Need some advice from someone outside the situation

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Originally Posted by Itsjustme

Happy because she's the perfect girlfriend lol Young cute great personality we kinda just click and on top of it she does the laundry, cleans house, cooks dinner even if she's been at work all day and i've been home. She washes my truck for me. We changed her brakes a few weekends ago, I showed her how to do it on the first brake then she jumped in and did the second one greasy fingernails and all. Just all the little things like that. She offers to pay for lunch, dinner, movies drinks whatever all the time even though I make 10x as much money as her.

She has been doing pretty good ever since we got back togethor, I mean she tells everyone at work about us, she has a picture of us togethor hanging up behind her desk. People I don't even know have come up to me starting conversations saying so your going out with so and so etc

It's just hard to let go of the past, it creeps up every once in awhile like this and gets the best of me. She acknowledges it's her fault though and apologizes for it even though apparently i'm the one being the *******.

I don't know if it's the interest level tanking, maybe, her response since I brought this up is that she wants to be togethor, swears on her families life it's me and only me and she wants to put all her effort into us and if I think she's slacking to tell her and she'll try harder, she really wants things to work etc

Most of this is via text because she's at work still and i'm home now. haven't spoken to her for like an hour or so.. Still soaking it all in but i'm feeling like a fool again.

Perfect girlfriends cheat? I'm glad I don't live where your at.

[Itsjustme]

Honestly I think every girl cheats at one point or another, the ones you think don't are just better at it...

But yea when you find out about it, it really ****s things up!

[Greasy Pig]

My old man says "always trust your gut" and he's been proven right again and again.
If you feel she's distant and then find out she's hanging with other dudes, that's a classic cheating scenario.
She might've only done it once and is now trying to convince you (and herself) that she's devoted.
Never underestimate how conniving, clever and convincing they can be.
Good luck.

[Gro0ver]

Originally Posted by Itsjustme

Honestly I think every girl cheats at one point or another, the ones you think don't are just better at it...

But yea when you find out about it, it really ****s things up!

No, some women are genuinely decent and would get torn apart by guilt if they cheated.

You honestly don't seem to believe you can do better and that's the root of the issue from your side of things. I suggest you work on your self esteem bro because I suspect she's propping it up. Enjoy the sex etc but be prepared to walk at any time.

[Danger]

Originally Posted by Itsjustme

Got to be honest,

Not so happy tonight.. I dont know if its old insecurities or not. took her on vacation for Memorial weekend, was her idea she wanted to get away so booked this a few weeks ago. Had a good time but she seemed a bit distant at times kinda just moody like happy and wants to **** then next day doesnt and says "I broke her *****" day before because we ****ed 4-5 times.

We are sharing vehicles, first hers broke and I took her to work for a few days before she got a rental then mine broke and I took over her rental car for a week before returning it since we were going away for the weekend. i have her car now and she seemed pretty insistent on me leaving work a few hours ago. She says because she doesn't want me to have to wait around for her but I told her it's the least i could do since she was giving me her car for the time being...

Anyways on the ride in this morning she seemed to still be in a mood not her usual talkative cheery self, seemed like this kinda went on all weekend with little spurts of her being the way she normally has been and the rest of the time being grumpy. we barely talked at all on the ride in this morning and today she spent most of the day venting to me about work stuff.

I have been brushing it off for the most part kind of distancing myself without letting her know anything is wrong but it's just not the same right now. She's never not wanted to have sex in the past except for the time she got a UTI because we were having so much sex..

Just gonna play it cool for now and see what transpires over the next few days.. I know immediate reaction to not wanting to have sex is "shes ****ing someone else" but at the same time I don't want to over react as it's caused problems in the past and I was proven wrong in the end.

Just living and learning with each day that passes and trying my best to keep you guys updated.

I dated a BPD girl for two years. This is it. On again, off again. Crazy actions, and when contronted with the potential abandonment, she suddenly fixes herself.

In this particular case, she was able to hold it together with you for two months, before the demon surfaced again.

So what does your gut tell you about the latest action where she left a place with a guy and he suddenly has a different set of clothes on?

How many times has your gut been wrong?


I have to agree with the above poster regarding women in general. I have had countless married women or women with bf's throw themselves at me. They are experts at hiding it and even the one's that appear all wholesome and in love on facebook and every other way have attempted to molest me when they were able to isolate us. BPD girls are like this, but on steroids.

Out of curiousity, how many women have you dated or had a relationship in the last ten years?

[Itsjustme]

It's all good guys, we talked the other night. She's not hanging with other guys, it was a guy she works with and it was a perfectly reasonable explanation. I'm just an idiot sometimes but i'm glad she puts up with it.

[Danger]

I would bet my life savings you will have another incident in the not too distant future which has you questioning things.

[PairPlusRoyalFlush]

Originally Posted by Itsjustme

It's all good guys, we talked the other night. She's not hanging with other guys, it was a guy she works with and it was a perfectly reasonable explanation. I'm just an idiot sometimes but i'm glad she puts up with it.

Oh yeah. You're an idiot to doubt her actions. She's a real saint to look past all your cheating, partying, breakups and push-pull behavior, 3000 facebook friends, public psychotic episodes at work, etc. You drove her to post on a message board crying for help!

You my friend have been gaslighted, look it up.

[samspade]

So you confronted her about your suspicion and exposed your self-conscious thinking to her. She reassured you that everything was okay. And you are now calling yourself an idiot.

I don't care if she did something with that guy or not. You know already that she cheated once. Your confidence is blown. You're coming to her asking for reassurances that she's being faithful to you. There is a whole host of issues at play here.

[Itsjustme]

@samspade: Reading this forum does that to me sometimes lol

[samspade]

Well, you need to take a step back and get some perspective.

Quit living in her world and feeding off of her drama. It's a colossal waste of time and energy.

Stop looking at her as an ego-booster. Boost your own ego.

No chick is worth pages and pages of posts itemizing every little word and action exchanged between you two.

Your confidence needs work, you need to meet other women and also enjoy being single if need be.

[Itsjustme]

Nah bro, I don't live in her world, she has hers and I have mine but we still have become dependent on each other not in a like I can't live without you kind of way but more of i'm just so much happier when i'm with you that i'll always make time for you and make you one of the biggest priorities in my life kind of way, simply because I want to.

She was an ego boost for quite awhile but it's not like that anymore I have other girls hitting on me these days and I could totally pursue something else if I wanted. She did make me realize I am the prize here and there is no reason to ever put up with any woman's **** but at the same time there's a big difference between putting up with someone's **** just to be with them and putting up with someone's **** because they put up with yours and you both love each other and want to learn about each other and HELP each other become a better person. She helps me every day wether I realize it or not.

At some point in our lives we all have to man up and realize that everything is not always the other persons fault. We all have our flaws and finding someone else that understands you and accepts you for who you are and wants to help you rather than hurt you when you **** up, someone that helps you grow as a person, well hey that's pretty hard to find and to me it's worth putting the past behind us in order to see where things go from here.

At some point you gotta stop looking for all the bad and just look at the good and appreciate it for what it is. Nothing is ever perfect but eventually you can find something pretty close.

[Itsjustme]

Here's what i've learned through all of this.. Never depend on anyone else for your happiness. Do what you want to do, let down your guard, fall in love, enjoy it while it lasts. Quit worrying about "the end" quit worrying about getting hurt, quit worrying about winning or losing. Just be the man you want to be and let the woman you want into your life and see where that life takes you.

Who cares what the future holds? Deep down inside the older we get the more we all want that fairytale Disney ending it's not just the women. And you don't stand a snowballs chance in hell of ever finding that as long as your sweating the details and depending on advice from others trying to make it happen. Noone knows your situation better than yourself and you can't make it happen, it just happens..

When or if it ends, put your ego aside and be grateful for what you had and what you learned. Every experience moves you forward..and so far i'm still moving forward.

Cheers to everyone for all the advice, it really does help put things in perspective but in the end it all comes down to you and the person you are and maybe just one day finding that other person that understands you and accepts you that way.

Quit trying to be someone else, it's true, just be yourself because that's who you're going to be for the rest of your life, with or without that other person!

[roflzaur]

Originally Posted by Itsjustme

Here's the story, have been dating this girl for almost a year she cheated on me with her ex of 3 years in the first 3 months while we were dating.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Loyalty and trust are #1 in my book for a relationship. Doc Love even says so in his book.

I would end it personally. If I am attached, I might **** this girl every once and a while/tag this girl along to raise my value to other women to get a better girl. I wouldn't get serious with her.

[Itsjustme]

It's here, the moment you've all been waiting for. Yes i'm here to eat my crow, yes it's over.. I don't regret it though, im grateful for every moment I had with her. She was twisted in the beginning but hell so was I

Damn it hurts like hell, i'm really not even sure why it's over but basically her lease was up on the 15th of this month so all of a sudden it was "official" she was moving in, even though she had been here every day for the last 3-4 months, she was already living here, everything seemed so perfect it was to the point that I was actually feeling she was being too needy, constantly wanting attention which in the beginning was never a problem because hell she was my life, I adored her and she was all I cared about i'd rather spend time with her than do anything else, anyway.

But alas all good things come to an end she told me she was scared of living here and I pretty much lost it told her to pack up her **** and gtfo even helped her do it. Long story short she says she has commitment issues and things she doesn't understand that she needs to figure out on her own, she's only 27 and she needs to be single...

I'm sure its just an excuse, the attraction really started to fade for me toward the end (i'm sure she felt the same), the sex wasn't the same, I wasn't as happy as I had been and i'm sure she wasn't either. I was drinking more and more and caring less and less about spending time with her. Was having a hard time getting off when we did have sex because of the drinking and I blamed it on her.

I made alot of mistakes and I have to share alot of the blame, she was no angel don't get me wrong but neither was I. I'm not jaded, I don't think she's an evil person or anything like that, I don't think she has BPD etc The blame is not all mine but I screwed up and I know it and now I gotta eat my crow, man up and move on. It hurts like hell, you never realize what you had til it's gone but i'm grateful for the experience.

[The Gambler]

Itsjustme, my man, I had to register just now so I could say, for the record, that this is officially one of the BEST THREADS EVER! We are the same age, for whatever that is worth, and a few things about you are fascinating...

Probably the biggest thing I marvel at is how you seem to have low self-confidence on one hand, but still have routinely engaged in wild sex... especially right there at work! I'm tellin' ya, with a bit of self-improvement, you could be a hell of a DJ.

One thing to remember, my friend... You WILL hear from this gal again, and you know it. This story is far from over unless YOU want it to be.

Looking forward to future updates.

Regards -- The Gambler

[Greasy Pig]

Yep, good on you for the update.

And yes, she will come crawling back at some point but what will you do, OP?

If she's been out riding the c0ck carousel and then comes back to settle with you, are you going to accept it?

I think you should place a higher value on yourself. Treasure the experience and become a better, more confident man.

[Itsjustme]

Thanks for the encouragment fellas, she has already contacted me, this wasn't a no contact thing. We still have to keep contact until she gets the rest of her furniture but it's just been cordial text.. I'll be by Saturday to get my stuff, Do you have my keys, i've looked everywhere (That one was me and it was true, I looked for hours before texting her but I won't lie I was pretty much hoping I wouldn't find them. She started texting me tonight a couple days ago I told her i'd help her get her furniture downstairs and she said she preferred I wasn't here when she came.

Then tonight she called me saying she was coming Saturday with her mom to get the furniture and wanted to know if i'd be here. I didn't answer she left a voicemail, I texted her later that I was working didn't know if i'd be here but i'd take her furniture and put it in the garage so her and her mom didnt have to carry it downstairs. They will tear up the walls and wooden stairs i'm sure if they try to move that furniture by themselves.. Said her mom really wants to see the dog (Her mom loves the dog) Said she didn't know if she could handle seeing me without having a breakdown etc.. Said no again to them coming inside and taking the furniture downstairs.

She persisted but I told her we both ****ed up and attraction was fading for me things weren't the best she would come home from work and sit on the couch etc.. That infatuation wasn't there anymore essentially but that I didn't blindside her with it I was willing to talk about it and she was the one that said she didn't want to live here anymore and decided to go out and get another place. That's the difference so no I actually didn't kick her out she said she didnt want to live here so I just helped her pack her stuff.. (I did I was an ******* like I packed so fast she was goine in 30 mins..

Then she started texting stuff like once all her stuff was out of my house she suspected we wouldn't be friendly anymore. That she probably was the majority of the blame, that she was the evil person and I was the victim

Told her she's not evil, I just understand her better now but I still love her (It's true, she'll always have a special place in my heart, maybe just because of how much she has indirectly or directly helped me grow as a person) (It's also why I appreciate each and everyone of you) she says she doesn't understand herself so doesn't know how i can understand her.

Told her we're different in alot of ways but were still the same person when it comes to our problems. We both run away.

Because it's easier than dealing with it.

And left it at that. It's true, I become an ******* and "kick" her out and she just disappears.

[Itsjustme]

Wow that's a wall of text. Honestly I don't know who's more to blame her or myself we've both made huge mistakes and we've both learned alot about ourselves from each other. We did stick it out even though it was off and on for close to 2 years now. So it's hard to just walk away but it does seem like it's the right thing to do at this point.

I think I post these walls of text for my own self reflection later on because i'm sure you guys hate to wade through so many details but it really helps me later on when I read back through this thread.

Cheers fellas.

P.S, Gambler made me think about something, theres a difference between having low self confidence/esteem and just being humble. I have both at different times. I am this extremely confident person at work but i'm still humble (Maybe this is why women at work are so drawn to me) but when it comes to the whole social thing with women it's kind of the flipside.. I'm an introvert so it's not always easy unless the woman is extremely attracted to me, then it's kind of like work, be humble and feed off the egoboost.

[Boilermaker]

Get out and find better prospects.

Feel good about yourself, and there's only one permanent way:

Get better!

in anything ...

Women will come along; you are young.

Take care,