dating a Flake

[Igetit!]

What's wrong 'being weak'?

Who said there was anything wrong with being weak? Did I say that in my post?

I went back through it and didn't see where I said that at.

Can you quote it and point it out to me? Maybe I missed it somewhere.

There is simply nothing wrong writing a letter with your soul included in it.
Also, writing a letter gives you possibility to tell/explain things that are anyway more complicated or impossible in front of your ex (simply due the stress already). You give yourself the time and the other one to write and read things.

Hey....mo' powa to you.... You want write a letter,you're more than welcome to do so.

I just wanna know what you were hoping HER RESPONSE would be after she read it.

It gives the possibility to align your thoughts and to sent the letter ... or not.

Uhhhh...ok?

The raison breaking up? Doubts, to understand as 'I'm bit insecure', I think I can find better for me ... but maybe not ... so stay. Insecure thus.
With the letter I just repeat my I'm not insecure and keep my position too.

But this is of course a personal thing. A closer too.

Oh...ok. I understand closure. I just thought you wrote it in hopes that it'd convince her to change her mind and get back together with you.

I kinda feel stupid now,lol.......cause NO GUY is foolish enough to think that pouring his heart out to some ex who dumped him two months ago would make her change her mind and come back.

My bad.

 

[marmel75]

What's wrong 'being weak'? I love this forum, but if it's only for the sake of being 'we overpower the girls and period' I'm not following.

There is simply nothing wrong writing a letter with your soul included in it.
Also, writing a letter gives you possibility to tell/explain things that are anyway more complicated or impossible in front of your ex (simply due the stress already). You give yourself the time and the other one to write and read things.

It gives the possibility to align your thoughts and to sent the letter ... or not.

Sure I'm waiting a reply. But a not reply from her is also a reply (but quite sure she will do actually). It is what it is.
It's not even a strategy, but I did in the past too once. I didnt regret neither. Seems either she started chasing me again at a certain point.
So, not very sure I was a failure to her.

Again, it depends the situation.
The raison breaking up? Doubts, to understand as 'I'm bit insecure', I think I can find better for me ... but maybe not ... so stay. Insecure thus.
With the letter I just repeat my I'm not insecure and keep my position too.

But this is of course a personal thing. A closer too.

What's wrong with being weak? Everything from a male point of view and a woman's interest point of view.

You might have well said "What's wrong with having terminal cancer?"

Men are designed to be the rock, strong, masculine, not to give 2 fvcks because they have high testosterone levels. You are acting feminine, emotional, and crying over your beer...none of those are attractive traits to a woman. You don't need closure, that's for women. You shouldn't fvcking care. It's over go find other women to fvck hotter than her. In fact she and her friends are probably dying from laughing hysterically at what you wrote.

Go get your testosterone levels checked because you are coming from a feminine position and it could be due to elevated estrogen levels and/or low testosterone.

 

[Denny19]

If you've attracted a 9/10 before then you can attract another 9/10 again and again....this time with the wisdom of your experience's with this chick in your post. Win win.

Exactly, i dont lack confidence. I know what i bring to the table, i say this humbly but there are plenty if women who would love to be in her position.

This is not a put on, i absokutely think
Its her loss. I just passed my licensure exam for nurse practitioner, something i worked extremely hard for... Id rather focus on my blessings than feed some insecures girls ego

By the way, her bday came and went and wasnt tempted in the least bit to text her

If and when she reches out, how do i know if its to feed her ego or generally interested in seeing me?

Either way im not taking any chances, may not even answer her

 

[Igetit!]

By the way, her bday came and went and wasnt tempted in the least bit to text her

Good. I know you originally wanted to send her a birthday text as a way to show indifference,but the problem here was,you had two opposing issues competing with one another.

You had her ego,for one. The other was you wanting to be indifferent. Sending her the B-day text here in this situation,her ego getting fed would have overshadowed you attempting to look indifferent. Reason why is cause of all the flaking and games she's played,her disappearing for days at a time,etc,etc. If you had sent her the b-day text after her being gone for 8 days,or 21 days,her ego would have gotten fed because after all she's done,it'd look like your interest in her is as strong as ever.

Now...if you two had been dating for a while,had known and been around each other for some time,then she pulled away for 8 days,then I'd agree with you.

If and when she reches out, how do i know if its to feed her ego or generally interested in seeing me?

Easy....

"Ego" takes. It gives nothing,or give the least it can,the bare minimum...but only in order to get itself fed even more.

Let me put it this way....if she contacts you and tries to get something "emotional" out of you that pertains to her,it's ego. It's unlikely that she's gonna contact you wanting to see you all of the sudden out of the blue after all the flaking and games she's done. So it's a pretty safe bet that ANY CONTACT out of her towards you will be to boost her ego. So to avoid her ego boosting set-up,don't say anything that displays interest.

DON'T ask her out...
DON'T tell her you've been thinking about her
DON'T tell her you've missed or miss her
DON'T ask her when you can see her again
DON'T flirt...yes,I said DO NOT flirt with her
DON'T tell her you "saved a dance" for her

Don't say or do anything that'd indicate interest on your part towards her.

Here's an example of something she might try to get an ego boosting response out of you...

Let's say she calls you,or texts you.....and she asks you if you know what yesterday (her birthday) was. If she asks you that,she's trying to get you to acknowledge that it was her birthday. If you say it was her B-day,bam...she won. She'll get her boost,then disappear for who knows how long til her ego "gas tank" gets low,then she'll come seeking you out again for another fill up.

So if she contacts you and asks you that,be like,"Yesterday? Yeah...it was Friday,wasn't it?" If she keeps pressing you,be like,"I don't know,what.....was it a holiday or somethin'?" If she continues to press,just be quiet for a few seconds,like you're really in deep thought,trying to figured it out,then go..."Oh.....it was your birthday yesterday,that's right...my bad. I been running around so much lately,it just totally slipped my mind,my bad. Yeah,umm..Happy Birthday...hope you had fun yesterday".

There. If a convo goes down like that between you two,her ego won't get anything out of it cause she had to work and invest to jog your memory for you to acknowledge her B-day. This is why you failed when she mentioned something about coming to some place where you dance,and you said,"I'll save a dance for you". You messed up there.....shouldn't have said that.

Either way im not taking any chances, may not even answer her

I basically gave you the info in my signature. It's ok to talk to her if she reaches out. Just DON'T SAY ANYTHING about a date,thinking about her,wanting to see her,asking her out,complimenting her,flirting,or anything....Don't say or do anything displaying interest towards her.....also keep the conversation short,tell her you have to go after a few minutes. There IS a time for showing interest,but not when she's in AW (attention w**re) mode. Everything you do or say showing interest while she's in AW mode goes straight to ego boosting.....all of it.

You have to get her out of that state first if you ever want to anywhere with her.

Date other women. If this girl contacts you,fine,you can figure out how to deal with her later....but see other chicks. Don't put your dating life on hold waiting for this nonsense with this girl out pan out,cause it might not.

 

[Denny19]

Good. I know you originally wanted to send her a birthday text as a way to show indifference,but the problem here was,you had two opposing issues competing with one another.

You had her ego,for one. The other was you wanting to be indifferent. Sending her the B-day text here in this situation,her ego getting fed would have overshadowed you attempting to look indifferent. Reason why is cause of all the flaking and games she's played,her disappearing for days at a time,etc,etc. If you had sent her the b-day text after her being gone for 8 days,or 21 days,her ego would have gotten fed because after all she's done,it'd look like your interest in her is as strong as ever.

Now...if you two had been dating for a while,had known and been around each other for some time,then she pulled away for 8 days,then I'd agree with you.






Easy....

"Ego" takes. It gives nothing,or give the least it can,the bare minimum...but only in order to get itself fed even more.

Let me put it this way....if she contacts you and tries to get something "emotional" out of you that pertains to her,it's ego. It's unlikely that she's gonna contact you wanting to see you all of the sudden out of the blue after all the flaking and games she's done. So it's a pretty safe bet that ANY CONTACT out of her towards you will be to boost her ego. So to avoid her ego boosting set-up,don't say anything that displays interest.

DON'T ask her out...
DON'T tell her you've been thinking about her
DON'T tell her you've missed or miss her
DON'T ask her when you can see her again
DON'T flirt...yes,I said DO NOT flirt with her
DON'T tell her you "saved a dance" for her

Don't say or do anything that'd indicate interest on your part towards her.

Here's an example of something she might try to get an ego boosting response out of you...

Let's say she calls you,or texts you.....and she asks you if you know what yesterday (her birthday) was. If she asks you that,she's trying to get you to acknowledge that it was her birthday. If you say it was her B-day,bam...she won. She'll get her boost,then disappear for who knows how long til her ego "gas tank" gets low,then she'll come seeking you out again for another fill up.

So if she contacts you and asks you that,be like,"Yesterday? Yeah...it was Friday,wasn't it?" If she keeps pressing you,be like,"I don't know,what.....was it a holiday or somethin'?" If she continues to press,just be quiet for a few seconds,like you're really in deep thought,trying to figured it out,then go..."Oh.....it was your birthday yesterday,that's right...my bad. I been running around so much lately,it just totally slipped my mind,my bad. Yeah,umm..Happy Birthday...hope you had fun yesterday".

There. If a convo goes down like that between you two,her ego won't get anything out of it cause she had to work and invest to jog your memory for you to acknowledge her B-day. This is why you failed when she mentioned something about coming to some place where you dance,and you said,"I'll save a dance for you". You messed up there.....shouldn't have said that.



I basically gave you the info in my signature. It's ok to talk to her if she reaches out. Just DON'T SAY ANYTHING about a date,thinking about her,wanting to see her,asking her out,complimenting her,flirting,or anything....Don't say or do anything displaying interest towards her.....also keep the conversation short,tell her you have to go after a few minutes. There IS a time for showing interest,but not when she's in AW (attention w**re) mode. Everything you do or say showing interest while she's in AW mode goes straight to ego boosting.....all of it.

You have to get her out of that state first if you ever want to anywhere with her.

Date other women. If this girl contacts you,fine,you can figure out how to deal with her later....but see other chicks. Don't put your dating life on hold waiting for this nonsense with this girl out pan out,cause it might not.

Great post! You are spot on about it all. My hopes for this girl have disappeared...and you are right about the bday text...thats why I sent her nothing.

The reason why i said "il save you a dance", was because when she reached out that time, i genuinely thought it was really to see me and i did not feel it was for an ego boost. However, the fact that she didn't show and i haven't heard from her since, shows it was obviously to see if i was still interested. Thats was probably my only hiccup, but not a huge one. I didn't feel anything wrong with sending flirty text back since she reached out...i gave her benefit of the doubt, it was still early in our dating back then. I will reward good behavior, example: reaching out to try and make plans.

my thing is, if and when she does reach out, i don't think it will be to inquire if i knew it was her bday or not....i think she may say something like "hey how did your test go?" or "hi Denny, how are you?"...something to that effect.....now i know if the convo is to continue for me to be very neutral...but i would be very tempted to respond with this (after several hours) "Hi, everything is great. Hope all is well with you!" And just cut the convo right there. But we will see if and when she even reaches out

Right now, my expectations, although were high when we first met, are non-existent now. I mean this whole heartedly, I will walk from the hottest woman in the world to not feed her ego. i literally don't care how pretty a girl is if she has the personality of a rock. I will never make these women think they can toy with me because they are pretty...thats why she has not heard from me in nearly a month. Where most guys would chase her because she's such a beautiful women, its probably all she's used to. She doesn't know how to act with any other type of guy unless he's throwing himself at her...very beta behavior.

My thing, its fine to show interest, its fine to ask for dates as the man (within reason, not ever 3 days)....but the minute that girl flakes, and you can sense when its legit or not, I walk. She is perfect example...i probably never been more physically attracted to a woman in my life then i am her, but that doesn't change the fact that if you flake and disrespect my time, you will not see me or hear from me again

 

[Denny19]

update:

her birthday came and went in september

my bday was two days ago ...10/19....now remember, I havent heard from her in close to 2 months.....yet, she posts happy bday to my Facebook. Now of course I did absolutely nothing about it....but my question to you is, why bother?

What is her motive?...after us not talking for 2 months....me flat out ignoring her bday......why would she send me a happy birthday?

 

[Silko]

......why would she send me a happy birthday?

straight ask her as reply on fb ... (keeping a line with you, ...) or you can remove her from ur fb too. it's also a very clear reply.

 

[marmel75]

update:

her birthday came and went in september

my bday was two days ago ...10/19....now remember, I havent heard from her in close to 2 months.....yet, she posts happy bday to my Facebook. Now of course I did absolutely nothing about it....but my question to you is, why bother?

What is her motive?...after us not talking for 2 months....me flat out ignoring her bday......why would she send me a happy birthday?

Attention and validation and to see if she still has "got you" as an ego boost. No different from all the other times

 

[devilkingx2]

update:

her birthday came and went in september

my bday was two days ago ...10/19....now remember, I havent heard from her in close to 2 months.....yet, she posts happy bday to my Facebook. Now of course I did absolutely nothing about it....but my question to you is, why bother?

What is her motive?...after us not talking for 2 months....me flat out ignoring her bday......why would she send me a happy birthday?

everytime someone i know has a birthday on facebook i write a joke about it on their page, it's just a thing i do unless i really hate the person or don't know them and thus can't think of a good joke and don't want to re-use the old ones

doesn't mean i give a **** about them beyond my obsession with telling jokes.

so i'd say she probably only said that as a formality, it means about as much as her liking your selfie means