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Best ****y and Funny Lines

Discussion in 'Don Juan Discussion' started by Perry, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. Perry

    Perry Don Juan

    Jul 27, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Alright guys, I want to hear some of your best ****y and funny lines that you have used. One that I like to use in college is for girls that I see often, but I have not met them yet. I go, "Hey, I see you around campus often. You should learn my name so you can say hi to me from now on." Lets hear em...
  2. Lust

    Lust Master Don Juan

    Jan 6, 2007
    Likes Received:
    That wasn't ****y or funny...
  3. Mr. Sarcasm

    Mr. Sarcasm Don Juan

    Oct 21, 2008
    Likes Received:
    So basically...you want us to write pick up lines?
  4. abcd_z

    abcd_z Senior Don Juan

    Jun 28, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Brace yourselves men, this is going to be a doozy...

    Hiring / firing girls
    Telling them they look like trouble and
    Giving them #'s

    You're bad girls, aren't you?
    You're a dork!
    You don't get out much, do you?
    You're cute, like my little sister.

    We are broken up. I guess I'm moving out, who's
    going to take care of the cat and dogs?

    She drops/spills/etc. something, "This is why we can't
    have nice things."

    If she drops something I will say "it's ok, you dont have to be nervous", this
    100 percent of the time gets a laugh

    When I beat them at thumbwars... "OMG you suck at
    this, but you can cook right?" *punch*

    'Anymore of that, and I gonna have to charge you...and
    you know what?'
    Her: What?
    Me: '(lean into her ear and lower your voice)...you
    couldn't afford me'

    "Seriously if you dont stop hitting on me, i'm getting
    a restraining order"

    "There is nothing about you a complete personality
    change couldn’t fix."

    She says anything sarcastic, playfull, or sassy.
    You To target: "I don't know who your boyfriend is,
    but he is not spanking you enough"
    You to Group: "I don't know who her BF is, but he's
    not spanking her enough"
    Works well both ways, I prefer groups b/c she'll see
    her friends laughing and it demonstrates social proof.
    You'll definitely get a punch, and if delivered at the
    right time she'll be begging you to spank her. BUT be
    careful it's not a **** test.
    Credit: Lance (Sensei) from pickup 101

    If she screws up or is cold or whatever..
    "Well, aren't you charming" Done with a little Sean
    Connary style

    HB: You're sooo mean..you're gonna regret you said/did
    CD: what are you gonna do? date me?

    CD: Have I ever told you how helpful/creative you are?
    HB: (confused look) no
    CD: well...there is a reason for that

    HB: Have a nice day
    CD: Don't tell me what to do! We just met 5 minutes
    ago and you already ordering me around

    I can't remember who came up with this originally, but
    I give girls those little sticky gold stars they put
    on papers in kindergarten when they do something I
    like. Later, I find an excuse to take them away. Great
    for initiating light kino, plus my pivots think it's

    Got an oldie, if she does something bad or just accuse
    her of being bad and tell her
    "you are getting coal for Xmas this year young lady
    for sure"

    I bet you have a real cute side somewhere. You just
    don't show it."

    When she throws, drops something or especially when
    you "accidentally" bump into her... (smiling) "Jesus!
    I could've been killed!"

    Don't get you hopes up. I'm not easy
    You better be getting back to your friends before they
    realize you're over here flirting with me. But before
    you go... (awsome time constraint)

    "You know, you're a cool/good/nice girl, despite what
    everyone else says about you."
    If she calls you a name or teases you, say "My mom's
    told me worse." (This could come off as
    self-depricating, but I do it in more of a "There's no
    way you can offend me, no matter how hard you try"
    From that, you can transition into stuff like this:
    "Go ahead, try to offend me. Do your worst. Call my
    mom a slut. Tell me to **** off. Come on, DO IT!!"
    (playfully of course)
    Sometimes she'll do it and it will be lame, so tell
    her it was weak and to put some emotion behind it.
    When she does, pretend to get offended. "Oh now you
    took it too far. I'm not talking to you anymore") Then
    you can go into "I'm breaking up with you" etc.
    In general I like to pour gasoline on the fire when
    we're having an argument. Suggest taking it to a
    physical level "Wanna take this outside?". Even
    funnier if you're already outside.
    "You think you can take me? I doubt it." "I don't hit
    girls, but I will tickle you until you pee your
    pants." Good transition into tickling her, wrestling
    on the ground, you get the idea.
    While talking on the phone with a mutual acquaintance,
    say "Do you want to talk to (girl's name)?" Then
    pretend like the person on the phone is **** talking
    her. "What do you mean you don't want to talk to that
    *****?" "Well yea, she is kind of a ***** sometimes. I
    see your point." This can go on for a while. Works
    similarly when someone is handing you the phone. Say
    "Hell no I don't want to talk to her. You know I can't
    stand that girl.", etc. Make sure you say this close
    to the phone so the girl can hear you.
    Fun way to escalate kino: "Do you get a good sound?"
    Start drumming your hands on various parts of her
    body. Head is good. Remark on the acoustics, playfully
    tease her. "Oh I don't know, your head doesn't have a
    very full tone. I don't know if I could be with a girl
    who's head sounds like that." Take away points, demote
    her to number 3, or whatever.
    "You seem very pokeable". Poke her. If you want to do
    a take away, say something like "Eh, maybe a little."
    I like doing stuff like this, "Your hair seems very
    pullable/yankable", "Your shoulder looks delicious."
    Bite her on the shoulder. "What does your hair taste
    like?" Put it in your mouth. It's probably best to do
    takeaways if you're escalating the kino.
    Get your hands wet, get behind her, and pretend to
    sneeze while splashing water on the back of her neck.

    One of my personal favorites is to inform the girl who
    has been whinny, complaining that I am to mean etc. is
    that there are three types of girls in this world. The
    first type of girl hates me because of my sarcasm. The
    second type takes my sarcasm passively. And the third,
    and most desireable (the most desireable part I have
    found to be crucial) takes my sarcasm and dishes it
    back. Then I ask, "so what are you type 1?" At this
    point they forget why they were mad at me and try to
    "prove" to me that they are type 3 by dishing things
    back. It's a great way to shift the energy while you
    are bantering if she starts being lame.

    good reply for a **** test... "looks like someone put
    their crankypants on this morning"

    From my notes, not mine and not sure who to credit:
    Hey, are you the kind of person that can take a
    sincere compliment from a stranger?
    So am I. Go ahead.
    You know what, I think you'd make a nice new
    Wait a minute. Can you cook?
    [YES--Awesome. NO--We're broken up then, but wait.]
    Are you rich, because I want to be a stay-at-home
    [YES--We're back together. NO--We're broken up then,
    but wait.]
    Another version of TD's SP:
    "You're a sexual predator [MISINTERPRETATION as if she
    is trying to pick you up]
    I'm not that kind of guy.
    I'm not gonna go back to your house to "[finger
    quotes] check out your stereo" or your "stamp
    collection" or whatever.
    I need trust, comfort, and connection first. "
    Definitely will get a punch
    You're either the coolest girl I've met in a long
    time, or you're a total weirdo, I can't tell. Probably
    a little bit of both. (Credit TD I think but not sure)

    Women: you can't live with them...no, that's pretty
    much it.

    If chick is being whiny, *****y, or even if you just
    feel like busting on her.
    her: (whine)
    me (teasing, playful c/f): Oooh, someone call the
    guards, Princess isn't happy...did Princess (insert
    anything) last night?

    Stop it… You’re looking at me like a fat kid looks
    at a cheeseburger.
    You’re getting me all emotional… I promised my
    friends I wouldn’t go home with anyone tonight.
    You guys are bad girls. I have to watch out for you.
    You guys are trouble.
    You’re cool, you can help me pick up chicks.
    Is she ALWAYS like this?
    You’re like my little sister. Lovable, but a little
    This place is such a meat market. I hate how the girls
    look at me here; like
    I’m a piece of meat.

    "If you were any slower you would be going backwards
    in time"

    This one only works if the girl doesn't say please or
    thankyou at the end of a sentence, any sentence.
    HB: Would you hold my bag for a sec while I go to the
    PUA: (In a very slow, deliberate voice, like a primary
    school teacher to a student) - now what do we normally
    say at the end of a sentence, when we ask someone to
    do something for us?
    HB: ...Please.
    PUA: Now lets try that sentence again, shall we?
    HB: Would you.... please?
    PUA: No. then wink, or say what you would normally say
    to a similar **** test like that.

    If a girl gets excited while telling a story, or gets
    really loud, or if she trips, or bumps into someone or
    you.... basically if she does any kind of abrupt
    movement etc.. I would always say:
    "Whoa, eeeaaasy killer." say it in a cool-ass laid
    back manner.
    If a girl spills something/breaks something etc... I
    like to say:
    "Man, I can't take you anywhere"

    I like, "Easy tiger."

    I was having some banter with a colleague and this one
    came out:
    (said in a very condescending tone) It's OK, don't
    worry- the truth will set you free...
    A variation:
    It's alright, admitting it is the 1st step
    To be used if she denies anything, like if she claims
    she doesn't find you attractive...

    I used this on hired gun bartender HB8 and it worked
    She was already giving major IOI's and kino-ing me:
    Me: "Ooops, I did it again..." (with serious tone)
    HB8: "did what?"
    Me: "I played with your heart, got lost in the game, I
    made you believe we're more than just friends!" ---
    say it with C/F tone, don't sing it.
    HB8: LOL, smiles and punches me.
    I read this banter on this thread and it's one my
    favorites now with revision. Works great since most
    girls wear tight shirts and jeans:
    Me: I love those tight little shirts you girls wear,
    did you get it at Baby Gap?
    HB: shocked but then laughs.
    Me: kept referring to her as Baby Gap all night and
    she loved it. It's not too mean b/c they see it as a
    compliment since they can fit in small clothes.
    This HB had on these shiny star-shaped earrings:
    Me: I like those star-shaped earrings. Did you get it
    from the My Little Pony collection?
    HB: grins then laughs...
  5. abcd_z

    abcd_z Senior Don Juan

    Jun 28, 2003
    Likes Received:
    If they bump into something, or bump their arm on a
    table/chair whatever. . .
    "Come on now, be smarter than the table."

    If she says someting feisty "That / This is the LAST
    time I let you out unsupervised"

    "Run along now - this is man conversation..."

    Or if she butts in between me and my boy I go "quiet
    you........ the men are talking."
    Always punch material

    "Another blonde moment?",
    "I didn't think you were a natural red head/brunette
    "and you chose that hair colour?"
    "You've been at the peroxide again",
    "Hanging around too many blondes will rub off on you
    you know"

    I do this too. Offering them a sippy cup if they spill
    their drink is fun, or asking the bartender for one
    for her.

    Thats awesome I gotta try that. One of my favorites is
    when she says something slightly witty or mentions
    something about herself thats somewhat quailty during
    MMA2. I'd say "Wow thats like + 5 points right
    there.....cause you were like at negative 32.......
    you really needed that" and look like you're proud of
    Always gets that "Ugh! You jerk" playful kino thing

    I have started giving and taking away gold and silver
    stars from girls. Also my boy told this tonight so
    credit him (he posts here just dont know his sn)
    Compare a girls worth to a stock based on her actions.
    Tell her stock just went up a little or went down
    little. Awesome ****, especially for nyc where there
    are so many traders and financial people. If she
    really acts fiesty you can be like "uh oh, stock is
    about to crash, i better sell what i have left of
    Similarly reward her if she behaves.

    If we're being playfully sarcastic or witty, I'll say
    "Why do you say these things to hurt me",
    And the good ol reliable "You're the worst girlfriend

    "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's
    hard to pronounce. "
    "I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to
    worship me. "
    "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word
    you're saying. "

    After she says something dumb,
    "You know, it's a good thing you're pretty."
    I always get that playful punch in the arm.

    In a similar vein I will tell girls 'once your looks
    go you're going to be in trouble'

    When some chick is busting on you, respond with,
    "Damn, it's a good thing I have such high self esteem.
    That could've really hurt my feelings."
    Or if you've been running the C&F hard and it's
    obvious you're a totally self assured bastard, you can
    reply with the opposite. "OMG, as if my self esteem
    wasn't low enough as it is." If you've already
    conveyed higher status than her, you'll only be
    reminding her how impregnable your self esteem
    actually is and you'll force her IOI's.
    I've had girls respond with, "Yeah right, you're the
    most confident guy I've ever met." This is something
    like the equivilant of a guy telling a girl, "You've
    got the biggest tits I've ever seen."

    Some girl was just telling me she felt to lazy to go
    smoke a cigarette and I replied:
    "Attractive, you're really the pick of the litter
    Anytime i get the punch I am like that one's postable!
    lol (i like amusing myself)

    if a girl ever puts up a smiley (like on aim) with
    it's tongue sticking out I respond
    "put away that tongue unless you plan to use it"

    - Your fly's down
    - I know your type
    - My mother warned me about girls like you
    - You remind me of one of those little Precious
    Moments dolls (Credit to Bang Bros)
    - Guys like me are over-rated
    - You already had your chance with me
    - Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
    - I'm sorry, did I skip the part where I try to
    impress you?
    - That's not gangster
    - Wow, I'm impressed. Hey everyone, let's all give
    *name* a round of applause (Another credit to Bang
    Her: Would you... (asking for favor)
    You: Do fish have nipples?
    Her: Nice hair
    You: Thanks, I grew it myself

    While shes talking (better in group)
    Her:bla bla bla
    You: Thats very, veeery interesting ''yawn''

    This is a great one to use when they're overselling
    themselves. My version goes like this:
    Yawn loudly and then make your yawns progressively
    longer and louder until you get that "how rude!" look
    or a hit on the arm and then follow up with "No, no
    please continue - I ALWAYS yawn when I'm interested!"
    If (when) she does it again pretend to drift off to
    sleep and follow up with
    "I'm sorry I was having a lovely dream!"
    "Did you spike my drink?"
    "No, no please continue I often slip into a coma when
    I'm REALLY interested!"

    I'm sorry for talking while you were interrupting

    Said in child's voice "you like me, I'm
    been using that one alot lately.

    "this relationship is on the fence!"
    "you're sleeping on the couch tonight!"

    I told a girl that she wants me and she respodned
    magic 8 balls says outlook not so good, try again
    later. WOW!
    Anything magic 8 ball related probably works really
    well (probably need the exact phrasing though)

    HAHAHAHAHA! Instant ****-test dispeller for any
    Here are the 20 standard responses from the 8-ball
    * Signs point to yes.
    * Yes.
    * Most likely.
    * Without a doubt.
    * Yes - definitely.
    * As I see it, yes.
    * You may rely on it.
    * Outlook good.
    * It is certain.
    * It is decidedly so.
    * Reply hazy, try again.
    * Better not tell you now.
    * Ask again later.
    * Concentrate and ask again.
    * Cannot predict now.
    * My sources say no.
    * Very doubtful.
    * My reply is no.
    * Outlook not so good.
    * Don't count on it.
    And so that I'm actually contributing something new,
    I'll add something entirely different below.

    she tells a story about something naughty or bad she
    did:"you know what, i like you. i dont care what the
    men's room wall says about u."

    with a sad shake of the head "kids these days...." - I
    say this to any age.

    "have you been experimenting with your dosage?"

    I just threw one out on a conversation it went
    something like this:
    HB: blah blah something incredibly stupid blah blah
    M: WOW!(really impressed). You deserve a medal for
    that. (very sarcastically)
    M: BUT you get silver, not gold.
    If you gamed her well so far she will definately ask
    why silver not gold. This is where you can say
    something along the lines of "because you do x". let x
    = behaviour, habit. I know it makes no sense but it
    works. Then you can tease her further creating an
    inside joke (comfort). If she asks you how does that
    make sense you say "i told you already, you should
    have listened!"

    If she says something stupid:
    "I don't know what you'er on but i am sure they offer
    treatment / have rehab for it"
    "I don't know what you're on but i will take two of

    Whenever I accuse a girl of liking me and she
    playfully denies, I respond with:
    "Yeah right, you're totally going to write about me in
    your diary tonight. It's going to be all like..."
    (said in a girly voice) "DEAR DIARY, I MET THIS
    Cue the laughing & arm-punching.

    If she starts talking crazy "we are doing this, or omg
    this, or blah blah blah"
    you respond "I want my money back!! I didnt sign up
    for this!!!"

    Banter from a t-shirt I saw a girl wearing in the gym
    Look I would love to agree with you
    But I hate being wrong

    I keep on interrupting a girl then when she trys to
    carry on talking I say "Oh my god, stop talking when
    I'm trying to interrupt".
    Usually end up following up with "Whoa fiesty" but it
    depends what she says.

    When she looks at you at any time,
    "Don't look at me in that tone of voice"

    AMOG: *tries to hug you or touch you in any way*
    PUA: Whoa, I'm not yet comfortable enough in your

    "Yeah, well you know, you're very good looking... the
    thing about good looking people, people don't like us"
    - said with a wink and sarcasm - so money

    this is a guaranteed smack on the arm.
    when she DHVs or tells you smth about herself,
    "well, i guess i could live with that... it wont be
    easy though."

    or if she complains she's fat or that she had a bad
    hair day or smth along those lines
    "i didnt want to say anything!"

    I've been waiting so long to use this banter from
    Styles video that I'll probably blow it. Its funny
    even if, like Style says, it doesn't make sense. The
    girl has to throw back strong banter:
    PUA "I eat girls like you for breakfest"
    HB "Well, I eat guys like you for lunch"
    PUA "That's cool, I'm not hungry anyway".
    This illustrates real mastery--you banter, she equals
    you, and THEN you still come through with a badass
    If you don't have one, and she bests you:
    PUA "Respect!" (tap fist to heart, nod head). Give her
    a hug/kino

    I think the "I'm saving the world one XXX at a time"
    I'm saving the world one drunk girl at a time
    I'm saving the world one troublemaking blonde at a
    I'm saving the world one powerpuff girl at a time.

    Whenever a girl tries to make you jump through a hoop
    or says something to throw you..
    "Look [name], don't play hard to get with me... it was
    cute at first... but we both know i'm better at it"

    Her- something stupid
    You- *raise eyebrow and laugh*... ok, you've just lost
    your talking privileges for the next hour/rest of the
    night/whatever time.

    Anyone: (answers question wrong)
    PUA: No, but thanks for playing!

    "you say funny stuff sometimes.. thats not one of em, but sometimes you say funny stuff"


    "your funny sometimes, not right now, but sometimes you are!"

    I've used both and they work great.

    You are comparing her to something you can say your like the diet version. He said you're evil but not evil like I thought... more like the diet evil. That's hilarious (credit Braddock.)
  6. daygameguy

    daygameguy Master Don Juan

    Jan 17, 2008
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    These lines are good. I have kept a few of them in my PUA arsenal. I remember reading this entire collection at some other forum's archive, maybe it was the attractionforums, or venusianarts/forum, not sure.
  7. sodbuster

    sodbuster Master Don Juan

    Jun 11, 2008
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    South Dakota
    Had a woman flip me the bird. I just smiled and shook my head. Told her "not even on your birthday"
  8. mtlwlu

    mtlwlu Senior Don Juan

    Jun 27, 2008
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    lol beauty line above.

    A HB 8 Im working on in my one class, always says "F*** you" in a sarcastic manner, I always respond with, "no thanks, the other girls havent met you yet."
  9. theunflushables

    theunflushables Master Don Juan

    May 28, 2007
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    A girl at work tried to interrupt a conversation I was having.

    Me: It's rude to interrupt adults when they're talking.
  10. magickarl

    magickarl Senior Don Juan

    Oct 19, 2008
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    Not really fitting in with the topic, but you would be amazed what you can do with a good blank stare.
  11. 2.0

    2.0 Don Juan

    Apr 10, 2008
    Likes Received:
    United States
    abc, that is gold! I haven't even finished reading it yet but I can't wait to learn these.
  12. Perry

    Perry Don Juan

    Jul 27, 2008
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    this is a lot better than what I expected. good work abc.
  13. War Against Betaism

    War Against Betaism Master Don Juan

    Aug 19, 2007
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    A lot of people say I look really similar to the singer Ne-Yo. So one time at the club my friend introduced me to this HB8, she said "Damn you do look like him, well you better be looking for me on the dance floor I wanna see if you can dance like him," me being buzzed as hell I replied "Wait, isn't it the other way around? Shoot I'm frikkin Ne-Yo! I have girls lined up for me," I said it while giving this sly smile. She had this shock and awe look on her face, she took my hand, led me to the dance floor and we danced most of the night.

    This one was just so spontaneous, I was buying something and the cashier was a woman, she wasn't even that cute, probably an HB6.5 at best. She asks me to write down my number on a piece of paper, I forget the reason but I think it was so whatever company I bought whatever product from could blow up my phone with spam. I wrote down a fake phone number and told her "So if I give you this phone number, who's gonna be calling me, the company, or you?" She laughed out loud and for some reason I felt embarrassed and apologized along the lines of "haha sorry that came out of no where." She replied "Oh no that was hilarious!" I kind of left.
  14. Forty0ztoFreedom

    Forty0ztoFreedom Master Don Juan

    Sep 8, 2008
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    I've never had a problem actually being funny, and I could tell you that its much better to have a certain mindset (can't really explain it, but it feels like you're ready to throw out some funny lines at anything) rather than memorizing stuff.
    1 person likes this.
  15. War Against Betaism

    War Against Betaism Master Don Juan

    Aug 19, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Yeah that is really what it is all about. When I first started getting into this whole seduction business I literally wrote down all of the useful ****y and funny lines I could use, I believe I had 4 pages worth of these lines. Despite this I never used any of the lines, and when I did it felt unnatural and I got this really weird vibe from the girl.

    For me in terms of mindset I think it has to do with comfort level. Human beings are often cautious amongst people they don't know that well, they don't know how they're going to react to certain jokes, where their limits are, etc, so we unconsciously hold off on being funny in order to dissect the other person's security barometers.
  16. Relationship-Buddy

    Relationship-Buddy Don Juan

    Aug 18, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Girl: What time is it?
    Guy: Time for you to get a watch.

    :up: :rock: :up:
  17. Groovy

    Groovy Master Don Juan

    Mar 21, 2008
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    haha, GREAT thread! This boards could use some more humor? I forget how fun teasing is sometimes, I shouldn't! :p Time to look for opportunities to be C&F... :p
  18. firebladenut

    firebladenut New Member

    Feb 18, 2011
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    an easy one i have used which is very simple but works brilliantly is simply this:

    As you call her to chat/ arrange a date, whatever say hi etc etc etc but about 30 seconds into the conversation say "sorry gimme 2 minutes my mates just turned up with... (whatever excuse you want, i always say new puppy, new kitten something like that) ... i'll call you back in a couple of minutes."

    This is brilliant, not only will she be thinking of puppies and kittens but also she will be waiting for you to call her, hanging on the phone just to hear about it and talk to you. I normaly wait about 20-30 min. There expecting it to be 10-15 min so lets them get a little anxious like you forgot to ring them back.
  19. bigneil

    bigneil Master Don Juan

    Oct 20, 2006
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    If a girl you haven't had sex with yet ever b*tches at you for any reason, say "Gee, can we still NOT have sex?"

    If she says she has a boyfriend say "We just met and you're already telling me about your problems?"
  20. Re-ac-tor

    Re-ac-tor Don Juan

    Dec 28, 2009
    Likes Received:

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