Getting ex back when I dumped her

[mike465]

Okay so basically guys I'm just looking for some advice on making things better with my (ex) girlfriend if possible.

A bit of background:

I work with this girl, she chased me for a few months before I eventually gave her a chance. We'd been seeing each other for about 5 months and then when driving along I saw a text come up from her ex. Turns out in the couple of days prior to that they had been texting each other. She apologised to me in tears, they had just been texting briefly but I didn't like it anyway. She has suffered with mental health issues during her teenage years and young adulthood and she gets extremely lonely when I'm not around. Admittedly I hadn't been there for her during the time immediately prior to her texting him. I spent the following 2 weeks in a cycle of being happy with her and angry at her. Eventually on Sunday night (8 days ago) I told her I wanted to break up.

Now following this I felt immediate regret. I told her on the Monday night via text that I think I'd made a mistake (yes I made a lot of mistakes in this as you'll notice)...

We messaged a couple of times over the next couple of days and when we were in work on Thursday/Friday she was understandably reluctant to have any physical contact with me.

On the Friday night after work I was in a terrible mood, removed our relationship status on Facebook and told her again that I wasn't sure it would work.

She messaged me later that night saying she loved me and she wanted to make it better.

Now I've been away since Saturday and we haven't been speaking until this afternoon when she messaged me asking how my trip was going. There were a couple of texts back and forth and then about an hour ago I called her to tell her I want to give things another go. Her response was that she loves me but she doesn't know at the moment and that she needs some time to recover from what has obviously been a turbulent 8 days for both of us. She would not commit to anything over the call.

Now I understand that I have made some potentially big mistakes in this interaction (that's love for you), but what I'm asking you is a couple of things:

Do you think that this situation is salvageable?

What is she likely to be thinking right now?

Is she likely to want to commit to a relationship after this trauma?

What would my next move be, bearing in mind I work with her?

Thanks for any help

 

[El Payaso]

You're acting like a woman.

You made too many beta mistakes with her and gave her all the power.

Move on.

 

[dude99]

Okay so basically guys I'm just looking for some advice on making things better with my (ex) girlfriend if possible.

A bit of background:

I work with this girl, she chased me for a few months before I eventually gave her a chance. We'd been seeing each other for about 5 months and then when driving along I saw a text come up from her ex. Turns out in the couple of days prior to that they had been texting each other. She apologised to me in tears, they had just been texting briefly but I didn't like it anyway. She has suffered with mental health issues during her teenage years and young adulthood and she gets extremely lonely when I'm not around. Admittedly I hadn't been there for her during the time immediately prior to her texting him. I spent the following 2 weeks in a cycle of being happy with her and angry at her. Eventually on Sunday night (8 days ago) I told her I wanted to break up.

Now following this I felt immediate regret. I told her on the Monday night via text that I think I'd made a mistake (yes I made a lot of mistakes in this as you'll notice)...

We messaged a couple of times over the next couple of days and when we were in work on Thursday/Friday she was understandably reluctant to have any physical contact with me.

On the Friday night after work I was in a terrible mood, removed our relationship status on Facebook and told her again that I wasn't sure it would work.

She messaged me later that night saying she loved me and she wanted to make it better.

Now I've been away since Saturday and we haven't been speaking until this afternoon when she messaged me asking how my trip was going. There were a couple of texts back and forth and then about an hour ago I called her to tell her I want to give things another go. Her response was that she loves me but she doesn't know at the moment and that she needs some time to recover from what has obviously been a turbulent 8 days for both of us. She would not commit to anything over the call.

Now I understand that I have made some potentially big mistakes in this interaction (that's love for you), but what I'm asking you is a couple of things:

Do you think that this situation is salvageable?

What is she likely to be thinking right now?

Is she likely to want to commit to a relationship after this trauma?

What would my next move be, bearing in mind I work with her?

Thanks for any help

If it was salvageable then she would have said yes. She said no. I would move on. The instant you ended things 8 days ago she called her ex to come over and to make her feel better he came over and she cried on his shoulder then her clothes were suddenly on the floor and now that he is doing her again in these last 8 days, now she doesn't need you.

Move on.

 

[NSX-R]

Can you explain why it was a mistake that you broke up with her?

 

[mike465]

Can you explain why it was a mistake that you broke up with her?

I'll have a think about this.


Side note: how come she's kept all our Facebook pictures up if she's done with it? Genuine question


Thanks for the replies guys

 

[Desdinova]

I saw a text come up from her ex. Turns out in the couple of days prior to that they had been texting each other.
Eventually on Sunday night (8 days ago) I told her I wanted to break up.

Good for you! She showed you that she was a piece of 5hit. NEVER reward 5hitty women with exclusivity. You did the right thing.

Now following this I felt immediate regret. I told her on the Monday night via text that I think I'd made a mistake

What? NO, YOU DIDN'T MAKE A MISTAKE! She basically said "I'm a piece of 5hit for fvcking around with my ex while I'm your GF, and I expect you to let me get away with it." Then you tossed her out on her ass. THERE IS NO MISTAKE HERE.

I called her to tell her I want to give things another go.

WHY???

Why would you want to reward her AGAIN with exclusivity after she showed you that she's a piece of 5hit? Exclusivity is for women who are trustworthy and respectful of their exclusive status with you. Messaging her ex is disrespectful of the exclusive status she has with you. She doesn't care about your status as a couple, and she doesn't care about how this impacts YOU.

Delete her number and quit messaging this piece of 5hit.

 

[Billtx49]

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Seems to me you have already said it.

 

[Serenity]

Uuuh, why did you want to get back together with her? Was it pity?

 

[dude99]

I'll have a think about this.


Side note: how come she's kept all our Facebook pictures up if she's done with it? Genuine question


Thanks for the replies guys

Genuine question, here is why.

When girls break up with a guy and they don't yet have the next branch to swing to, they look back.

Who is she in with at this moment. Her ex. She went backwards. Who will she most likely call when she realizes her ex is her ex for a reason. Most likely it will be you.

She broke up with her ex but still hung on to a little something of him, most likely to have him as a safety net if things didn't work out with you. Things didn't work out with you. She went back to her safety net. Him.

She will do this again except you will be the safety net next time.

This is why she still has all your pics still up.

Advice. Just my two cents. Stop trolling her social media and go spin plates. Stop trying to figure out why she does this and why she does that. Get busy on yourself. Focus on making a better you.

 

[Glassguy]

Genuine question, here is why.

When girls break up with a guy and they don't yet have the next branch to swing to, they look back.

Who is she in with at this moment. Her ex. She went backwards. Who will she most likely call when she realizes her ex is her ex for a reason. Most likely it will be you.

She broke up with her ex but still hung on to a little something of him, most likely to have him as a safety net if things didn't work out with you. Things didn't work out with you. She went back to her safety net. Him.

She will do this again except you will be the safety net next time.

This is why she still has all your pics still up.

Advice. Just my two cents. Stop trolling her social media and go spin plates. Stop trying to figure out why she does this and why she does that. Get busy on yourself. Focus on making a better you.

Spot on and good post!