Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Sex...dirty, nasty, evil, perverted sex

squirrels

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Sex is the "original sin". When Adam and Eve first ate the forbidden apple, they felt lust for each other, fvcked, and were ashamed before the eyes of God.

From when we are very young, we are taught to cover up our "private parts". We are admonished for "toilet humor", told bullsh!t stories about "storks" and "bunnies" and magically being grown inside our mothers' stomachs to hide us from the awful truth.

When we're prepubescent, it doesn't matter much. We're concerned with other games. If some animals at the zoo start humping, or we happen to catch a glimpse of the Playboy magazine behind the 7-Eleven counter, we're hustled off to a "safer" location.

When puberty gets close, we're separated into boys' classes and girls' classes. We're forced to get parental permission to be taught the "forbidden knowledge". And even then, all we're taught is, "You're going through some changes. It's normal. Don't worry about it."

Then life goes back to normal as we start going through all these changes, start getting urges we don't understand and not knowing what to do with them. We hear whisperings of "sex" and "pen!ses" and "vag!inas" and giggle about them, but we don't dare mention them in front of our parents or teachers. Sure they have "sex ed" in school, but they dont' DARE to mention the actual act. All they speak of is scary diseases like AIDS and condoms and pregnancy and birth control. By now, if you haven't heard about sex from the older kids, you're pretty much behind the times.

Your parents know that you've been hearing things. Maybe you were caught with a nudie magazine, maybe you started spending a lot of time with a special girl...so one day, mom or dad takes you aside nervously to talk about "the facts of life". "Umm...son, you know....uh....um...when a man and a woman, er, love each other VERY much.....uhm..." Then you hear something you already knew, but can't believe how nervous it makes mom and dad to speak of it. It must be a horrible and dangerous thing. Then they tell you, "This is only for married couples who want to be mommies and daddies. It's very dangerous and you should stay away from it."

Meanwhile, those who find out about the terrible secret are ostracized from society. The boys who act out and display masculine behavior are told to calm down and be nice. The girls who start displaying feminine behavior are taught to take charge and be more independent. Kissing in the hall is immediately broken up. The guy who acts out in class to get a young lady's attention is sent to the principal's office and hopped up on Ritalin. The girl who wears her skirt a little higher is labelled a *****. Dances are carefully chaperoned to make sure students aren't dancing too closely. Men who are unusually interested in women are branded as perverts and women keep away. Women who are unusually interested in men are called slvts and rumors are spread of all kinds of nasty diseases.

These social stigma are passed from generation to generation and reinforced by everyone aroudn the children as they grow up and become functional adults. They think the overwhelming mating urges they have are evil and gross and the only way they can possibly explore those feelings is to find someone as twisted and perverted and sick as them.

And we wonder why men in our generation have so much trouble getting laid? Why women are so conflicted over their feelings and act in such a bizarre manner?

The sexual urges we have, the desire to mate, is one of the strongest in the human psyche. It isn't something logical or rational at all. It's hard-wired into us.

Think about the last time you had a sexual encounter. I bet you weren't thinking much. The mind settles into a state of confusion and tunnel-vision. The body takes over. The sex-urge is driven primally, beneath the level of your conscious mind. It can't even be explained in words...everything just becomes a blur as your body devotes itself to a singular purpose. It's as close as you can get to an "altered state" without using drugs.

Society realized that these urges were not rationally controllable. So they did their best to restrain and suppress them. First through religion, and then through social moral upbringing, sex has been taught as a deviant behavior. We've been taught to believe that human sexuality is scary, perverted, evil. We've been told horror stories about sex destroying our self-worth, making us "bad people", and leading to unwanted pregnancies, broken families, horrible diseases, and the collapse of our society.

The problem is they did TOO good a job. We've been psycho-neutered...and are now expected to go out into the world like sexually healthy adults.

Almost ALL "chumpish" behaviors stem from this moral psycho-neutering.

The whole "bargaining" behavior, for example, is a result of this upbringing. Men have been taught to regard sex as a "bad" thing. Thus, to engage a woman for that purpose is considered tantamount to other deranged and evil behaviors, like rape, murder, theft, abuse. To atone for this moral sin, we offer her flowers, jewelry, houses, cars, vacations abroad, jokes, pretty sights, entertainment...all in the hopes that it will offset the awful deed we wish to engage her in...that she will see the man as a "good person", a "nice guy", and not the deranged sexual animal he's been raised to believe that he is.

The prizing of long-term relationships over short-term relationships or casual encounters is also a result of this. The requirement of total intimacy before you can reveal to a woman your "dark secret", in a safe place, where you can both explore without judgement. Under the name of "true love", one of society's favorite institutions. They couldn't POSSIBLY judge you for having nasty sex with someone you LOVE, could they?

This is even more prevalent in women, who are blasted with anti-sex messages by parent who fear unwanted grandchildren. This is what drives flaky female behavior...the duality between their natural desire for sex and their implanted desire to avoid it at all costs.

THIS is why you can't get laid.

cont'd...
 

pvf94

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Thumbs up, good read with my morning coffee. =)
 

squirrels

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Fvck it, never mind. I can't continue this. I'll be writing all day.

What you need to realize is that tricks, tips, techniques, etc are NOT going to be very effective. You're merely emulating something in the hopes that a certain change will occur inside of you, that your actions will stimulate that change. Until you make this change inside of you, you will NOT be successful with women. Or with anything for that matter.

It's scary and confusing at first. You'll try to wrap your head around it, but the things you see and the things you realize when you make this change are so simple, yet so detached from reason that you may not even be able to accept it.

You have the spirit of a mighty demon inside you, a primal beast called "sexuality" that society has sealed inside you in the hopes that it will never manifest itself and destroy them.

But until you learn to release and then control this energy, you will forever be sexually stunted and inadequate.

Gunwitch and all the others were right...pvssy is out there for you to take! Women are GIVING it away. But nothing within the realm of the Apollonian, nothing ordered, rational, creative, can acquire that for you. All that does is trigger social conditioning and further seal away whatever sexuality they WERE offering where yuo can't get at it.

You need to approach with a different set of eyes, a different set of hands. You need to release your primal sexuality from the social conditioning cage it's been imprisoned in. That's the first step. Until you do that, you will not be able to become "Don Juan".
 

Holland

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I agree a 100%

Being sexually confident is the biggest factor to a fullfilling relationship/interaction with a woman

Embrace that manliness, guys!
 

Babnik

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I don't agree that we all taught like this!

First of all, there are reasons to suppress sexuality or else we wouldn't do it.

There is a reason for religion, morals, and other things. Human beings DO have higher self-actualization priorities that go beyond the scope of instincts.

However, I think only few parents do the "Don't have sex!" thing!

Mine never did this. My mom urges me to get a STABLE long-term partner and have sex with her. She doesn't want me to get diseases and AIDS and is against having sex with MANY different women. Maybe 3-4 at max which is really fine with me.

Neither of my friends' parents teach their kids NOT to have sex.
 

squirrels

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Babnik said:
I don't agree that we all taught like this!

First of all, there are reasons to suppress sexuality or else we wouldn't do it.
There are times when it is appropriate to suppress it, yes. But do they teach you that? No...the indocrtination is usually, 'Just don't do it'.

There is a reason for religion, morals, and other things. Human beings DO have higher self-actualization priorities that go beyond the scope of instincts.
You're getting ahead of yourself. If you want to talk about nobler human aims, you should check out a book like Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich". It talks about transmuting the sexual energy to focus it on higher aims in life. But you can't transmute that energy if it's locked away in a dungeon of morals and shame.

Free it first, then learn to control it and merge it into your rational, creative system to accomplish those higher self-actualization aims.

However, I think only few parents do the "Don't have sex!" thing!

Mine never did this. My mom urges me to get a STABLE long-term partner and have sex with her. She doesn't want me to get diseases and AIDS and is against having sex with MANY different women. Maybe 3-4 at max which is really fine with me.
Still, she's selling the idea of, "Be serious with someone before you have sex", which is further reinforced by everything else in society. Even the porn sites you look at talk about girls being "naughty, nasty, dirty, raunchy". Even in promotion of sex they're contributing to the moral war against it.

AIDS has been one of the most powerful reinforcers of this social indoctrination. In fact, it's one of the few things that keeps my OWN sexuality sealed away...the thought of catching some fatal disease due to indiscretion. However, AIDS is losing its grip with the advent of SAFE sex.

Latex condoms, when used properly, are 99.9% effective at preventing HIV infection. No, nothing's full-proof. But even crossing the street is dangerous. Besides, people are discovering more and more that people with HIV CAN lead full, healthy lives. Look at Magic Johnson, for example. Even the HIV prevention commercials are switching gears, saying "use a condom every time" instead of simply "abstain".

And you don't even really NEED to have sex to express your sexuality. But you could write a book on that alone.

The paradox is that (in society's eyes anyway) to experience sexuality, you must first attract a steady girl. But to attract a steady girl, you have to experience your sexuality. Sexuality is the attractor.

It's like saying, "Don't take your first steps until you learn how to walk." It doesn't make sense...you can't learn to walk without taking your first steps. It's like saying, "Don't approach a woman until you're sure she likes you." How are you supposed to know she likes you if you don't approach?
 

wayword

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Actually, our youth culture has never been more hypersexualized. Sex is teh cool. There is enormous pressure to have sex and be "cool." If you are still a virgin by 20, you will get mocked in this culture. Look at Jessica Simpson - she was still a virgin past 20 and was treated like she had a head growing out of her back.

When was the last time someone was mocked for having sex too early?

And HIV is not the biggest realistic threat - Herpes & HPV are.
 

squirrels

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wayword said:
Actually, our youth culture has never been more hypersexualized. Sex is teh cool. There is enormous pressure to have sex and be "cool." If you are still a virgin by 20, you will get mocked in this culture. Look at Jessica Simpson - she was still a virgin past 20 and was treated like she had a head growing out of her back.

When was the last time someone was mocked for having sex too early?

And HIV is not the biggest realistic threat - Herpes & HPV are.
When was the last time someone died from Herpes or HPV? Come on. Sexually transmitted inconveniences. Not that I want either one, but you can't compare them to HIV or hepatitis.

So if being a virgin at 20 is uncool, why are there so many 20 year old virgins? Why do they find it so difficult to break out? Even among pop culture icons, sex is scandalous. Bill was getting head from that ugly girl in the Oval Office and he nearly got impeached for it. Everyone wants to know who this one is doing, or who that one is doing, just because it's a scandal, it's "naughty". It's used as "shock value".

If sex wasn't so "bad", it wouldn't sell like it does. No one would care who Paris Hilton was screwing this week.

That's also teh reason sex is so effective at marketing...they understand that everyone has that primal drive, but no one is allowed to satisfy it, so they project that sexual energy onto their products and people buy them, thinking it will satisfy that urge in a "safe" way.

And the one thing we're declining to mention here is that there are plenty of people who HAVE discovered this and ARE getting laid...they had the balls to "be bad" and learn to use that sexual energy. But there are plenty (and the existence of this forum is testament to that) who DON'T know how to release and use that sexual energy, who refuse to release it because of moral obligations and fears ingrained into them in their childhood and young adulthood.

What I'm saying is that if you're not getting where you want to get with women, and you've already eliminated the possibility that you're socially inept, you understand "the rules of the game", you know what you should be doing, but you STILL can't get any...9 times out of 10 the answer is as simple as releasing your sexuality. And even if you DON'T know the rules or aren't refined in your game, sexuality can lead you to develop those skills through sheer experience.

It comes down to BALLS, pretty much.
 

realsmoothie

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No, he's right, society has never been as sexually open as it is now.

But it depends on what you mean by sexual. I'd say that fifteen years ago more "healthy" sex was going on. But since then we've had this anti-PC thing happening where everything is all "Vegas", strippers, poker, anti-feminist stuff, and when you add access to the internet it sure looks like sexual activity is getting to kids younger and younger.

Another thing that the internet has done has made it more unlikely that those of us who have trouble getting laid (older people, unattractive people) are getting laid LESS. Why? Because we use the internet as a substitute. It's a paradox, for sure.


As for "releasing your sexuality"... I agree, Squirrels. I was raised as a kid to think sex was damned healthy. My mom encouraged me to "play the field" and not settle for oneitis. And yet, I still to this day feel as if my sexual desires are somehow WRONG. I'm not sure if it is some kind of belief that sex itself is bad, though... I believe it's actually due to the fact that I've made sex the ultimate destination in my personal life, so when it actually happens a part of me rebels and tells myself that I don't deserve it, that I'm not a man enough to be there in the first place.

Ugh, that just came to me in a flash. UGH! :cuss:
 

squirrels

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realsmoothie said:
No, he's right, society has never been as sexually open as it is now.

But it depends on what you mean by sexual. I'd say that fifteen years ago more "healthy" sex was going on. But since then we've had this anti-PC thing happening where everything is all "Vegas", strippers, poker, anti-feminist stuff, and when you add access to the internet it sure looks like sexual activity is getting to kids younger and younger.

Another thing that the internet has done has made it more unlikely that those of us who have trouble getting laid (older people, unattractive people) are getting laid LESS. Why? Because we use the internet as a substitute. It's a paradox, for sure.


As for "releasing your sexuality"... I agree, Squirrels. I was raised as a kid to think sex was damned healthy. My mom encouraged me to "play the field" and not settle for oneitis. And yet, I still to this day feel as if my sexual desires are somehow WRONG. I'm not sure if it is some kind of belief that sex itself is bad, though... I believe it's actually due to the fact that I've made sex the ultimate destination in my personal life, so when it actually happens a part of me rebels and tells myself that I don't deserve it, that I'm not a man enough to be there in the first place.

Ugh, that just came to me in a flash. UGH! :cuss:
A lot of people would be better off if parents were the only ones responsible for your indoctrination.

I'm reminded of the sex-ed episode of South Park. :p
 

Raikojo17

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wayword said:
When was the last time someone was mocked for having sex too early?
.
ummm..... everyone. how many times have girls been branded sluts because they lost their virginity at the age of 12? billions.
 

realsmoothie

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squirrels said:
I'm reminded of the sex-ed episode of South Park. :p
And the dumbbutt sex-ed teacher from "Mean Girls" (underrated movie, BTW)...

"Do NOT have sex. You will get clamidiya, and die".

later:

"Do NOT have sex. You will get pregnant, and die".
 

wayword

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squirrels said:
When was the last time someone died from Herpes or HPV? Come on. Sexually transmitted inconveniences. Not that I want either one, but you can't compare them to HIV or hepatitis.

So if being a virgin at 20 is uncool, why are there so many 20 year old virgins?
No, herpes and HPV aren't fatal...but they are LIFE SENTENCES that can SERIOUSLY c0ckblock your dating life and potential for a LTR.

Imagine having to tell every potential partner that you have herpes and that even a condom does not fully protect against it. How many clean girls are still gonna wanna get jiggy wit you?

Socially, this is NO LAUGHING MATTER. Peoples' lives have been destroyed by this. Imagine you meet the perfect girl..and then have to tell her you have herpes...and then you both know it can't go on. Rumor has it that Paris Hilton has herpes and she had to dump her fiance before he found out and dumped her.


In any case, I know of VERY FEW attractive girls over 20 today who didn't lose their V-cards between 15-18...and no, they are not stigmatized for it. In fact, many of them said they just had wanted to "get it over with."
 

Faca

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who refuse to release it because of moral obligations and fears ingrained into them in their childhood and young adulthood
I agree on this one. For me i wouldn't describe it as fear, but rather as moral obligations. Having sex in a relationship is no problem, but the fact that using a girl just for sex.. is something i can't get past. I have done it, but it doesn't feel right.. but i think the real problem is in fact that sexuality is being supressed. And to break out, we just need to get the bullshyt out of our beliefs.

Actually in my social circle there's only one person that i know who's over his 20 years and still a virgin. Most girls loose their v-card before their 18, otherwise it's because of religious reasons that they stay virgins.
 

realsmoothie

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Faca said:
Having sex in a relationship is no problem, but the fact that using a girl just for sex.. is something i can't get past. I have done it, but it doesn't feel right..
It didn't feel right to just have sex with a girl for me either, until I realized that girls actually WANT TO HAVE SEX.

Maybe not with everyone, and maybe not as much as guys do... but most definitely there's been a couple of girls I've been with lately that have been WAY more into it than me, even.

Trust in your own sexuality, and they'll follow. The more agressive I am (while maintaining a sense of humour about everything), the more they are in response. Especially if they're self-conscious... they NEED to feel really wanted in order to feel sexual themselves.
 

squirrels

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realsmoothie said:
It didn't feel right to just have sex with a girl for me either, until I realized that girls actually WANT TO HAVE SEX.

Maybe not with everyone, and maybe not as much as guys do... but most definitely there's been a couple of girls I've been with lately that have been WAY more into it than me, even.

Trust in your own sexuality, and they'll follow. The more agressive I am (while maintaining a sense of humour about everything), the more they are in response. Especially if they're self-conscious... they NEED to feel really wanted in order to feel sexual themselves.
This is exactly what I'm getting at.

Women don't usually have the emotional strength to take the lead sexually, though, so they wait for a guy to come along who's comfortable with projecting his sexuality and she takes the lead from HIM.

Many men on here do one or both of these things when they approach a girl:

1) JUDGE her...try to decide if she's a decent girl or a "slvt, h0r, etc", any other number of terms used to degrade women. As soon as she senses this judgemental attitude from a guy, she shuts down her sexual side and her social conditioning kicks in HARD. And yeah, she'll still date you once or twice, but without that attraction dynamic provided by the release of that sexual energy, she'll quickly bore of the judgemental guy and having to repress her "wild side" in his presence to measure up to his standards.

2) JUDGE himself...lock away his OWN sexual energy and refuse to show it to the girl until she becomes comfortable enough with him (hopefully through some kind of gifts or overtures of affection or other pandering) that he feels like he can reveal it without "being bad". Women take the cue from men. If a man approaches her with the idea that his OWN sexuality is something to be hidden, she's NOT going to put HER own sexuality out on display. The kind of discomfort a man experiences when he feels his own sexuality is something "naughty" is something women pick up and mirror subconsciously. If YOU are uncomfortable with being sexual, then SHE will be as well.


Bear in mind that "sex" is not necessarily the same thing as "sexuality". Sex is the obvious fulfillment of the sex-drive, but all you people complaining about diseases, pregnancy, etc, etc...need to realize that there are OTHER ways to project your sexuality than just fvcking. I've had just simple make-out sessions that were hotter than some of the sex I've had. Sometimes dancing and grinding with a girl can be just as hot. I use actual SEX as an example because it is the climax of any sexual encounter. Whether you actually "pork random girls" is up to you...but you can't deny that you feel that drive when one of these "slvt" hoochie-girls walks by in some of those high-cut low-rise shorts.

But too many of you use the words "slvt" or "wh0re" just to talk down about girls who you haven't even approached, who you know NOTHING about, just as an excuse to not act on your OWN sexual impulse. "Ew, she looks like a slvt, I'm not gonna talk to her. She's been grinding on every guy here tonight." Yes, but has she fvcked any of them? No. Do you really find her unattractive? Do you really have any reason to believe that she sleeps around? Or is it just that she hasn't talked to YOU yet, because you're sitting there with your tail between your legs looking for an excuse NOT to like her so you can justify your own lack of balls?

Let go of the ego. Don't judge other people so readily before you take a look inside yourself.

As for where you dip your d!ck and how safe you are with it, that's your choice. But understand that hiding your sexuality under shame is not the answer. Of course you have to CONTROL that sexual energy. It's addictive and potentially self-destructive, which is why it was repressed in the first place. But CONTROLLING it, learning to harness it, is much different than the standard indoctrinated approach of VILIFYING it, REPRESSING it, and refusing to acknowledge its presence in each and every single human being in the world.
 

diplomatic_lies

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Actually, I'm finding society more and more sexualised. And not in the good way. In my high school, if you didn't lose your V-card by 15, you were branded a loser. Girls even made fun of each other for being virgins. I didn't even enjoy my first time - I was too busy thinking about whether the girl was hot enough to show off to my buddies.

The irony is, most of our parents wanted us to be very repressed, but the opposite usually happened. We didn't even use condoms half the time, and our sex ed came from pornos.

The crazy thing is, a lot of girls whose parents were open about sex, actually were more responsible about sex.

How ironic is that!
 

realsmoothie

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It makes sense. You make sex a dirty thing, then people will do it under desperate circumstances. It's tough to be "responsible" in the backseat of some guy's car.

A recent study showed that teens who claimed they were trying to be abstinent (i.e. the bible-thumping type) were MORE likely to get STD's. Why? Because they figured they didn't NEED to be educated, is my guess.
 

Ace of Flames

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Its just like when you tell someone not to look down. They gotta do it. Human curiousity is too strong to resist most of the time, especially when the thing is forbidden or otherwise discouraged. We are told tons of times not to do something, and then our brains start wondering "Why not?". The curiousity just grows from there, until its too late and you're in trouble.

Instead of just saying "Don't do this!" or "If you do that, you'll be in trouble!", it should be explained as to why the thing is discouraged. Then there won't be that little "Why not?" in the back of our heads.
 
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