Lost at the moment

[JasonE]

ok looking for some advice or insight. 41 years old , 20 years in military serving in a specialized unit. Just got divorced 3 months ago after 13 years of marriage. The usual story lack of passion, got tired of having to almost beg for sex, even though I'm good at it. It was just a dying relationship. I told her we were having serious problems and that I wanted out, she ignored me and blamed me for not supporting her enough. I cheated with girl I met at the gym. So things dragged out for a year and then she saw a porn site while snooping on my phone. And decided we're getting divorced despite all the work i put in to fix the marriage. Interestingly enough the neighbor across the street is getting divorced as well . I caught them cheering each other on to leave their husbands
On Facebook messenger.

So now I'm just trying to relearn the game and start dating/hooking up. It seems like a weird situation though and I still feel uncomfortable.

 

[sodbuster]

When ever women get together with other Divorced/Divorcing women, the "you go girl" comes out in force.... the reality of being single hasn't hit them because they aren't rational enough to do the Math. They will have less income, they have more fat, etc. You'll be fine, every woman has a "friend" they will want to set you up with. MOST will be fat or losers.... it's a good deal for their friend, not for you

Take some time off before dating, just like combat, you need some down time after a battle. And Divorce is a war.....

 

[Yewki]

then she saw a porn site while snooping on my phone. And decided we're getting divorced despite all the work i put in to fix the marriage.

Wow. A woman who makes a big deal out of you watching porn probably isn't worth being with anyways

 

[Killakittie]

So i am about 5 months in from separating from my wife. What has helped me is doing things i used to enjoy before we were together and experiencing new things. I planted a garden, started hitting the gym, and i honestly just jumped into my truck and went for drives. Now that i am a little older i seem to enjoy the little things more..taking my three year old son to the park and hanging out with him.

Most guys my age and all of my friends from highschool and such are married or have their own families. Hey man all you can do is do things that bring joy to your life, whatever that may be, you can start there and then go with the flow. The happier you are with yourself and your life the more women will notice and that will attract them.

Your still young and at your age you have way more to offer any women then she has to offer you! You are the prize so act accordingly and take comfort in knowing men age much better then women lol

 

[JasonE]

When ever women get together with other Divorced/Divorcing women, the "you go girl" comes out in force.... the reality of being single hasn't hit them because they aren't rational enough to do the Math. They will have less income, they have more fat, etc. You'll be fine, every woman has a "friend" they will want to set you up with. MOST will be fat or losers.... it's a good deal for their friend, not for you

Take some time off before dating, just like combat, you need some down time after a battle. And Divorce is a war.....

That's exactly what was going on "you go girl, show him" type stuff. Good insight thanks.

 

[dustmuffin]

Yes all of the divorced hags love company. All of my ex wife's friends were bitter divorced old bats....I'm sure they encouraged her to dump me. No loss....

 

[GoodOne123]

I think you first need to go with the flow of your emotions, grieve, get over the loss of the marriage. Then you can enter the dating game fresh, and with minimal effects from the divorce.

Luckily enough, for men it is easier to find a mate when you are older, even potentially in your forties. You are well established, mature, and have experience. Something the young bucks don't have. Women like that, especially women looking to marry, which is usually in their late twenties-early thirties. You're in a good position is my point.

With that good foundation for discipline you have developed from the military, you'll be doing well in the dating game in no time. Go to the gym, buy nice clothes, approach and talk to a few women. If you work on it you'll get what you want I'm sure.