tips for a too much "alpha"

[CuddleJunkie]

Hey there guys. First of all, I'm AFC as you can get. But the thing is, I have a very aggresive personality, so when I'm scared or feel l might lose something in my life I can be a ****ing jerk. So my problems is not about getting women, although I don't swim in ***** either. My problem is about keeping them in LTR, because as soon as they really know me after a long time, they get feed up of me being a depresssed *******. So I guesss I need help about finding happiness in my life and being a more cheerful person so I can stop hurting people I really care about.

I just ****ed a 5 years relationship with a girl I really loved, like, I had plans for the future in my life with her. And I'm not too bad right now, because I really feel she deserves a better person, but I don't want to hurt someone I love again.

So this is it, it's not what I see in the board, but in the end is just another way of showing neediness.
And I know everything I need is in the DJBible, its a really good resource, so maybe I just wanted to share this feelings with some people that can sympathise.

PD: Excuse my ****ty english, I learned it in the internet.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

First of all I did want to complement you on the term "too much alpha". It is indeed possible to be "too alpha" as in too bossy, too demanding and too self centered and for women who understand men to know they don't like it.

I believe the easiest way to stay cool and calm and control this power is to have actual options. Or at least know that you do.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

well, it's not like I don't have options, people like me at first because I'm sarcastic and they think I'm joking, is more like I have a hard time with the world because I had a very religious education and I feel like our society is sinful in some way. Although I'm not a christian anymore, but I have a hard time living happily in our society. So the thing is, I meet people, they like me, then we start talking more seriously and they think: holy ****, this guy is a Hitler. Haha oh well, a buddhist perspective is helping me, so I'm not such a jerk anymore, but it was too late for this LTR.

 

[Skyline]

You said your problem and then ended up agreeing with yourself by moving on.

"I'm too depressed."

You're clearly not lonely so it sounds like a life path type of thing. What do you do for a living? What do you want to do? Do you have any hobbies? Any friends you hang out with? Any social activities you attend?

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Philosophy high school teacher, yeah, I don-t enjoy my job at all, but it gives me a lot of free time. I would like to have a more dangerous job, Im considering getting into a police corp or something, Im figuring things out at the moment. And my hobbies are lonely hobbies haha, bushcrafting, hiking and things like these. Maybe I could be more into parties or going to see a football match or something with my friends, but I just dont like that stuff. I said it already, I know I am the problem, I really have the mediums to enjoy life more, but I just get depressed and angered when, for putting an example, a friend is talking about feminism like a good thing or something like this, I just take this whole "decadence of Occident" too seriously.

I just want to stop giving a **** about the world not being like my parents told me it had to be. Ha! Like I said, therevada buddhism (and Schopenhauer) is really helping, I think more "well, thingss are like they are" and less "things should be like I want them to be".

 

[Alpheta]

lol you sound just like me

 

[Ronaldo7]

For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories ~ Plato

There is no such thing as "too much alpha". Conquer yourself first and don't worry about other people.

Find your inner happiness first. You are clearly not content with yourself.

Employ the principle of Rational Egoism. Focus on your self-interest and fully develop every aspect of yourself.

Only then seek other people. Make them seek validation with you, not the other way around. Law of attraction. It's all about what you project outwards and what you envision inwards.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories ~ Plato

There is no such thing as "too much alpha". Conquer yourself first and don't worry about other people.

Find your inner happiness first. You are clearly not content with yourself.

Employ the principle of Rational Egoism. Focus on your self-interest and fully develop every aspect of yourself.

Only then seek other people. Make them seek validation with you, not the other way around. Law of attraction. It's all about what you project outwards and what you envision inwards.

I do think you can display "too much alpha" to someone else who doesn't necessarily back down and they would rather not deal with you. This includes women too. We all know some women are predisposed to laying down a few notches next to a guy like this, and others never would.

 

[Ronaldo7]

I do think you can display "too much alpha" to someone else who doesn't necessarily back down and they would rather not deal with you. This includes women too. We all know some women are predisposed to laying down a few notches next to a guy like this, and others never would.

That says more about the other person than it says about you.

An insecure woman will have a hard time dealing with a focused man, who exudes bravado & confidence.

One can only ooze their own essence. Tungsten is the hardest element to melt, with its boiling point reaching past 3,000 C. I demonstrate this example to show that one's frame shouldn't be so easily broken down. Standing your ground and not budging will demonstrate confidence & expose the other person's bluff & subsequently extinguish their hoax.

 

[Poon King]

Two quick comments before my real response:

1. If you're looking for happiness.. you won't find it through women.
2. Become a more cheerful person because YOU want to be. Not to keep some b!tch around.

There is no better way to sh!t on your own soul than to change yourself to keep a woman. Doing such a thing elevates that woman above you. No woman is above a man. So forget about it.

In the end, all a woman cares about is what you can do for her. You will keep a woman around as long as you are the best available deal she can get. There is no way around this. No man's life goal should be to become the best available man for one woman. Your goal should be to be the best man you can be and achieve maximum self-respect. If you don't feel like you're better than every woman you see, then you have work to do.

Also, a woman deciding to leave you has more to do with her than you. Hypergamy is real. Get used to it. Your only job is to pound her regularly while her interest level is high. Hypergamy is not in your control so its stupid to worry about it. Just f*ck her and enjoy her until she leaves (or you leave).

And finally..spin plates. In 2015 you're a sucker if you're putting all your eggs in one basket. Modern b!tches sure as hell aren't. They cheat on their men left and right. I get hit on by married women regularly. Don't be a fool.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Two quick comments before my real response:

1. If you're looking for happiness.. you won't find it through women.
2. Become a more cheerful person because YOU want to be. Not to keep some b!tch around.

There is no better way to sh!t on your own soul than to change yourself to keep a woman. Doing such a thing elevates that woman above you. No woman is above a man. So forget about it.

In the end, all a woman cares about is what you can do for her. You will keep a woman around as long as you are the best available deal she can get. There is no way around this. No man's life goal should be to become the best available man for one woman. Your goal should be to be the best man you can be and achieve maximum self-respect. If you don't feel like you're better than every woman you see, then you have work to do.

Also, a woman deciding to leave you has more to do with her than you. Hypergamy is real. Get used to it. Your only job is to pound her regularly while her interest level is high. Hypergamy is not in your control so its stupid to worry about it. Just f*ck her and enjoy her until she leaves (or you leave).

And finally..spin plates. In 2015 you're a sucker if you're putting all your eggs in one basket. Modern b!tches sure as hell aren't. They cheat on their men left and right. I get hit on by married women regularly. Don't be a fool.

So our jobs is simply to be the best men we can be, always improving and phuck the b1tches that are ****ing with us. Enjoy our lives and be happy.

 

[Maxkiller]

nice post

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Ronaldo:
I said too much alpha in a sarcastic way, because I was just being a non-begging beta haha. And you are right, I should focus on myself first, but the thing is, I want to focus in my sociability, because I'm happy in general with the things I want to do, except for my job.
Poon King:
You are right too, and I agree what with you say. I don't want to be a cheerful person because of women, but it was this woman that made me realize how much of a jerk I can be, a jerk without real happiness. I don't want to become "nice", I want to hold my views and opinions, but I don't want to get so angry when the world is not how I would want it to be. And yes, maybe I failed in spinning plates, as I said, I'm a traditional guy, so I forgot about any other women, I will not make the same mistake.
Thank you everybody, btw.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

A little update.

Since we broke up, three monts ago, we saw each other two times (she came back to her parents, they live far away) and we had really good sex, the best head she ever gave to me, incredible. So I was all happy because I believed her to be mine soon again. Anyhow, we were talking a lot, she would send me some nude pic, we had another meeting in 20 days. So a week ago she tells me that shes going to see a girlfriend in another country for two weeks. And I'm all ok, because I really believed her, she was the perfect traditional girl (or so I thought), very submissive and all. So anyhow, she goes, and calls me 30 minutes before taking the plane like if nothing was happening. Have a great time! I said.
Later that day a mutual friend (a girl, which surprises me) text me saying that she's really meeting a guy, and I'm like wtf I can't believe this ****. So I text her asking for an explanation and she doesnt respond. Anyhow, I call our mutual friend and tells me that she was talking with the guy just one week after we brokeup, and sending sex videos and this kind of things. So I text her saying that I know everything and that she's a ***** and to never contact me again. And she goes all "I'm so sorry I didnt know what to do", yeah, you *****.
So, lesson learned, not even your little precious angel is who you thought she was. And girls will look for another guy in seconds after your break up. I should text the guy and send him the videos we recorded when she was here, but that is illegal so I won't haha. But damm I want to do that so bad.

To my big surprise I'm in a really good mood right now, I see so many options ahead and I no longer want to know anynothing about this girl.

And a little insight to maybe discuss with the board on the "too alpha" subject. This girl is very insecure because her parents were ****ty as hell, so when we started our relationship I really liked her, because I'm all for protecting girls in danger, so anyhow, very attentive and all the stuff, but later I want back to my ******* behaviour, which like I said, ended the relationship. The guy she's with now is your typical beta, I've been told that he's all the time telling her how much she loves her and that he'll never leave her alone and the kind of things we all know. So, maybe the "too alpha" thing is real, I'm inclined to believe so. And maybe I just don't want to recognize that I have lower value that this guy, but I really believe that is not the case.

 

[fastlife]

So, maybe the "too alpha" thing is real, I'm inclined to believe so. And maybe I just don't want to recognize that I have lower value that this guy, but I really believe that is not the case.

Bro, don't let 1 pvssy out of 4 billion determine your relative value to another man.

If you're resorting to passive aggressive behavior it's because you're not being honest with yourself up front. That's 'beta.' You're transitioning--and a lot of us (myself included) over-corrected in certain instances; became insecure about 'being too nice' or realized we had overinvested ourselves in a relationship and lost a part of ourselves in that process--and became resentful and took it out on the woman instead of taking a more realistic look at how we ended up there in the first place.

My best advice is to take several second periodically to do an honest self assessment several times throughout the day--of your girl and your situation. Nothing over-analytical, just: Am I being honest with myself? Am I doing this because it's what I want to do or am I doing this to live up to some sort of expectation? From a rational standpoint, do I really have a reason to love this girl or am I being influenced by a bunch of dopey chemicals? Am I doing anything to compromise my individuality? All of this can be done in 10 seconds or less--because all of this stuff is at a gut level, if you just take a couple seconds to stop and listen.

And act accordingly. If you lose a girl because you didn't feel like texting her everyday, you didn't 'out alpha' her; she disqualified herself and that's a good thing. Act--let her react. Yeah, you might be jerk from time to time, but never out of resentment and what you'll find is that if you're really being honest with yourself and doing what you want, most girls won't even question it--they might test you from time to time, doesn't matter, keep doing what you want and let her do what's best for her.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Oh no, I don't value this woman anymore, I just want to be honest with myself. Of course, maybe I'm insecure right now, but I really believe I'm better than her and her new bf. It's just to say that maybe the too alpha theory is not right and I'm just looking for excuses, but I don't think that's the case.

I really want to not be resentful, but right now is impossible, I mean, no girl did this to me before (at least that I know, ha!).

Your advice is good, I do something like that in the morning and in the night influenced by stoics, and I'm sure I will add your instropction exercise. They really help to ground you into your situation. Thanks mate.

 

[Don Israel]

As long as you are not offending or infringing on anyone's wellbeing or rights, there is no such thing as "too much alpha" at least not in the western world.