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attention from women who are taken

foreverAFC

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i constantly get IOIs from women who are married or in serious relationships, and any woman i find attractive is always married or already in a relationship, im tired of getting used for ego boosts, i dont know what to do anymore i cant even ignore them if i wanted to, i get pretty bummed out but should i just be happy that these females find me somewhat attractive? my work environment is very hostile too because of this, im surrounded by tons of attractive women at work who are constantly playing games with me even as i try to avoid them and many of them get hostile and very passive aggressive when i refuse to play their games
 

old_skoolr

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lol seriously!!!

Your complaining that your surrounded by beautiful women who flirt with you, I'm pretty sure 80% of guys would love this problem.

I don't find it a problem flirting with taken or married women, as long as the lines there, hey but if they really like you, you can even get them to get your coffee and lunch or work favours.

Its what I do in my office.

If women start wanting your attention, get them to give something back to you.
 

HeadLightsOn

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Ditto. More this than IOI from single women. Even as recent as the last few weeks. I do believe it's validation and desire that they are after. I called one out on it recently and she back tracked pretty quick. That was funny.

Imo it's not always something that gets a result. Women are fickle and need constant validation, regardless of their situation.
 

zekko

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I see this also. At my age especially, the most attractive women are spoken for. The vast majority of women that I find really attractive are taken. Which makes sense - the most attractive women will have the easiest time drawing suitors.
 

nismo-4

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I see this also. At my age especially, the most attractive women are spoken for. The vast majority of women that I find really attractive are taken. Which makes sense - the most attractive women will have the easiest time drawing suitors.
Taken women do this for validation and attention seeking purposes. They already have an "A" guy, so when he's not around, she needs some attention and proof that she's still got it.

All I can say is call her out. If she backs off, leave because she just wants attention or another gay best friend.

Just because a taken woman gives you an IOI, doesn't mean she finds you attractive or arousing.

Alas, every woman is taken. Just depends on how attractive she finds you and how you measure up to the guy she's with (see Desdinova's high score theory).

Case closed.
 

foreverAFC

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Can you share some IOI scenario you had, I say hello, goodbye, hi, bye, thank you, your welcomed to men and women I don't know. I just want to make sure these don't count as an IOI because I do them unconsciously and out of courtesy.

just mainly staring and lots of smiling before they start going cold, this one girl at work would give me the most intense puppy dog eyes and the biggest smiles and then went cold soon after cause she had a bf, its the same thing over and over again, a lof of them are stuck in relationships with weak docile beta providers and constantly want attention from other guys
 

logicallefty

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I neg on and joke with taken women just like single ones. But I don't say anything sexual or do any kino. Even if I do have interest I won't give them the validation of knowing that I do.
 

taiyuu_otoko

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This is pretty common for both sexes. I've noticed more IOI's coming unexpectedly from girls with guys AND when I'm with a girl I get a lot more IOI's from single and paired off girls.

Take it for what it is. People are hard wired to flirt. Girls feel more safe and self confident when they're with a guy. They're not "using" you go build their ego or anything, don't read too much into it.

Take it as a sign (or proof or a useful hallucination or whatever) that MORE GIRLS THAN YOU KNOW WANT to flirt with you, but only those that are confident and safe enough do so.

Then find those single girls and help them ease out of their shell, assuming they WANT TO but are just too shy. This is what having a STRONG FRAME means. Her not flirting with you doesn't mean she doesn't like you, it means she wants to and is too shy. HOLD THAT FRAME and keep it while initiating contact, and she'll slowly start to accept and REMEMBER that interaction through that frame.

You could say that waiting for clear and obvious IOIs is a sign of a WEAK FRAME, meaning you only talk to girls who give you permission first.

If you wanted to play with those firty married girls, walk up when they're alone and say something like this:

"You know, it's really too bad you're married, because I'd really LOVE, to (pause look them up and down)..." and then walk away.
 

zekko

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Taiyou is right about this: the single girls are often more shy. Meanwhile, the taken girls are comfortable with being around men so they flirt more easily.
 

nismo-4

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Enter the judge.

This is pretty common for both sexes. I've noticed more IOI's coming unexpectedly from girls with guys AND when I'm with a girl I get a lot more IOI's from single and paired off girls.

It's the fact that you're preselected that tou get these IOI's. When you're not rich, famous, or attractive, the best way to get a girl is get a girl.

Take it for what it is. People are hard wired to flirt. Girls feel more safe and self confident when they're with a guy. They're not "using" you go build their ego or anything, don't read too much into it.

Of course they feel safer when they're with a guy! That way IHAB is more believable. Girls are hard wired to flirt because they love attention. We, as men, care more about getting sex and relationships. Attention has little meaning to men. The end result is all.

Take it as a sign (or proof or a useful hallucination or whatever) that MORE GIRLS THAN YOU KNOW WANT to flirt with you, but only those that are confident and safe enough do so.

Again, if both sexes just flirt with each other and the girl rejects the guy in lieu of having a BF, that's just the girl getting some needed attention, and the guy didn't get sh*t. The end result is what matters. Flirting is just a small part of the puzzle. Flirt all you want, but if you're not getting these girls, you're not getting anywhere.

Then find those single girls and help them ease out of their shell, assuming they WANT TO but are just too shy. This is what having a STRONG FRAME means. Her not flirting with you doesn't mean she doesn't like you, it means she wants to and is too shy. HOLD THAT FRAME and keep it while initiating contact, and she'll slowly start to accept and REMEMBER that interaction through that frame.

Ice breaking. It takes time and her interest level matters a lot here.

You could say that waiting for clear and obvious IOIs is a sign of a WEAK FRAME, meaning you only talk to girls who give you permission first.

An obvious IOI is not obvious. It could just be a cry for attention. You need to take your own initiatives. A girl ain't gonna fall in your lap. Why do guys turn their aloofness and ignore women stats up to eleven and wonder why a HB9-10 isn't dating them a month later? Easy, because fortune favors the bold. Closed mouths don't get fed. But if you call her out (make a move) and she backs off, either:

1. She just wants an orbiter or friend
2. You miscalibrated your escalation
3. She has little to no desire/ interest in you


If you wanted to play with those flirty married girls, walk up when they're alone and say something like this:

"You know, it's really too bad you're married, because I'd really LOVE, to (pause look them up and down)..." and then walk away.

Likely you'll get a chuckle, but it all depends on her interest in you. Move on if she's lukewarm or lower interest.
It's all about results. For men, that's dates, sex, and relationships. Not attention. Attention is women's results.
 

taiyuu_otoko

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It's all about results. For men, that's dates, sex, and relationships. Not attention.
I disagree. Attention from women can serve a purpose. It's only a problem if you misinterpret that attention to mean she's interested in dating/sleeping with you.

A guy thinking about asking a woman out at 6 PM is going to have an easier time if two or three married and unavailable girls flirt with him before them.

It's helpful to know of as many of these women as you can, (and not tell them that's why you're sometimes around them) just so you can get an added boost before the real thing.

A guy who has a lot of experience flirting with EVERYBODY is going to have an easier time than a guy that puts a girl on the spot each and every time she flirts with him to "call her out."

The trick is KNOWING and ACCEPTING the difference.
 

RangerMIke

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If you are showing up correctly, this will happen to you all the time. Get used to it. They are good practice. Women in relationships are more confident and will flirt more than single women who are more outcome based.

The problem with married or LTR committed women is that they really don't know what they respond to. They are emotional beings and what starts off as harmless flirting can quickly escalate into sex if they are flirting with a man that knows how to game them. I don't try anything with married or engaged women, women with BFs OTOH are fair game as far as I'm concerned. If I wanted to sleep with married women it would be so freaking easy... this is why it happens all the time.
 

Speculator E

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If you are showing up correctly, this will happen to you all the time. Get used to it. They are good practice. Women in relationships are more confident and will flirt more than single women who are more outcome based.

The problem with married or LTR committed women is that they really don't know what they respond to. They are emotional beings and what starts off as harmless flirting can quickly escalate into sex if they are flirting with a man that knows how to game them. I don't try anything with married or engaged women, women with BFs OTOH are fair game as far as I'm concerned. If I wanted to sleep with married women it would be so freaking easy... this is why it happens all the time.
RangerMike, If it's wrong to go after taken women, then why are there so many romance movies and novels made about the subject.

for example, the top grossing romantic films of all time are Titanic and Gone With the Wind and both are about a guy going after other men's wifes.

Not a joke but a serious discussion topic
 

Speculator E

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just mainly staring and lots of smiling before they start going cold, this one girl at work would give me the most intense puppy dog eyes and the biggest smiles and then went cold soon after cause she had a bf, its the same thing over and over again, a lof of them are stuck in relationships with weak docile beta providers and constantly want attention from other guys
What's the problem? Sound like she may be interested. A lot of times girls will stay with a guy because it just happened and it's convenience.
 

nismo-4

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Re-enter the judge on this viewpoint.

I disagree. Attention from women can serve a purpose. It's only a problem if you misinterpret that attention to mean she's interested in dating/sleeping with you.

Yeah that's true. Not all attention women give men= dating and sex. Some can mean filling in a void that her BF ain't filling, and that void is hardly her vagina. But sometimes it is.

A guy thinking about asking a woman out at 6 PM is going to have an easier time if two or three married and unavailable girls flirt with him before them.

Depending on how he takes the outcome. The unavailable women are outcome independent, the man may not be. This will hold true as long as the guy isn't outcome dependent.

It's helpful to know of as many of these women as you can, (and not tell them that's why you're sometimes around them) just so you can get an added boost before the real thing.

Outcome independence. If you have it, this holds true. Like indifference.

A guy who has a lot of experience flirting with EVERYBODY is going to have an easier time than a guy that puts a girl on the spot each and every time she flirts with him to "call her out."

Here, I can agree because the flirt sounds and feels natural. You're still calling her out, just covertly. Once again, indifference. Be in that position, and you have a better chance.

The trick is KNOWING and ACCEPTING the difference.

Well, it can be tough to figure out if the flirt is for attention or her showing of interest in you. Like I said before, take initiative.
Read between the lines. It's a good viewpoint and I like it.
 

RangerMIke

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RangerMike, If it's wrong to go after taken women, then why are there so many romance movies and novels made about the subject.

for example, the top grossing romantic films of all time are Titanic and Gone With the Wind and both are about a guy going after other men's wifes.

Not a joke but a serious discussion topic
I didn't say it was 'wrong' to go after married women, I just said that I don't do it. Why? Because it's too much fvcking drama. Dating is fun, not some nightmare, with raging husband's and crying kids. There are WAY too many available women to put up that kind of silliness. Engaged women... well, I think they are fair game as well, but I have to draw the line someplace.
 

taiyuu_otoko

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the top grossing romantic films of all time are Titanic and Gone With the Wind and both are about a guy going after other men's wifes.
These are fantasies. Movies cater to our fantasies, they are not a representation of reality. Otherwise they'd be boring. Women like to think about those things AS FANTASIES.

No woman will EVER fantasize about marrying a middle manager who gets fatter as he gets older. But that's reality.

Greeks, Catharsis, etc.
 

foreverAFC

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ok i have to rant a bit, after getting IOIs from tons of women who were taken i came across one who led me to believe she was actually interested for real, or i guess maybe i was just hoping she was truly interested more than i wanted any of the others to be, and even after years of receiving constant fake IOIs from taken women i really for some reason believed this one was different or possibly single but i still blew her off cause i didnt believe in myself anyway and talked myself into believing she was taken, there was no way she could be single and just waiting around for a guy like me. turns out she was in a relationship for a few years anyway. she played all those headgames with me for no reason. i fell for it again. i really tried to ignore this one too, jesus christ.
 
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