Am I allowed to have my cake and eat it too? Cheating...

[samspade]

Have you thought about trying to find a girl that will stay loyal and accept you ****ing other women? Unlikely but you could try. Begin as a plate and when she asks for exclusivity give her your offer. I think you want puzzy more than a ltr.

And you should do whatever you find morally acceptable. It's AFC to base your morals in other peoples opinions. Listen to their reasoning by all means but don't be a sheep. Personally, I look at my actions and experiences in life as either positive or negative to keep it simple. Cheating is most likely a negative and I don't see it adding to your happiness other than a short term fix. It will probably end messy.

I agree with this. And yes believe it or not, you might find a woman whose values overlap with yours. Difficult but not impossible. I think the relationships in which women overlook cheating are those where the men provide ample "compensation" - money, comfort, affection, etc. Still, in the end a woman wants a storybook relationship and not a sham. You'd have to find a bi girl into swinging etc. AND hope she never gets the taste for other d!ck.

 

[Reyaj]

It's frowned upon in western countries but there are still sites like Ashley Maddison.

The relationships where I had cheated I found it having a negative impact on the dynamics:
I was a lot more emotionally detached.

They sensed something was wrong.

Changed the feeling during sex.

Changed the way I looked at my partner.

Perhaps for me, I devalued the relationship in my mind. I didn't invest much more into those partners and let the relationship end.

Interested if you caught any of these symptoms or if it's just my hangup?

Livefreex is right. But if you train yourself to cheat constantly, I don't see you stopping for anyone.
I get dead bored of ltrs after 2 years. I'm just not suited at the moment for that lifestyle. So I don't get into them.

Also you shouldn't be forced into something out of guilt.

"The relationships where I had cheated I found it having a negative impact on the dynamics:
I was a lot more emotionally detached."

This actually seems to be a fairly common repercussion of cheating. However I think this only happens when you have romantic feelings for the person you are cheating with. I'm not going to say I'm a rock and I don't care or value any girl I hook up with, but if I know deep down I just want to hit it and not have an LTR it really doesn't affect me that much.

"They sensed something was wrong."

I think the same answer I gave above applies.

"Changed the feeling during sex."

Actually it made me desire the sex more. Partly cause I changed it up but also kind of makes me feel like a stud on a psychological level.

"Changed the way I looked at my partner."

Nah not at all. Its nice to have the LTR and some extra side pieces every now and again.

 

[Reyaj]

Have you thought about trying to find a girl that will stay loyal and accept you ****ing other women? Unlikely but you could try. Begin as a plate and when she asks for exclusivity give her your offer. I think you want puzzy more than a ltr.

And you should do whatever you find morally acceptable. It's AFC to base your morals in other peoples opinions. Listen to their reasoning by all means but don't be a sheep. Personally, I look at my actions and experiences in life as either positive or negative to keep it simple. Cheating is most likely a negative and I don't see it adding to your happiness other than a short term fix. It will probably end messy.

Maybe, unless you're really good at it.

I'll answer you're question and say no you are not abnormal. I dated a girl for two years during which we both seen other people and we both talked about our experiences openly. You can not be a possessive or jealous person though or it won't work out. One thing i like about it is we would both make video's and we would watch them together before hooking up and it was a great turn on.

Now the fact that you want her to be faithful to you while you want to hide your affairs from her is wrong morally. That is deception and a relationship can not function with deception going on, sounds like you need some emotional security in the form of a gf but you want to still act like your single. You can't have both man, you can have an open relationship or you can be single but unless your ok with other dudes boning her i don't see it working.

Why can't I have both? I have been able to thus far. You just need to cover your tracks and temper it.

That's the difference. I guess you can still call yourself "integer" if you make lying your policy and are proud of it. Personally, I don't like doing it and I don't like people who do it.

But to answer the original question: yes, you might get away with it, i.e. have your cake and eat it too. It may work for you if you don't feel bad about it.
I sure as hell wouldn't associate with a guy like you.

You would because you would have no idea about what I do on the side. What you don't know can't hurt you.

 

[Reyaj]

The concepts of "cheating" and monogamy are some of the biggest deceptions ever sold to men. These hoes give the illusion of faithfulness (at least to YOUR knowledge she's not feral) but rest assured that one day she will terminate the relationship as if it meant nothing. When this happens and you're swimming through that shipwreck that she left you behind in and some debris from the past floats by reminding you of the missed opportunities you had, at this point the emotional and mental trauma will be greatly amplified. You'll feel robbed of YOUR right to experience because of baseless morals set forth by other members of society (men and women) who don't give a flying fvck if you were to disappear tomorrow yet expect you to live YOUR life by THEIR moral boundaries. And for what? For a relationship with some fvcking stray that ultimately meant NOTHING?! Women are all hypergamous so this whole loyalty business is just hogwash.

Also, there's no contract here. If there's no ring on her finger then it's NOT cheating. You don't owe her sh!t.

To answer your questions though: No you're not abnormal and there's nothing for you to fix. You're a guy and those impulses are part of your natural programming. The only way to get the 9.5 or 10 and have her (or them) be "loyal" to you is to be incredibly rich, charismatic, decent looking, charming and having the gift of gab to the point that these hoes know it'll be the biggest fvck up of their miserable existence to get on your bad side because losing you will be a catastrophic hit for them. At that point they'll be more than willing to share you, agree on exclusivity (only you having access to their bodies) and you won't even have anything to hide.

Quit restricting yourself to the moral boundaries set upon by others. It's a mental ball and chain. The real questions you should be asking yourself are: what do you have to do to reach that level of success and are you willing to do whatever it takes? There's no hypocrisy in being honest with yourself on what you want out of life. You came out and openly stated what you want. The desires you speak of are harmless but VERY FEW men are able to realistically live it out. What I'm telling you is about as real as it gets and I wish you luck on obtaining it.

I agree. Even if they don't cheat, doesn't change the way I'm wired anyway. But why pass up good poon?

I agree with this. And yes believe it or not, you might find a woman whose values overlap with yours. Difficult but not impossible. I think the relationships in which women overlook cheating are those where the men provide ample "compensation" - money, comfort, affection, etc. Still, in the end a woman wants a storybook relationship and not a sham. You'd have to find a bi girl into swinging etc. AND hope she never gets the taste for other d!ck.

Yeah as C-Quenced and Eminem says "Success is my only mothe@#&@* option"

 

[Killakittie]

Maybe, unless you're really good at it.



Why can't I have both? I have been able to thus far. You just need to cover your tracks and temper it.



You would because you would have no idea about what I do on the side. What you don't know can't hurt you.

You can not have both if you are the jealous type. I kinda liked the thought of another guy pounding her, but here's the thing. I never once considered her relationship material. From day one i told her i was not looking for anything serious so that's the premise that our relationship was based on. And besides why hide it? That's weak! There's girls out there that will be ok with being your slut.

 

[Reyaj]

You can not have both if you are the jealous type. I kinda liked the thought of another guy pounding her, but here's the thing. I never once considered her relationship material. From day one i told her i was not looking for anything serious so that's the premise that our relationship was based on. And besides why hide it? That's weak! There's girls out there that will be ok with being your slut.

I want and can have both.

 

[BeTheChange]

Parkthebus is right.

It's much more AFC to base your morals on the opinion of others.

I personally think you should do what you want, as long as you're prepared to face the consequences and FWIW, I don't disagree with your logic.

However the vast majority of posters are not going to agree with your position.

 

[Killakittie]

I want and can have both.

No I get it. Your not the jealous type and your going to use whatever advantage avaliable to you to meet your goals. Have fun.

 

[sharkbeat]

What world do you want to live in? Have a family with kids and a decent wife, Or, the life of a pimp?

If you want both, get ready to lose another. Unless you can find that woman who can be faithful to you and let you be a pimp at the same time. But that doesn't usually happen.

 

[Asmodeus]

"Quit restricting yourself to the moral boundaries"... Morals? HAHAHA... Only serve to make us weaker.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

King David and King Solomon had 300 concubines.

Cake is made to be ate and to have it to. That's what it's made for!

 

[glass half full]

The way I look at it, most women can have their cake and eat it too. So should we.

Like an ex co-worker used to say, it's all good till someone gets hurt.

 

[Rainman4707]

To the guys who have said "no, it's wrong to cheat on her."

I've read on here that if a girl thinks her LTR is coming to an end, she will make sure she gets a replacement lined up befoe she dumps current BF.

.....so it's "ok" for her to see other guys, but we're not allowed?

 

[411826]

I just think that this world is run on karma. Every man thinks that they can get away with it, but eventually, you'll get caught up.

Everytime I am thinking about cheating, my ex was able to read it on my face. It's just a weird things.

You can keep it up for a while, but yeah, eventually, you will get caught and if not that, you will feel guilty and spill the beans. And even if you are a sick ****, the misstress will fall in love with you and will force you to spill the beans.

Obviously, there are exceptions, but check it out, people who get away with it, get away with it because they treat it as a full time job. If that is something you are prepared to do, by all means, go for it.

 

[glass half full]

Basically the modern world is led by women. Relationships in every way are completely normally controlled exclusively by the woman. (Briffault's Law 101.)

The "nice" side of me (which has expired after many years of female injustice and treachery) would have said "do the right thing".
Our world doesn't apply any more. Women do what they will. We have no real control over that other than the choices we make with them. They play with a loaded deck of cards.
Basically being a DJ is learning the game of living our lives, our way and not society's way in my opinion. Being in control of who controls us (only us!).
Just always keep in mind that half of marriages fail, and, how many did but were held together for the kids sake, or money? Yeah, do the math. Modern marriage is not fair anymore in most cases (I'm willing to bet 70% at least).

 

[Reyaj]

Reyaj, I don't think you're out of line here.

The number one precept of my own, the one that has saved me in countless relationships, and probably the number once concept we learn here in our dealings with women, is the notion of spinning plates.

And almost all the time when we spin plates we have to do so without telling the girls we're dating. I know of very very few quality women who would be ok with either (1) an open relationship or (2) their bf/sex partner banging other women.

At some point it would be wonderful to be faithful to one woman, but at what point does that come? If we all agree that the number 1 rule here at SS ( and probably the rule that has helped me protect my own heart the most in my relationships) is spinning plates then you will basically either

(1) cheat on every female you ever date even if it's only early on, or
(2) basically tell every girl you ever date that you want an open relationship.

And either choice is, in my opinion, morally wrong.

The question is, which immoral behavior - personally for you - is the lesser evil? And which one allows you to protect your own heart while also allowing you to make the single most important decision of your life which is who you are going to spend the rest of it with?

You can always take the equally morally reprehensible path and just tell your girl you are fvcking other women. But then if she decides to stay, and if you tell her, she will be banging other dudes and potentially expose you to a long list of STI's. And while you have control over which sexual partners you pick and how "clean" they are and you will know whether you used a condom with them or not, the same will not be true of your sexual partner. You will simply never know who she is fvcking and whether she is using any protection with them.

In my view, it is not only a matter of good common sense NEVER to tell your gf or any girl that you are banging that it is ok to fvck other people but it is downright a matter of your own life and death.

What an awesome post... Are you like the only one on this forum that gets me lol....

What you posted in this line is so true and it seems to be something that either most of this board won't admit or maybe just live in fantasies..

"And almost all the time when we spin plates we have to do so without telling the girls we're dating. I know of very very few quality women who would be ok with either (1) an open relationship or (2) their bf/sex partner banging other women."

AMEN dude!

"In my view, it is not only a matter of good common sense NEVER to tell your gf or any girl that you are banging that it is ok to fvck other people but it is downright a matter of your own life and death."

AMEN and as extreme as that statement sounds it really does put it in perspective.

I think in addition men have a biological desire to have sex with other women at some points in their life. Rather than trying to fight it or feel abnormal this biological sexual desire should be embraced. PBAJ mentioned the concubines in biblical times as a good example of how this used to be accepted. Listen the world has evolved and now there's supposedly equal rights.. and I'm all for it.. however Men and Women are bioglically different... just wired differently.

41186 or whatever posted:

I just think that this world is run on karma. Every man thinks that they can get away with it, but eventually, you'll get caught up.

Everytime I am thinking about cheating, my ex was able to read it on my face. It's just a weird things.

You can keep it up for a while, but yeah, eventually, you will get caught and if not that, you will feel guilty and spill the beans. And even if you are a sick ****, the misstress will fall in love with you and will force you to spill the beans.

Obviously, there are exceptions, but check it out, people who get away with it, get away with it because they treat it as a full time job. If that is something you are prepared to do, by all means, go for it.

I think your ex was able to read it because you felt guilty about it. You felt guilty about it because you didn't embrace it and you felt you were doing something morally wrong or even perverted. As far as the mistress....no doubt she could be an issue thats why you need to cover all your bases and tracks. This is paramount if you have a family. I do hear you about the full time job... I think that's what might deter me from this behavior as it's quite a lot of upkeep.

Glass Half Full says

Basically the modern world is led by women. Relationships in every way are completely normally controlled exclusively by the woman. (Briffault's Law 101.)

The "nice" side of me (which has expired after many years of female injustice and treachery) would have said "do the right thing".
Our world doesn't apply any more. Women do what they will. We have no real control over that other than the choices we make with them. They play with a loaded deck of cards.
Basically being a DJ is learning the game of living our lives, our way and not society's way in my opinion. Being in control of who controls us (only us!).
Just always keep in mind that half of marriages fail, and, how many did but were held together for the kids sake, or money? Yeah, do the math. Modern marriage is not fair anymore in most cases (I'm willing to bet 70% at least).

More proof that a man should take advantage of a sexual opportunity he desires.

 

[Reyaj]

When it comes down to it... I think the scariest and most upsetting thing would be if I caught an STD from some side piece and gave it to my LTR. If not for that I'd probably be a lot more clear headed about some side banging.

Thoughts?

 

[Alvafe]

condoms? serious don't know why most of you like to gamble with your health, not using condoms are 2 bad things she can give you a"nice" suprise, or give you a parasite who calls you dad, in both cases you can't run.

 

[Malcontent]

condoms? serious don't know why most of you like to gamble with your health, not using condoms are 2 bad things she can give you a"nice" suprise, or give you a parasite who calls you dad, in both cases you can't run.

Can't feel anything. It's like eating your sandwich and never taking it out of the ziploc bag -- doesn't taste quite as good.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Can't feel anything. It's like eating your sandwich and never taking it out of the ziploc bag -- doesn't taste quite as good.

Exactly! Great description! I used the analogy last week that it's like trying to intimately kiss with someone with a plastic garbage bag between you. Yuck!

I am not into STD's or unwanted pregnancies. When those can be avoided without a condom...it's worlds better, and by far my preference!