
_____

So the next time you are having a approach anxiety, don't think "Just be confident, don't be afraid, you wuss! I can't believe you're feeling scared! You're not a Don Juan, cause Don Juan doesn't feel fear! Don Juan's are fearless!".
Don't think that, because it's not true. Don Juan does feel fear. He feels it everytime he appraoches a new girl. He feels it every time he's about to kiss her. He feels it every time he invites a woman into his house. He feels it whenever he takes a woman's number.

The difference is that Don Juan realizes that his fear is just another way of his body mind and spirit telling him, "Okay, here's a new experience I haven't had before...now GO FOR IT!"

When you go out and approach, just remember, "I am not approaching because I am already confident, I am approaching, because I realize that with enough approaches, I will become confident."

Best advice I can give is just to start being chatty with women you encounter in everyday activities but otherwise wouldn't speak to.

For example, if you're in line at a store behind a girl or browsing the same shelf, instead of standing silently, comment on something she's buying and start up a friendly conversation. If you're walking next to a woman outside, try to start a conversation instead of walking lost in your own thoughts. Don't worry about getting numbers (though feel free to try), just get comfortable with the idea of making conversation with strangers.

As you gain confidence, move up in how far you go. Instead of waiting to be in a situation where you're near a woman, when you see a woman, go up and talk to her. Instead of focusing on happen-chance situations, go someplace like a bar or a coffee shop with the intention of meeting women. Once you get really confident, hit up a dance club or the like.

It takes a while -- I've been working on my own confidence, and while I feel comfortable talking to women, I still don't feel confident enough to approach a woman in a club-type setting. It takes time, like anything in life.

Good luck.