I feel disrespected

element0 · Jan 24, 2011

Hello guys, first post here, been reading for a while.

I have a problem with a friend of mine whom I feel disrespected me. About two weeks ago I went out with a few friends for a birthday party; we bar-hopped around, and I ended up making out with one girl (lets call her Nicole) in the group, casual acquaintance who was a friend of a friend. She isn't particularly attractive, IMO 5-6, and I don't have much future interest in her. This is completely out of the ordinary for me, as I have never had a real girlfriend, and I am rarely with girls. My friends took this as a big deal, and there are pictures all over facebook of me and this girl making out in the middle of the bar. I took some crap for a few days from my friends, which didn't bother me and I brushed it off.

So yesterday comes along, and I'm watching the football games at a bar with some friends, and the girl I was making out with meets us there. I didn't invite her, someone else in the group invited her. When she gets there, my one friend (lets call him Jim) starts busting my balls about us making out. It's funny for a while, but after a few hours of non-stop jokes about it, it gets old. I'm a laid back guy, so again I just brush it off, but he doesn't stop, and it really starts to get to me.

Then Jim's girlfriend (lets call her Allison) asks me how my first kiss was, she believes it was this makeout with a girl a few weeks ago. This wasn't my first kiss, but I didn't want to push the subject because I am inexperienced with women and don't want to get in a big discussion about it, so I told her it wasn't my first kiss and let it go. The part I found disrespectful was that my friend Jim told his girlfriend Allison that was my first kiss. Allison is best friends with Nicole, the girl I made out with. And it seems he specifically invited them down there so he could bust my balls all night. He knows I am inexperienced with women as we have been friends for a long time, and he continued the whole night.

I felt like crap afterward, and I don't know how I should approach the situation in the future. I know if I play back at him he will just escalate things, and start going off completely on my inexperience with women. But I also feel like a chump sitting there and taking it.

Am I wrong here for feeling disrespected? What should I do in the future?

Acq · Jan 24, 2011

My friends took this as a big deal, and there are pictures all over facebook of me and this girl making out in the middle of the bar. I took some crap for a few days from my friends, which didn't bother me and I brushed it off.

what do u mean u took some "crap" from your "friends"? whats the big deal here? making out with a GIRL ? is that something special? good thing u brashed it off

So yesterday comes along, and I'm watching the football games at a bar with some friends, and the girl I was making out with meets us there. I didn't invite her, someone else in the group invited her. When she gets there, my one friend (lets call him Jim) starts busting my balls about us making out. It's funny for a while, but after a few hours of non-stop jokes about it, it gets old. I'm a laid back guy, so again I just brush it off, but he doesn't stop, and it really starts to get to me.

a few hours of jokes must have a reason, maybe your reaction to the whole thing is wrong ?

what IS starting to get to you exactly ? that some guys talk about u making out with a girl ?

I find it hard to believe that your so called friends would talk about it for hours, unless there was a reason, for example your ackward reactions. In the case they were trying to tease or even emotionally bully u, then u should know that these "friends" of yours are not really "friends".
your friends behaviour in front of that girl is inappropriate to say the least.

The part I found disrespectful was that my friend Jim told his girlfriend Allison that was my first kiss. Allison is best friends with Nicole, the girl I made out with. And it seems he specifically invited them down there so he could bust my balls all night. He knows I am inexperienced with women as we have been friends for a long time, and he continued the whole night.

if you are insecure about intimacy, your sexuality (which is normal for a teenager!) and your "friend" invited them over to make fun of u, then it could be time to make conclusions about this so called friend.

in the future u should ignore what anyone says or thinks of u, dont make a big deal out of it, and for sure dont take crap from so called "friends", choose your "friends" wisely though

element0 · Jan 24, 2011

Acq said:
what do u mean u took some "crap" from your "friends"? whats the big deal here? making out with a GIRL ? is that something special? good thing u brashed it off

It was a topic of conversation. Kind of "can't believe that happened" type of reaction more than trying to bring me down. Except for yesterday it was brutal.

a few hours of jokes must have a reason, maybe your reaction to the whole thing is wrong ?

what IS starting to get to you exactly ? that some guys talk about u making out with a girl ?

I find it hard to believe that your so called friends would talk about it for hours, unless there was a reason, for example your ackward reactions. In the case they were trying to tease or even emotionally bully u, then u should know that these "friends" of yours are not really "friends".
your friends behaviour in front of that girl is inappropriate to say the least.

I didn't have much of a reaction; tried to laugh it off, and go back to watching the games or another conversation. But it was incessant.

What is getting to me is that he continued to make jokes about it, and he knows my situation and that I don't like to talk about it very much.

if you are insecure about intimacy, your sexuality (which is normal for a teenager!) and your "friend" invited them over to make fun of u, then it could be time to make conclusions about this so called friend.

The only part I'm insecure about it not having enough intimacy experience, and having to explain it, or talk about it.

in the future u should ignore what anyone says or thinks of u, dont make a big deal out of it, and for sure dont take crap from so called "friends", choose your "friends" wisely though

I kind of figured this would be the rational next step, and I have thought about it. But I don't know if I could just drop him as a friend right now, as he has been an established member of my group of friends for a long time.

Iceberg · Jan 24, 2011

If you making out with a girl is front page news to your friends, then it sounds like your friends need to get a life.

If it becomes a consistent issue, I wouldn't get mad. Just smile politely and say, "So has anything interesting in your world happened since this make out? Or is that it?"

It's not a blunt, friendship-ruining insult. But it kinda drives home the point to make your friend think, "Wow. My life is kind of lame."

Prodigy746 · Jan 24, 2011

that guy is not your friend and i would recommend you get better friends.

SamTheHobit · Jan 24, 2011

Friends are'nt what they should be now days, which is really sad but that just the reality of it.

element0 · Jan 24, 2011

Thanks for the suggestions, appreciate it. I will have to evaluate my friendship with him, and if it is really worth it to keep him around.

I like Iceberg's suggestion, will try that if he gets on me again.

Chickfight · Jan 24, 2011

Look, there's no need to be aggresive, but you have to learn to be assertive. Take your friend to the side and tell him that his behavior is inappropriate and that it bothers you, then tell him to tone it down.

There's a big difference between not being able to take a joke and standing up for yourself.

cool dude · Jan 24, 2011

Yea man^ let your friends know that they need too respect you. If they act like that you need too tell them you do not like it, and if they keep doing it then they will never see you again. plain and simple.

The more you get older the more you filter people out bro. Don't be an ******* about it. Be cool, but serious.

Tazman · Jan 24, 2011

I've had to deal with particular friends trying elevate themselves by cracking jokes about me in front of women they're trying to impress. I simply laugh and pretend it's no big deal, if it becomes a little "excessive" I usually make a comment about how "jealous" they are of me that they won't let it go and that usually ends it.

One time the chick they were doing this in front of actually beat me to the punch. She asked where all the hate was coming from, and said the guys were just jealous. After her comment you could hear a pin drop in the room and I had the cheesiest sh-t eating grin on my face, lol. Don't show them that it bothers you and they'll begin to look stupid.

Don Juanabbe · Jan 25, 2011

element0 said:
Hello guys, first post here, been reading for a while.

I have a problem with a friend of mine whom I feel disrespected me. About two weeks ago I went out with a few friends for a birthday party; we bar-hopped around, and I ended up making out with one girl (lets call her Nicole) in the group, casual acquaintance who was a friend of a friend. She isn't particularly attractive, IMO 5-6, and I don't have much future interest in her. This is completely out of the ordinary for me, as I have never had a real girlfriend, and I am rarely with girls. My friends took this as a big deal, and there are pictures all over facebook of me and this girl making out in the middle of the bar. I took some crap for a few days from my friends, which didn't bother me and I brushed it off.

So yesterday comes along, and I'm watching the football games at a bar with some friends, and the girl I was making out with meets us there. I didn't invite her, someone else in the group invited her. When she gets there, my one friend (lets call him Jim) starts busting my balls about us making out. It's funny for a while, but after a few hours of non-stop jokes about it, it gets old. I'm a laid back guy, so again I just brush it off, but he doesn't stop, and it really starts to get to me.

Then Jim's girlfriend (lets call her Allison) asks me how my first kiss was, she believes it was this makeout with a girl a few weeks ago. This wasn't my first kiss, but I didn't want to push the subject because I am inexperienced with women and don't want to get in a big discussion about it, so I told her it wasn't my first kiss and let it go. The part I found disrespectful was that my friend Jim told his girlfriend Allison that was my first kiss. Allison is best friends with Nicole, the girl I made out with. And it seems he specifically invited them down there so he could bust my balls all night. He knows I am inexperienced with women as we have been friends for a long time, and he continued the whole night.

I felt like crap afterward, and I don't know how I should approach the situation in the future. I know if I play back at him he will just escalate things, and start going off completely on my inexperience with women. But I also feel like a chump sitting there and taking it.

Am I wrong here for feeling disrespected? What should I do in the future?

In the future, you need to do something called 'Agree & Amplify'.

For example:

If they start bugging you about making out with her > Agree and Amplify -

"Yeah, she couldn't keep her hands off me".

"Next time, post that sh*t on RedTube".

"I hope she didn't think I was that easy."

Jim's Girlfriend, "How was your first kiss?" -

"Not bad but I wish you'd brushed your teeth first, Allison".

Don Juanabbe · Jan 25, 2011

EDIT: Double post

vatoloco · Jan 27, 2011

Agree & Amplify, my friend. Agree & Amplify.

"Of course we were making out! Dude, she has eyes! And obviously great taste in men!"

cool dude · Jan 30, 2011

^^^ I like your style friend

I feel disrespected

element0

Don Juan

Acq

Don Juan

element0

Don Juan

Iceberg

Master Don Juan

Prodigy746

Master Don Juan

SamTheHobit

Master Don Juan

element0

Don Juan

Chickfight

Senior Don Juan

cool dude

Senior Don Juan

Tazman

Master Don Juan

Don Juanabbe

Master Don Juan

Don Juanabbe

Master Don Juan

vatoloco

Master Don Juan

cool dude

Senior Don Juan