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Embrace Failure

Discussion in 'Don Juan Tips' started by backbreaker, Mar 9, 2012.

  1. backbreaker

    backbreaker Master Don Juan

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    This is the single thing that i have learned, not only with women but just in life, that truly separates the people who get it from the people who don't get it.

    Failure is not an option. It's mandatory. You will fail. You will get shot down. You will get flaked on. You will get dissed. You will get stood up. Probably even some worse things that I have not posted, I'm quite sure will happen to you. And not becuase women are *****s/stupid/inferior, but beucase that's just fvcking life and nothing in life that is worth having is easy to get.

    But it is, a natural impossibility to have success without failure. they go hand and hand.

    When you fail, when you get shot down, see if there is anything you can learn from the situation and just try not to make that same mistake again. That's all you can do and that's all you are supposed to do.

    But that is not what the avg person, at least the avg people I know or that are here, does. They get shot down and get into their feelings or even worse, start to stereotype an entire gender or even worse than that, try to spot pick a woman (i don't talk to women in clubs seedcase all women in clubs are *****s).

    You only get better, truly get this with practice and crashing and burning. Enough of something will happen to where you will see a flaw in your game and be easily able to fix it instead of theorizing on what is what.

    And this is a problem that most smart people (like myself) have. Sometimes you can be too smart for your own damn good. What I mean is we will out think ourselves out of opportunities. You have to drill it into your mind that you have no idea who this woman is, what her taste are, what she does or does not like, if she is or is not single, unless you go find out and ask her. Some of the women who you probably would have talked yourself out of will be all over you. some that you thought will be into you won't. But you won't know until you try.

    You will not get to where you want to be with the opposites sex, until you learn how to embrace failure. It's not only okay it's mandatory. It points out what flaws you have, it gives you practice on how to read people and catch queues, Some things you don't know or won't know is wrong until enough women have soured out on you over it.
     
    2 people like this.
  2. wait_out

    wait_out Master Don Juan

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    100% solid gold DJ tip... and one I still need to be reminded of
     
  3. Bible_Belt

    Bible_Belt Master Don Juan

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    When I worked in the financial markets, I got the opportunity to meet a lot of very (financially) successful people. One boss of mine was a literal billionaire. A lot of that money was inherited, but he still did very well himself. But what I remember most about him was that he was always telling me stories about his failures and mistakes.

    I heard the Krispy Kreme story over and over, every time the quote went by on the CNBC ticker. My boss was a venture capitalist, and before they went public, the Krispy Kreme company had come to him asking for money to expand their business. He told them no, because he thought eating healthy was going to be the wave of the future and there was no way that a company selling unhealthy doughnuts would prosper. So then they went to the nasdaq, did an IPO to sell shares in the company, and it turned out to be one of the hottest IPOs of the time. Everyone made a ton of money. His incorrect prediction that Fat America would put down the doughnuts probably cost him the chance to make another billion bucks.

    Like other successful people I knew, he embraced that failure so that he could learn from it and make a better decision next time. I learned over time that I could quickly judge a stock trader's real ability from our first conversation. It was the inverse of how awesome he told me he was.
     
  4. Espi

    Espi Moderator

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    Deleted.
     
  5. Espi

    Espi Moderator

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    Great Post BB.

    The sad thing, to me, about many of the "Pioneers of PUA" is that they seem to pretend that failure doesn't exist. They're focused only on marketing their "success plan." But EVERY PUA fails...in my mind, out of 10 girls approached, most guys would be lucky to get one or two number closes. But those numbers shouldn't discourage anyone. They actually encourage me because failing at something only means that I can put myself out there and just keep trying until I succeed.

    This past Valentine's day, I was in the men's section in the mall and noticed an exceptionally attractive MILF--in her 40's, very fit, tall, enormous fake boobs, wearing a skintight workout outfit. The store was packed with shoppers, but I opened her in a conversation and asked her to be my valentine. Cheezy, but I I could kinda tell she liked my gaming her, and she was reciprocating the conversation, but after I noticed her ring, and she told me she was married, I politely excused myself. As I walked away, I could just feel everyone staring at me! A female shopper who I guess was watching me hit on this woman was looking at me and laughing, which for a second really embarrased me, but then I actually started to feel sorry for her because I knew right then and there that she was really just laughing at herself-- the type of person who feels delight in watching others fail is probably the kind of person who never risks failure. I just smiled at her and said, "Oh, well. Just part of the game." And it is! I've been turned down by many women in the mall, but I have experienced a few big-time successes. I KNOW from the many approaches that I've experienced in the malls that women WILL give their number! So I won't let one failure dissuade me. Or 5 failures. Or 10.

    And that's EXACTLY how I would like to see more aspiring PUA's view this whole attraction-game thing. Instead of trying to avoid failure, EMBRACE flakiness and rejection! Learn from those situations and emerge as a better man. And try to never blame the girl for your being rejected or flaked upon. Even if she IS a biatch or an attention hore (like I initially thought about that big-fake-tittyed MILF in the mall), look within yourself and ask yourself what you could do better the next time.
     
  6. Jariel

    Jariel Master Don Juan

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    Excellent advice.

    I have tried and tested almost everything going in the pickup and seduction community; I've tried changing my state of mind, affirmations, meditation and I've improved myself vastly, but the greatest advances I've made come from experience...and indeed my failures.

    I used to be terrified of rejection and failure. As a result i would feel nervous and defensive every time I asked a woman out or went on a date, as if I HAD to make it work or my life was ruined. But gradually I started getting used to rejection and I realised it's not that bad. These days I can literally shrug it off.

    More so, with every failure, I tried to learn something from it. I did a lot of self reflection (sometimes too much) and kept getting better and better. I also got better at recognising and hangling negative women.

    I'm really just echoing what's already been said here, but I definitely believe every guy on this forum would do well to follow Backbreaker's advice.
     
  7. TheMale

    TheMale Senior Don Juan

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    im not so agreeing with you.
    i actually believe in 'there's no failures only results'

    but i agree with all the rest !

    BB, i think that getting married make DJ a better DJ ! ;p
    just kidding, i really agree with Jariel, every person in this place should follow your advices.
    you gave me strong info to think about, and i'm thankful !
     
  8. backbreaker

    backbreaker Master Don Juan

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    y ou guys are making me blush :)


    just wisdom that comes with age. i push myself to do a lot of thigns and the more things you do the more you realize about life. you don't learn anything by sitting on the sidelines.

    I have had very similar situations and what i have come to realize is that... how can i put this. you have 2 people on earth or 2 types of people. You ahve people whose sole purpose is to go through life and not cause any trouble or not get called out or not get laughed at..

    even better stated, you have wolves and you have sheep. A sheep entire purposes in life is to graze gracefully on the grass not cause any trouble, not be called out, to fit in. A wolfs sole purposes in life is to (be awesome) cause terror, to take chances to take risks.

    what i am getting at is, behavior that makes sense for a sheep would not make sense for a wolf. sheep are obedient, passive agressive, simpile minded. wolves are aggressive, risk takers, etc

    the woman that laughed at you is a sheep. that is the type of woman who goes through their entire lives with the purpose of fitting in. her laughing at me i could probably accurately tell you about her in 10 seconds. secretary type job, married, 1-2 kids, lives in a middle class neighborhood. the epitome me of avg. there is nothing "wrong" with her per say you just have 2 separate mind sets.

    DJ's by nature are wolves. they have to be. a real life wolf has to go on 10 hunts to make 1 kill. that's about the real avg for successful pickups. sometimes they might kill a rabbit (hb4). sometimes they might kill a buffalo (hb9). just have to keep churning and take what life throws at you.
     
  9. MrJibbles

    MrJibbles Don Juan

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    I agree completely. It's a numbers game. And your sheep/wolf analogy hit the nail on the head. As playwright Henrik Ibsen said, "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone." It takes real balls to go out there and get laughed at. Those who laugh at you, like the OP mentioned, are really unconsciously laughing at themselves. They sit on the sidelines, booing the players of the game, without actually posessing the nerve or skill to do what those very players are doing.

    Interestingly enough, I have heard through pop psychology that laughter is a coping mechanism developed by humans to manage and outwardly exhibit their own insecurities and fear of the unknown. This is why people smile at each other sometimes; it is a subconscious way of letting each other know that they are both vulnerable, can mutually let each other's guards down, and can therefore approach each other in a friendly manner. The way I see it, that lady in the store was laughing at the OP by projecting her fear of the unknown (in this case, taking a risk by hitting on someone) onto another person. Most likely, that lady has never taken a risk of such calibre in her entire life.

    There is no failure, only feedback. There is no rejection, only learning. I hate to throw out a cliche, but I feel that it must be said that "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Other than death, there is truly nothing to be feared, particularly this hackneyed word that we fall into the trap of throwing around too loosely: "failure".
     
  10. Serg897

    Serg897 Master Don Juan

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    Thanks for this, BB
     
  11. Nik TPT

    Nik TPT Don Juan

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    100% agree.
     
  12. MM92

    MM92 Senior Don Juan

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    One of the greatest and most important things i've ever read on this site, and there has been some great things written on here.
     
  13. Micheal Moon

    Micheal Moon Don Juan

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    This is an awesome tip, not only for women but just in life. Its kind of a coincidence that I saw this thread, which is why I want to comment and commend the OP. I say this because over the last several days I have been purposely putting myself in situations just that there is a strong possibility I will hear the word "No".

    Its the only way you can really grow. Its important to remember, that in order to gracefully accept the "No" you have to cultivate a healthy self esteem for yourself, which is really the foundation of "game" and more importantly life itself.

    When having a healthy self esteem, you don't see rejection as an indictment on your entire whole being but rather a reflection of the moment (which can be a variety of different reasons eg. She might have misinterpreted something you said and was offended).

    If there is some truth to the rejection you can look at it objectively, internalize it and use it to make yourself better.

    If you don't know the reasons its inconsequential because your'e grounded in your own self acceptance.
     
  14. FairShake

    FairShake Master Don Juan

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    Backbreaker usually I think you are wacky as hell but I think this may be one of the best posts I've ever seen on this site. Good on ya bro and repped.
     
  15. luntan12

    luntan12 New Member

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    Thank you very much ,he lion staring at fox and the gray Wolf coldly say
     

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