First date flake. How to respond

So heres the deal. About a month ago i met a girl, roomate of a friend. She told my friend to text me that she was interested. At this time, i was dating a girl that i had the one-its for so i didnt call her. a couple weeks ago we LJBF'd eachother so i contact this new girl. She seemed like a short fuse.

Here are the texts :

So i ended up texting her something about how im going to grab a drink and she should come join me.. here is her response.

HB: (my name)!!! im so sick right now, its my friends 21st and i cant even make that!
Me:Aww thats no good. Well lets take a raincheck and grab one later when ur back to normal!
HB: Yes please! id like that. Have fun tonight!

Week goes by

Me: Hows my favorite little (her name) doing?
HB: (my name)! im good, and u?
Me: Doin great. So u have 2 options. tmrw night come grab that drink with me or zoo saturday during the day.
HB: Well my fake is unrealiable.. and saturday i dont think im doing anything important!
Me:Hah i see. well in that case, might have to be saturday then.
HB: i let u know for sure!

Friday night at 7pm before the proposed saturday date.

Me: Hey girly! what kind of trouble u been getting into today?

( i was using this as an opener to try to confirm plans for today)

No response..

Im kind of confused cause she seemed like a short fuse and i was getting big IOIs from her. Any advice on what i should do next? should i wait for her to contact me? or should i do a ping or ask her out again in a week or so. Or.. just next?

Have you thought of actually TALKING to her?

Vanish for a few weeks / no contact.

Then "run" into her through your mutual friend.

Is this one of those times where i should wait for her to initiate. or should i just call her in a week or two? Looking for a next step. I do like ur advice Canttouchmystyle tho.

CantTouchMyStyle said:

Vanish for a few weeks / no contact.

Then "run" into her through your mutual friend.

Click to expand...

I've played things this way before, it actually works well in my experience. I was "running into" a girl almost every weekend for a month before I got her

Though this below is the correct answer. Stop texting and just CALL her.

bluenorther said:

Have you thought of actually TALKING to her?

Click to expand...

bluenorther said:

Have you thought of actually TALKING to her?

Click to expand...

Evidently not.

Moof said:

She told my friend to text me that she was interested.

Click to expand...

WTF is this!? Are you guys in Middle school or something? "Tell Moof I like him. Does he like me back?" How old is this broad?

At this time, i was dating a girl that i had the one-its for so i didnt call her.

Click to expand...

This is exactly why you should always spin multiple plates. You put all your eggs in one basket with the oneitis girl while this other chick lost interest after you didn't reply until after two weeks. That's just disrespectful man...

Here are the texts :

Click to expand...

You never, EVER make plans with a new plate via text. Call the girl up and ask her out. If she doesn't pick up or call you back, then her IL is mediocre or low and you'll just be wasting your time...

So i ended up texting her something about how im going to grab a drink and she should come join me.. here is her response.


Week goes by

Me: Hows my favorite little (her name) doing?

Click to expand...

Gee, pedestaling much?

Me: Doin great. So u have 2 options. tmrw night come grab that drink with me or zoo saturday during the day.

Click to expand...

You never give new plates options. You tell them what you're gonna do. You're the man. You're supposed to take charge and lead.

HB: i let u know for sure!

Click to expand...

Ha! You just accepted indefinite plans.

Friday night at 7pm before the proposed saturday date.

Me: Hey girly! what kind of trouble u been getting into today?

( i was using this as an opener to try to confirm plans for today)

No response..

Click to expand...

Of course not! If she was truly interested, she would've committed earlier and not told you "i let you know for sure!" If she has nothing else going on for Saturday night, she'll give a ring/text "Hey Moof, you still down for tonight?"

Any advice on what i should do next?

Click to expand...

You know the answer. "Search your feelings" and you'll know what to do...

I agree that texting is really lame.
You should just call and mockingly/playfully say: "So what, you're too fly to reply to my text now?" or something similar. It's important to give the girl a little **** for acting disrespectful, but not in an angry way. She'll laugh and say no, giving an excuse. Then say something like "Riiight, anyway how are you doing?" Then just talk for a couple of minutes but DO NOT ask her out again, either LET HER ask you out or if she doesn't, just say you gotta go and hang up. Guaranteed she'll text or call you about arranging a date at a later time.

This whole process shows you're the kind of person who isn't used to not getting replied to, raises value. Then you NOT asking her out again shows that her acting that way might have turned you off her which raises even more value. When you hang up, she'll be left wanting MORE and she'll WANT to see you again.

Be careful not to fall into the texting trap again, if she texts you, don't reply, wait a few hours then call her and saying you don't really like texting, you prefer it this way.

Think about it this way. What group texts the most? Thirteen year old girls. Acting like that won't get you anywhere. You're a ****in MAN.

All that texting seems too cutesy for me. Nothing wrong with texting, but that was way over the top cheesy for someone you don't really know.

cordoncordon said:

All that texting seems too cutesy for me. Nothing wrong with texting, but that was way over the top cheesy for someone you don't really know.

Click to expand...

I agree, but if he were calling, he could have pulled off the same lines if he said it in the right way.

Yeah i def learned to always spin now. Im response to the last post that text is not putting her on a pedestal. Its a canned opener. Next time i use it im goin to say hows my third fqvorite ___. anyways i know i should call.. Would id be too soon to call today? Or should i have a time gap. I dont want to appear clingly so advice for the NEXT MOVE would be great. The run into idea is great but not so much of an option anymore since my friend is moving out pf her house on wednesday haha.

Moof said:

Yeah i def learned to always spin now. Im response to the last post that text is not putting her on a pedestal. Its a canned opener. Next time i use it im goin to say hows my third fqvorite ___. anyways i know i should call.. Would id be too soon to call today? Or should i have a time gap. I dont want to appear clingly so advice for the NEXT MOVE would be great. The run into idea is great but not so much of an option anymore since my friend is moving out pf her house on wednesday haha.

Click to expand...

The thing you're doing is trying to game her by texts, while you should just call her and SAY the same things you would have texted. Why? It shows you have the balls to actually say those things, it's more intimate, and it shows you have anything interesting to do or you wouldn't be able to pause and text every few minutes. There are so many guys who are so macho while texting, calling girls babe and honey and being "alpha", but when they get face to face or on the phone, NOTHING. pvssy galore time.

Follow my advice and stop trying to have a conversation by texts, just stop. Wait a day or two and call her. If you do this correctly, it WILL work.

called. No answer. No response. Next. She prolly lost
interest from the time gap between getting her number and calling. Mayb my
cheeesy text was the culprit. Ill prolly give her a day grace
period. Then delete her number. Def focus on phone over text
next time

Moof said:

Mayb my
cheeesy text was the culprit.

Click to expand...

Im going with this

flaking is the worst thing in the dating scene but being able to always know when she will do it feels worse

Flaking usually either means one of two things :
They're really not interested, and the interest that they had shown earlier was temporary..............or................
They're already involved w/ someone else.
Either way, you don't chase the situation or overanalyze....just maintain your cool and meet others.
I know. Why is it that the ones we REALLY like are the most elusive and flakey ?
It doesn't matter.....You NEED to maintain respect for yourself at all times. This includes not compromising yourself too much in order to be availible to her whims............
Drop contact

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:

One time a girl called me up to make plans for the next day, we spoke earlier that day to confirm, and then I see her facebook status saying few hrs later "hey, hit me up after work if you wanna drink," which is when we were supposed to go out. Ouch. Needless to say she flaked.

Click to expand...

That's an automatic, block and delete from me.

To the OP -- you need to strike while the iron is hot mate, you can't just put her on the backburner and then expect her to drop everything at a hat when you decide you want to initiate further.

That was your first mistake and your most fatal one.

Moof said:

So heres the deal. About a month ago i met a girl, roomate of a friend. She told my friend to text me that she was interested. At this time, i was dating a girl that i had the one-its for so i didnt call her. a couple weeks ago we LJBF'd eachother so i contact this new girl. She seemed like a short fuse.

Here are the texts :

So i ended up texting her something about how im going to grab a drink and she should come join me.. here is her response.

HB: (my name)!!! im so sick right now, its my friends 21st and i cant even make that!
Me:Aww thats no good. Well lets take a raincheck and grab one later when ur back to normal!
HB: Yes please! id like that. Have fun tonight!

Week goes by

Me: Hows my favorite little (her name) doing?
HB: (my name)! im good, and u?
Me: Doin great. So u have 2 options. tmrw night come grab that drink with me or zoo saturday during the day.
HB: Well my fake is unrealiable.. and saturday i dont think im doing anything important!
Me:Hah i see. well in that case, might have to be saturday then.
HB: i let u know for sure!

Friday night at 7pm before the proposed saturday date.

Me: Hey girly! what kind of trouble u been getting into today?

( i was using this as an opener to try to confirm plans for today)

No response..

Im kind of confused cause she seemed like a short fuse and i was getting big IOIs from her. Any advice on what i should do next? should i wait for her to contact me? or should i do a ping or ask her out again in a week or so. Or.. just next?

Click to expand...

Your "date" did not flake. You never had a date scheduled to begin with.



Yeah OK's translation of your post:


This girl completely threw her interest at me through a friend in a very obvious manner. I didn't do anything--even though I was single, both then and now--because I was really into this other girl. The other girl told me she just wanted to be friends, and I agreed to it... which means we both LJBF'ed each other! Even though I avoided seeing other women because I was so into this other girl, she certainly did not LJBF me. It was mutual. I love denial.


Anyway, after a month of never contacting the girl that had interest in me, I figure what the hell, I could use some easy tail. So like any true stud, I text her. Game on! Just to warn you guys, she seems like a short fuse. I know none of you understand what I mean when I say she's a short fuse, since nothing in what I'm about to post would imply that she has a quick temper. Don't read into it too deeply. I'm so clueless that I don't even know I'm clueless.



Anyway, come check out the transcript fellas!



1st conversation:


Me: Come grab a drink with me.

Her: Can't, I'm sick.

Me: Ok, let's do it some other time when you're healthy again.

Her: Great!


(This chick seems like a total short fuse! Am I right fellas? Huh? Am I!?)



2nd conversation:


Me: How's my favorite little girl I barely even know doing?

Her: Great! And you?

Me: Great. Let's go out and drink today or go to the zoo Saturday.

Her: I'm doing absolutely nothing on Saturday. Zoo. I want you.

Me: Might have to be the zoo then. I'm not going to tell you a specific time or place we'll meet up though. I want to do my best to ensure that this date I'm proposing doesn't actually happen.

Her: Oh, ok then! "I'll let you know" if I'm going to go see you on a day I already told you I was completely free then. Took you a f*cking month to contact me after I had a friend tell you I'm completely interested in you. Now your oblivious ass is trying to make me take even more initiative than I already have by scheduling the date specifics FOR you? I'll let you know... you can wait a month for my call.



So I'm thinking, YES! I'm SO in! But guess what, fellas? You're never gonna believe this...


I call her Friday night at 7pm, the day before the conceptual idea of a date that we established would take place on Saturday between 12:01am and 11:59pm. If she will still be free, of course. I wasn't sure because she never contacted me again like she promised she would so she could tell me whether or not she was still completely free on Saturday... she's so strange.


Anyway, check out my text game in action! One day away from Saturday: It was time to cut the bullsh*t and get STRAIGHT TO THE POINT!



3rd conversation:


Me: Hey there girly! What did you do today?

(This was my text message opener. When I go to the club, I get my friend to get the girl's number at the bar, he gives it to me, and then I open her with that message. I stole the "What did you do today?" line from my parents... my dad's such a pimp! Every day he'd come home from work and lay that gem line on my mom during dinner. 18 years of the same line--every single day--and it never once got old.

Now I know what you guys are gonna say: Text messages should be short, to the point, and should not contain generic horsesh*t. I respectfully disagree. I prefer to send at least 5 texts to a girl per day, none of which ever get to the f*cking point. It creates mystery. Women love mystery. Just ask the last girl I went out with, who's currently a dear, dear friend of mine!

Anyway, I digress. Can you believe what the girl's response to my text opener was?)

Her: [Generic/lame text message deleted]



Talk about a short fuse!

-------[END TRANSLATION]-------



The person who suggested a random run-in with this girl gave you really good advice for dealing with flakes. It really does work.

Unfortunately for you, though, this girl doesn't qualify as a flake. Why? Because you weren't stood up. You were next'ed. This girl has taken more than enough initiative to get you to man up and take the lead, and you still haven't fully done so. She gave you the sports car, the keys, and all you had to do was put them in the ignition and take the car out for a test drive. Instead, you dangled the keys in front of her and asked about her day. You wasted her time.

I assume (and hope) that your game is not normally this poor. I would not be surprised if, due to a large ego boost you received after she pursued you in the beginning, you simply got sloppy based on your own over-confidence. While your chances with this girl were phenomenally high, no woman is ever truly guaranteed. And no matter how aggressive or pro-active a woman is, you still must take the lead at critical moments. In your case, you needed to take the lead in fully establishing the terms of the date. You only went half-way. And half-way was not good enough.

You could still salvage this, but that would involve: (1) a lot of effort that this girl likely isn't worth, (2) a take-charge attitude that you might have, but that is certainly not evident in this post, and (3) a fair amount of time that would be better spent dating new women with a clean slate.

Chalk this one up as a valuable learning experience.

As far as texting goes, stop. Texting or calling doesn't really matter if you've got good game. But based on the texts you posted here, you do not have good game. You do not have terrible game either, but you need to learn more and practice. Calling will help you improve infinitely faster and more effectively than texting, and in my opinion is a better means of communicating with women in general anyhow. Get used to doing it.

Interesting. Good analysis haha. Just out of curiosiry, how would you salvage this? My potential back up plan was to wait 2-3 weeks and
call again (most likely not gunna bother tho).

Moof said:

Interesting. Good analysis haha. Just out of curiosiry, how would you salvage this? My potential back up plan was to wait 2-3 weeks and
call again (most likely not gunna bother tho).

Click to expand...

dont even bother, if your going to even wait that long then it's pointless because by that time this girl will probably be"in love" with another guy or something.

Just learn from what went wrong and make sure it doesn't happen again, i mean, seriously, do you even WANT to salvage this?