DocFaustus' Journal

[DocFaustus]

So after a new nickname, old posts deleted I can say I've reborn, just like Lazarus.
About me I can say a bit:17yo; 1,69m; 60Kg (athletic body type); 12th grade (college is coming), from South Europe. Smart in school terms, my past has been filled by platonic "loves" on people I normally didn't knew (not very smart regarding these matters).
Past three years I've evolved a bit, from a person that only talked to his class, to someone who has no problem starting a random chat with someone he isn't interested in (I still find it difficult sometimes to talk when I have interest) and knows half the school. Altough I have improved in many ways, only this year did I ressurrect from the biggest platonic "love" (gigantic crush) I've ever had, it kinda gave me the kick I needed to take this seriously, even though that happened I recently fell for a platonic "love" (in a lesser degree thankfully, some signs of improvement there). So I find myself struggling to getting out of old habits.
But not all is bad news, I have a couple of girls I could easily make out with (or more probably), thing is, I'm not interested, I prefer the hard ones, the ones that seem hard to get (call me a masochist if you want). I've even, this summer, let two good opportunities go away because I just lost interest after making out (both girls were hot).
My main problem is probably being desperate around those few girls that "matter".
I feel also that I'm not respected enough, altough some guys respect me, others seem to think I'm a joke, I don't really care for them (they are my old class, I'm basically trying to get away from them), it's not really that they think I'm a joke, but the level of respect I seem to consider appropriate isn't there.
Some close people say I have a big ego (and this is a recent thing, since I've been starting my new "path") and I do my best to have it. I have ambitions of greatness, haven't yet found out what exact path I wanna follow. Lastly in the social terms, I seem to think I'm divergent from most teens, I just don't see any purpose in their lives, they just exist for the mere act of existing, I feel bad for them, it's not like I have an actual objective apart from being great or doing great things, but I feel that their ambitions are absent, they settle for little. Sometimes this lack of purpose is what bores me about girls and general people, other times I'm fine with it.. I can't blame others for being like that I just gotta get used to it and act accordingly to each, without losing my sense of self of course.

Some close friends of mine (mostly girls) say I know everyone in school, mostly girls, but I can't do anything. I normally defend myself by saying, "I don't do anything because I don't want to." , while that's true to some cases, there are others cases where I don't because I can't, and those are the cases that matter, because those are my "goals".
Also a friend of mine told me someone said I had been hitting on two girls at the same time.. I believe some see me as a desperate dude, others as a player.. I'm neither, I don't even show desperate for most girls.. I talk to everyone, my problem is I feel interest in few, and people think that a guy talking to a girl is inherently hitting on her.


My current goals are:
1- Ace math and physics (make myself able to get in anything I want).. general good marks at other disciplines.
2- Kill the desperate feel I get from being around "those few girls", become used to hot people
3- Get laid with one of "those girls" (not a specific girl in mind, but the idea is not to settle for less). I normally don't really give much importance to this, I feel sometimes disgust for carnal pleasure alone (I'm not sure why).
4- Fill my social circle with people I desire to be with only.
5- Get better physically
6- Find a passion to kill my dead time.
7- Sharpen my mind and try to get and idea on what I want for the future.
8- Stop spilling my feelings to friends, stop having so many feelings regarding these "crush's".
9- Respect myself.

How am I going to get there:
1- Focus a bit more and this won't be hard.. Right now I only have one test left, maths.. If I ace this test (20/20) I can get a 20 in the first trimester (and that's better than I expected at first). Physics is harder, I made the last test yesterday.. If I haven't stupidly messed up I may still be able to get a 20 in the end of the year.. If I messed up with some distraction I can only aim for 19.
4- Stop getting around with people I despise
5- Invest myself in my Krav Maga training (3x a week), give 110% and same for when I go swimming (2x a week)
6- The current main contestant is Sailing.. started taking classes a few months ago, I wanna get good at it because I seriously have an actual love for the sea. Also I have a old sailing boat to repair at home and I will do it in the dead time, objective is: sail with it in the summer.
7- Read, read and read. 1/2 books every two weeks seems a good goal, I have an eReader and that makes it easier. Mostly biographies, philosophy and science books and good romances (preferably the classics).
2/3/8/9 - These are the hard ones.. 8 while can be achieved by just not doing it comes related to 2, because I just get AFC feels around these girls and think too much, often losing focus on other things because of them, getting oneitis. 3 will only happen when I get myself "fixed".. fixed in a way that I'm not "fixing myself" for the purpose of 3, but because I want to and when that happens I will get 9.
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I think I wrote everything that had place in here, I'll try to update this often.
Don't be afraid of replying to this and sharing some insights !

 

[DocFaustus]

small update (couldn't edit main post): Decided to add another thing to do - I will stop talking to my plates in facebook, twitter or whatever, if they are from my school. If I want/need to say anything, then I will say face to face, no more internet talk, afterall talking by texts is jway less fun than talking face to face.

 

[DocFaustus]

Today I'm feeling weird, even more than what I've been feeling lately. I'm in one of those days where I feel completely away from other people (other than 1 or 2 close friends with which I can talk with). I feel kind of a superiority over most people, it's like they can't understand the questions I've been holding (even when they aren't anything political or too much philosophical). I was talking with one of my close friends, about this, like how we either spent all our lifes looking for one girl that could talk with us about these stuff (and still be attractive) or we just accept that we will have to deal with the banal daily problems of "a normal person". Then another friend of mine and a girl I know came near us, the girl is a nice but doesn't seem really smart and the guy, he's not dumb, asking us what are we talking about and we gave a bit of hindsight on our struggles with the fact that we feel lonely in the world because other people don't seem to have these problems, and then I was already a bit irritated because the previous conversation I was having with my close friend had been put to an end for something superficial with those two.
Then it all became worse when the guy starts saying things like "Somedays I just ask myself, what is our purpose." and altough that was a bit on the topic I'd been talking with, it just felt to superficial, to banal, so forced that it deeply irritated me, like he was trying to prove his ability to hold a conversation with us. And then the girl kept asking me stuff about something I'd said about Mars, some pretty dumb (like, can we breathe on Mars) and I tried to respond, but I was already in a dark mood, I just felt awful introspective at that point and was anxious to get home and put an end to the situation.

It's like I can have small talk, but it's hard to have a proper conversation with people, and with some people when they talk it just seems so faked. People say I have a big ego and think too much of myself, I tend to believe people are too small, they give their lifes no meaning, but do I have a meaning ? Or am I just a freak with a superiority complex ? Sometimes I ask myself that, sometimes I feel bad for it, other times I just feel that I'm right, other times I simply try to forget it and be my best.. but it's quite hard, I'm just annoyed by people.

I guess my problem is I just judge too much (giving too much importance to that, I worry too much about others), I've been told that by a friend of mine (a girl), I guess I should stop to some extent, but as I said it's pretty hard. But that's my problem, I judge too much (and find myself thinking or dreaming other people's reactions to something I might do, or to dreamed up successes, and this is pretty bad too), I'll fix it somehow, maybe still judging but not caring much about it, not investing any of myself into it (not giving away to these emotions), follow my own path, not that bothered if others insist in drowning in the mud.. but now gotta study math's to ace tomorrow's test.

(Writing this has helped me a lot, I believe I've broken free of the chains of this dark mood.. thanks ss ahaha)

 

[Ronaldo7]

Today I'm feeling weird, even more than what I've been feeling lately. I'm in one of those days where I feel completely away from other people (other than 1 or 2 close friends with which I can talk with). I feel kind of a superiority over most people, it's like they can't understand the questions I've been holding (even when they aren't anything political or too much philosophical). I was talking with one of my close friends, about this, like how we either spent all our lifes looking for one girl that could talk with us about these stuff (and still be attractive) or we just accept that we will have to deal with the banal daily problems of "a normal person". Then another friend of mine and a girl I know came near us, the girl is a nice but doesn't seem really smart and the guy, he's not dumb, asking us what are we talking about and we gave a bit of hindsight on our struggles with the fact that we feel lonely in the world because other people don't seem to have these problems, and then I was already a bit irritated because the previous conversation I was having with my close friend had been put to an end for something superficial with those two.
Then it all became worse when the guy starts saying things like "Somedays I just ask myself, what is our purpose." and altough that was a bit on the topic I'd been talking with, it just felt to superficial, to banal, so forced that it deeply irritated me, like he was trying to prove his ability to hold a conversation with us. And then the girl kept asking me stuff about something I'd said about Mars, some pretty dumb (like, can we breathe on Mars) and I tried to respond, but I was already in a dark mood, I just felt awful introspective at that point and was anxious to get home and put an end to the situation.

It's like I can have small talk, but it's hard to have a proper conversation with people, and with some people when they talk it just seems so faked. People say I have a big ego and think too much of myself, I tend to believe people are too small, they give their lifes no meaning, but do I have a meaning ? Or am I just a freak with a superiority complex ? Sometimes I ask myself that, sometimes I feel bad for it, other times I just feel that I'm right, other times I simply try to forget it and be my best.. but it's quite hard, I'm just annoyed by people.

I guess my problem is I just judge too much (giving too much importance to that, I worry too much about others), I've been told that by a friend of mine (a girl), I guess I should stop to some extent, but as I said it's pretty hard. But that's my problem, I judge too much (and find myself thinking or dreaming other people's reactions to something I might do, or to dreamed up successes, and this is pretty bad too), I'll fix it somehow, maybe still judging but not caring much about it, not investing any of myself into it (not giving away to these emotions), follow my own path, not that bothered if others insist in drowning in the mud.. but now gotta study math's to ace tomorrow's test.

(Writing this has helped me a lot, I believe I've broken free of the chains of this dark mood.. thanks ss ahaha)

I feel like i'm responding to myself........

I deal with the same things i've highlighted in bold. I deal with them in my own universe. A universe only fit for the great minds and for the enlightened individuals of the world.

Even since i was young, i've dealt with a lingering feeling that i am superior to my peers. It's not even thinking i am, it's knowing i am.

If my assessment of you is correct, you'll know who the individual in my profile picture is. It has worked wonders for me to deal with existensialism. I am the sun and other people orbit around me like the planets orbit the sun.

Look at your hand. The middle finger will always be the longest and stand out from the rest, no matter the scenario. Think of yourself as the middle finger. You were born to stand out and to be a leader, who is the only hope of confused masses looking for guidance. It's in your nature and you can't change that.

You need to continually develop yourself and refrain from engaging in trivialities with commoners. Focus only on yourself. Rational egoism is the key to success. Don't dwell on matters you are not meant to comprehend. Just be thankful for your enlightenment and pity their ignorance. Just think of yourself as their messiah. When the time is right, you'll come to guide, enlighten and subsequently save them from the ordinance of the mundane world.

Sometimes i have to remind myself, that on my worst day i live like somebody on their greatest.

 

[DocFaustus]

I feel like i'm responding to myself........

I deal with the same things i've highlighted in bold. I deal with them in my own universe. A universe only fit for the great minds and for the enlightened individuals of the world.

Even since i was young, i've dealt with a lingering feeling that i am superior to my peers. It's not even thinking i am, it's knowing i am.

If my assessment of you is correct, you'll know who the individual in my profile picture is. It has worked wonders for me to deal with existensialism. I am the sun and other people orbit around me like the planets orbit the sun.

Look at your hand. The middle finger will always be the longest and stand out from the rest, no matter the scenario. Think of yourself as the middle finger. You were born to stand out and to be a leader, who is the only hope of confused masses looking for guidance. It's in your nature and you can't change that.

You need to continually develop yourself and refrain from engaging in trivialities with commoners. Focus only on yourself. Rational egoism is the key to success. Don't dwell on matters you are not meant to comprehend. Just be thankful for your enlightenment and pity their ignorance. Just think of yourself as their messiah. When the time is right, you'll come to guide, enlighten and subsequently save them from the ordinance of the mundane world.

Sometimes i have to remind myself, that on my worst day i live like somebody on their greatest.

I agree with you in a way(altough it doesn't sound pc at all, butwho cares about pc ? ahah; also that part about knowing you are, I feel the same, altough I feel I might fall near the middle of the bell curve, I still feel that I'm better somehow), I do not feel superior in a sense of being that better in "physical sense", yes I might have high grades with relatively low study time, but cmon, I'm no hyper genius , the thing is, I feel that I (and that friend of mine I've talked about) have the capacity to see a bit further than most people I know that live their lives in a sense that they are stuck, no ambition to make a change, or to be the change, I feel a bit hypocrital since I don't have actual plans yet, I have those loud dreams, that feel I want to do great things, but I haven't made more than a loose dreamy plan.

It's something about the viewpoint, most people seem to believe they are (and should be) dominated by the events of the world, but shouldnt it be us dominating the flow of events? The mentality that prevails is one that ends in mediocrity, everyone seeing themselves as "victims of fate".

Today I was cured from this "anxiety of the soul", the cure might have been to focus on the self rather than others, not saying "f**k the world", but stop worrying about others thoughts or reactions to me, I cannot control them, stop carrying about those trivialities in which most people seem to put all their lifes worth, they are not my trivialities, why should I worry? Enjoying the company of these people for what they are, and for the things I actually enjoy doing with them, and being what I am.

This ended up in a better day, I believe I may have aced my math's test (yey). Talked to some new people, spent my afternoon with some friends, no judging, no depressing mood, just talking normaly about stuff (not sad that the things are not as relevant as they should be) and later going to play a bit of soccer. Now I'm home and I hope to put my readings up to date, even though I'm really needing some sleep.

Also, I've decided to delete my twitter account, it's just useless, and ended up depressing me even more at the time. In my country we have a great modernist poet, his poems where almost exact replicas of what I felt at the time. 2 days ago I'd read them and see them as a reflection of reality and start thinking how bad it is, today I was able to see some of the most depressing ones as a challenge to do better, as a warning of what not to do to fall into the pit of mediocrity.

 

[DocFaustus]

15 of December
School work:
Far from acing the math's test I kinda did my worst this year, around 83% (16,5/20), freaking mad at myself (I only failed multiple choice answers and forgot to justify the ones I got right), nothing is I have 2 terms to make the 100% possible and my teacher said that if I had 19,4 she would give me the 20, and there's still the exam, which is considered the hardest exam in my country, it normaly only get the grade lower but I can't afford it, maybe I can but I don't want to have that in mind, it's all or nothing, diamonds are made under pressure and I kinda want to have the 20, because I only had 18 in past two years and it is the only way I can have a average 19 at math. Still, as I said not too bad, got an 19/20 in my mother language subject, like total surprise, with my presentations and oral tests I have around 19,3; so near the 20.. but whatever, what matters is the final term and the exam, that's also pretty hard (I am in the same situation as with math, got two 18, only a 20 could raise my grade, I wasn't planning on it, but it is clearly possible).
The average score I have without counting on exams will probably be 18,5 (stupid first two years of highschool), this year because of last years easy exams Aerospace Engineering had an average to enter of... you guessed it, 18,5. So yeah, I'm aiming for the course with highest average to enter, I'm still not sure if I want it, but, I just want to get it. My average with this years effort can go up to 19 (that would take heroic work/lack of my usual distractions, and I would consider this extremely unlikely but.. a good thing to aim for of course).

School Sports:
Today had tournament of basketball.. not my favourite sport (not too skilled and well, my beloved 1,70m don't help much and even worse, my wrist is currently out of business for repairs), still, had tons of fun, because I'm the defense guy that's there to stop others from scoring by any means necessary, and I felt I did my job, because when I was at defense we suffered 1 point (and assisted to 4 points), out of the 13 we suffered during the whole thing, I should have been expelled but the referee's were very bad. Anyway out of 3 games we came second place, better than what I'd expected.

Tomorrow we will have an handball tournament and I have told my class we are going to win it. I could either be the keeper (my best position in any sport) or attacking (I'm quite fast and have a strong shot), I'm not sure yet, probably going as attacker because my left wrist is in a pretty bad shape. Tomorrow, we will win (winning grants us a place in a tournament between local schools) !

Relationships with humans and other sentient (or apparently sentient beings):
Well, lately I've been thinking on my situation: I hardly get any feelings for girls, when I do I tend to develop oneitis and go all planecrash mode, not healthy at all. What can I do ? Wait for the "one" that I like and likes me back so she doesn't notice my oneitis and live happilly ever after? I don't think so.
So the only reasonable thing I see is to "date" girls with no commitment in mind (I made a thread regarding this doubts).
Right now I have 3 plates in mind (I have a few more girls that could become plates but right now I just don't feel I'd try anything with them):

• Plate 1: Hb 8 (8 body, 7 face), 1 year younger, made out with her past summer, ended up telling her I didn't want anything because I had feelings for other girl. Same music taste, likes anime, likes books, has been refered to me as "the perfect match" but somehow I didn't have that much interest.
• Plate 2: Hb 8 (9 body), 1 year younger, gymnast. Friends mostly with people who smoke (I don't, yet I don't have much problem talking to these people, yet I like to avoid troubles when they aren't necessary). Has showed me some interest, right now doesn't seem to have much of it.
• Plate 3: Hb 9 (very hot) 2/3 year younger, gymnast, same friends as plate 2 (they are actually good friends), been told that her older brother (no idea who he is) is known to be kind of a thoug guy (I don't plan on having any problems, and I find myself pretty capable of defending myself but I just don't like these situations).. She has showed me some interest, last year she always gave me looks, this year I started chatting with her. 1 month ago, when we were in elections for student's association, I was kind of making friends and she was in the election, so she wanted to write on me the letter of her "list" and she kept rubbing herself on me, for like 10 min.

So I've invited plate 1 to go out with me in 2 days to a nearby castle, maybe get a coffee, we'd been planning to go out a week ago but school got in the way.
About the other two I'm still unsure I would try anything, they aren't just my usual kind of girl, but since the reason I'm were is the fact I wasn't happy with how I was and acted, should I give it a try ? Regarding plate 1, I've sent her a pm on twitter (haven't deleted my account yet, trying to delete all my tweets myself, just because) to start a random chat and will talk when I see her, she only answered my message after 1h, I think I can make her wait a bit aswell.

​

Personal Development:
During my mother language class I had nothing to do so I made a list of things I wanted to do in the christmas break, it was something like:

1. List of subjects for which I have to study or do work for
   
2. List of books I want to read
3. List of physical exercise I can do (pe: swimming, kravmaga class, abs, legs, resistance, flexibility, etc..)

And I intend on picking on 2 for each point (2 subjects to study, 2 books to read a bit (maybe morning and night), 2 exercise types) and add the repairment of my old boat of course.
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I believe this is all for now.

 

[DocFaustus]

17 of December
First of all, this term ended today, I'll have 2 weeks to rest.

School Work:
Received my physics test, aced it. Got an 19/20 at my motherlanguage and this made me realize that I can have an average of 19/20 in the end of Highschool (way better than the 18,5 I expected), I'll just have to make an effort not to slip.

Social:
Discovered a friend of mine (not anymore) made out with my old crush (no more a crush now) and lied to me, my reaction was simple, to treat him like I treat anyone who is not an actual friend, with indifference. Also kinda destroyed almost any feelings I had for that "crush", flirted a bit with her she flirted back, I just turned her into just another girl, I don't really expect anything, nor do I care if she and my "friend" get together or just make out for fun or whatever.. I'M FREE from the sentimentalism I suffered from !

Also, the girl I told you I was going out with today sent me a message saying "sorry I can't go out with you" (I have a theory that she likes a dude, or doesn't want to repeat the events of last year or something) to which I answered "Ok, have a good xmas !" .. to be honest I was truly happy I didn't have to spend an hour with her.

The only thing close to bad news is, a good friend of mine started talking to a girl I had some interest in (an actual rare case I would turn into girlfriend) but with which I didn't make a move because she had a boyfriend. But whatever, actual friends are rare and I have less than 10 of those.

Liked the day overall, talked to a lot of people. Gotta think what I'm going to do in this school break.. I have a birthday dinner with a Hb 7 from my class that seems pretty interested in me and a surprise party for a friend of mine that is going back to her home country (with my ex"crush" class).

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Not much to say I think.. tons to do in this break. Tonight I'll study a bit for my CAE exam (I never studied for english before but, I'm going to try to make the exam some months sooner so I can free my saturday mornings to pratice sailing).

See yah friends !

 

[DocFaustus]

22 December
Yesterday I invited a girl I know for some years to go to the movies with me (HB9 easily and the only current girl in which I have real personal interest), she accepted. I was quite happy and thinking a lot (and talking about it).
Today I went to the mall where the cinema is, found a couple of guys I know, and then got a text from her saying she's very sick, and couldn't go, saying for us to go tomorrow. I told her I was already there, but no problem, we tried to arrange another movie but she said she didn't really like any of the others and we settled that when a cool movie came we'd go out. She didn't actually sound like bsing me, something new. But the important part was, I was getting too interested in her, even though she's pretty cool I shouldn't be like that, this helped me, I regained my indifference, and it felt great, if she had come I'd probably be worse right now, obcessing over her. If I end up going out with her I'll be safeguarded from those dangerous feels.

One of those guys I met with was that "friend" that I talked about in the last post. So basically he spent the afternoon talking about how he was going to be fu*k buddies with a girl, how he made out with a girl and blablabla. I kept my silent indifference and tried not to laugh (it was pretty pathetic).
Then in the journey of returning in the bus, he eventually said he was talking about my "crush" and I just smiled . I kept my indifference, he and the other guy were talking about girls and I decided to try to give them some enlightment (at least the view that made me happier, this indifference), they obviously didn't understand. And he kept trying to make me jealous, started saying that I should be happy, that she could sometimes be "bitchy" (I said "One gets what he deserves"), eventually I said once again "I couldn't care less about anyone else but me and the future of humanity", he called me weird I just replied "the difference between madness and genius is measured only by success". He kept on, he even came to the point of saying "I love to see others feel bad because I can see I'm somehow better" (only later would I realise he was trying to imply I was in a sad situation) to which I replied "It's sad that your happiness depends on others, I can say that I could be the most hated man in the word, or dying alone and in a very painful way and still be trully happy", eventually he started giving me advices about this girl that flaked on me, asking me if I would call her right after I got home and I just kept saying no, that I didn't really care, that I'd only invite her to do something when I actually desire to do something in her company, be it tomorrow or in 2 years.

When he got out I laughed, I wasn't mad, maybe mad at myself for some rest of resentment I might have had in the beggining, I have only pity now, I find this very sad and something to joke about really.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

What a little b¡tch. And I'm talking about your friend. Seems to me that you don't need someone like him in your life.

 

[DocFaustus]

What a little b¡tch. And I'm talking about your friend. Seems to me that you don't need someone like him in your life.

Yeah he is for me now a simple acquaintance.

------------------------------------
Work and workout:
I restarted my training, going on my wrist no upper body strenght exercises mostly:
-Flexibility training (legs mostly)
-Leg workout (running, jumping and squats)
-Abs
-Arms workout (low weight, 2k each making punch movements).

I'll do this everyday after breakfast to "wake up" for the day.

Also, making some planning about the work I have to do everyday.. it will probably be:
-Review some physics and chemistry from past 2 years and do about 3/10 exercises.
-Review maths from the beggining of Highschool do about 5/15 exercises
-Make 5/15 CAE english exercises
-Work on my math's project.

I also have to start coming up with ideas for my physics project for the final term, gotta be something awesome.

Social Life:
A friend of mine told me I should ask this girl I was supposed to go out with yesterday to be my prom date (I don't really care about prom, but I'd like to take the dance classes). I'll think about it, I have 1 week to ask someone, and I'm going to get a coffee with her after xmas.
Right now she's the only girl I actual have interest in. I'll call her plate a.
I'm thinking on start a chat with a girl from my year, cute girl Hb7 with which I talked in summer, maybe ask her out, not sure, when I start a conversation with her I'll attribute her a "plate name".
I'm a bit confused about what I want, I would have a relationship with plate a, but I can't start oneitis about her, I should meet more girls, I know tons from my school, maybe I should start chatting with a few just to see, see if I can induce some interest, improve my charm.

Leisure:
Read another Churchill biography.. 1 day ahah I really liked it. Now reading Kafka's "The Trial". Got tons to read in these holidays !

 

[DocFaustus]

03/January/2016
Hello my good friends !
The school break ends today and tomorrow 8AM I'll be having Physics.
How were this short holidays for me ? Someone with interest would ask me, and I would answer "Enlightning."
What were the things I did or didn't do in this 2 weeks ? (ordered for pratical uses, no scale whatsoever)
1-Read 2 books, could've read more: A Churchill's biography and "Human Universe"
2-Made a workout plan for after getting out of bed: 10min of relatively intense workout to wake up better.
3-Ask out 4 girls, none of them accepted, yet one said she was sick when the day came and for us to go out when a cool movie came.
4-Started studying for exams
5-Changed my mentality towards people.

1- I love Churchill and it's just good to read about a man who changed the world and since I'm not perfect it gives me some insight about where I could improve. The other book will be mentioned in (5).
2-Basically: Jumping and "power jumping" for 3 min, 30/40 abs, 30 push ups (with fists since my wrist is still hurt),stretching (most important part, I was really bad and after two months of krav maga I've improved a lot and wanna keep at it), if my wrist is good then train ghost punching with 2kg weights, 30 dorsal, 30 squats. This is just to start the day, I may review it but it's good for starting.
3-The good thing is, I didn't give a damn about getting rejected it was completely fine, they all gave me excuses and I was fine with it. Felt great.
4-So basically I will repeat Physics and Chemistry exam, for this one I'm reviewing the info and writing it on cards, then I go to my exam exercises book and make all the exercises. In 4 days I basically did first years chemistry, I'm expecting to have ended my studies in about a month from now. Math I'm probably going to do the same. For my mother language I'll have to ask my teacher what she thinks best, because I've no idea ahahah
5-This one was a very good thing to me. In the first day of the year, about 3AM, I finished reading "Human Universe", a book about science and humanity. My thing with science books is that they make me happy and full of energy to explore new worlds, they make me even thirstier for adventure and inlove with humanity.
I know that I have a problem, I get really irritated with people and sometimes I lack pacience with stupidity or lack of understanding what I'm saying. But it's counterproductive to be mad about it, to feel disgusted and irritated. That won't change a thing, I must work around those barriers. So yeah, I'll make that an objective.

Basically school starts tomorrow, I'm confident about it, let's go kick some ass !

 

[DocFaustus]

It was a good way to restart school. Kinda didn't sleep at all (1h30min) because my sleep routines are all messed up. Woke up at 6:45 and did 15min of workout.
Bus came late, arrived 15min late to physics class, in the end of the explanation of what we were working on, kinda worked my way through the exercises pretty fine.
Then had PE started raining not much to say regarding rest of school things.
Got home, studied what I had planned to study, pretty happy with that. And finally went to Krav Maga after one month.. I'm so freaking sore but that's good.

Social:
So basically I was talking to a good friend of mine, one of the "nerds", after politics and all, we were just chatting and I started talking about what I decided to do, work in engineering and focus myself to try my best to become an astronaut, dedicating my free time to that, I talked about doing tons of things like sky diving, piloting and all, and living a fun life. Somehow, I started talking about how one day I would like to be a striper for like a day just for the laughs. This was with an amount of people around, but I didn't really think about it, who cares. So this girl, previously refered as Plate 1 was there and looked at me and started laughing and I started telling her not listen to others people conversations and not to laugh at my objectives and all, joking around seemed pretty fine.

Then I was in twitter later, had nothing to do so I just tweeted for not to joke with other people's dreams.
We had like 4 tweets back and forth like:
-I'm not joking, I totally agree with it
-I gotta bet on my strenghts you know, but you kinda forgot to mention the tons of others stuff I wanna do
-Well, stripping was the one that interested me the most
-I understand you

This girl, last week didn't respond to my texts, she flaked on me once and then she is like that ? I did this for the fun of joking around, but wasn't expecting this. I guess I wont talk to her by text but when I see her I'll ask her what's up, if she wants to have a private lap dance ahahaha

Also other girl from my year, 7or8/10 HB, she's like 1,50m, but 8/10 body, she's one of the smartest girls I know. Starting to talk to her a bit more, she seems one of the girls that might actually accept no commitment, I have some genuine interest on her right now.

Also started talking to a 7 cute girl from my year, just get in touch with as most quality people I can.

Finally, I've been asked to prom by 4 girls now, three 5's and one 8 (and probably another 7or8 giving me hints she wants me to invite her). I refused them all, I don't like prom not interest in going just because that's what everyone does. RIght now, I have without trying 2/3 girls after me, (a 6, a 7 and a 7/8), not really interested in any.

 

[DocFaustus]

Just to tell a bit about something that happened today, I'll make a proper post later.

Basically a friend of mine, from the class of the "crush" I had, I'll call her "S" (that made out with a friend, that's not a friend anymore, and came in twitter and said something bit*hy about if I want to say something to talk to her face to which I replied "The thing I tweeted wasn't meant to you, but if the soes fits *laughing emoji") is going back to her home country. So I stayed until an hour ago in school to say goodbye and spend sometime with her and her friends.

Basically I went to where she had class and "S" looked at me and went away or came close to us and spoke only to her and quick things, trying to get people away from our group. I stayed indifferent to her. I went to have lunch with a friend and then we came back for them, we went to the school's hall and stayed there talking and all, I kept with the same thing just not caring, we laughed showed them some twitter stuff. Then the girls started dancing and somehow started teaching lapdancing to one girl (a 7, not much face, nice @ss though) and I just laughed. Then they said she wasn't doing it properly because she was doing it to a girl, being the only guy there the job was mine (I accepted after resisting a bit), I just laughed cmon a lap dance, during school hour in school hall with teachers passing occasionally ahah

Then "S", started talking to me, asking me things, making comments, throwing jokes at me and asking me what music was I passing, I continued to reply with indifference. Finally we went to the bar, table for 4, we were 4 but one more girl was coming, "S" sat with no one in her side and the other two in the other side. I took a chair and sat at the end of the table and while they all talked about boys or clothes or girl stuff I just listened to Pink Floyd and made the ocasional joke. Finally I had to leave, I gave a hug to my friend and said goodbye to the others, "S" gave a pretty effusive goodbye, I simply looked and told my friend that's leaving for her to say something when she comes for vacations in the summer.

This amazes me, what a child, offended herself for a tweet (not sure which one, I tweeted nothing bad really), after that insults a guy that says X (being X what I told to the "friend" who made out with her about love and relationships), seems so offended, starts talking to me and asking for attention. Seriously, wow.

 

[DocFaustus]

11-January-2016
Quick update:
Got 3 main plates I'm going to pay attention to:
Plate "M"-My year, 7/10 face, 8.5/10 body. Cute, very good taste in music. Ex of a friend (he told I should go for it). Been told by others that she can be a bit bitchy sometimes, but I'll see.
Plate "S"- (another plate)- My year, 8/10, past crush, a bit taller than me. She's super nice, altough seem a bit out of my reach for some reason, she smiles me in a way most of times but she's just seem distant most of the times, I know a bit of her social circle, but she normaly seem always going somewhere, hard to start proper conversations.
Plate "I" - mentioned before "7or8/10 HB, she's like 1,50m, but 8/10 body, she's one of the smartest girls I know". She's far from my biggest interest, she's hot and all, but not my kind of style, a bit too "trashy" (not in totally bad sense, just no my type).

Had 1 girl of my year a 7 or 8 that was interested in me because a bro told me he was interested, he was reluctant to tell me because he thought I had something going, I didn't even comment, believe it was understood that he was free to go for it. Thing is, I have no special interest for her, and the guy as some feels involved (they dated like 3 years ago, probably first big thing, whatever) and I believe it was the correct thing to do.
I told him a girl he had dated in the past was pretty hot, he told me I should go for it, that she was very hot, sometimes bitchy but given my personality I'd probably survive it (Plate M).

Most important, will start creating some good habits, starting by delete LoL from my pc and get on with a programming language.

Now I gotta go, get something to eat and sleep a bit since I'm utterly destroyed.

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

League of Legends is possibly the biggest waste of time I've ever went through. I put thousands of hours in that game which could have been used for countless other things. Glad you recognize it lol

 

[DocFaustus]

Almost a month since I came here. Everytime I come here after a time out I read my previous posts and I see that none of it really matters.. not of the past plates, I seem to lose interest so easily.

Right now I'm in a situation with the girl that "Had 1 girl of my year a 7 or 8 that was interested in me because a bro told me he was interested, he was reluctant to tell me because he thought I had something going, I didn't even comment, believe it was understood that he was free to go for it". I start getting feelings for her and she seemed pretty intestered, talked to the guy he was ok. There's something about this girl, she's pretty, not amazing, nice butt, but I guess is her kind of smart, not a genius, but better than most I know, and she has a passion for music.. guess thats the combination. My problems is since I'm starting to get some feelings I start to get attached and feel bad when she doesn't text for a while and I hate that. At least I've improved a lot since last time. Tonight there a carnival party in my school's town I'm coming, I'll planning on kissing her, been a week since I saw her, and a week since we started hanging out more and flirting, so it's tonight or never, I won't get in a vicious relationship of almost boyfriend (boyfriend in terms of making out, no real need for a relationship, even though I wouldn't mind with this girl). If it doesn't happen then I'll most likely move on.

School is going strange. Forget Acing math's freaking teacher making bloody stupid tests and even worse penalizing me (I'm the only guy that gets the most valued question, so she just gives the points to everyone), I'll forget the class (right now if I have 100% or 75% it won't make any difference to my grade) and focus on exam.
I'll make the exams my main focus but also ace Physics and English and hopefully my mother language (very hard but I'll do the unthinkable !).

Started proper working out at home, dumbells mostly. I'll try to do mostly calisthenics but when I can't go outside and use an improvised pull up bar I'll do dumbells at home. This + martial arts twice a week shall do the trick.

Also, starting to code again, and read something on economics, finding myself a passion besides space, I believe AI will probably be it, but gotta keep looking. Also, thinking about start a website that might make me some ads money, it will be an hard project, but I'll do it.

 

[DocFaustus]

Hello everyone, had a AFC episode, that even made me create a thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/girl-probably-going-out-with-me-and-other-guy.232356/ . Believe I'm over it, thanks to the users, live and learn ! ahah

Invited another girl out to see a movie, the one I had went bowling with some weeks ago. A 7/10 and smart. We went to see Deadpool (awesome movie, my hype was justified) and then made out with her while waiting for bus, and wow... best kisser I've met, damn.

Been told she doesn't mind casual stuff, so I'm going to go with that and try to have fun for once!

Made my English and Physics tests, possible that I've aced both.

"Maximum Effort"

 

[DocFaustus]

I stopped coming her that often and when I read old posts it all seems so far away.
Much has happened, got extremely AFC with the girl I had that "AFC episode" (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....lp-breaking-through-a-massive-oneitis.233104/) but 6 days of spring break and "Eat, Drink, Rave, Repeat" purged my problem. Had tremendous fun, fked a girl for the first time (HB8, damn), made out with a few more (could have gotten a few more but either was too busy dancing or simply they acted b!tchy and I went away; got rejected quite some times in disco terms of dancing and didn't give a fk continued dancing and having fun), danced a lot and generally was all about having fun and god it felt good. Met tons of peoples, invaded tons of hotel rooms and met more people that way and also got free drinks with it. Awesome music as well.

But everything has an end and unfortunately that week ended pretty soon, can't say it left that many memories because most of the nights were forgotten because of sleep deprivation and/or alcohol ahaha.

Back to the real world, got some projects that I'm actually interested in, making a tesla coil for physics and making a project for a college and hopefully win with my 2 friends (the guys I most trust and smartest people I know besides me) 5k and a trip to the USA for a week, it's a big project and we have 2 weeks until we have to present it.. can't wait!
Results from english exam came, officially got C2 and got the best results from my country ( yey! ) only lost points in speaking because I forgot to talk about a picture and a few in writing.

Finally think I decided I want to go to Applied Physics in my dream college in my country, my dad seems to be against it, for some reason he believes I'm going to be unemployed (even though it's the best college in my country, has 95% employability and highest wages.. fk logic) and if he refuses to pay me college I've decided to move out, I'm 18 I can work for myself I have some money saved and I can talk to my grandfather to help me, not going to live a life I don't want !
Also began looking into entrepeneurship and learning electricity and circuits alone. I want to become a entrepeneur so I can give value to the world and get some money to actually invest in what interests me, therefore I must invest in developing myself.

This is where SS comes in, I want to become the best human possible, strong ideals, strong dreams but constantly improving and fixing my weak spots. Hopefully I'll be able to update this in a week or so. I want to plan things out and check what I want to attack.