The Next Chapter - Life

[BeTheChange]

Out with the old, in with the new

My break up acted as the initial catalyst and the holiday in Italy the engine that brought me back from the brink of becoming a permanent corporate robot. I spent a few months in Nepal when I finished universities and I remember it being one of the most enlightening experiences of my life. I had a conversation with one of the friends who accompanied me to Italy in place of my ex, who the ticket had originally been for. He made a really eye opening comment that speaks volumes to the direction I was headed. He said that while I was in Nepal there was a much more open, almost spiritual aspect to my world view and it’s something that seems to have been lost over the four years I’ve been in the City. He finished by saying since my breakup and particularly on this holiday he has seen that side of me again. And the truth is he is right.

I had committed suicide. I wasn’t dead but I wasn’t really living. I was allowing my life to become routine. Salaried job every day to come home to either work on the side business or spend time with my girlfriend watching TV. Business ventures on the weekends with perhaps an occasional night out. I had become comfortable. I was not LIVING in the world around me, instead becoming obsessed with every little penny being earned and every little extra client project coming in.

Sometimes you get caught up in this rat race without realising you can have it both ways. It’s possible to travel, meet new people, visit new places and have new experiences while punching the clock and working on a business. You just have to find that BALACE. And before my breakup I was tipping way over the edge of suit and tie greyness. Drudgery.

One of the many blessings that this break up has provided is to wake me up to the reality of what I was allowing this life to be. I collected stories from so many interesting people during my getaway. I met an amazing Mexican woman who trained at one of the most famous ballet schools in the world in Cuba. Her spiritual take on life was captivating, even if I didn’t agree with every word. I also had a good time with a New Jersey born and raised Filipino woman, who I met randomly while we were both waiting in the queue for the Uffizi Gallery in Florence.

All this made me realise that now is the time to live.

• I'm a single guy
• I'm reaching the peak of my "natural" physical health and attractiveness. I won’t be young and fit for ever
• This year I made the equivalent of nearly £100,000 before tax. I’ve cleared all debts and have more in savings than most people make in a year. In 2016/17 and going forward if business plans and promotions are successful this is a very achievable target. Financial freedom and security gives you a certain intangible confidence. I should be able to enjoy my money and make it work for me, not the other way round
  
• I am, based on my own observations, comments from friends, lovers and my track record of success with women, noticeably above average in looks – I should take advantage of this and REALLY experience the different array of women in this world. Their bodies, their desires, their minds, their experiences. I want to consume them all. I was a late bloomer due to confidence issues and yet I tied myself down to a 3-year relationship in my twenties! What was I thinking! And the reality is, once a wife or kids are involved you cannot have the same experiences and the same freedoms

My plans going forward are:

• Keep up with Salsa twice a week and Spanish group lessons once a week – the big trip to South America will happen! I’m aiming to do it before I hit thirty
• At least 4 trips abroad each year
• Do something a bit out of the ordinary once a fortnight on the weekend. Try an activity outside of your comfort zone – hiking, surfing, museums, nature reserves, etc. We live in the age of the internet. You can find these activities with ease. No excuses.
  
• Arrange dates with the main chick max twice a week. Let me explain this point. When my ex and I started dating I was fiercely independent. We met only once a week. When she asked for exclusivity one of the things she wanted was to see me more. This went from maybe 2 to 3 days a week, to every other day, to moving in together and seeing each other every day. The second point is that I got so caught up in chasing the almighty dollar, that I took my ex for granted and stopped “dating” my girlfriend. I don’t know if this made her a higher cheating risk, but that’s not my concern. It wasn’t fair to her or myself. We were both decaying into routine
• Unless exclusive (and I don’t plan to be anytime soon) keep at least two other side chicks in rotation for a weekday date / booty call
  
• Give myself to others unselfishly – volunteer. It’s cliché but helping others can really be life enhancing. Nepal set me free for a time. It allows you to take a step outside yourself and give you a clearer perspective on life. It also shifts your mindset into appreciating what you have rather than coveting that which you don’t possess
  
• Read more. I used to be an incessant reader of both fiction and non-fiction. One of the first things people do when they come over to my place for the first time is comment on my library – and I’ve read almost all the books in there. I’m not Gatsby. I don’t know what happened but I eventually succumbed to the belief of “why read when you can spend another hour on the business”. Never again. I just ordered “Carmen” by Prosper Merimee. I was intrigued as the Mexican woman mentioned it was one of her favourite novels. I also ordered “Post Office” and a few other books by Charles Bukowski. I’m going to open that book tonight
• Make my business self-sustaining. If I could quit my job and run my business on the road what more could one, ask for?
  
• Deal with my personal issues and demons so I can form more genuine, lasting relationships with friends, family and future girlfriends
• Explore the benefits of meditation
• Play the guitar again – another hobby I dropped due to my girlfriend / business
• Expand my social circle – I’m hoping that comes naturally with all the things I’m doing above

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

When my ex and I started dating I was fiercely independent. We met only once a week. When she asked for exclusivity one of the things she wanted was to see me more. This went from maybe 2 to 3 days a week, to every other day, to moving in together and seeing each other every day.

We've all fallen in to this trap and it results in the fundamental end of all mystery and romance - complacency. Good on you for recognising it.

I got so caught up in chasing the almighty dollar

Though it's good to chase money and it exemplifies progression, but you can also just get smarter with the money you already have, which is what I am doing, along with pursuing increased income.

 

[playa99]

Excellent post.
Complacency is the devil and must be avoided at all costs. It sounds like you are getting a lot more mindful, which is great.
This post has give me a kick up the backside to pursue my own goals, regardless of relationship status.

 

[BeTheChange]

First post breakup "date"

I made it a point to enforce upon myself the celibate life. It wasn't really an active decision in so far as the pain of the breakup and the knowledge of the weakness of using rebound relationships as a crux to get over a lost lover gave me very little motivation to go out and find other women. When my ex and I broke up previously I slept with someone in the first few days after and other than the initial ego boost and high fives from the boys it actually made me feel worse. So I can say with absolute certainty the way I have done it this time round is far better and more spiritually satisfying.

I think it has allowed for a purer healing process with greater degrees of introspection, realisations and clarity than I would have experienced going the rebound route. About a week or so ago, just over three weeks after the break up I felt ready to get out there again so downloaded a few OD apps and went to it.

My first date was arranged for last night with a cute blonde, HB7. We met at bar in the hipster part of town, close to where she works. I was slightly late so by the time I arrived she'd already ordered her and myself a drink. I thought that was a good sign. We sat down and chatted. She was an interesting girl. After a few drinks we went to a kiosk and bought some wine and took it to a "bring your own drinks" Vietnamese restaurant. Her idea. I just went with the flow. After the meal we walked around the area and found another bar, which closed earlier than we expected. I grabbed and kissed her shortly after we left. Then we found a club playing some hip hop music and danced for a bit. Sometimes she'd dance away from me and into the middle of the crowd, sometimes looking at me as she did it. I didn't chase. She later went on to say she admired how confident I was. She said she was dancing for me and was upset I didn't notice or appeared disinterested. I assured her this was not the case, although my head was in the clouds a few times during the evening due to thoughts of the ex. Plus I have never been one to care what girls choose to do, if it does not affect my life. Slide.

She didn't hesitate to split everything 50/50, despite the fact that from what I understood about her job she couldn't have been on great money.

When we got back we put on some music and she showed me one of her favourite songs, which she asked me to listen to with my eyes closed. We sat down and chatted for a bit and then we started kissing and groping each other. She had very nice t*ts but she didn't really have the type of body I like, which is gym bunny or squatter type physiques. For me this was a deal breaker. She's a nice enough girl but I couldn't date her long term for that reason. It would bother me too much. Although she had a pretty face and a great smile she was nowhere near as hot as my ex, personality aside.

I have to be honest. I definitely missed my ex's body last night. My ex, now pretty much has a fitness model body (bar their fake bo*bs) and a pretty and very unique face to go with it. There aren't too many girls out there that can match that. It didn't create any yearnings to get back with her because she has the character and integrity of a female black widow. No golden pvssy is worth LTRing someone like that. Still though, she might even be a top fiver percenter. But then I might be in the top 5% too when you consider the whole package. I don't think there are too many people who are legitimately as grounded as I am or would have the balls to walk away from a girl as hot as her. Hard to say. Point is, it did bother me and diluted the last night's experience slightly, although I still had a great time.

I'm glad of last night's adventures. I saw a part of town that I would rarely have gone to otherwise and found a couple of cool new places that I will definitely be going back to again. That's what it's all about. Absorbing people's stories, finding unique experiences and consuming new women in the best way possible.

 

[Serenity]

It's upsetting as fvck when you finally wake up and regain awareness of what you're doing with your life. Even scarier to realize how some people in fact never wake up during their entire life and that could be yourself.

I was in Italy last week with my girlfriend. She's really a comfortable person to be with, so I don't mind seeing her every day. We did stuff every single day, and the last full day we spent in Italy I test drove a Ferrari. I felt like an excited child before, during and after that experience.

Anyways, I'm not going to lose myself. It has happened before and had me stuck for 5 years. I'm sharply aware of my surroundings at all times. Which my girlfriend says is annoying because I notice everything, even minor details. But I know she really likes it. If a woman says she would like more of something, then don't give her too much. If a woman says she would like less of something, then never stop completely.

 

[BeTheChange]

Just wanted to add for my own reference that one of the reasons I was able to get the SNL is because we basically had 5 microwaves rolled into one.

1. Initial drinks at the bar
2. Bite to eat at the Vietnamese place
3. Drinks at another bat
4. Dancing at a club
5. Chilling and listening to music on the couch in my place

Might have to roll with this template again and see how it goes.

 

[BeTheChange]

Woke up to a morning blow job from another plate. My second new lay since I came back from Italy.

When I was at uni I used to watch Harvey Specter in "Suits" driving fast cars, living in his nice apartment, banging hotties and generally kicking ass at life and I would think, "I wish that could be me". Well now it no longer needs to be a dream.

I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

 

[BeTheChange]

Quick update to this thread.

So contacted my ex about 3 weeks ago. We were hooking up back and forth. Basically FWB. Both of us clearly lying to each other. Me spinning other plates. Her probably doing the same and at least entertaining other guys in some capacity. She brought up the idea of us being "friends" and basically ocassionally fvcking while being open to seeing other people. She cares too much about what her family and friends think of me. I wont be LTR material in her eyes for a while if ever. That's fine. She will have more trouble replacing me with a guy of the same quality than the other way round.

Too much self-respect to allow it to continue on that basis so ended things. NC for life.

Tried the 3 date challenge. 3 dates, 1 day.

First one ended up in my bed with her t*ts out. No sex.

Second ended abruptly as I had to help sister out with something.

Third date with sexy Italiana started with us going for quick drinks and ended with me fvcking her on her floor, bed, table and chair. Had drunk a lot due to 3 dates in one day so couldn't blow my load, especially since my pee pee was strapped. Even when we went at it again in the morning it wasn't working. I just hate condoms. That was the weekend.

Now it's Tuesday and just come back from a date with another cool girl. Petite, blonde, English. A lawyer and quite "posh". Raised as a catholic schoolgirl. I want to dominate her in the bedroom. First date. Kiss. Expect s3x at some point.

I scroll through whatsapp and tinder. There are so many girls who want to date me. I'm high off confidence always. I literally sat across the table on this date tonight and thought to myself "I could say anything to this girl and she would still go home with me eventually". This is too much fun.

 

[fastlife]

Props on staying NC with the ex. Your brain has built 1000's on synapses related to her that will forever undermine your ability to achieve mental and emotional freedom to the extent that you stimulate those synapses instead of building new ones. It's why you were able to achieve mental clarity in Nepal & Italy.

Which brings us to...

• Explore the benefits of meditation

Bro, this is a must. Think of all the sh1tty wiring and subconscious thoughts that you've had conditioned into you even before you were old enough to make accurate judgments of the world around you. No matter what happens on the outside, your relationship with yourself--and the quality of that relationship--will ALWAYS come to the surface. Meditation is really just cultivating self-honesty--so you don't 'wake up' years later and realize you were on a path that wasn't yours.

When you're riding high and everything's going right, that's when you're at your most vulnerable. Your mind will want to attach yourself and your identity to success and the continuation of that success--but there's a low for every high. For instance, you were probably at one of your highest points in the early relationship w/ your ex. That made you get comfortable with a new identity that wasn't based on YOU. But that new identity felt good and you lost YOURSELF, became dependent, and had to start over from square one. So while there's a greater degree of stability when you have multiple girls propping up your sense of self, and multiple locations & new stimuli to distract your mind with, it's still not who you are and you'll never be able to escape yourself.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Quick update to this thread.

So contacted my ex about 3 weeks ago. We were hooking up back and forth. Basically FWB. Both of us clearly lying to each other. Me spinning other plates. Her probably doing the same and at least entertaining other guys in some capacity. She brought up the idea of us being "friends" and basically ocassionally fvcking while being open to seeing other people. She cares too much about what her family and friends think of me. I wont be LTR material in her eyes for a while if ever. That's fine. She will have more trouble replacing me with a guy of the same quality than the other way round.

Too much self-respect to allow it to continue on that basis so ended things. NC for life.

Tried the 3 date challenge. 3 dates, 1 day.

First one ended up in my bed with her t*ts out. No sex.

Second ended abruptly as I had to help sister out with something.

Third date with sexy Italiana started with us going for quick drinks and ended with me fvcking her on her floor, bed, table and chair. Had drunk a lot due to 3 dates in one day so couldn't blow my load, especially since my pee pee was strapped. Even when we went at it again in the morning it wasn't working. I just hate condoms. That was the weekend.

Now it's Tuesday and just come back from a date with another cool girl. Petite, blonde, English. A lawyer and quite "posh". Raised as a catholic schoolgirl. I want to dominate her in the bedroom. First date. Kiss. Expect s3x at some point.

I scroll through whatsapp and tinder. There are so many girls who want to date me. I'm high off confidence always. I literally sat across the table on this date tonight and thought to myself "I could say anything to this girl and she would still go home with me eventually". This is too much fun.

You remind me of when I was 21-22. I was unstoppable. Props on the journal man. Makes me want to bring mine back. Me and you are the same age and pretty much make the same money. So kudos on another young playa doing his thing. You should definitely make those international trips and if I'm free I'd even join you. I'm always down for some traveling.

 

[marmel75]

Huh? No offense but I'm more of the mindset that "I am a rock, I am an island...and an island never cries, and a rock feels no pain"...

All this emotional sh!t that people have to clear their heads from I don't understand it...it is what it is, accept it and move on. If you want to bang some chick the same day you broke up with your GF then go bang some chick...be sure your ex GF doesn't have the same hang ups.

I just find that as being mentally weak and fragile, no offense

 

[guru1000]

I'm high off confidence always. I literally sat across the table on this date tonight and thought to myself "I could say anything to this girl and she would still go home with me eventually". This is too much fun.

Golden shvt right here. I laugh at my dates for the same reason.

Her: What's so funny?

Guru: You'll see.

 

[BeTheChange]

Ex came over unannounced when I kept ignoring her calls and texts yesterday. Told me she loved me blah blah, but couldn't be with me because of blah blah blah. Then she (unprompted) told me she had been seeing the rebound because she missed him, but still wanted me in her life as a friend. I laughed at her for this. Told her, smiling, that wasn't an option. That she didn't really provide any benefit to me as a friend and unless I was banging I wasn't interested. She cried, then left. Then I laughed to myself that this b*tch had the audacity to tell me to my face she was "choosing" another guy over me and then expecting me to be friends. Didn't expect to hear from her again.

Then this morning I get a single love heart text. Ignored obviously.

While I'm at work she calls me continuously for about 30 minutes then she sends a couple of messages, which I ignore. I scratch my head thinking I was pretty damn clear yesterday about my position. She knows where I live and I don't need her coming round when I have some major projects to deal with and need to have my head right and my focus tight. I decide to shut it down immediately.

Her: [Loveheart emo]
Her: [Picture of the two of us together]
Her: Let's not lose each other BeTheChance. I love you
[Few missed calls]
Her: Hey....are you at home?
[A barrage of missed calls]

Me: Understand. I don't value your friendship nor do I want to get back with you so there is really no point in you continuing this. Have a nice life.
Her: What do you mean??? What happened? You don't want me in your life in any capacity anymore???
Her: BeTheChange!!
Her: Is that what you're saying????
Her: BeTheChange!! What are you saying?
Me: Pretty much that yeah
Her: That hurts but I have to accept it I guess. Just know I love you, want you to be happy and I want you to be good. I truly wish you the best BeTheChange
Me: Thanks, you too.
Her: If you ever change your mind please know I will be more than happy to hear from you!
Me: Yep. All the best
[Sends me a voicemail of her crying telling me she loves me and sorry for all the "pain" she caused me]
Me: Lol. Don't be sorry. Take care

I laugh at how I could possibly have missed that her emotional manipulation is at ninja levels after 3 years together. Probably feels this is sufficient "atonement" for all her bullsh*t. Whatever. Her emotional state is of no concern to me. I expect this to be the last time she reaches out for a few weeks. She may try similar BS again before I move out at the end of the month - she actually called me selfish for moving away from the area we both live in because we should still be "supporting" each other...LOL!!!! Then I don't expect to hear from her again until her new relationship blows up. Either way the response will be the same. "Not interested b*tch!"

Have a date tonight after my Salsa class with a high school teacher. She seems cool and very keen. I flaked on her on Monday, which should also up my value a bit. Always start from a position of strength and abundance.

The latest revenues from my side business projects are getting me very close to the $100,000 in the bank mark. And the Partner in my team has confirmed that he's sent off my request for a transfer to my ideal team. Means more $$$ and even more interesting work. My performance suffered a fair bit when drama with the ex was at its highest but I explained the situation to him and he said he'd fight for me so confident it will go through, although it's looking like I may be on a 3 month probation if I transfer over - I'm cool with that since without this toxic b*tch in my life I will smash any performance review.

Will be spending Friday night and Saturday in the gym and then wrapping up a few projects, although I might just throw caution to the wind and grab a drink with this German chick who has been banging on about us meeting. Saturday night I'm at a houseparty. Sunday I'm meant to be meeting the Italina (who I've already fvcked) at my place in the evening, but have another tinder date double booked in case she flakes, albeit unlikely. Going to be another busy week. Life is good.

 

[Desdinova]

It's upsetting as fvck when you finally wake up and regain awareness of what you're doing with your life. Even scarier to realize how some people in fact never wake up during their entire life and that could be yourself.

I find it extremely sad seeing somebody wasting not only their time, but their money on useless, foolish things. My dad is one of those people. His goal in life was to win the lottery, so he spent probably a good million dollars trying to win a million dollars. He smoked heavily and use to enjoy drinking. His smoking has taken away his health and can no longer leave the house to even remotely enjoy anything.

I firmly believe that we should be spending our time and money on things we enjoy without putting our livelihoods in jeopardy. I have extra money I spend on hobbies, and some of my hobbies result in extra money. I enjoy doing both and find it extremely rewarding. My goal is to maximize the amount of time I have for pleasure and minimize the time I have to spend working to have it. I've found a nice balance with my current job (which I enjoy), but I'm also keeping my eyes open for new opportunities that will result in more free time.

I've never had so much pleasure in my life as I do right now. I have plans for my future and things that keep me happily busy. I have more money than my parents ever did, and my salary is on par with what my dad made. Only now do I see how much money he wasted which kept us in the poor house. Him and his family could have had a pretty decent life, but he wasted his time and money on a useless dream. Now it's too late to enjoy his time and money.

 

[Serenity]

@Desdinova Funny you mention the lottery. People who play it definitely lack awareness and rationality. All gambling games are rigged to in average pay out less than it costs. Even kids with basic math skills can figure that out from looking at the numbers for a few seconds. Yet some people believe their delusions even if undeniable proof is slapped in their faces.

The only one's who make money on gambling are those running it. Your father would probably have that million and much more if he invested his money in opening an online casino.

 

[BeTheChange]

Another date last night. She was quite fun, quirky but not really "sexy" in the way I like. Didn't escalate to a kiss due to logistics. Will arrange for something a bit more intimate next time.

Massive milestone for me today. I've been to the gym and lifted weights everyday this week. I haven't managed a 5 day gym week (Monday through Friday) since uni...so five years! Huge achievement for me. I intend to make the gym a staple part of my life. I think the physiological and psychological benefits alone outweigh any inconveniences - let alone looking good naked. I'm intending to go everyday for at least the next two months and possibly in perpetuity once I find a PT who can tailor a program that allows for a 7 day a week training regime. So far the plan is:

Monday - Shoulders, Biceps, Triceps
Tuesday - Legs
Wednesday - Back, Biceps
Thursday - Chest, Shoulders, Triceps
Friday - Legs, Calves
Saturday - Biceps, Triceps
Sunday - Legs, Calves, Abs

Current pic:

 

[Firestar786]

Why 7 days a week training bro ?

Seems like overkill lol

 

[BeTheChange]

Why 7 days a week training bro ?

Seems like overkill lol

I'm addicted to the chemicals mate. Plus I need that positivity at the moment.

I have toned it down somewhat. Spoke to a PT who said less is more so I'm going to still aim for 5 or 6 days a week but shorter sessions. I need to hit legs twice a week because I've spent the last 3 years skipping leg day and so once a week won't be sufficient to play catch up.

 

[BeTheChange]

Ex came over yesterday. She's a mess. Broke down yesterday and admitted that last few months haven't been great - even though when I've seen her about the area she's projected this air of how "fabulous" her life is without me in it. Looks like I "won" the breakup, albeit somewhat of pyrrhic victory.

We banged. Looks like she is moving back to Germany. She spent a while crying about how she screwed herself over. Probably not wrong. She spent 3 years in England with me, enrolled on a course in uni she didn't really want to do, got in a pile of debt to do so just to be here with me. Then she went and messed it all up with her topsy turvy behaviour - I'll take the blame for some of it, but she still pulled the trigger. Anyway, it's a bit sad but such is life. She'll live and learn. And who knows, might have myself a base in Germany if I ever decide to go backpacking round Europe.

Italiana is coming over tonight. We're going to cook some food, have some wine and then fvck. Not a bad end to the weekend.

 

[BeTheChange]

First Saturday afternoon in possibly a year where I haven't had either someone stealing my attention (ex gf) or other obligations (business).

Time to begin unlearning all those perceptions of reality that were subconsciously foisted onto me from birth, before I even had a sense of self.

Time to embrace the fact that I only have true agency over my own actions and nothing else.

Meditation begins today. Giving @fastlife's post a read, with an open mind, and I'll take things from there.