Hey guys, Over the past few years, I've made a lot of discoveries and personal changes that have reflected themselves in ten times more friends, tripled the number of dates I've had and overall increased my happiness. It all started when I began to realize some really horrible mistakes I was making in my dealings with women. These weren't just things I was doing wrong. These were actual mindsets that literally held me back from having the kind of success with women I really wanted. When I finally learned how to change them and reverse them, things started to make a lot more sense and women started to get more interested in me almost overnight. If you find any of the information presented here useful or insightful and you're a shy guy, I'd like to hear from you. Please follow the link at the end to fill out a quick 5 minute survey. So without further ado here they are in no particular order. Mistake 1: They try to get the girl interested in them The first mistake is counter-intuitive. Typically shy guys will try to come up with schemes or tricks to get girls to like them. They will scour the internet for tips and techniques on how to “get” girls or on how to get sex from girls. Women absolutely loathe this kind of thing! Why? Well imagine you had something that people want. For example, a really nice car. Your friends will always call you to try to get you to go out with them; they will try and get you to lend them the car or try to get you to give them a ride by trying to be nice to you or trying to be your best friend You can immediately tell that their intentions are not genuine – they just want you for the car and don’t care about you otherwise – and it pisses you off. Some times you may even fall for it; thinking that a guy is being honest and that he's your best friend while he's only interested in your material possessions. When he gets what he wanted and leaves you, that's when you see what a manipulative jerk he really was! How does that make you feel? Doesn't that make you feel used? Welcome to the reality of every attractive woman! She gets approached every day by random strangers who want to get her interested in them or want to get in her pants. And these guys are willing to do anything, take her out on expensive dinners, buy her stuff, be nice to her and become her best friend, and a plethora of other things just so that he can get what he wants. The sad part is that when women fall for this, they end up getting hurt and it scars them for life. They end up resenting men and having a hard time trusting them. Then there are some guys who will teach you to do the OPPOSITE. They will tell you to be a jerk to women, put them down and pretend you're not interested and you don’t want anything from them. This may work sometimes but usually it will attract low-self esteem girls who are craving attention from men. If that's who you're after then it's fine, but me personally I prefer women with high self-esteem. These women will see right through your little games and dismiss you as immature. Mistake 2: They focus too much on trying to say the right thing to impress the girl Shy guys worry too much about finding the right thing to say, finding the perfect opening line or finding the perfect moment to jump in and say something. So they wait and wait and when the conversation is over they wonder why they couldn’t think of anything to say. This is one of the reasons why they are shy in the first place. They are just trying too hard to impress others. In their mind they have a fantasy of saying something and wow-ing everybody. When they can’t think of anything to say, they just shut up and sit in the background. The other reason they are shy is because of the fear of being judged by others. They just can’t seem to understand that other people are so damn preoccupied with their own issues that they don’t even notice. If you're one of these guys, you should realize that most people are not even paying attention to you. Just walk around your city and notice how many people actually pay attention to you. They're just sleepwalking through their day, deep in thought and they couldn't care less about you. Why would they? You're not that important to them. Heck, they don't even know you! Even if they judge, so ****ing what?? Besides, we already discussed why you shouldn't even be focusing on trying to impress others, especially women. It's just another form of trying to "get" something from her and she does not want to feel used. There is such a thing as the wrong thing to say however. You wouldn’t discuss sex at the dinner table in front of your family or talk about love with your buddies. There are certain topics that you should almost never discuss in social situations, such as depressing news, politics, things like violence against women, divorce, etc. Socializing is meant to be fun and these topics will ruin all the fun. You will be seen as a weirdo and be outcast. In line with this mistake is also the idea of trying to figure out what the girl wants or what she’s “looking for” in a guy and then trying to be that guy. This is a losing game to play because, say you figure this out intuitively or she tells you and you play this role and “get” the girl. Then what? How are you going to keep seeing this girl if you’re still trying to play a role that is not who you really are? How do you expect to stop pretending to be someone else and still hope that she will like you? Maybe you think that after spending time with you she will eventually like you? I don’t think so! So drop it. Stop pretending to be someone else on her behalf and start thinking about what you really want and find a girl who fits those criteria. Then you don't have to pretend to be someone else. You can be yourself. Mistake 3: They underestimate their own value while overestimating the girl’s value. They don’t think they’re good enough to attract really hot women One of the most difficult things I've had to deal with was the idea that I wasn't worthy of a hot girl. Somehow I had gotten into my head the idea that a hot girl has a lot of options and she can choose anyone she wants so why would she choose me? This almost made me settle for sub-par girls as I'd get very nervous when talking to a girl I perceived to be "out of my league" If this sounds like you then you need to understand that there are two fundamentally wrong assumptions here. The first one is the idea that a hot girl has a lot of options and the second one is the idea that you have no value just by yourself. First of all it would seem that a hot girl has lots of options. There are many guys pursuing her, trying to get her to go out with them and you would think that she can choose from a large pool of guys. The reality from a woman’s perspective is different. I know a girl who goes on a lot of dates. She accepts invitations to go on dates from many guys who want to be her boyfriend and yet she is still single. It’s not that she hasn’t had boyfriends, she's certainly had her share, but in reality she can’t trust every guy that comes along and wants to date her. She is looking for someone in particular and despite the large pool of guys she’s going out with, that one perfect guy for her is still elusive. Next time you have a chance, ask a female friend or co-worker about the kinds of guys who approach her vs. those who she ends up dating long term. So what does this mean? It means that if you're the right guy for her, you have a chance!! And the only way you find that out is by asking her out. Second let’s deal with the idea that you have no value or that you’re not worthy. There are two symptoms to this problem. The first one is thinking: "I can be smarter", "I can be cooler", "I can be more hard-working", "I can be more social" where you compare yourself to your ideal self. While this is great to help you work on improving yourself, you've got to realize that you are not competing for women with your ideal self. You may still be "imperfect" according to your standards but that doesn't mean you have no value. Just the fact that you are a living, breathing organism means that you are valuable. The second symptom is the one where you compare yourself to some imaginary guy out there who’s taller than you, more athletic, far better looking and far more successful than you. This is the same as comparing yourself to the "ideal you" except the ideal is someone who doesn't exist. The other thing you have to your advantage is the uniqueness that only you can offer. In other words, she can only get you from you. When you begin to understand that women are attracted to your character traits and your personality much more than they are attracted to looks, or money then you can finally relax and go after the girls you really like and see if they fit your criteria.