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Q: How to secure a date if she tells you she's busy?

Discussion in 'Don Juan Discussion' started by rex, Nov 6, 2008.

  1. rex

    rex New Member

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    Hey guys,

    Here's the scenario: Met a girl at a bar, hit it off well, then gave her a call 4 days later and asked her if she'd be free to grab drinks.

    Me: "I'd like to invite you out for happy hour. I'm busy this week but how bout later next week?"

    Her: *pause* "Umm, not quite sure. I'm going to be busy with midterms and papers."

    Me: "Since your schedule sounds so heavy, how bout I give you a call at the end of the week and see where you're at then."

    Her: "Okay."

    Me: "Sounds good, talk to you later."

    ==End Convo==

    So, the questions I have are:

    1) Any ideas on what to say to secure a date on the follow up, assuming she's busy again (or says she is) due to exams weeks?

    2) Next time a girl throws the "I am busy with so and so" and doesn't suggest a counteroffer/alternative date, what would be some good responses to increase your chances of scoring the date on that first call?

    3) If for any reason you can't/don't score a date on the first call after being thrown the "busy" message, what would be some good responses to keep control of power without seeming desperate yet increase your chances of landing a date?
    (eg telling her I'd call her back at the end of the week like I had done?, go out on a limb and suggest some days to meet up/fish for days shes not busy?, just tell her "maybe next time", and follow up with calls/texts inviting her out whenever I'm in the area/free/meeting up with friends and just seein if she'd be interested in tagging along)

    Suggestions welcome!

    Thx!
    Rex
     
  2. Igetit!

    Igetit! Moderator

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    If you get a girl's number,then two days later you call her and she says she's busy,then you wait and call her 2 or 3 days after that,then she says she's busy again,and this happens like 3 or 4 times in a row,clearly it means she's not interested. Either that,or her interest is so low that she's not willing to put the time in to see you.

    What I'd do is when you call her the first time after getting her number,Make sure you take charge of the conversation. For one,don't call her,say "hi",ask what she's doing,then say,"Hey,you wanna go out sometime?". That's boring and lame.

    Women are emotional. So what I'd do is stir up her emotions before asking her out. Say something like this: "Man,you'll never in a million years guess what happened to me today". This will stir in curiousity and intrigue in her. Then go on to tell her something exciting. And make sure that when you say all this to her,you sound upbeat and energetic,not like you just woke up. Then when you do ask her out,I'd say something like,"Hey,what to you have planned forthe weekend?" If she says nothing,then asks "Why?",you say,"I'm not telling you,you just be ready on Saturday at (whatever time).

    I believe that she'll be more motivated to say yes to a date if you throw in excitement and make her curious than just having a plain,ordinary, "hey,what are you up to?" type of conversation,then asking her out.
     
  3. rex

    rex New Member

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    Thx for the response,

    Funny thing is I omitted the part where I threw in the "I saw something that reminded me of you!"

    Still got shot down with the "busy" response after going in with a bang and proposing the "wanna grab drinks" line.

    I do like your idea of just asking her what she's up to (whether it be on the weekend or a weekday). Meaning, turn it into a conversation to find out when she's busy before asking, rather than going in with an agenda just to shoot her the question.

    Buuut, another question about doing this.

    Take your suggestion: what if you ask her your question, "Hey,what do you have planned for the weekend?", and instead of her saying "nothing", she says she's made plans. I don't suppose you'd continue to ask her what she's doing every day of the week.

    Any good ideas on how to respond to that?
     
  4. Pimp-sicle

    Pimp-sicle Master Don Juan

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    First off all her interest doesn't sound like its that high, most likely since she met you at a bar and I'm assuming there was some drinking going on.

    Next you should never call a girl without having specific plans in mind. Also your already chasing her, never good. Once she pulled the busy card you should have teased her about her school work and left it at "I'll talk to you later," that way she wouldn't know if or when you would call again. You have to learn to be a mystery, if this girl had any interest and she wasn't expecting your call next week I guarantee you should would be excited to hear from you.

    But by telling her you'll call her next week, she's already prepared to give you another excuse, or better yet not answer or call you back.

    Call her next week and have SPECIFIC plans in mind, X bar @9pm Thursday etc. If she doesn't counter offer or pulls the busy bs, get rid of her.




    PIMP
     
  5. StGeo

    StGeo Don Juan

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    I don't really have any expertise but I'm also interested in this subject because there's this really hot HB9 in a language course I go to and she gave me her number (maybe somewhat unwillingly). Since then I've called her 3 times (once a week or so) and every time she has an excuse. it did sound sincere but since she seems to be avoiding when we meet at the course, I should probably just next her, she's obviously not interested. She's still eye candy for those boring German classes, though :D

    Anyway, I still want to her what people have to say.
     
  6. Igetit!

    Igetit! Moderator

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    What Pimp-sicle said.
     
  7. f283000

    f283000 Master Don Juan

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    WRONG!!!!!

    if a girl says she is busy the first time you ask her out OK! she might be telling the truth and everyone deserves a second chance. If she does it to you a second time, NEXT! NEXT!

    sorry bro but if a girl is hot for you she will put off plans and go out the first time you ask her or if she has serious reasons to deny you the first time she won't deny you a second time. That is how women work bro, im sorry but it is time for you to show some manliness and dignity and move on.

    The 2 strike rules will save your dignity because frankly that is how women work and it will ensure that you only use your time on girls that you have a chance with and are interested in you as a man. If a woman is interested in you as a man she won't deny you twice in a row for a date.
     
  8. rex

    rex New Member

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    Love the advice, especially about just teasing about her "busy schedule" then just leaving it at "talk to you later" to keep her wondering.

    However, again I'd like to retort a few things. If you always call just to invite her out with specific plans and leave her with a "talk to you later" if she says shes busy, you still position yourself so that you will be the one calling her. Your continued calls no matter how dispersed apart will still be just a one way street until you spark interest...in person!

    Now, for many of you DJs, you would say move on cause she's not interested. But there are underlying circumstances that do not make this black and white...in reality there is not a yes and a no. All I'm saying, is that I believe you can tip the acquaintance ladder to the friend ladder or more than a friend ladder. She showed initial interest at the bar, so that means some chemistry exists and thats a start. The problem I see is that you need to secure the first date to further the interest level so the girl actually does fall for you. So if a girl can't seem to make time for you in her schedule across the phone, that really shouldn't keep us clever guys from figuring out how to dodge the busyness and land that date. Cause landing the date is the key.

    So without giving up since you actually want to put effort into this one and you know the girl may not be interested across the phone but she WILL have interest in person, how do you land that date? And again you could continue to ask her out and she could continue to give you the busy and you will seem desperate. So the next question I have is this:

    What do you think is the best way to go about getting her to consider an outing with you without being overbearing, knowing its only a one way street in the beginning? Perhaps call her from time to time just to invite her out when you're in the area? Or maybe trying to start a back and forth dialog with her through text, email, aim, or phone? This is an open ended question with suggestions on clever ideas of executing these tactics welcome!
     
  9. Igetit!

    Igetit! Moderator

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    Obviously,this guy didn't read my reply correctly.
     
  10. Miguel

    Miguel Don Juan

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    Hey, just some pratical advice. Good theory guys btw, but I got another call...

    Prevention of a stituation is WAY better then recovery. Why not just make sure that the girl never has an oppertunity to say no to a specific date to begin with... Why not stack the cards in you're favor.

    When I ask a girl out, I always make sure to say something like:

    Me: hey, lets hang out, I'm busy tommorrow, but how does monday or friday work?

    Her: I'm busy monday.

    Me: okay, friday then, I'll swing over at 7ish and go to this club that people have been telling me about.

    You see, I A) assumed the sale. B) ASKED TWO DAYS so she has less way to say no to begin with.
     
  11. rex

    rex New Member

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    posted that before i read ur reply hahah.
     
  12. rex

    rex New Member

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    thought of it, buut, "less way" of gettin out of the situation still doesn't mean "no way" of getting out. of course she could always say shes busy on both days you mention =P. sux for us huh...
     
  13. Pimp-sicle

    Pimp-sicle Master Don Juan

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    ^^^^^^^^



    PIMP
     
  14. Miguel

    Miguel Don Juan

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    True, But as a Dj I'm pretty lazy so I want to know my option NOW, if she says no too both days, odds are she's actually not intrested... SO

    Next girl, less thought on this one.
     
  15. rex

    rex New Member

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    Interesting feedback. I'm no DJ but I do have a bit of dating experience and I'm quite aware of the game. However, from experience, I know that its possible to create attraction and chemistry from thin air. Yes, there might be competition, and who knows where I am on her list, but its a challenge to displace the #1 guy whose top of her mind. Anyways, thx everyone for making this a hot topic of discussion. Great input!
     
  16. Mavrick

    Mavrick Master Don Juan

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    1) Any ideas on what to say to secure a date on the follow up, assuming she's busy again (or says she is) due to exams weeks?

    You should ask only one more time. If she says she's going to busy, move on to the next woman. If you still want her to go out with you, you need to reevaluate your priorities. You most likely have a low self-worth and have not prioritized your dignity appropriately.


    2) Next time a girl throws the "I am busy with so and so" and doesn't suggest a counteroffer/alternative date, what would be some good responses to increase your chances of scoring the date on that first call?

    If a woman doesn't offer a counter, then you have a low interested woman, and you should no longer be interested.

    3) If for any reason you can't/don't score a date on the first call after being thrown the "busy" message, what would be some good responses to keep control of power without seeming desperate yet increase your chances of landing a date?

    Tell her "Okay, I understand". No retort or defense is needed. Don't ask maybe later, or I'll call later when you're not busy. Don't do anything. Just let her you understand. Then wait a week or so, and call her and ask one more time. If the second time you get a yes, great! If not, move to an interested woman.
     
  17. suavesuave

    suavesuave Senior Don Juan

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    Wait for a week? Why not 3 days?
     

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