No talk with one-itis for 6 wks, how do i act now?

Hi Guys, need some advice on what to do. I'll try to be as brief as possible but kinda a long story about me giving it ONE LAST SHOT at getting LTR with one-itis.

So, met a girl about a yr ago when I first started law school. Just casual acquaintances for about 6 months. Then started to get to know her better, sometimes study with her, hang out in small groups etc. I was pretty AFC at the time and probably complimented her too much, showed her too much attention (which she loved) and did not really kino/excalate at all. We started doing a lot of flirty txting back and forth too. A couple times she showed major interest by physically touching, poking and even once straight up told me that i wasn't getting it. This is true, i was completely unaware of all her signals (this was the first girl i really ever pursued seriously).

I think my lack of action was kinda a turn off and she became a little more distant. She is still good friends with her one and only ex-bf who also attends same school and who i sorta know thru her. She doesn't seem too interested/attached in him (they broke up over 2 yrs ago) and she kinda emasculates him etc (he is a smaller guy, kinda a push over). She admitted to me that she knows he's still into her.

Anyways, about 2 months ago, the entire class was having an end-of-exams party where me and her finally got a little physical, and kissed. I think it kinda freaked her out as she started saying she was confused/messed up didn't know what to do etc. We were both really drunk. From that point on, for a month we didn't see each other but txted frequently. She initially asked if we were still ok after that night, which i said we were. I then tried to set up a couple meet ups which she sorta flaked out on with excuses. Then finally for the last month and a half she went overseas for a vacation in a group of 4-5ppl including her ex-bf (she still says they're just friends).

Now....she just got back a few days ago and initiated contact via txt. I waited a while to respond and just gave generic responses, didn't continue the convo much. We start back up at school in a couple weeks and I just want to know how to act around her if i want to give it one last shot. I don't at all want to go down the same path of inaction where she has all the power... and I know I have other options too. In a way i'm actually angry at her for being inconsistent at the end when I finally stuck my neck out and she flaked but I feel she's special and can get over it if we both want to go forth.

Thanks to those who read this all!!

kurplunk said:

Hi Guys, need some advice on what to do. I'll try to be as brief as possible but kinda a long story about me giving it ONE LAST SHOT at getting LTR with one-itis.

So, met a girl about a yr ago when I first started law school. Just casual acquaintances for about 6 months. Then started to get to know her better, sometimes study with her, hang out in small groups etc. I was pretty AFC at the time and probably complimented her too much, showed her too much attention (which she loved) and did not really kino/excalate at all. We started doing a lot of flirty txting back and forth too. A couple times she showed major interest by physically touching, poking and even once straight up told me that i wasn't getting it. This is true, i was completely unaware of all her signals (this was the first girl i really ever pursued seriously).

I think my lack of action was kinda a turn off and she became a little more distant. She is still good friends with her one and only ex-bf who also attends same school and who i sorta know thru her. She doesn't seem too interested/attached in him (they broke up over 2 yrs ago) and she kinda emasculates him etc (he is a smaller guy, kinda a push over). She admitted to me that she knows he's still into her.

Anyways, about 2 months ago, the entire class was having an end-of-exams party where me and her finally got a little physical, and kissed. I think it kinda freaked her out as she started saying she was confused/messed up didn't know what to do etc. We were both really drunk. From that point on, for a month we didn't see each other but txted frequently. She initially asked if we were still ok after that night, which i said we were. I then tried to set up a couple meet ups which she sorta flaked out on with excuses. Then finally for the last month and a half she went overseas for a vacation in a group of 4-5ppl including her ex-bf (she still says they're just friends).

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Holy shit, man! I don't think I've ever seen so many problems in a single situation. You need a lot of learning. Start with the DJ Bible, my friend. (link at the bottom)

Now....she just got back a few days ago and initiated contact via txt. I waited a while to respond and just gave generic responses, didn't continue the convo much. We start back up at school in a couple weeks and I just want to know how to act around her if i want to give it one last shot.

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"One last shot"!? Dude!! In the extreme case that you had one to begin with, you fucked it up by not taking action in the first six months of knowing this chick! She just wants you and the ex-BF as ORBITERS, feeding her the attention that she craves and that you two stooges continuously and consistently provide her.

I don't at all want to go down the same path of inaction where she has all the power... and I know I have other options too. In a way i'm actually angry at her for being inconsistent at the end when I finally stuck my neck out and she flaked but I feel she's special and can get over it if we both want to go forth.

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Dude, move on. You can stick a fork in it cause it's done. Dead. Not going anywhere. Capisce?

When you see her, a polite "Hi," "Bye," etc. is all she's gonna get from you. Start looking at other women. This one's no good.

Don't wait too long with the next girl.

I hate when guys write asking for "one last shot" with a girl. It sounds like a heroin addict talking about "Just one more hit".

Anyway - how do you act around her? Friendly, but indifferent.

And for god's sake, stop the constant texting. Just because we have the technology to be in touch with each other 24 hours a day doesnt mean we're actually supposed to use it that way.

Ya, I really stopped reading after casual aquantices for 6 months......

vatoloco said:

Holy shit, man! I don't think I've ever seen so many problems in a single situation. You need a lot of learning. Start with the DJ Bible, my friend. (link at the bottom)



"One last shot"!? Dude!! In the extreme case that you had one to begin with, you fucked it up by not taking action in the first six months of knowing this chick! She just wants you and the ex-BF as ORBITERS, feeding her the attention that she craves and that you two stooges continuously and consistently provide her.



Dude, move on. You can stick a fork in it cause it's done. Dead. Not going anywhere. Capisce?

When you see her, a polite "Hi," "Bye," etc. is all she's gonna get from you. Start looking at other women. This one's no good.

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Wow, totally hit the nail on the head there. I would be 100% ok just never talking to her again, just sucks because Im gonna be forced to see her every day. I guess the only thing to do is to be friendly when i see her but make sure i make it seem like she doesn't affect me at all. Ive got other prospects on the go, i was thinking of purposely hanging wit other girls in front of her but even that is putting in too much effort for what is probably a lost cause. You know, right before she left she mentioned that she wanted to hang out when she got back, and when she was gone she sent me a couple messages which i just politely answered a few days later, then she did initiate contact when she got back....but im starting to realize she consistently does just enough to keep me strung along...gotta go back with a diff frame and show her no more attention

kurplunk said:

Wow, totally hit the nail on the head there. I would be 100% ok just never talking to her again, just sucks because Im gonna be forced to see her every day. I guess the only thing to do is to be friendly when i see her but make sure i make it seem like she doesn't affect me at all. Ive got other prospects on the go, i was thinking of purposely hanging wit other girls in front of her but even that is putting in too much effort for a lost cause. You know, right before she left she mentioned that she wanted to hang out when she got back, and when she was gone she sent me a couple messages which i just politely answered a few days later, then she did initiate contact when she got back....but im starting to realize she consistently does just enough to keep me strung along...gotta go back with a diff frame and show her no more attention

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Emphasized and fixed for you.

Good. You are learning well. Kudos to you! You will go far with that attitude. How old are you?

kurplunk, this is not over.

but if you want to win this girl over... you need to move on.

vatoloco is right, she's keeping you around because she likes the attention. she sees you (and her ex-bf) as lower value than what she thinks she deserves.


if you want to win this girl. move on, improve yourself and come back to it at least 1 year or so later.

garruk said:

kurplunk, this is not over.

but if you want to win this girl over... you need to move on.

vatoloco is right, she's keeping you around because she likes the attention. she sees you (and her ex-bf) as lower value than what she thinks she deserves.


if you want to win this girl. move on, improve yourself and come back to it at least 1 year or so later.

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that

....update

Thought i'd post a reply to how things are going. So, first day of classes i avoided her and hung out with other friends. Its a large class (200+ppl so its not like you see every person every day). She txted me and asked why i didnt sit with her, i politely replied that i didnt see her sat with others. Next day, i avoided her again and didnt run into her. Third day she found me and said something along the lines of "I havent seen you all week, where were you, I havent seen u in so long" and gave me a long lingering close hug. I just remained polite. That day she followed me around a bit but i remained polite/indifferent and socialized with everyone equally showing her no extra attention more than anybody else. Last night (friday night) i was out with a group of friends and she texts me a couple times trying to start convo the last one was something about me ignoring her. I always answered with polite short non flirty txts. Another thing I noticed is that she posted an old pic of her on facebook and on blackberry messenger that we had a running joke over (about how I thought she looked good in the pic etc).

Now, Ive also seen her talking to her ex (also in the class), nothing too close or anything just looks like normal conversation. Anyways, I was planning to stick to the original plan and be friendly, polite, indifferent, and not show her an extra attention. But in the back of my mind i'm not totally sure how to play this. I have a feeling i should just stick to this since there is little chance of anything working out.

I would just keep doing what you're doing since what you were doing before clearly wasn't working and now
at least you're getting some spark even if its small, but..

Either a) she doesn't really like you in that way, never will and this is just a snap back reaction to your indifference which is a short lived phenomena or b) she'll become infatuated and eventually throw herself at you.

Either way, you're in a win win situation, you hold the cards and control the frame now, just realize that, live it
and everything will work out one way or the other.

kurplunk said:

Now, Ive also seen her talking to her ex (also in the class), nothing too close or anything just looks like normal conversation. Anyways, I was planning to stick to the original plan and be friendly, polite, indifferent, and not show her an extra attention. But in the back of my mind i'm not totally sure how to play this. I have a feeling i should just stick to this since there is little chance of anything working out.

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See, now you understand that you have something that she wants - attention.

Use that to your advantage. As st_99 said, you're in a win-win situation. Either she backs off for good, and stops wasting your time OR she realizes that she has to make a move for you before you "slip away".

Zzzzz..which one's the AW chick? I'd like to ask the chick for a piece I'd ask and forget about wtf she thinks or does. Your #1. So keep on movin and improvin.:woo: