The Life and Times of MR.LPC (Journal)

[amazingswayze]

9.16.15

Keep working, Swayze.

I've been a little depressed lately. Self-esteem dropped a bit. I realized I still have AFC tendencies. I need to find happiness in myself before I seek it elsewhere. I guess I took a step backward this past week. All good though, because it's only girls.

Was feeling low but then HB6 Kayla texted me. Yada yada yada. My school bought out the local amusement park for tomorrow night so I'm taking her. I don't even care about the hook up any more. She bores me. I'll give her one more chance to prove herself. I understand she doesn't want to get sexual with me and it's because she doesn't want to get hurt. She wants to be in a relationship with the first guy she fuks. Whatever.

I win either way. She loses my company if I don't like her behavior, and if she satisfies me, she gets to roll with me another day.

I just need stronger frame. I started slacking with this one. I'm gonna be more indifferent and not rush a kiss or anything. It'll happen organically if it's meant to. We already have hooked up a few times so I'm not nervous at all.

It's sad that I was feeling bad but then making plans with her brightened my day. Although I feel better now, I must change. My happiness cannot depend on a girl.

My attitude is fuk it. I have work to do on myself. Gym, Diet, and my first Exam of the Semester on Friday. Gotta study!

Swayze, out.

 

[amazingswayze]

its been a month since i posted here. yikes! well, I'll elaborate on what i posted previously. I got an 83 on the A&P test i mentioned, and a 94 on my lab practical. Gotta study, grades will be good.

HB6 Kayla bores me. she gave me a hj that night and its boring. she doesnt give head and im not trying to take her virginity anymore bc she wants a relationship. im tired of fuking with 6's but i feel like its all i'm entitled to, or at least confident enough to game. my mentality will probably change when i get a better body, oh well.

i've been negative lately. coulda finally got laid in my car with some girl at a party but i got too pushy when she gave me a lap dance. i finally got a boner and she was about to blow me. then she hopped off my lap. she wouldnt let me makeout with her either but i was sucking her titties and fingering her. she lectured me on there being a 'give and take' im too pushy, 'im turning her off'. i was acting like an AFC because i lose it when im hooking up with a girl. i will keep my cool next time i hook up. i have a tinder date for this weekend at halfapps with a girl from my town. hope she doesnt flake. probably will do the, "i'm running 10 minutes late, is that ok with you?" she likes my voice over the phone she said. thats a plus.

i realized something. when my only experience was having only kissed 3 girls, I was the happiest i had ever been in my life. after this summer, i have hooked up with 9 different girls but i didnt fuk any of them. its frustrating. finally got a hj, a bj, fingered a girl, sucked some titties, ate her out. all these new experiences but guess what? i don't care. i thought it would make me happy but it doesnt even make a difference. i am more pessimistic than ever. cant explain why. im dieting, excersising, and doing my school work. not much else.

anyways, been negative lately, i need to rise above. i've also been a huge pvssy. ever since school started i didnt approach ANY girls. wtf. where did my confidence go? im making more excuses than i ever have in my life. anyways, today i did my first approach on a HB 7.5 from my A&P class. i was anxious and nervous. she could probably tell. but at least i approached. her friend showed up so i didn't number close. doesnt matter because i finally approached on campus. i will build on that.

anyways, this is my life so far. i'm not feeling great about myself. the most important thing is for me to find happiness and i will. i will trying being more social and positive. i lost 10 pounds this summer. i wanna burn this belly fat once and for all. anyways, working out and dieting on a daily basis. nothing much else for me to do. sorry if this post was a bit choppy. procrastinating studying for my A&P exam tomorrow.

lol guys, its been a while. pz out

-swayze

 

[amazingswayze]

i'm back.

what's up ya'll?

my life has been nothing special lately. As I come closer to the end of my first semester in college, I come to you with new knowledge and experiences. I lost my virginity. I had sex with HB6 Kayla one day when her mom wasn't home. She wanted to. This is when I realized for myself you have to take everything a girl says with a grain of salt. I didn't need to be in a relationship to bang her like she said I would. She gave in and let me smash. It was cool for a moment. I realized pu$$y is no big deal. I felt different in my head for a few days but I'm the same person now. Who cares? It's just sex.

I feel like I haven't been productive at all. I make beats a few times a week but not much more. I've been following a weight training program for the last 9 weeks and I am finishing up strong but my weight loss has stalled once again. I get frustrated by that. I feel like a bum for not working so as a positive thing, I had an interview for a job at school today. It is a student leadership program where I would give tours on campus and things of that nature. It would be cool for money. It would help me build confidence also.

in conclusion:

i'm not really doing sh*t. i lost my virginity, but my life isn't the amazing experience i fantasized about. Wow, the concept of virginity is so foolish. I'm doing pretty goood in school, working out, and I'm trying to make money somehow. Nothing else really. It's just been a while.

Who knows what'll be next?!

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

Keep goin man! Stay positive and you'll find your way!
~Jonny