The Marriage Hamster

[Augustus_McCrae]

Agreed that she had lost interest. To some degree I think she told herself "this guy has all the qualities I should want, he's a good man, blah blah blah".

But after a couple of years, her interest waned. I also believe she became very narcissistic. And from what I've read a narcissist thrives on drama. And when they don't get that, they become bored.

-Augustus-

 

[dude99]

Agreed that she had lost interest. To some degree I think she told herself "this guy has all the qualities I should want, he's a good man, blah blah blah".

But after a couple of years, her interest waned. I also believe she became very narcissistic. And from what I've read a narcissist thrives on drama. And when they don't get that, they become bored.

-Augustus-

Did she become narcissist? Or was she always narcissist but was good at hiding it in the beginning?

I have dated both a narcissist and a full blown sociopath and i found they were that waya ll along

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Dude99,

It's hard to say. She may have been all along, but toward the end she really seemed to become totally selfish and self focused. And my god, it's hard to believe that someone could take that many selfies. One night she texted a bunch to me and it was just nonstop pic after pic. I was stunned that someone could be that obsessed to do that. And there's definitely something broken inside of her but thank god that's not my problem any more.

She was the epitome of this saying: "No matter how hot she is, someone is tired of her shiz". And she was as hot as fvck.

-Augustus-

 

[dude99]

Dude99,

It's hard to say. She may have been all along, but toward the end she really seemed to become totally selfish and self focused. And my god, it's hard to believe that someone could take that many selfies. One night she texted a bunch to me and it was just nonstop pic after pic. I was stunned that someone could be that obsessed to do that. And there's definitely something broken inside of her but thank god that's not my problem any more.

She was the epitome of this saying: "No matter how hot she is, someone is tired of her shiz". And she was as hot as fvck.

-Augustus-

Yeah we have a similar saying here in Canada:

Show me the hottest chick and ill show you the guy who is tired of f#cking her.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I think marriage for women is the contract piece. It's like a signed, enforceable agreement vs a handshake. I don't think they're always interested so much in how much money they might get if it ends, but that maybe you thinking of how much money she may get when it ends is enough of a deterrent to keep you on the couch, with a remote in your hand.

 

[zekko]

I don't think they're always interested so much in how much money they might get if it ends, but that maybe you thinking of how much money she may get when it ends is enough of a deterrent to keep you on the couch, with a remote in your hand.

Agreed. I don't think they're necessarily going into it with the intention of stripping you of your resources in a divorce. Rather, it's just something they don't (usually) have to worry about, so they have no deterrence to getting married. There's no real downside for them.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm I have to disagree here. I've heard way too many women talk about some divorce and the wife making a lot of money with evident approval. Their friends talk about it enough that they are well aware that it's an easy way to a comfortable life. And in their heads 'they re worth it'

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In general the same thing, tall and big, dark hair, more Gerard Butler type. That ain't me.

-Augustus-

She may have had different "types" that she fooled with. However if the underlying theme is they were fit or jocks and your a couch potato then you could realize you may not arouse her and she's using you.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Mrgoodstuff,

Not a couch potato, just more slim. Like I said, the difference between Gerard butler and John slattery. However, I was not her typical "type".

-Augustus-

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Mrgoodstuff,

Not a couch potato, just more slim. Like I said, the difference between Gerard butler and John slattery. However, I was not her typical "type".

-Augustus-

Better your slim than fat. You can always gain muscle.

 

[zekko]

Hmm I have to disagree here. I've heard way too many women talk about some divorce and the wife making a lot of money with evident approval. Their friends talk about it enough that they are well aware that it's an easy way to a comfortable life. And in their heads 'they re worth it'

Oh, I'm sure there are many women who get into marriages because they know they can end up with another income stream. Many women get pregnant for the same reason. We were saying that is not necessarily the motivation for all women who get married. Some actually have good intentions, or are more interested in getting their "special day" wedding.

It just so happens that women don't face the risks and the downsides that men do when they get married. It's not a worry to them, so they don't have to think that far ahead.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Better your slim than fat. You can always gain muscle.

And if you know that turns her on you won't be hurting yourself in any way.

 

[YawataNoKami]

After being with my Ex GF for about 2 years, she dropped the marriage bomb. I told her that I believed in commitment, I believed in love, but that I didn't believe in marriage anymore (I'd been married previously and am still paying alimony). With No fault divorce and the way the family courts work in the U.S. I have no interest in potentially being divorce raped again. However, I told her I was committed and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And I meant it.

We discussed having a commitment ceremony which we both agreed to and wanted to do at some point in the future. I even mentioned that I would include her in my will.

Fast forward another couple of years. She changed her stance and realized that what she really wanted was to get married, a commitment ceremony was not going to cut it. It became a make or break for her. Then almost immediately after her change of mind, there were other problems that came into play with our relationship because once she decided that she wanted to get married, her behavior changed. Either consciously or sub consciously, she withdrew and it caused other issues. In essence, she self destructed the relationship. And we eventually split.

What is interesting to note is that she did not have the temperament and the correct mindset to be a wife. She would have continued to be "independent" and would have balked at some of the aspects of what it entails to be a wife. So, while emotionally, she wanted to be married, she wasn't truly prepared to be a wife.

Bear in mind that toward the end of the relationship, I was paying all the rent, buying a goodly portion of the food for her and her kids, providing health care for her kids and other miscellaneous expenses.

She is in her mid-40's now, still has a young child at home and has marriage on her agenda for future relationships. While we all know the odds of an older single Mom getting married aren't great, she is exceptionally good looking so there's a decent chance that she will get a marriage proposal at some point. She has posted a huge amount of selfies (Hundreds of them) online and to my knowledge, is inundated with men contacting her because she is so beautiful. In Rollo's recent Post "Stalling for Time", he discusses the impact of technology and social media on women. I believe the combination of my Ex's exceptional good looks and the nuclear explosion of validation and attention she receives online has ballooned her sense of self-worth and entitlement.

With regard to her reasoning for marriage, I believe she (and many other women) have a mindset like this: "I deserve to be married. I don't want to let go of the Disney dream. I want to wear a wedding dress again (she was previously married). I'm worth it and if a man really loved me (and wanted to prove his love for me), he would put a ring on it. "

That, gentlemen, is just how strong the lure of the marriage hamster is. Combine that with the constant barrage of validation even a decent looking women gets via social media and you've got the perfect storm to produce hamster driven, entitled, "I deserve everything" behavior from women.

I walked away from that relationship with a list of "lessons learned" which I articulated in another post called "Rules to live by". In other words, I'll never do that again (single mom, me paying all the rent, a woman with small children, etc ...)

-Augustus-

Knew a couple once upon a time, a single mother with two girls, and a guy who used to live in my apartment building. The guy took them in, raised the girls for years. Over time the woman bled the guy dry of his house, money, and took about every one of his man-cards, turned him into a total *****. Predictably the marriage began to crumble and her kids, teenagers by this point, coincidentally turn on him, and fabricated some pretty weak allegations of child molestation. Nothing ultimately came of it legally, but it was enough to get the guy fired from his job and ostracized from all of his friends and community.

Single moms are truly the epitome of why other nations hate the West. They create these matriarchal fiefdoms all backed, paid for, and legislated by the government(either through welfare or by child support/alimony). They are greedy, narcissistic, shallow, vapid, manipulative, unafraid to annihilate and ruin you using the law and are a severe blight on any industrialized nation. The kids grow up, being an accessory and a pawn to the mother's life. She values herself 100x more than her kids. The cycle often repeats, where the daughters engage in the same slutty, poor behavior. And the sons either become thugs or become omegas. Repeat ad nauseum.

Never , ever date single mothers. Singles mothers = pump and dump. This is common sense honestly, you don't even have to be a genius to understand this, just be halfway rational. There is no situation in which "single mother" is not a red flag indicating poor decision-making in one form or another, and therefore poor material for any kind of LTR.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

I have to agree that dating single mothers with small children is a mistake.

In almost all cases (a widow being an exception), they are in that position because of poor decisions they have made.

As a group, they can be incredibly selfish.

You will never be a priority to her. She and her children will come first.

You will be exposed to and eventually have to deal with another mans child. And most likely will never be appreciated for what you have contributed to the child's welfare.

By the nature of the situation, she won't have enough time for you.

Plans will be broken and you'll be frustrated ( no babysitter, sick child, child drama, etc)

Your sex life and the amount of intimacy you receive from her will inevitably suffer and dwindle down to starvation levels.

And Over time, you will begin to understand why her and the ex are no longer together.

Just.... Don't.... Do it.

-Augustus-

 

[dude99]

I have to agree that dating single mothers with small children is a mistake.

In almost all cases (a widow being an exception), they are in that position because of poor decisions they have made.

As a group, they can be incredibly selfish.

You will never be a priority to her. She and her children will come first.

You will be exposed to and eventually have to deal with another mans child. And most likely will never be appreciated for what you have contributed to the child's welfare.

By the nature of the situation, she won't have enough time for you.

Plans will be broken and you'll be frustrated ( no babysitter, sick child, child drama, etc)

Your sex life and the amount of intimacy you receive from her will inevitably suffer and dwindle down to starvation levels.

And Over time, you will begin to understand why her and the ex are no longer together.

Just.... Don't.... Do it.

-Augustus-

Not to mention after a certain time frame she will expect you to start paying her bills.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Not to mention after a certain time frame she will expect you to start paying her bills.

You can't or shouldn't pay all her bills.

 

[dude99]

You can't or shouldn't pay all her bills.

You shouldn't pay any of her bills unless the two of you are married. If you are just dating her bills are her problem

 

[The Duke]

I've dated 2 single mommies and had issues with their children and/or ex.

#1 Single mommy had a 20yo son that was your typical lazy non-productive going no where millenial. One time we were doing some house painting/remodeling and hired him to help out. He would show up hours late, hung over, or not at all. I got tired of it and let him know that I wasn't interested in his help and I would just hire somebody else. So that upset him and he complained to mommy. And I was 100pct in the right and who do you think she supported? It wasn't me. She felt sorry for her son and stood up for him. Didn't care about me one bit. Fuhk that. It was the first time I understood why single mommies are such a bad idea.

#2 Single mommy had 2 kids and a loser bipolar ex that liked to play games. He was supposed to pick up the kids on Friday nights at 630pm. That never happened, it might be 9pm or 11pm. After two times of waiting on him to pick her kids up, I quit scheduling dates with her on Friday nights. I really don't think it bothered her very much, she didn't care much about my time. It was no different when he returned the kids on Sunday's, except he would always drop them off early and you never knew when. Finally I said, screw this. I don't deserve this treatment. I don't want any part of this situation.

There will be very few single mommies out there that will show you respect and won't be a pain in the arse to date. But thats pretty rare. Most have ex's that play games that will affect you. The only good thing about them is their kids occupy most of their time/mind so you can be free to do other things(women included).

I don't recommend taking one on long term and definitely not if she has young kids.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I agree 1000% that single moms are a pox upon all of our houses. All that baggage and zero gratitude. You are supposed to fund the rearing of her children simply because she chooses to share her magic pvssy with you

 

[BeExcellent]

Certainly can understand the thoughts in this thread. Most of the good women are not in the dating market (they are already married) so the market is skewed to those who are less desirable as a general rule. And those women as a group are the ones most desiring marriage, I would say almost always for the satisfaction of their own agendas.

There are exceptions around however.

I agree when you hit middle age stable people have typically been married and typically have kids. I date men around age 50 give or take a few years and almost every man has his own children already. I've had younger men in their 30s & early 40s want to date...but why bother? I have no desire to deal with some guy's babies or toddlers and can't have/don't want more kids of my own so what's the point really.

Give me a sexy 50 year old father with his life together all day long for a LTR thank you very much. Stable companionship, great sex & friendship. That sounds awesome to me.

Monogamy is important too honestly. From a health standpoint as well as an intimacy/human connection standpoint. Do not want STD exposure from whoever else a man is sleeping with.

But none of that requires marriage. It just requires trust.

Marriage becomes scary when you have something to lose. I've said before and I stand by that I seriously doubt I'd do it again. My kids don't want for a father figure (my ex is a good dad), and I am financially fine on my own.

No way would I put my assets at risk to a new man. Those assets are going to pay for college educations, braces & my income stream. Not going to jeopardize that. No way.