Disrespect or am I overreacting?

[captain55]

The chick Im dating now is a bit of a social butterfly. Today I was on vacation with her and there was some dude in the pool with us that I could tell she was attracted to. She starts talking to the dude after I initially started talking to him, now the dude is clearly intimidated by me and is not really talking much to her lol. I asked the guy if there was any good clubs in the area and he gave me the name of a bunch of beach bars. My gf said
"babe why dont we take they're number down and next time we are down here we will meet up with them"

I said ok and as I was taking his number down my phone died and she said "here babe Ill take it down" and goes to take his number down.

Of course I did not want to appear insecure so I did not mention it, but in the car on the way back when I casually brought it up "so yeah we will meet up with them next time we are down here" she said "babe how about I just give you his number and you'll talk to him if we ever come down here because I dont want him feeling awkward texting me " (again he seemed intimidated by me and was not reciprocating much with her, she was sitting on my lap while all this happened"

I appreciate the fact that she said she would rather me text the guy that shows me she has nothing to hide ......but I do have a problem that she took down another man's number down in front of me and acted like it was perfectly fine. t know if i took down a chicks number I was clearly attracted to she would be pissed, even if I did invite the chick to hang out with me and my gf.

We were on vacation so I didn't want to end the trip in a fight or on a bad note, so I let it slide. What you fellas think? Should I bring it up to her or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

 

[dude99]

Relax. She did it in the open and would not have done it if your phone hadn't died.
You're over thinking this.

Now if she took the number behind your back and you found out another way then you'd have a problem.

 

[purple haze]

Relax. She did it in the open and would not have done it if your phone hadn't died.
You're over thinking this.

Now if she took the number behind your back and you found out another way then you'd have a problem.

I'd say it's a red flag. Why is she arranging to meet him again? Why not say it was nice to meet you.

Here's an experiment: Never mention the guy again or text him and see if she brings him up without any prompting. If she does, dump her.

 

[Desdinova]

She starts talking to the dude after I initially started talking to him,

She's attracted to him

babe why dont we take they're number down and next time we are down here we will meet up with them"

She's attracted to him

I said ok and as I was taking his number down my phone died and she said "here babe Ill take it down" and goes to take his number down.

She's attracted to him

she said "babe how about I just give you his number and you'll talk to him if we ever come down here because I dont want him feeling awkward texting me "

She's feeling guilty about being attracted to him

 

[samspade]

......but I do have a problem that she took down another man's number down in front of me and acted like it was perfectly fine. t know if i took down a chicks number I was clearly attracted to she would be pissed, even if I did invite the chick to hang out with me and my gf.

You're right to think this, and you should say as much. Calmly. As Espi said, listen to your gut. You have a right to the relationship that works for you.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Des is on to something, but......it's not about the girl being attracted to the guy.

It's about the relationship is not working from the girl's perspective and she is now actively looking for a new guy.

A woman in love with a man ignores other men, even attractive ones.

This woman's interest level is very low and the relationship is in major jeopardy and may not be salvageable.

 

[Çharismo]

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about something like this just yet BUT make sure you take a note of it and if it becomes a habit and she starts to do this more often I would try to very tactfully bring it up. Try to stay firm and diplomatic. This is where being assertive and speaking your mind comes to play. Make sure you have a good reason as to why you don't tolerate such behavior and if she doesn't comply than you will have to move forward. Never be afraid to drop a woman because there are waaaaay too many women out there who will stay compliant. I don't know how long you have been in this relationship but as time progresses you will slowly start to see cracks popping up here and there because people eventually do get comfortable with each other because of the trust that gets established.

Give her the benefit of the doubt for now and don't get too paranoid with reading some of the responses here. Stay aware, stay present and make sure you keep your eyes open. Here is a lesson I learned early on when I was in Corporate Management that my supervisor told me before he transferred me to another department.

"Always make sure you do things slooooowly...."

 

[SkrooU]

there was some dude in the pool with us that I could tell she was attracted to.
QUOTE]

I mean really how the F do you know she was attracted to him? If it was so obvious that she was attracted to him then she was obviously doing something disrespectful. If that's the case then this will probably be a constant problem with her.
Or maybe you're just insecure and thought this guy had a higher sexual market value than you do. Imagine this guy being just nasty and fat and ugly. Would your feelings change about what happened?

There'really are so many different possibilities here that it's impossible to give you any sound advice other than to explore what exactly is causing you to feel this way other than what your girlfriend should've done to make you feel better

 

[guru1000]

It matters little if we consider it disrespectful. It's your relationship; you have to be comfortable.

Many women are beta-trained, -conditioned: when in an exclusive relations, they know little about the appropriate rules of engagement. And thus ... the boundary implementation we often proffer here.

Go with:

Hey, the other day, you took the phone number of that guy by the pool. That's disrespectful. I'm not approving of that. Understood?

That's it.

Now that she's put on "notice," you have just created accountability. If she were to do it again, you NEXT with a clean break; no deliberation required.

 

[jaydilla]

Its disrespectful. This will lead down the wrong path, you could end up getting into a brawl with some dude bc of her. Play it cool, you should start looking to see what else is out there, when you find a new chic, dump her.

 

[sodbuster]

I think I'd start looking for a new one, she is.....

 

[Kailex]

So my girlfriend and I have been in similar situations. We are generally very friendly at breweries and bars and will meet other people. Now she would NEVER and never HAS mentioned getting someone's number to meet up with them again. The idea was hers.

Which fine, it might be an innocent thing, but it could be problematic.

Before we've ever added anyone's numbers, we usually will talk about it first to see if this is what we want to do. Part of the fault is also yours. You missed a chance to shift the narrative to him getting your number and him texting you. She jumped at the chance to get his number... regardless of whether it was innocent or not.

And now a precedent has been set. It is okay for her to get numbers of other men even if you are there, because you are a couple wanting to meet more people, or so that's what it seems on the surface.

This may have been innocent, but your spidey senses are indeed tingling, and maybe for good reason.