Busy vs. "Busy". How do you know if she is blowing you off?

[Babnik]

There are genuinely busy girls that don't pick up the phone often and then there are those that are blowing you off by giving you random excuses.

How can you tell which one is which?

See, I understand when a girl says "Oh, its complicated, but I can't date anyone" but when its like "oh, I'm busy but I will get this info from your Monday!"
or when I ask her out and she says "Sure!" and then won't pick up her phone and then text me with "I'm so sorry...it ended up being a busy night".

How do you take it then? Sometimes if you start ignoring them at this point they get offended and just blow you off because they were GENUINELY busy.

If her life is filled with things to do then its hard to keep her attention on you.

I do it to people sometimes...rather go to one party where I want to be with a specific kind of people because of my mood.


I was thinking to just ask "Do you actually want to continue seeing me or is this a way of blowing me off?"

 

[Morphiex]

do you contact her first then she tells you she cant make it or does she tell you herself first without you contacting her at all...?
oki something every guy here should understand ...

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!

she wont feel anything if you just ignore her , then shel never know how she wronged you .
go to her and tell her that next time you make plans she better not call you up last minute and say that shes busy , tell her that she better call you up the night before or sumthing and not wait till the last minute because you got things to do yourself.... that its selfish and imature to not even consider another peoples time when she doesnt even have the curtisy(sp?) to call you up ahead and tell you that she cant make the plans that you have made....
(just a note : Dont be MAD or Angry , be serious)
grab your cohonas and tell her...
after you tell her shel have more respect for you and il bet she wont do it again....

 

[Phyzzle]

I was thinking to just ask "Do you actually want to continue seeing me or is this a way of blowing me off?"

Huh, sounds interesting. You may still not get a straight answer.

But any time she flakes out, it's low interest. How many times have you arranged to hang out with an HB8 and got all wrapped up in your math homework and completely forgot? (Hint: less than once.)

I do it to people sometimes...rather go to one party where I want to be with a specific kind of people because of my mood.

Not to attractive chicks, you don't.

With young spazzy chicks who don't know better, you can try what Morphiex said. But the instant, chemical attraction is not there. I'd say it's not worth the hassle of calling her back.

 

[Babnik]

Huh, sounds interesting. You may still not get a straight answer.

But any time she flakes out, it's low interest. How many times have you arranged to hang out with an HB8 and got all wrapped up in your math homework and completely forgot? (Hint: less than once.)



Not to attractive chicks, you don't.

With young spazzy chicks who don't know better, you can try what Morphiex said. But the instant, chemical attraction is not there. I'd say it's not worth the hassle of calling her back.

I am wrapped in my work quite a bit.
Yeah, chemical reaction is not present for me either to be honest...

I think the whole reaction disappears as you as you start worrying about things. Not just the whole you and her thing, but like the whole COLLEGE thing and classes and keeping high GPA.

I see her 2 times a week in one of my classes. Monday I'm just going to ask her if she is interested in seeing me or not.

 

[BuckwildNYC]

I don't care if she is "real" busy or "fake" busy. If she doesn't have time for you then she has a lack of interest. My ex girl loved me to death. She had full time work and school and still saw me four times a week. She would fall asleep during the movie lol.

Now just cause a chick has a lack of interest doesn't mean you can't turn it around. Just don't be a pest. It's called "casual persistence". I had a girl this summer that started off acting very flaky. Wouldn't call back all the time and flaked on a few dates. I would always pull her card and threatened to stop calling her if she kept it up. Finally broke through her flake shield and got her to come out with me a couple times.

Once we were on the same page I asked her why she was so flaky with me. She said that I wasn't a real person to her yet. In her mind I was just some horny guy trying to get some ass. But my persistence made her think that I really liked her. But let me remind you that it was persistence, not pestfulness lol. You can't call her every day. Best thing is to alternate phone calls and text messages. It took me 3 or 4 weeks to get her interest level way up. Mind you I had another girl I was dating so it wasn't a big deal. I wasn't hard up for sex so I would just call whenever I felt like it.

She ended up not even being worth it lol. Her body wasn't as nice as I thought it was and she was financially unstable (broke ) and a little bit psycho. In the end I was the one flaking on her (isn't revenge sweet :rockon: )

So my advice would be "casual persistence" and make sure the chick is worth your time. Sometimes it takes a while for the true colors to shine through. That's why it's always best to have a few girls in your stable. This way you don't waste your time.

 

[everywomanshero]

There are genuinely busy girls that don't pick up the phone often and then there are those that are blowing you off by giving you random excuses.

How can you tell which one is which?

See, I understand when a girl says "Oh, its complicated, but I can't date anyone" but when its like "oh, I'm busy but I will get this info from your Monday!"
or when I ask her out and she says "Sure!" and then won't pick up her phone and then text me with "I'm so sorry...it ended up being a busy night".

How do you take it then? Sometimes if you start ignoring them at this point they get offended and just blow you off because they were GENUINELY busy.

If her life is filled with things to do then its hard to keep her attention on you.

I do it to people sometimes...rather go to one party where I want to be with a specific kind of people because of my mood.


I was thinking to just ask "Do you actually want to continue seeing me or is this a way of blowing me off?"

Imagine you had wanted to visit <insert here> country all your life. Maybe your ancestors came to your country from there, or you just have to swim in <Y> beach there, whatever reason you might have, let's just say it's really important to you. In this case you would probably pretty much drop anything for the chance to go there. You'd go the extra mile and make it happen.

Now let's say someone offered you the chance to go to some remote place in Idaho. Hey, some people might think it's really cool, but I am going to guess the majority will be indifferent to the idea or even not want to go. Now, it becomes a lot easier for work, finances, etc to get in the way.

What I am trying to say here is that girls are only consistently busy when they are indifferent or even resistent to the idea of meeting <X> person. That's not to say that people don't get busy, of course they do, but that if this is a consistent response then there is some other problem. She could have social anxiety disorder, she could be isolated from society, she could be banging 42 guys who are all pressuring her for time, she could just not be interested at all, or she could be legitimately busy. I do not have a definitive algorithm to decode this. I do not care, if I consistently get this then I need to change something I am doing, not try to psychoanalyze dozens of women I only wish to sleep with.

 

[Babnik]

Imagine you had wanted to visit <insert here> country all your life. Maybe your ancestors came to your country from there, or you just have to swim in <Y> beach there, whatever reason you might have, let's just say it's really important to you. In this case you would probably pretty much drop anything for the chance to go there. You'd go the extra mile and make it happen.

Now let's say someone offered you the chance to go to some remote place in Idaho. Hey, some people might think it's really cool, but I am going to guess the majority will be indifferent to the idea or even not want to go. Now, it becomes a lot easier for work, finances, etc to get in the way.

What I am trying to say here is that girls are only consistently busy when they are indifferent or even resistent to the idea of meeting <X> person. That's not to say that people don't get busy, of course they do, but that if this is a consistent response then there is some other problem. She could have social anxiety disorder, she could be isolated from society, she could be banging 42 guys who are all pressuring her for time, she could just not be interested at all, or she could be legitimately busy. I do not have a definitive algorithm to decode this. I do not care, if I consistently get this then I need to change something I am doing, not try to psychoanalyze dozens of women I only wish to sleep with.

I just needed to know whether its worth trying to somehow pursue them...in a persistent form, not needy form.

I dont have one-itis with her, but its good to at least try to learn how to get with a girl who is not interested that much. Like a game.

I wouldn't ever skip a party with my friends to see her either.

 

[Docs]

I don't care if she is "real" busy or "fake" busy. If she doesn't have time for you then she has a lack of interest. My ex girl loved me to death. She had full time work and school and still saw me four times a week. She would fall asleep during the movie lol.

And it's true. If the girl doesn't return phone calls/voice mails, emails, messages, cancels or doesn't show up for dates, etc etc etc...think about it. If you didn't like her that much, would you go on a date with her. Probably not.

Case in point.

 

[realsmoothie]

I don't know. There can be many different things that explain flaking... remember that women are more emotional than men. Not only do they stress easier, they get depressed easier.

 

[edmond]

Women always have their phones with them, so next time you call and she ignores you, just move on.
No one in the world has so much work to do that they cannot answer the phone or return your call immediately.

 

[bigneil]

Scoring with an attractive woman is like a college football team trying to win the NCAA tournament. It's largely a voting process, based on public opinion, perception, and momentum. A team might debut in the top 10, but it has to work its way up to the top 5, then toward #1, and then you can always lose a heartbreaker. And now that women all have cell phones, they have the AP and Coaches top 25 listed right there. Girls only call back guys eligible for the BCS game.

 

[LegendBoy]

Okay I got a thread about a girl I went out with...

Now I asked her out for a 2nd outing and I got the I am busy excuse well she said to me a week ago that she is working 9 hours a day 6 days a week. So i don't know whether it is legit or not..


I said to her look if you don't want to go out with me tell me straight up, she responded with I would go out with you if I wasn't busy


Now she don't work on Sundays so I guess it would be best for me to ask her out for next sunday...

I don't know really know... I wish I could get a point blank honest answer and I find out there interest....

 

[Babnik]

Women always have their phones with them, so next time you call and she ignores you, just move on.
No one in the world has so much work to do that they cannot answer the phone or return your call immediately.

Well, I met a girl last year in math college class, and she was an ugly sl*t. She did have nicer friends.
Every day she would just say things like "If you invite me, I'll show you drunk!" and then she would talk about how good she is at giving BJs...
One day she just went WILD and said "Why don't you ask for my number?"

Well, she put it in herself. She then proceeded to tell me more about BJs and inviting me over to get drunk...

Its as obvious as it gets. AND GUESS WHAT? She also didn't pick up her phone more than half the time.

Why? Well, people go out in college so much its insane. If you are with friends, if you are out in clubs, if you are the football game, and 1000 of other things to do - you won't pick up. My sister and my parents don't pick up the phone more than half the time and NEVER call back. Seriously...I have to call back my own sister and parents like 30 times to get a hold of them.
When I go out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday night with friends - its SO crunk I would never call any girl during those times.

 

[Hitman10000]

Whether or not she is really busy or faking it, the question is "Will she make time for me" should be of more concern to you.

 

[everywomanshero]

I just needed to know whether its worth trying to somehow pursue them...in a persistent form, not needy form.

I dont have one-itis with her, but its good to at least try to learn how to get with a girl who is not interested that much. Like a game.

I wouldn't ever skip a party with my friends to see her either.

Yes, I would pursue them to a limited degree. It isn't a big effort. A Shark says in basic playboy (paraphrased), your mind just makes it feel like a big effort so that you won't get the girl and you will stay an average man. I would test different phone strategies: times of day, different days of week, different messages, etc. I would keep a log of when they pickup, return my calls, are busy when they answer, are relaxed and ready to talk, when they agree to meet, when they flake, and when they do not pickup. Just make it a game and it should be a lot of fun. As a side effect, your log will empirically tell you what really works.

Get them on the phone and have fun. If nothing else it will build your state up so that you are ready to go out and meet some women

 

[Babnik]

Considering that I get 2 dates in a week with her regardless of what she wants ( I walk back to my dorm and its just 90% of the way with hers), I may experiment and see how it goes. Nothing is lost whatsoever in pursuing her that way. I have nothing better to do after that class than to walk home anyway.

 

[gfbtdhg1]

You are terrible heartless people. That about sums it up. I mean these may be other people's feelings. Yah I'm that guy that's all pc and crap. but all that, is true.

 

[NSX-R]

I always give 2 chances. If she can't and has not suggested a counter offer for a date then bye bye.

 

[Reservoir Dog]

I just needed to know whether its worth trying to somehow pursue them...in a persistent form, not needy form.

I dont have one-itis with her, but its good to at least try to learn how to get with a girl who is not interested that much. Like a game.
.

Lol. The 'game' is knowing who to spend your energy on and who not to. If you're wasting precious time and energy chasing girls who blatantly show you signs of low interest then you are playing the game all kinds of wrong.

P.s. - You DO have one-itis. You can trust me on that one.

 

[dustmuffin]

I am wrapped in my work quite a bit.
Yeah, chemical reaction is not present for me either to be honest...

I think the whole reaction disappears as you as you start worrying about things. Not just the whole you and her thing, but like the whole COLLEGE thing and classes and keeping high GPA.

I see her 2 times a week in one of my classes. Monday I'm just going to ask her if she is interested in seeing me or not.

Don't ask if she is interested in seeing you. You have a choice of asking her out again or just go nc and wait till she messages you. I would do the second choice.