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New philosophy on female friends

Discussion in 'The Hall of Excellence' started by BigBadJon, Nov 27, 2000.

  1. BigBadJon

    BigBadJon Master Don Juan

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    After carefully analyzing my personal shortcomings, I believe it is time to change my views on female friends.

    Here's what lead up to the need for a change.

    About 4 months ago I went to a local restaurant for lunch. I am looking over the menu when I hear the waitress approach the table. Turns out, she was a girl that I had known about 4 years ago. She had moved away 3 years prior and I hadn't heard from her since. We exchanged #'s and I have been in contact with her regularly since.

    She is from my "hopeless" days. We would go out after work, I was making good cash so I would buy her drinks all the time. I always had interest in her, which she was well aware of. Anyways, I played the nice fool for months before she moved away. I sort of remember us parting on less than great terms for some reason.

    I have been out with her many times since we have gotten reacquainted. We get along very well together. She has matured greatly (she is now 23, 19 back then). I started seeing someone else a few weeks after we started hanging out. I noticed a little jealousy, inquisitions, hints that I should break up with my g/f, etc. from her. I thought nothing of it, but I have had three different people who have observed us together telling me "hey that chick wants you!" Honestly I don't see it, but obviously others are picking up on something.

    After she became aware that I was seeing someone, she started telling me things she never would have shared before. She started going on about how she wishes she could find a good sex partner with no strings attached, telling me stuff about the guys she has been with, etc. Really intimate details of her life.

    A few weeks ago after a night out she asked if I wanted to crash at her place. I did, but didn't put on any moves.

    Which brings us to the present. She recently informed me that she will be moving back up to Tenn. in a couple of weeks. We made plans and went out last night, me, her, and a group of my friends. We went out, had a good time, but it seemed something was bothering her. We got back to her place and she once again offered to let me stay with her. I had no ride, so she had to drive me home today (about 1/2 hour away). We slept together but didn't do anything.

    Ok, here's the problem. For some reason feelings are creeping into the picture. Maybe it's just the fact she's leaving and I will miss her company, I don't know. I can't speak for her, but it seems there's something on her mind as well (this would go against my once a friend always a friend philosophy). She is leaving in less than two weeks.

    From now on, no more girls I'm attracted to for friends. I can't do it. I will always want more (sex, relationship). I have a couple of girls I go out with like this, and I find myself torn between accepting a certain amount of female B.S., like "options" for going out(since they are just friends) and putting my foot down (cause it pisses me off). It's just impossible to detatch your manly desires from a female you find attractive.

    Now a question. What would you guys do in my shoes? Try to go for the goods, or lay off cause it will only cause problems?
     
  2. NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER

    NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER Banned

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    I say put the ball in her court and hint back to her. After a night out or whatever u 2 do, say something such as "It's too bad u just dont rip off my clothes and make me your sex toy since it would be wrong for me to do that to u since i am seeing someone."

    Say it in a sort of joking manner but still make your intentions known through this hint and in this manner u make it clear to her that she will have to make the move if she wants some.

    Once u say that, relax because she will have the ball in her court and has to act on her desires if she truly does want u. Let her make the decision for u, since either way u can do with her or without her. MAKE HER DO THE WORK AND SHOW U WERE U STAND IN HER EYES.

    SOLDIER
     
  3. Peak

    Peak Master Don Juan

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    It seems clear that she is a little desperate and she wants some **** .

    You are the obvious choice cause you seem safe (knows your history) and she ISN'T emotionally attached to you.

    She knew she was moving and didn't want to start any real relationships cause it'll cause Her heartache, so she tells YOU she wants someone to bag her with NO TIES. That is, "OOOH BBJ bonk me and then forever hold your peace!"

    Your choices are that: 1) You can handle bonking her for now and then waving bye bye in a few weeks, so you go ahead and bang her senseless;

    2) You find that you are having feelings for her, so you don't go there!

    There is the possibilty that she really likes you, or she is totally jacked off that nobody will sleep with her so her personal worth is going down the tube. That is. she wants you as an ego boost then she will heartlessly dump your ass (my take on the situation — "no ties" quote tells you with a megaphone she doesn't want you emotionally).

    I agree, if you have feelings for a girl and she doesn't reciprocate it's easier to set the guilotine on that relationship. Cut it off cause you know that you will always secretly want more she will realise this and then mercilessly use you like a lap dog. However, this bird is going away, so take what she's got and be her sex toy for a while if you have nothing else at the moment, just leave your heart out of it!!!

    Hope this helps Big fella.

    Cheers.


    [This message has been edited by Peak (edited 11-27-2000).]

    [This message has been edited by Peak (edited 11-27-2000).]
     
  4. jester1x

    jester1x Senior Don Juan

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    Payback is a b!tch! I would nail her and, then tell her to "have a nice life." Make sure you put your utmost effort into it (nailing her), so she'll never forget it. End the mystery for yourself. Find out if the ***** was worth all of that pain and heartache. If it wasn't, at least, you know now. If it was, then what does it matter? She is moving anyway.
    If you don't "give" it to her now, then someone else will! Your only concern should be your own feelings because she apparently had no concern for your feelings in the past. Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. I'm feeling vengeful and vow to make every attempt and take every opportunity to nail a woman. I will do this whether I get a relationship or not. I have found myself always being more concerned with a woman's feelings which has led to me making most of the sacrifices with no pay off (no sex or a relationship, but a "deep" friendship). From now on, I will put my needs first and will not put up with them not being met or, at least, an honest attempt at them being met.
    I love women, but some of them don't deserve your consideration and will never earn it. For them, it's always all about "me." I've been burned and have learned. It's finally starting to sink in. It's all comes down to what you can live with, but remember this woman can so easily forget "toying" with you in the past. Keep that in mind!

    ------------------
    Fooled(Jester) one(1) time(x) too many!
     
  5. A Turtle Name Adrian

    A Turtle Name Adrian Senior Don Juan

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    Dude, I personally think she want's to fukk you. And your opportunity was when you guy's slept together. Did'nt she start acting strange after that. I believe she was waiting for you to make that move. But you did'nt. So she start trippin. I believe you should never sleep with a girl for the first time unless you're gonna get some. There's really no other reason to sleep with her & no sex unless you're her FRIEND. Friend's they can disrespect anytime & wont feel a thing. Friend's they can stop calling & know that you're alway's gonna call. Friend's who they would never sleep with. Dude, GET OUT THE FRIENDSHIP ZONE IMMEDIATELY!
     
  6. A Turtle Name Adrian

    A Turtle Name Adrian Senior Don Juan

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    sorry, got alittle carried away. Peace.
     
  7. Poet

    Poet Master Don Juan

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    Hey BBJon, I think U shoulda boffed her when you had the chance, she's movin anyway right? Female friends come in very handy at times (networking)! U just have to make sure you are comfortable with the friendship part & are not secretly lusting for her.....Lust after her friend(s) but not her! But if you have a female friend that you are lusting after tell her! Don't make it a secret lust that frustrates, try a little "stuff", be funny & tell her you want to jump her bones & be in her face about it! Maybe she will, maybe she won't but it will clear the air. Then you can get back to the friendship part(or not if she is "ofended"). However in this case it seems she also had some interest in you & yes, when you slept over ya shoulda made a move IF that is what U wanted. Poet

    ------------------
    Action is all....words don't mean ****.

    Trust your instincts & nothing else.
     
  8. BigBadJon

    BigBadJon Master Don Juan

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    Thanks for the input fellas. The choice seems clear. I would be lying if I said I wouldn't hook it up at least once. It just hasn't been a real priority I guess.

    One clarification. I am not currently seeing the other girl. I let my friend's mind wander by not confirming or denying info, so she doesn't really know this.

    BTW......Before we all went out Sat. my buddys asked if this girl was hot. I said "yea, she's allright". We got to her house and they were drooling......hehehe! My one buddy asked me if it was ok if he tryed t put the moves on. He was hitting on her all night, but she would really only dance close to me. At the end of the night I was laying on her couch she came over and sat down by me I put my arm around her as my buddys were leaving. I could see the jealous look on my buddy's faces!! Pretty funny to say the least.

    Well, she wanted to help me go clothes shopping, so I postponed shopping from yesterday to today so she could join me. Maybe I will bring her back to the casa afterwards. I'll let you know what happens.
     
  9. Ralfus

    Ralfus Master Don Juan

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    There is something to be said about gut feelings.I believe that you shouldn't get busy with her from somthing you said in your post:
    Now say you go ahead and bang her, how are you going to feel after she is gone? I think you prety much know by what you stated in your post.

    She still thinks of you as that "hopless" nice guy from three years ago.You are just a close friend to her.
    Now this is the stuff that girlfriends (ie. 2 female friends)talk about over the phone in there b!tch sessions.

    My point is: Trust your gut instinct here. You see your self becoming that guy you are working so hard to destroy. (nice guy = loser) So tell her it's been great and to take care when she moves. Because you want someone who is there for you, not some chicky that you had meaningless sex with that lives 3 states away.And some grand fantisy of her being the love of your live. Well you see what I'm getting at. I say trust your gut on this one and stay friends. Good luck bud!

    Ralfus [​IMG]




    ------------------
    "I tried to think,But nothing happened!"- Curly Howard
     
  10. Pook

    Pook Master Don Juan

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    Nice post.

    I noticed a little jealousy, inquisitions, hints that I should break up with my g/f, etc. from her.

    People want that which they cannot have.

    I thought nothing of it, but I have had three different people who have observed us together telling me "hey that chick wants you!" Honestly I don't see it, but obviously others are picking up on something.

    Can you get us any details on her actions? What was she doing that made them know this?

    A few weeks ago after a night out she asked if I wanted to crash at her place. I did, but didn't put on any moves.

    Oh my goodness. This will make a woman GO BESERK.

    Strangely, women take rejection MUCH MUCH worse then men do. Women believe that if they are rejected, then something is horribly wrong with her.

    Women, when they fail to recieve what they want (companionship, dates, etc.), they will pull out the big guns. With every war you have small weapons, medium weapons, and the big weapons when those smaller weapons fail. In the War of the Sexes, women will use their most powerful weapon, their own nuclear arsenal: sex!

    When a woman offers sex, and gets REJECTED, she will think something is very wrong with her (because women believe men are dogs who will hump anything). I bet she goes to sleep in tears thinking about you.

    We slept together but didn't do anything.

    What are you doing? Driving her to suicide?

    She is leaving in less than two weeks.

    I would rape her.

    "Pook! That's illegal!" Yeah, yeah, but if you all of a sudden 'go crazy' over her, she'll respond extremely well. She is putting her self-worth on your actions.

    Here's an idea: be a nice guy! Say, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children!" Pretend you're desperate, and she'll stop having feelings for you! It works every time!

    Seriously though, if you want her then go for it. She is giving you the clearest green light I've seen.

    If you don't, I would suggest telling you how you exactly feel. She's putting her happiness in your actions. If you decide to do this, and you find her attractive. tell her so. Explain why you didn't sleep with her.

    Just my thoughts. (Funny, most guys here wouldn't think a hot fine woman going, "Come and stay at my place for the night, you hunk of burning love!" to be a problem). [​IMG]

    ------------------
    Pook
    "As you think, you shall become."
    "Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."
     
  11. scottdahustla

    scottdahustla Senior Don Juan

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    ------------------
    Confidence levels are high!
     
  12. Maverick

    Maverick Senior Don Juan

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    Hmmmmm....

    If you're seeing another girl right now, why would it bother this old "friend" if all she's interested in is finding a "no strings (sex, etc...)" type of relationship? Even if she does mean you indirectly...

    If she truly wants a no strings then you can go for it. Get a little rumpy bumpy if you like and then she's gone to Tenn. She's happy and you're happy.

    If you're conscience gets the better part of you (due to you're wanting more or your other current relationship) just go out have fun for the last time with her and your friends then wish her well...

    It's tough having girls you're attracted to not wanting the same thing as you... but I guess that's why we wind up "FRIENDS" only...

    Kind of like Billy Crystal's line from Harry met Sally about How men can't be friends with women, because men will always want sex...
    only reverse in your case...

    Let us know what you decide and how it turns out....

    Good Huntin' mate [​IMG]

    Peace [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  13. BigBadJon

    BigBadJon Master Don Juan

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    I asked them and they said they didn't know what it was that gave them that perception.


    I have seen her insecure side a time or two.

    Hehehe! I love weilding the power! Just gotta be careful not to overdo it.

    I don' think that would be necessary. It should be in the bag [​IMG]

    Not a problem, it's just I got off on the wrong foot with her so it kinda takes me back to the time when I was a sucker for a pretty face. I guess it's harder to jump in since I know she always looked at me as a chump in the past.

    Well, I'm late to pick her up....gotta go!
     
  14. Maverick

    Maverick Senior Don Juan

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    Ooooopsss... forgot Ralfus how do you do that with the little face and the eyes that's pretty cool.....

    Peace [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  15. Ralfus

    Ralfus Master Don Juan

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    Read this Mavrick

    Ralfus [​IMG]

    ------------------
    "I tried to think,But nothing happened!"- Curly Howard
     
  16. Surfboard

    Surfboard Senior Don Juan

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    I always wondered how to do that. Thanks Ralfus!

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  17. etavele

    etavele New Member

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    If you are in an exclusive relationship with a woman, don't ruin it by having sex with someone else. If you are flying solo and a woman comes on to you the way this one did, go for it. She wants to give it to you and it's your duty to take it.
     
  18. bigblueballz

    bigblueballz Don Juan

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    I was in this same situation a while back. The following morning, she wanted me to go to her hometown with her. I agreed and went to her parent's house and chilled. I brought up sex several times, but she never told me what she wanted after I asked her. That night, I kissed her forcefully and she did not push me away. After kissing her violently, I said "Mmmmm....(her name)!" I rolled back over and went to sleep. She punched me in the gut and later woke me back up by slapping me in the face. She told me she was going to sleep in the bed with a friend of mine. I didn't give a phuck, I was drunk. The next week, arguments started, and it ended quickly. Never again will I sleep next to a girl without putting the moves on her.
     
  19. BigBadJon

    BigBadJon Master Don Juan

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    Alright everyone, I just got home from shopping with her.

    I'm in some serious sh1t right now.

    WTF is wrong with me? I was honestly pretty indifferent about this girl up until this week. Now I find myself having feelings for her? This is the worst thing that could happen to me right now!

    We went shopping for a few hours then went to dinner. I dropped her off at her place and went inside for a few, didn't make any moves. I need to sort this out first. On the ride home I couldn't stop thinking about her.

    I don't know what it is. I need some psychological advice fellas.

    I mean, one minute I am watching her and thinking I see a girl that wants me to take her in my arms and kiss her passionately (probably imagining this), the next we are talking about exes and bad luck with the opposite sex blah,blah.

    Now I see why others think she is lusting over me. She seems to look at me in a longing sort of way or something like that. I think it may just be that she has been around a lot of men but not close to anyone in a non-physical way?!? She trusts me a lot?? The body language seems to be there, but we talk about stuff that two people who would never be interested in each other talk about (such as past relationships).

    I don't know why I am even trying to analyze her. That's not what I'm supposed to be about anymore. Man see woman. Man like woman. Man club woman over head and drag into cave. Right?

    Like I said, she is a remnant from the days when I would walk over broken glass to win a woman's affection. That's why this is f*cking with me so bad. If I met her last week she never would have seen the push over in me. Maybe I need to cut ties with people that remind me of how I was in the past.

    I asked her if she was going out with us again this weekend and she said she would have to see. This means she is waiting to see if some of these other guys that call her all the time are going to ask her out for that night (fact).

    I almost just feel like completely avoiding her till she's gone. Now that's a real manly thing to do huh?

    There's no way I can win this one. All I can hope to do is walk away with as much dignity as possible.

    I had hoped I would have learned enough to handle this situation on my own by now, but I really can't tell the direction I need to take.

    Help would be appreciated from anyone on this matter.
     
  20. NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER

    NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER Banned

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    SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reread my first response. If u follow it, then u wont have to do anymore thinking which seems to get u in trouble. lol. jk.

    Do NOT make any moves on her. She needs to do something if anything is going to happen, just drop a hint like i suggested and let her actions speak to u.

    Good luck. Here's another one for good measure too. SMACK!!!!!!!!!
     

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