Reasons for Marriage

[Desdinova]

There was another thread on here that covered a dude who's marrying an alcoholic woman, and it really got me thinking about a couple of things (I'll post the other later).

I believe the purpose of marriage was at one time useful to protect your investment in one particular woman. I don't see this happening in today's society. Here's what I do see:

Marriage out of fear: The man puts a ring on the woman's finger because he's afraid to lose her. He has previously had difficulty getting a date and/or sex, so he tries to cage the woman with a ring.

Marriage for financial benefit: The two get married because the combination of their 5hitty jobs will add up to one good income. This is the only way they can see purchasing their own home, owning a vehicle, or obtaining some other luxuries.

Marriage for the wedding day: Women will happily get married just to have a wedding. They get to be in the spotlight so they can be the envy of their friends.

Marriage to please the overly-religious parents: The parents don't approve of pre-marital sex, so the couple gets married to end the nagging. This also applies to the risk of childbirth out of wedlock.

Any other examples I missed?

 

[Reykhel]

Marriage because you get brainwashed into believing that it's the
social norm.

 

[Von]

Marriage used to be ... for

1) Stabilizing the procreation procress by owning the woman.
2) Making babies of known parental genes (he has to be the father
3) create political-family alliances and unite them by blood
4) Ensure the Church has more money (more babies, more church taxes and followers)
5) Prevent STD to a maximun

Marriage does all what you wrote but it was ''biologically' to ensure the survival of the race by controlling women body. Also, to prevent fights over her

PS: I know students who got married so they could get bursaries and university loans (yep the system is ****ed here for that)

 

[MrWood]

twice married from preggo 2x
once married for the greencard (Finland)

 

[samspade]

Marriage because you get brainwashed into believing that it's the
social norm.

This one encompasses most of the reasons. "Brainwashed" is a strong word, but marrying because society/family say you should. You're voluntarily asking the government to get involved in and tax your relationship. A wife is a girlfriend with paperwork.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

So, I'm brainwashed?

 

[BeExcellent]

Marriage as I understand it is akin to a partnership agreement. Traditionally duties were divided up for the benefit of both partners often thusly:

Man: Responsible for income, safety, business acumen, and social standing, final word on major couple decisions

Woman: Responsible for management of household, childrearing, usually dependent on the man's income for livelihood.

In other words the man takes a wife to have someone who is HIS lover, his children's mother, a confidant, and a companion who fits the basic roles above and relinquishes her autonomy for his purposes (this is submission in the marriage context).

In a good marriage the wife takes her duties very seriously and deeply appreciates what the husband does and provides while a husband takes his endeavors very seriously to benefit himself, his wife and his family to the best of his ability. The husband leads the marriage, the wife submits to his leadership and assists him by running things well in the home and by raising the kids. These two things are enormous responsibilities, the importance of which is at times overlooked.

The problem we run across today (at least in US) is that these roles are no longer well defined and it is a rare young person who understands and embraces them.

There are as many men unfit to be husbands as there are women unfit to be wives.

Marriage can still fulfill these traditional roles in today's world so long as the man will lead and the woman will assist him in managing his life to the best of her ability.

 

[Colossus]

Marriage as I understand it is akin to a partnership agreement. Traditionally duties were divided up for the benefit of both partners often thusly:

Man: Responsible for income, safety, business acumen, and social standing, final word on major couple decisions

Woman: Responsible for management of household, childrearing, usually dependent on the man's income for livelihood.

In other words the man takes a wife to have someone who is HIS lover, his children's mother, a confidant, and a companion who fits the basic roles above and relinquishes her autonomy for his purposes (this is submission in the marriage context).

In a good marriage the wife takes her duties very seriously and deeply appreciates what the husband does and provides while a husband takes his endeavors very seriously to benefit himself, his wife and his family to the best of his ability. The husband leads the marriage, the wife submits to his leadership and assists him by running things well in the home and by raising the kids. These two things are enormous responsibilities, the importance of which is at times overlooked.

The problem we run across today (at least in US) is that these roles are no longer well defined and it is a rare young person who understands and embraces them.

There are as many men unfit to be husbands as there are women unfit to be wives.

Marriage can still fulfill these traditional roles in today's world so long as the man will lead and the woman will assist him in managing his life to the best of her ability.

This is essentially why I married. I didn't HAVE to marry. I wasn't under any sort of religious obligation. I wasn't afraid of losing her. I don't have a sh!tty job and neither does she. Neither of us actively want children. We had a small wedding with about 65 people, mostly family. I'm not "brainwashed"; I've been at SoSuave for 11 years. I dated countless women before I married and laid close to 40.

When you marry someone you are making them your family. It is a symbiotic partnership, with clauses of course. There is an understanding that you wont be fvcking other people. There is an understanding that you wont just quit when you hit a rough patch. Her family becomes yours and yours becomes hers, whether you like it or not.

But above all, it is a life partnership. You do it because life together is better on the whole than life as a single person. It is a higher level of commitment and you should not do it if you haven't sown your oats and experienced what is out there. When it's complementary like Be Excellent described, I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks...IF you find the right girl and IF you are ready for it.

Like I touched on in another post, times have changed and women have their foot in more business and social arenas than ever before. Natural roles are endangered and even more so are women willing to fulfill these natural roles; as are men who are willing to step up and be a leader.

I've been blessed to find a unique woman in today's world. If it wasn't her I would probably never marry. My wife is DEVOTED to me. We have a fairly traditional relationship---I make most of the money, I'm older, I make most of the big decisions and look out for our well-being in the long run. She takes care of the house, my meals, my laundry, etc. She does a lot of the clerical day-to-day stuff. And it works really well because that's what both of us wanted.

I think marriage only makes sense if you have relatively pure, low-partner count female who is into traditional gender roles, and you have gotten all your philandering out of your system.You have to want a life partner more than you just want a b!tch to bang. If you have significant assets, sign a pre-nup. If you have ANY doubts about her, don't do it.

A wife is a girlfriend with paperwork.

This is half the reason the divorce rate is so high; because people treat their spouse like a bf/gf with paperwork.

Anymore it's a half-ass commitment. If you aren't haaappy, if you are bored, cheat. If you aren't in love anymore, divorce. People are self-serving quitters. I don't advocate staying with an unfaithful spouse or in a totally miserable marriage, but marriage isn't all about you all of the time. It only works if both parties are sacrificing for the other person. People have totally unrealistic expectations.

 

[Reykhel]

So, I'm brainwashed?

Well, we are all under the spell of social conditioning to certain degrees.

But that's one reason.....some people do it because "it's the done thing".
You finish college, you get a job, you meet the girl, the one, you propose,
you get married, you have 2.5 kids, you get fat.......

.....you follow a script. A social "norm". A bullet in the head.

 

[Yewki]

I wasn't afraid of losing her.

Was it her idea to get married?

 

[Reykhel]

Was it her idea to get married?

I'd bet it was but he'll probably say it was a mutual decision or something like that...

Usually the female mantra is "men are afraid of commitment", and often there is social pressure or
even shaming of the man "to make an honest women out of her"......

It's normally more the woman's idea and she convinces him to propose to her.....

......and then statistically women initiate divorce more often than men.

I wonder if there is a link......

 

[speed dawg]

There was another thread on here that covered a dude who's marrying an alcoholic woman, and it really got me thinking about a couple of things (I'll post the other later).

I believe the purpose of marriage was at one time useful to protect your investment in one particular woman. I don't see this happening in today's society. Here's what I do see:

Marriage out of fear: The man puts a ring on the woman's finger because he's afraid to lose her. He has previously had difficulty getting a date and/or sex, so he tries to cage the woman with a ring.

Marriage for financial benefit: The two get married because the combination of their 5hitty jobs will add up to one good income. This is the only way they can see purchasing their own home, owning a vehicle, or obtaining some other luxuries.

Marriage for the wedding day: Women will happily get married just to have a wedding. They get to be in the spotlight so they can be the envy of their friends.

Marriage to please the overly-religious parents: The parents don't approve of pre-marital sex, so the couple gets married to end the nagging. This also applies to the risk of childbirth out of wedlock.

Any other examples I missed?

Marriage is about religion, that's all it's about. All these other issues are bunk. The reason why our society has laws regarding marriage is because it was based on religion. For the life of me, I can't understand why you guys can't understand this. Furthermore, I can't for the life of me understand why anyone who was not religious, would get married. The tax benefits simply do not help that much. Honestly you could probably come out better off if you did played the system without a marriage certificate. You can raise kids in a long-term relationship, if that's your thing. I mean, I get it....I know why the non-religious (at least in serious practice, because most at least identify with a religion) get married, and that's for the reasons you listed above (perception, social pressure, etc.). It's just not necessary when you get down to it. Of course, most people don't really have a real reason to go to church except that they think it's what they are supposed to do, but yet they keep going.

Then, it comes back to the religion as the building block of society. Society as we know it is based on the family unit, and without religion and its marriage commitments, the family unit often falls apart. So there are many moving targets. But I think you catch my drift.

 

[speed dawg]

Marriage as I understand it is akin to a partnership agreement. Traditionally duties were divided up for the benefit of both partners often thusly:

Man: Responsible for income, safety, business acumen, and social standing, final word on major couple decisions

Woman: Responsible for management of household, childrearing, usually dependent on the man's income for livelihood.

In other words the man takes a wife to have someone who is HIS lover, his children's mother, a confidant, and a companion who fits the basic roles above and relinquishes her autonomy for his purposes (this is submission in the marriage context).

In a good marriage the wife takes her duties very seriously and deeply appreciates what the husband does and provides while a husband takes his endeavors very seriously to benefit himself, his wife and his family to the best of his ability. The husband leads the marriage, the wife submits to his leadership and assists him by running things well in the home and by raising the kids. These two things are enormous responsibilities, the importance of which is at times overlooked.

The problem we run across today (at least in US) is that these roles are no longer well defined and it is a rare young person who understands and embraces them.

There are as many men unfit to be husbands as there are women unfit to be wives.

Marriage can still fulfill these traditional roles in today's world so long as the man will lead and the woman will assist him in managing his life to the best of her ability.

Why can't you do all of this without marriage paperwork?

 

[Dingo]

Whatever the reason... boy do I regret it now.

We lived together for almost 3 years and it just seemed the natural thing to do.

Stupid, stupid, stupid !

 

[Desdinova]

Marriage is about religion, that's all it's about. All these other issues are bunk. The reason why our society has laws regarding marriage is because it was based on religion. For the life of me, I can't understand why you guys can't understand this.

I'm very much aware of that. The point of my post was to identify the reasons people get married TODAY.

 

[samspade]

This is half the reason the divorce rate is so high; because people treat their spouse like a bf/gf with paperwork.

Anymore it's a half-ass commitment. If you aren't haaappy, if you are bored, cheat. If you aren't in love anymore, divorce. People are self-serving quitters. I don't advocate staying with an unfaithful spouse or in a totally miserable marriage, but marriage isn't all about you all of the time. It only works if both parties are sacrificing for the other person. People have totally unrealistic expectations.

I agree with a lot of what you said about marriage, but outside of having children, I see the government's version of it as interference. I can understand wanting to make vows before God, family, and even clergy. I find government's intertwining in romantic relationships to be meddlesome. Let's face it: It's a mafia looking for its tribute, and it'll look for it again if you split up.

Anyway Colossus, we've agreed on a lot of stuff on these boards, but it's interesting that our shoes are on the other foot, so to speak. I can read a little solipsism in both of our opinions on this, lol. I am happy for you and anyone in a healthy and loving marriage!

 

[yuppee]

I married cause I did not want to let her slip away from me. She's way too fine a partner for that.

 

[Tenacity]

Marriage as I understand it is akin to a partnership agreement. Traditionally duties were divided up for the benefit of both partners often thusly:

Man: Responsible for income, safety, business acumen, and social standing, final word on major couple decisions

Woman: Responsible for management of household, childrearing, usually dependent on the man's income for livelihood.

Marriage can still fulfill these traditional roles in today's world so long as the man will lead and the woman will assist him in managing his life to the best of her ability.

The traditional roles you described are correct but they are based on PRE-FEMINISM and PRE-WOMEN'S LIBERATION.

- Inflation wasn't as high, so one income was all that was needed to take care of a family. The man was the one that bought in this income because women had very little rights in the marketplace to do so.

- You didn't have a 21st-century technology household, so someone had to be in the house to cook and clean, which involved a lot more MANUAL labor and took up more time than it does today.

- You needed someone out in the field bringing in income and you needed someone in the house doing the manual labor. Notice the keyword = NEED.

The reason marriages didn't break up as much back then was because they were based on survival needs, men and women NEEDED each other to survive.

That's not the way it is anymore and it will never go back to that. Inflation is through the roof and one person working will not cut it today, men and women can both bring in incomes and pretty much NEITHER need each other for "survival needs" as they did prior.

- You have a 21st century household that doesn't involve a lot of manual labor to do household duties, thus, you don't need someone in the house all day.

- Women can go out and get the same education and jobs as men do (for the most part).

The times have changed. The only reason people still get married today is due to religious reasons, pressure from friends/family, for gold-digging reasons, or to "check off the box" in terms of generic life goals. ALL of these reasons are based on "entertainment" and "emotion", not on necessity. Which means at any time, the emotion can change, what was entertaining can no longer be entertaining, and either spouse could decide to leave the engagement. PERIOD.

The marriage laws need to change to reflect this, we should be promoting civil unions as an alternative rather than the traditional marriage system which is outdated and not reflective of the modern day market relations between men and women.

 

[BeExcellent]

It remains possible to have a traditional marriage. It's just that the two people in the marriage have to want to assume and honor the traditional roles. I know plenty of people in traditional marriages who really are happy and who really have made it the partnership it ought to be. Some young, some older, and some in between. Maintaining a house is just as much work now as it ever was if it is being done properly. Automation does not change the kitty litter or the diapers, nor does it scrub toilets or clean the refrigerator or open, sort, and organize the mail.

I know a lovely couple in coastal CA who are close friends of mine. He is a businessman and she a traditional wife (and the most genuine lovely woman you could have the pleasure of meeting). They have plenty of money and live in an exclusive area. She raises the children, cleans daily (as in mops, washes windows, trims the landscaping, cleans up after the pets, changes the linens and on and on) and assists her husband as he requests in his business (running errands, entertaining clients and friends in their home or as overnight guests at a moment's notice, whatever he asks.) She is a size 2, stunningly beautiful, fit, stylish, and she prides herself on how she supports him in his endeavors and gives him the ability to sleep in each morning (she gets up early with the children) and relax each night. She also prides herself in managing the household and not needing outside domestic help (which they could certainly afford.) She is very smart, very sophisticated. But she defers to him and is an amazing example. She is grateful and thankful for the lifestyle he provides, the kids are delightful and happy, Her husband is proud of her.

If a traditional marriage is what a man wants then he should become the sort of man worth marrying. Then he can choose a woman worth marrying because then he will know what to look for (and more importantly what to screen out.)

If you want an interesting Biblical take on the matter read verse 10 thru 31 or of Proverbs 31. It is insightful and surprisingly modern. Finding a good wife is not a new problem.

 

[CMNILS87]

How about a religious wedding, without the government contract? I don't want a 70% divorce rate chance of losing half my stuff. "Falling out of love" with a man is not a good enough reason to file for divorce. Yet no fault divorce says, hey you don't get the tingles anymore go ahead and file for divorce cause you're bored.