An Introspective Quote on Attraction

[resilient]

I came across this quote today that resonated with my soul. You see... I've been doing some self-examination and soul searching as I navigate life post-divorce and the annulment process with the church.

I've had quite some time to think why I attracted my former spouse in the first place, including all the women that proceeded her.

The connection? I needed something from them.

Growing up with busy parents who weren't always involved and having no sisters, only brothers, I didn't have the first clue to start with women. I often lacked aspects of confidence and masculinity that I didn't understand. No frame, DJs, no frame. Who were my male role models? Where were they when I got cheesy advice like "just be yourself" and "just be confident". Or why wasn't leadership instilled earlier when I needed to cultivate that aspect to be successful in life in general?

Without a compass, I gravitated towards women who were more alpha. These women were usually the smart women who excelled in school. The women who were at the top of their class or had an anti-establishment yet a "warrior" spirit; tomboys. It's not natural.. yet there I was with a giant hole inside me dating a woman that I thought would complete me or make me whole.

I thank this site, the outstanding members who've bailed me out a few times when I hit some crossroads and some guy friends I have in real life that have stuck with me through thick and thin.

I'm starting to ramble, so I'm going to leave this quote here before I forget:

"You stop attracting certain people, when you heal the part of you that once needed them"

Long story short... I believe you attract a higher quality plate (or LTR) when you work on yourself and rely less on their strengths, by relying on strengths you're cultivating within.

 

[SteR]

Haha, it's actually quite funny you mentioned this at this time as I've been having similar thoughts the past few days. Without getting too philosophical, I'm wondering whether all humans are born with some sort of 'void' they're trying to fill?

Some choose to fill it with their work, some with relationships, hobbies etc. More negatively some try to fill it with drugs and alcohol, addictions etc.

I remember seeing a clip of Russell Brand (the English comedian) a while back where he argued that it's something more spiritual ie. all humans are longing for their connection with God. Who knows?

I think the bigger question is: If we do indeed all experience some feeling of lack or a void in our lives, how do we fill it ourselves?

 

[Rainman4707]

I agree that one of the best pieces of advice I learned on this great site is "spin plates" have options. Women then see, that other women see you as good mating partner.
I had to read/study, then apply to understand the game.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Because we are finite beings, we are in need of things throughout life. I think Aristotle had it right when he compared our human life to biology -- our potential develops and unfolds towards some end. To achieve this we need physical, social, and spiritual sustenance. No man is an island, we will always need others.

I think this understanding of ourselves slowly decayed with the eclipse of the old biology by the new physics. We started thinking of ourselves as self-contained individuals, as units of force, which dynamically compete with each-other. We are no longer social animals. But the reality is, an unsociable life is 'solitary, nasty, brutish, and short'.

 

[resilient]

I do believe that strong attraction for a woman is created in the push.

And that a man spinning plates certainly creates a lot of natural push/pull behaviour that women find very attractive.

So, that's interesting. I wonder... do women have a six sense of knowing a man's spinning plates? For example, you're at a social gathering of men and women in your age range... let's say 23-39. A man carries about himself a weight of maturity, maybe it's his frame, maybe it's his posture, clothing style, or calm, cool, collected energy he comfortably projects. He's game aware. Women are in proximity or will naturally gravitate towards his side of the room. He's social and other guys talk to him. He's comfortable telling stories, can get a good laugh out of others, comfortable in smiling when appropriate, while maintaining some form of mystery, challenge.

I also could imagine if I was talking to a lady at the venue and my phone's out and all of a sudden I get a text from another girl, her attraction level would increase wondering who it was... I just hate feeling like I need plates for validation. I would rather work on inner game, hobbies, self-healing, impulsive fun solo pursuits -- that's just the monk in me thinking right now...

I work full time and in an intense online school program, so I'm studying constantly. I'd like to go out on dates or "spin plates" as this site preaches yet I feel like I can't muster up the mental capacity for game right now. I stick to social gatherings via Meetup 1-3x a week to stay sane. If I wasn't in the middle of a career transition, I believe I could handle and enjoy spinning plates easier and convey that natural push/pull confidence you speak of, deesade.

 

[resilient]

Women attract through their looks; men attract through their confidence.

women = looks
men = confidence

I need to keep reminding myself that...

You are either playing the game, or you are getting played...Do not underestimate how your game skills atrophy.

Yes, I've heard this before. The game continues. Even if I take myself out for a while going monk... the world keeps spinning, and the DJs are spinning the plates that want spinning.

This place is like a church. You come here and get some reminders and wisdom. It keeps you on the straight and narrow.

Yeah... that's why I've been more involved lately. I have to re-learn everything I forgot while my self-esteem took major hits during my near ten year relationship that ended a year ago. I've been doing a "deep dive" on childhood wounds recently, to try to determine the events in my youth occurred where I subconsciously internalized some false truths, critical remarks about myself that led my life to believe I don't deserve better success with women, career, social circles, hobbies, spirituality and more. It's one of the reasons why I created this thread, I want to root out the lies I tell myself so I can believe in myself and start giving zero f*cks as PK preaches. I noticed some of my interactions have been getting better with women and I'm starting to take less shvt lately, it just feels like a "tight rope balancing act" until it's fully integrated into my frame. Some people say your personality is fixed by the time you're an adult. I don't want to let the fact that I'm an introvert, or spent many years single with zero dates make me feel like I'm any less of a man. I know I can do better than that.

You are making excuses. You can go to a social-group thing 1 or 3 times a week? You can do what I do then.

Yes, I subtly realize this... I know if I can hit up 1-3 meetup events, then, I should be able to message or get a number while I'm there. What's holding me back is I don't want to bump into ex's or former plates in the same social Meetup groups if I dump or they dump. I don't know why that bothers me...

Resource management is the hardest part of this game, in my opinion.

Can you explain more of what you mean by, resource management?

 

[zekko]

I also could imagine if I was talking to a lady at the venue and my phone's out and all of a sudden I get a text from another girl, her attraction level would increase wondering who it was.

Conventional wisdom around here is that if a girl finds out you're spinning plates, she will be more attracted to you, and that is possible. It's a display of value in some ways. But I think it depends on the woman also. She could dismiss you as a player. Looking back on my plate spinning days, I can see in hindsight that I wasn't always as discreet as I could have been.

 

[speed dawg]

This is the problem with social circle game. It holds a man back.

You need to learn how to cold-approach.

I'm with you.

I thrive outside of dumb social circles. I'm able to provide a ton more mystery or whatever. I actually intrigue myself when out completely on my own. I swear I think I get off on it.

Funny thing is, my wife gets off on that part of me. I can't really explain it.

Now, reverse the situation, and put in situations where I know everybody and everyone, and I usually don't rise to the top. I have to maintain the periphery. And remember that some women simply just get off on the social status guys, no getting around it. Have to have good game and expect to pump/dump those broads. They suck anyway, always have to live up to others' expectations.