What is the first step?

[lexab]

Since my last post I have committed to no contact with girl X who friendzoned me I thought I was ok being a friend, obviously not, better late then ever i guess...

But enough of talking of the past, I know I need to move forward! I realize I invested far too much in her in the past few years, we had some fun together like going away on trips and holidays so i got comfortable and have not approach any girls or even made many new friends, only the odd flirt with the coffee girl etc, and mostly only do it to show off in front of girl X to be honest.

I used to have quite a few female friends, now they seems reluctant when i ask them to hang out even for coffee, one literately flake on me today and not even a txt.. fml... lol

I am 37, not a total geek but do have that feel probably because of glasses, I am a runner, physically fit, look very young, short 5'6 but do know how to dress relatively well, work as a supervisor in a retail store.

Forget other people, right now even I found myself negative and discourage. How do you get out of that funk?

What did you you guys do if you have been there? I know the old saying, get back on the horse, but how? or do I forget about woman for now and focus on running, pick up new hobbies, travel more even if is on my own? Do a course in order for a new career?

 

[Tictac]

The first step is to remember that YOU are the prize.

The second is to never forget the first step.

 

[lexab]

I personally wouldn't wait any longer.

Just jump on it and enjoy the ride. When you get knocked down, brush yourself off and climb back on.

Forgive my ignorance, what does that mean in practices? Do I like signing up online dating, talk and flirt to any girl i see?

 

[lexab]

I am tempted to do a bootcamp, in fact i am thinking of investing in the 7-day live-in one, just not sure if it will help that much given my current lack of status.

 

[sodbuster]

You are probably giving off the "oh, my GOD, I need a WOMAN" desperate vibe...... They can sense it immediately. Once you don't care, they will come out of the woodwork. I have a girlfriend who is 30, I showed her picture to another girl. I said "she's your age, but if she wants to rob the rocking chair, I guess I'll let her" She ended up standing as close to me in a High school graduation party as a woman on the prowl in a bar. I wasn't counting, but I'd guess her boobs brushed against me 5 times and her ass was so close to me that I touched it when I dropped my hand down to my side.

Don't get me wrong, it was nice, but I wasn't interested and she knew it. Besides, she's the daughter of my receptionist..... never a good idea....

 

[Cejay]

Lexab,

I'm about the same age as you and a little like you though it sounds like I've had a different life than you in regards to women. I was married for over a decade and then jumped back into dating fairly successfully over the past few years.

I realize I'm about to sound like a "MIGTOW" kinda guy but thats not my intention. I'm not giving up on women forever.

Personally, I just ended a ~9 mo LTR after realizing I'd placed far too much energy on deriving satisfaction and confidence from women.

I looked at those boot camps but when I heard the price I decided not to. You might need this kind of help if thats where you want to spend your time and energy but, you can likely build some of these skills yourself. (But it'll take longer)

You should decide on where you are going to derive your happiness from. Is it women? Do you really want one woman, committed to you? Do you want to put all your spare time into finding more women? They take a lot of time. There are no wrong answers here, its what YOU want.

Myself, I'm taking a break from women for a while. I'm already pretty confident and happy but I don't want to sit on a couch eating pizza on a friday night, I want to be exploring a new place or leaving for a trip, scuba diving, or working on education for my career.

It does sound like you have a confidence issue. I think true confidence and happiness starts within. Don't derive that from women. Just an idea as I write, Martial Arts classes really helped me with my confidence.

There's lots of good reading out there 3% man, no more mr nice guy, the power of now, etc and a podcast I really like is Art of Charm. (Though it sounds like thats the bootcamp you referred to.)

Once you build solid confidence and happiness women will respond to you better when you interact with them "in the wile," and possibly even approach YOU.

Best of luck.

CJ

 

[ZTIME]

Divert all off your focus onto yourself. Understand that 37 is relatively young, and you have plenty of time to become the man you want to be.

Now is the perfect time to concentrate on your own well being (physically, mentally, and financially).

Women are always around, so why waste time on trying to master them? It's when you master yourself that life becomes incredible.

 

[lexab]

You guys made some good points, i should be happy from within rather then from woman which probably is the issue.
Certainly could do with a upgrade with everything else in my life, like a more prestigious job, a nicer place to live in, a more knowledge mind, even some more and better friends.
Will give the pickup bootcamp a miss for now, may be a fitness bootcamp instead lol, the martial art sounds like a good idea, i read a story about a guy who was afraid of other man have gain confidence after starting boxing, i might do that.

Thanks for the advice guys.

 

[Prime_Beef]

All good advice. Martial arts, boxing or wrestling are good. The martial arts training I had years ago pays off to this day. If you get competitive that helps. When you do so, you can have interesting observations of your opponent. After enough encounters you will learn personal confidence, but also important, reading the confidence of others. . Does this guy think he's capable of doing to me what he thinks? How does he read me? Does he detect fear, apprehension? Confidence? After the competition? All skills I found handy in business deals as well, and of course women. Confidence is a deep topic and worthy of a forum post itself. Good luck.

 

[lexab]

All good advice. Martial arts, boxing or wrestling are good. The martial arts training I had years ago pays off to this day. If you get competitive that helps. When you do so, you can have interesting observations of your opponent. After enough encounters you will learn personal confidence, but also important, reading the confidence of others. . Does this guy think he's capable of doing to me what he thinks? How does he read me? Does he detect fear, apprehension? Confidence? After the competition? All skills I found handy in business deals as well, and of course women. Confidence is a deep topic and worthy of a forum post itself. Good luck.

What martial art would you suggest?

 

[Cejay]

I studied Karate and Kickboxing. In the end, I enjoyed KB more and dropped Karate. (I didn't want to memorize the Katas.)

I suggest you google what's around you, then look them up to see if thats of interest, followed by contacting them. Many dojos will give you a free week so you can see what you like. Its important to find a place that you're comfortable with, and, in my case, if its not close-ish/convenient to get to I might not go so that was another influencer.

CJ

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Yes...flirt, chat, make eye contact...do all of that. I agree with another poster who said you are giving off an air of desperation, guaranteed woman-repellant.
Find something to do that YOU enjoy, not to get you laid. There are always more women out there. When you realise that and stop stressing about the next one, there will be a next one.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Boxing and Aikido were mine. Keep in mind boxing is a sport. Of the two, for you I would recommend Aikido. It will teach you respect, self,control, precision, trust. Aikido is not competitive in a way of boxing or karate.. it is best thought of as a way to end conflict or a fight, not a way to fight. Some of the techniques are simple, devastatingly effective.

Good luck

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Lexab,
Looking back I peaked at 37 but paradoxically have a broader selection of partners now...In my early Manhood,I boxed for my Regiment and locally...Just got me beaten up twice,and the damaged pride that an unlucky blow can give lost me friends....Not ducking fast enough,left a permanent tic in my left eye...forget it...Do all things in moderation and take up Dancing or if that is beyond you,try Cooking classes,a book reading Club,even Yoga,some social venue with a shortage of Guys!